Daddy's Girl
by JunoLuv
Summary: Sam's dad is back after ten years, but he only complicates things more for his daughter. WARNING: This story contains some graphic chizz. Why do you think it's rated M?
1. Prologue

**Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly...yet.**

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**Prologue**

My eyes fluttered open to what sounded like a grizzly bear sleeping beside me, snoring noisily. I rolled my sore body over, letting my blonde curls fall in my face as I checked the time on my cell phone.

**7:39**

The numbers flashed in from of my face as I stared around the room in confusion. Suddenly, the memories flashed through my mind like scenes in a movie. I felt my face become hot as I recognized the snoring beside me. My eyes shut instinctively when I heard Him shuffle around on the bed, realizing that I was awake.

"Sammy?" He yawned, rubbing my shoulder with his hand.

I shuddered at his touch, desperately trying to keep from looking at him. I didn't want to accept who was in the bed beside me, like most girls would in my situation. But, eventually, I turned my head just enough to see his dirty blonde hair resting on his cheek.

"Sammy?" He repeated, I felt my face flushing a deeper shade of red, "Ain't you going to say good morning to your daddy?"

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**Extremely short? Yes. Totally got you hooked? I wish.**

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	2. Realizations

**Enjoy! My first story... Just so ya know :)**

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**Realizations**

The vomit was rising in my throat before I could stop it, and I found myself dashing out of my room and into the bathroom in seconds. I reached the toilet just in time to heave most of my dinner from the night before into the bowl. I wiped my mouth and flushed it down, holding my head over the ceramic throne while I panted like a dog.

"Sammy?" His voice made me gag, "You okay?"

I glared up at him, standing in the doorway with his arm propped up against the hinges. The smile he was giving me brought back memories from the night before, memories I wished to forget.

"_You're a cute girl." He grinned deviously, "Almost as cute as your momma was."_

_He began to play with my hair, "Wh-what are you doing?"_

_I scooted away from him on the bed as he inched closer, "Loving you the way I need to."_

Chills wracked my body, and I turned my attention to the toilet. I puked again, this time getting some on the rim of the seat. He shook his head in disgust, "You gotta be stronger than that, Kid."

My eyes widened in terror as he stepped into the bathroom, bending down to my level and whispering in my ear, "Sammy, you can't tell anybody about last night."

I nodded, but he grabbed my chin and forced me to look at him, "I'm serious. You tell anyone, and we'll both be in trouble."

I bit my lip and nodded again, "O-okay."

"Good," He grabbed my arm and made me stand up in front of the sink, "Get cleaned up, you're a mess."

I leaned over the sink, my legs feeling like rubber as he began to lightly caress my face. I shuddered under his touch, and he took that as his cue to leave. Without a word, he turned and walked out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him with a squeak.

As soon as the door shut behind him, I collapsed onto the floor again with a resounding thud. The tears in my eyes were streaming down my face now, and my breathing had quickened to the point that I was sobbing loudly. I pulled my legs up to my chest and rested my face on my knees in an attempt to muffle my cries. It was like I'd been hit by a car as the realization hit me of what **he** had done to me… what **we** had done _together_.

I shook my head uncontrollably, as if I was trying to convince myself it was a dream and that nothing like that could **ever** happen. But the more I thought about it, the more I felt my body shake and my sobs harden. I rocked back and forth, gritting my teeth as I tried to silence myself.

"Sam!" I heard my mother calling for me, "You're gonna be late for school if you don't hurry up!"

My eyes shot open as I remembered where I was, and that today was a school day. I couldn't breakdown now. I wiped my face with my bare arm and tried to block out the thoughts of Him.

"I'm u-up!" I heard my voice crack.

Mom never replied, so I guessed that was good enough for her. I took a deep breath and stood up, leaning over the sink just like earlier. When I saw my appearance in the mirror, I didn't even look like myself. My curly blonde locks were tangled and matted together, and my face was red and puffy from crying.

I began to take deep breaths, trying to calm myself down the way I'd been taught back when I went to that teen therapist to 'work out my issues'. It hadn't helped at all, except when it came to my anger… and now I guess.

Finally, I was able to stop crying and regain some sort of control over my emotions. Once the redness on my face had decreased, I took a final deep breath and opened the bathroom door a crack. I peeked outside to see if He was waiting for me. When I didn't see him, I decided it was safe to return to my room.

I tip-toed across the hall to my bedroom, sniffling every second or so and wiping my face with my bare arm even more. Once I made it inside my room, I slammed my door shut behind me and leaned against it. Suddenly, I heard the obnoxiously annoying ringtone on my cell phone going off, and ran across the room to answer it. It was Carly, of course.

"H-hello?" I croaked, my voice sounded hoarse.

"Hey, Sam!" Carly greeted cheerfully, "Are you on your way to school yet?"

"Uh, no." I muttered, "Why?"

"Mr. Howard stopped me this morning and told me that if you didn't show up for school today that you'd have to go to court or something. I got kinda worried."

"Oh," I sniffled, "Well, I'll b-be there soon."

"Sam, are you okay?" Carly asked, "You sound different."

For a moment, I considered telling her the truth. It wouldn't hurt much if she found out, would it? But then, my brain kicked in and I remembered my dad's words this morning.

"_You tell anyone, and we'll both be in trouble."_

I didn't want to get into trouble. Besides, Carly didn't need to know what a dirty girl I was. She would probably hate me if I told her.

"I'm f-fine," I lied, "I just woke up late and I've g-got killer stomach cramps."

"Oh," She responded, "Do you want me to ask Spencer to buy you something? Like medicine?"

"Naw, I'm good." My eyes closed, "I'll see you at school, okay?"

"Kay, stay blonde."

I smiled at our little goodbye we'd been using lately, "Stay brune."

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**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	3. Secrets and Lies

**Enjoy!**

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**Secrets and Lies**

"Hey, Sam!" Carly greeted me happily, but her expression changed almost immediately when she realized I wasn't in a great mood.

"Hey," I muttered, turning away from her and opening my locker.

"Everything okay, Sam?" Carly asked, her tone of voice told me she was worried.

"Y-yeah," I gave her a fake smile, "Just…um, my stomach still hurts."

"Oh," Carly nodded but obviously didn't believe me, "Whatever you say."

"Yeah," I shut my locker door, "We should get to class—"

Carly reached out and put her hand on my shoulder, a gesture I quickly flinched away from.

"Don't touch me," My voice was stern, and it stunned my best friend.

"What happened, Sam?" She asked urgently, "And don't lie to me."

Again, just like earlier on the phone, I truly considered telling her what happened between me and my father the night before. It all seemed so simple, just blurt out the truth, and go about my life. But it wasn't that simple, nothing ever is…

I looked down at my feet, "I just don't feel good."

"I don't believe you," Carly stated bluntly.

I pushed some hair behind my ear and shyly looked back at Carly, "Doesn't matter."

She gave me a confused look and tried to touch me again, "Sam—"

This time I reacted more violently, jumping away from her and yelling, "I said don't touch me!"

Carly backed away from me, "I'm sorry, Sam. Okay?"

"_I'm sorry, Sam." He whispered in my ear softly, "I wouldn't have ever left you and your momma if I'd known you would be this pretty."_

"_Stop," I begged as his lips touched my cheek, "Just…please—"_

_He put his finger over my mouth and climbed on top of me, "Shh, don't speak. Just be a good girl, Samantha. My little girl."_

"No!" I roared, "Stop, please stop!"

"Sam!" It was Carly's voice I was hearing now, not His, "Calm down, I said I was sorry!"

"Carly?" I looked up at her, suddenly realizing I was crouched down on the floor with tears streaming down my cheeks, "It's you?"

"Of course it's me, Sam." Carly sighed, "Do you need to go talk to someone?"

I stood up and started shaking my head, "No, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine."

"No you're not!" Carly called back.

I grabbed my backpack from the floor where I'd dropped it, "I-I gotta go,"

"Sam!" Carly pleaded, "Talk to me."

"No, I'm fine," I repeated, "See you tomorrow."

I ran outside the front doors of school, knowing that I wasn't in the right mental state to be there. As I rushed down the street towards God knows where, I caught the confused glances of passerby's, looking at me like I was some kind of crazed lunatic. I don't blame them though, I probably looked like one.

"_Dad," I begged, "Stop it! Get off of me!"_

"_Oh come on, you know you like it." He murmured into my ear deviously._

_I let out another low cry as he began slowly undoing my pants, and then pulling off my underwear. I stared up at the ceiling with silent tears sliding down my cheeks as he…as he…_

My eyes shut and the memory faded from thought as I stepped out onto the roof of Carly's building, forgetting how I'd ended up there. I sat down closer to the edge than most would venture, but the idea of falling to my death from here paled in comparison to my dad 'loving' me again. I shivered at the thought.

The worst part of all of this is probably that I'd met my dad for the first time after ten years a week ago. One week. He ditched my mom almost immediately after I started kindergarten, never to be seen or heard from again. No child support checks, no monthly visits, nothing. Until last week I had myself pretty much convinced that he was dead, and I had stopped thinking about him a long time ago.

My mother is another story. Instead of making up a lie and pretending he died or something, she's tried to erase his memory in other ways. Like using drugs or getting drunk every chance she got. I don't think I can remember a time when she wasn't wasted on the couch or sitting on the floor snorting lines. I slowly lost all respect for my mother over the years. Before my father returned, I had stopped calling her mom to her face altogether. But he gives me a weird look when I call her 'Amy' instead of 'Mom'. I don't like the way he looks at me… it's wrong. It's all wrong.

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**Sorry it took so long, but I finally got this thing up here! :)**

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	4. Rooftops

**Enjoy!**

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**Rooftops**

"Sam?" I winced at the sound of my name, "What are you doing up here?"

I turned around and, to my surprise, saw Spencer standing behind me wearing an odd expression on his face, "Oh, hey Spence."

"You didn't answer my question, Kiddo." He tried to sound stern, but that was impossible for Spencer.

"Just hanging out," I shrugged, turning back to look out at the horizon, "You're not mad are you?"

"Of course not," He waved my question off with a smirk, "But why aren't you in school? Are you skipping again? You know how I feel about you skipping—"

"I **really** don't wanna talk about it," I cut him off, shaking my head solemnly, "Family stuff."

"I see," He nodded and started to turn around, "Well, you can keep 'hanging out' here or you could come downstairs with me and watch stupid shows on The Dingo Channel…Your pick."

"That's a tough one," I smirked up at him.

He frowned, "Really? I thought all kids loved the Dingo Channel. That Bucky Kentucky guy was pretty popular among the ladies the last time I checked."

"Yeah," I laughed, "Ages six to twelve, dude."

"Fine, you win." Spencer grinned, "So, are you coming down?"

I sighed, "I guess. In a little bit."

Spencer nodded, walking away, "Awesome, I'll leave the door open for you. We can't afford a new lock this month."

I smiled as I heard the door to the roof shut behind him, feeling like, just for that moment, that everything was the same as it always had been.

My phone suddenly vibrated and brought me back to reality. I flipped it open in my shaky hands and saw that I had two new voicemails and a text. One voicemail and the text were from Carly, the other voicemail was from Him.

I deleted the one from my 'dad' first, and then listened to each of Carly's.

"_Hey," Her voice was shaken, "It's Carly. I don't know what I did to set you off earlier, but I'm sorry. I just wish you'd tell me what's bothering you instead of keeping it inside, Sam."_

"_End of message two." The computer generated voice said._

I bit my lip as I read the text message she sent.

**Carly: Sam, come by my aprtmnt wen i get outta skool so we can tlk. Pleez**_**.**_

I shut my phone hurriedly, wondering what kind of excuse would get me out of _that_ conversation. I shoved my cell deep into my front pocket before grabbing my backpack and finally going downstairs to join Spencer.

On my way down the elevator, I felt my phone going off again. With a sigh I pulled it out of my pocket and flipped it open.

"Yeah?" I answered it sarcastically.

"Sam!" It was Carly, "Oh my God, you had me so worried!"

"Hey, Carls." I muttered, "I'm sorry."

"It's fine, Sam," She replied, "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Well," I sighed, "I am. How are you calling me from school?"

"Oh," She breathed, "I used your bathroom trick."

"Gotcha," I said as the elevator reached Spencer's floor, "I gotta go, can we talk later?"

"Sure," Carly said, "Just come to the apartment later." Two steps ahead of you Carls.

"Kay, bye." I shut the phone and put it in my pocket.

Sometimes I felt like Carly worried too much. I mean, it's not like I don't give her reason to, but it still kind of annoyed me. Then again, it was nice to have at least _**one**_ person who cared about me.

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**Ok, I finally took time out of my busy schedule of napping and eating leftover pie to write this up real quick.  
It's kinda short, and basically just filler, but it _is_ a chapter. Don't be too mad at me! lol.**

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	5. Understanding

**Enjoy? :)**

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**Understanding**

"Hey, Sam!" Spencer smiled as I shut the door behind me, "For a minute there, I thought you weren't coming!"

I forced a smile, "Well, I'm here."

I flopped down on the couch, propping my legs on the table in front of me. Spencer grabbed a couple Peppy Cola's from the fridge and sat down beside me, offering me one.

"Thanks, Spence." I popped the tab and took a long swig from the can.

Spencer nodded, and remained quiet for a long time before finally acknowledging the elephant in the room, "Carly texted me."

I scratched my head and bit my lip, "About school today?"

He nodded, "Is everything okay at home? I mean with your dad being back and all?"

My breathing quickened, "Fine."

Spencer stared at me, "Sam…"

"I can't… _won't_ talk about it." I croaked. The room suddenly felt smaller.

I felt his hand on my shoulder, "You'll talk later…when you're ready."

It was times like this that I was grateful for Spencer. He may have been crazy and wacky, but when things got serious he knew how to handle it. He didn't pry, he just allowed me space until I was ready to talk to him about anything. That's another thing I love about him, we can talk about anything. Spencer is like the older brother I never had.

"Thanks." I stared at the floor.

Spencer shrugged, "Now, I think we said something about a craptastic Dingo marathon?"

"Wonder if Totally Teri's on?" I smiled.

"Let's hope not." Spencer laughed, grabbing the remote and turning over a few channels.

We remained on the couch like that until three o'clock when school let out. Spencer then got up and returned to the sculpture he'd been working on when I'd arrived.

"What's that?" I asked as I passed him on my way to the fridge on a ham run.

"You don't know?" He asked me like it was a big deal or something.

I shrugged, ham in hand.

"It's Mojo the Monkey!" He exclaimed, waving his arms and pointing at the crazy arrangement of bananas.

"Um," I pursed my lips, "It looks…_nice_?"

"You hate it!" He cried in mock-Spencer-anguish.

I laughed, "I just don't see the monkey, Spencer. It's kind of… I don't know."

He rolled his eyes, "Come on, Sam! Don't you see the tail…and the cute little face?"

Before I could reply, Carly ran through the door of the apartment. Saved by the bell.

"Sam!" Carly ran over as soon as she spotted me and gave me a huge hug.

"What's up, Carls?" I asked, gently pushing her away.

"What's up?" Carly groaned, "Sam, you go all crazy at school today and leave…and now all you have to say is 'What's up'?"

I bit my lip, "Sorry."

"No, its okay, Sam." Carly's expression suddenly changed, "I'm just worried about you."

"She's fine, Carls." Spencer cut in before I could speak, "I talked to her. Turns out it _was_ just a stomach ache. It was already hurting, but when you touched her it got worse."

My mouth dropped as I stared up at Spencer, looking proud as ever. Those lying lessons I gave him a long time ago were finally paying off. Thank **God** I gave him those stupid lessons.

"Oh, really?" Carly sounded relieved, "That's good, because I was really worried. Ask Freddie, I bugged him all day about it."

I nodded, "You should have listened to me, Carly. And I'm happy you bugged the nerd, he needed someone to since I wasn't there."

"You know how I am, Sam." Carly sighed, disregarding my comment about Freddie, "Always expecting the worst."

I shrugged, "Yeah, and I'm sorry for going all crazy on you today too. I was just hurting **really** **bad**."

"Apology accepted." Carly stated simply.

"So, Carly, have you noticed my sculpture yet?" Spencer sounded like a giggly kid.

"Oh, you mean the giant stack of bananas?"

"It's Mojo the Monkey!" He moaned, waving his arms and jumping up and down around it, "See the tail? Come on! Tell me you see it!"

"Mojo the Monkey…is he that monkey in all of those insurance commercials?" Carly guessed with a smile.

Spencer grabbed a banana and chucked across the room in anguish, "Argh!"

"I'll take _**that**_ as a no," I said sarcastically.

"He's acting like Lewbert," Carly commented, giggling, "But, without the wart."

I smirked, "True chizz."

We all started laughing, and for a brief moment, everything was the same. It felt like last night hadn't happened. The nagging thoughts about life in the Puckett household seemed to be fading away a bit, and that's all I wanted. I didn't care how much I had to fake the happiness; as long as everything stays the same, as long as nothing changes I **will** be fine.

**I am fine.**

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**What up ppls? I thought I'd ring in the New Year and put another chappie up! Can we say yay? lol.  
It's definitely not my best, but every story needs a little more filler right? **

**I think I accidentally added a little Spam in there (I let my cousin read this, she now hates me. Extreme Seddie fan). I don't see it, but according to her I'm a traitor right now... lol.**

**I'm trying really hard to keep everyone in character, so feedback on how that's going would rock. Feedback on ANYTHING would rock. :) **

**HAPPY NEW YEAR! **


	6. Welcome Home

**Hey guys! I'm really sorry it's been almost a month since I've updated. My laptop decided to break a few weeks ago and I'm still trying to get it fixed. lol. I hate Acer...**

**Anyways... I've been writing all my chapters in notebooks until I can get on my mom's computer and type them. That's been a lot of fun... note my sarcasm. So, I hope ya'll like this. It took me forever to post it so you better!**

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**Welcome Home**

Spencer hasn't spoken a word to me since he lied to Carly about my outburst. I was beginning to think he was mad at me, considering the way he kept staring at me. He had this look of despair in his eyes every time I caught him looking at me. Finally, after suffering in silence for most of the night, I took charge and got Spencer alone so I could see him what his problem was.

"Hey, Spence?" I whispered across the counter to him, "Can we talk?"

Spencer looked over at Carly in the living room, then back at me, "Sure, what's up?"

"I wanted to thank you," I sighed, keeping my gaze low at the counter, "For lying to Carly for me…I know that was hard."

He shrugged, "It was nothing."

"It _was_ something…to _me_." I frowned.

Spencer let out the breath he was holding, "What was bothering you earlier, Sam?"

I was taken by surprise with his question, "Wh-what?"

"This morning, when I found you on the roof." Spencer tried to keep his voice low, "You looked like you'd been crying."

"Puckett's don't cry," I muttered, more to myself than to him.

Spencer walked around the counter and sat down on the bar stool beside me, "Tell me the truth, how have things _really_ been having your dad back?"

I felt my bottom lip quiver as I stared up at Spencer, prepared to lie like the dog I was.

_"Don't be a bitch, Sammy." He snarled, gripping my wrists tighter, "You know what that means don't ya'?" _

_"D-Dog," I shivered, "Bitch m-means dog."_

_"Female dog," He smirked, pecking me on the cheek, "I don't do male dogs."_

"Sam?" Spencer snapped his fingers in front of my face, "You there, kiddo?"

I jerked my head up and shook the memory away, "Yeah. Sorry, I spaced."

Spencer raised an eyebrow, "Is he being nice to you?"

"Who?"

"Your dad," Spencer said.

"Almost too nice," I muttered without thinking.

"What's that supposed to mean?" He asked innocently.

I breathed, "Nothing."

Spencer nodded and got up from the stool, "I'm gonna go to bed."

"You're not mad are you?" I asked him, sounding like a small child who'd just tipped over a glass of milk.

He shook his head, "Tired."

"Okay, I was just making sure."

Spencer smirked and went to his room while I continued to sit at the counter staring after him. He confused me so much.

"Sam," I heard Carly moaning drowsily from the couch, she was half-asleep, "Your phone is ringing."

I hopped down and ran into the living room where Carly was groggily holding my phone out in mid-air. I pulled it from her grasp and thanked her before answering it, without even bothering to look at the caller ID.

I should have looked.

"Samantha Jolene Puckett, where have you been?"

"At Carly's, Mom." I muttered, walking to the kitchen so Carly wouldn't have to listen to my mom's yelling.

"Your father and I have been worried to death!" She continued, "Your school called, they say we gotta go to court because you left half-way through school today!"

"I'm sorry," I breathed, too tired to fight with her right now.

"I want you home in the next hour, got that?" Mom ordered.

"Yeah," I sighed, ready to hang up the phone.

"Wait, Sam," Mom yelled, as if reading my mind, "Your father wants to talk to you."

I froze as I heard his voice on the other line calling for me, "Sam? You there?"

I hung up immediately, shoving the phone in my pocket with shaky hands. My heart was beating rapidly again. It felt like all the air had been taken out of my lungs and stuffed in my throat, slowly suffocating me to death.

"Sam?" I heard Carly again, "Who was that?"

"N-no one," I choked out, "I'm gonna go home. See you at school tomorrow."

"Okay," Carly yawned, stretching her arms, "See ya."

I smiled at her briefly before grabbing my backpack and slinging it over my shoulder. As I shut the door behind me, I could faintly hear Carly tell me goodnight.

I chose not to ride the bus home, only because I wanted to put off seeing my dysfunctional family just a little longer. But as the house came clearer into view, I could already feel my insides twisting and curling.

Only one light was on, and it was in the living room. The rest of the house was dark, the way it usually was. Mom made that a rule when Melanie and I were eight. She said that only using the living room light saved money, money she could spend on toys for us. As you can guess, the toys never materialized, but the rule remained in my house after that.

My house had never been the greatest looking place on Earth anyways. The fact is, I live in one of the worst neighborhoods in Seattle. I never really saw it that way, because I've lived in this area for almost my entire life, but when Carly's dad and Spencer found out where I lived, the look on their faces told me another story. The paint on the outside has been peeling for as long as I can remember, and there are a bunch of holes in the sides of our house, most likely caused by bullets.

As I reached the porch, panic was beginning to set in. Everything about this place wasn't home anymore; it was almost like my own person brand of Hell. Complete with the devil himself.

"Sam?" I heard mom inside, "Is that you? It's open!"

I took a deep breath and slowly pushed the door open, revealing both my parents sitting together on the couch. It was weird seeing them both there, because I was so accustomed to only seeing my mother on the couch. Everything about this family situation is weird now. When my gaze met both of their faces, chills ran down my spine. Mom looked relieved, but my father had a more devious look in his eyes. It frightened me.

"Sit," Mom sighed, though I could tell that she would have preferred to hug me.

Ever since my dad showed up, my mom had stopped drinking and doing drugs. It was like the mom I'd always wanted had magically appeared out of a dream. She was so much more cheerful and easy-going now that the love of her life was home. It made me both happy and sad at the same time. Happy, because for the first time in awhile I've been feeling loved whenever I'm at home. I was sad though, because of the reason for her miraculous turn-around. I could easily deal without Him.

"So," Mom began, holding hands with my dad in a way that made me nauseas, "What happened at school today?"

"Um," I thought for a moment, working up a good lie, "Some kid made me mad… and I didn't want to get into a fight so I um… left."

Mom gave me a puzzled look, but finally nodded, "Doesn't surprise me. But, try and tell your principal that tomorrow. I don't want to go to court again this week. We already had that thing with your Uncle Carmine…"

My eyes were glued to my father, waiting for him to make any type of movement towards me. If anything happened, I planned to send him flying across the room. Plans can easily be destroyed.

"Amy?" I heard him say, "Do you mind if I talk to Sam alone?"

The color left my face and I stared up at my mom with pleading eyes, begging her not to leave me with this monster silently. My legs felt like rubber again, and I hoped I was being clear enough about my distress without being too obvious.

"Sure," She said nonchalantly, ignoring my hopeless reaction to her answer.

She was gone before I could say anything to make her stay. I felt my body shaking as he got up from the couch and sat down in the chair directly in front of mine. When his hand brushed the skin on my leg, my lip quivered, and I was having trouble keeping myself strong.

"So," He began, caressing my thigh gently, "You haven't told anyone?"

I shook my head honestly, glaring at his hand fearfully while I shivered at his touch, "No."

"Good girl," He patted my leg, and I felt my insides twist again like earlier outside, "Because if you tell anybody I'll get sent away."

I didn't say anything, so he took that as he wasn't being convincing enough.

He grabbed my shoulder and shook me to attention, "If I get sent off, your momma is gonna start drinking and doing everything she used too again. She'll stop loving you, Sammy. I know you don't want that."

My eyes widened, and I understood his logic. He was right, the minute he was gone, mom would be the same as before: a hollow shell with one foot in the grave. I can't allow that to happen again, it hurts too much. Besides, it was nice seeing a smile on her face every once and awhile. What kind of person would I be to take that away from her?

"Got it?" He shook me again.

I nodded slowly, "Yeah."

He smirked and patted my shoulder as he got up to look for mom, "Good."

I breathed a sigh of relief after he walked out, relaxing now that he was gone. Though, just being around him for those few minutes had me feeling more filthy and dirty than I already did.

My eyes watered as I stood up, and faintly trudged out of the room. He practically owned me now. He has something over my head to use against me if I ever double cross him. It's also a great weapon of blackmail to use on me if he ever wants anything out of me. Anything. It felt like I was a doll. An old, raggedy doll that people play with when they want it, but end up throwing it away whenever it isn't needed anymore.

I'm a **doll **to him…

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**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	7. Bedtime Stories

**I got some pretty rockin' reviews on the last chapter so I felt inspired and wrote this up! Thanks to the people who reviewed the last chapter! rosieweasley, ****basicHBKnomics, ****Chlollie. Ya'll are awesome. lol.**

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**Bedtime Stories**

My first order of business was to take a shower, in hopes that it would take my mind off of the demon downstairs. Once I was in the bathroom, I was careful to lock the door behind me. He wasn't going to catch me off guard this time, I was sure of it.

I turned the water on as hot as it would go, and immediately stepped in. The boiling water burned my skin, but I was ready and willing to get his stench off me. Neither Carly, nor Spencer said anything about me stinking, but I know I smell like him. He put his… he did things… inside me… **I know I smell like him**.

I began scrubbing my body with a blue sponge as hard as I could, every inch of me felt dirty. But no matter how much I scrubbed, no matter how raw my skin began to look, I still felt like the dirtiest living thing on the planet. There were bruises and discolorations on my thighs and stomach, all of which were sickening to look at. I scrubbed extra hard there.

Tears began to fill my eyes as I rubbed my arm again, even though it was already a bright red color from me scrubbing too hard. Finally, after going on like this for almost hour, I hopelessly chucked the sponge into the tub and turned the water off.

I reluctantly stepped out of the tub and onto the tile floor. Before I wrapped my body in a towel, I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror. I looked just as dirty as before, only guiltier because I tried to make it go away. My eyes were puffy, and my entire body was red and raw. The bruises were still there, only redder in color.

I was messed up.

When I went back to my room and began putting on some clothes, I heard his footsteps coming up the stairs. I silently prayed that he wouldn't stop at my door, and that he was just going to the bathroom or something.

The sudden, but also slightly expected, knock on my door made me jump.

"Sammy?" He said in his soft voice.

I shivered; it was the same voice that talked to me last night.

"Ch-changing." I croaked, speeding up the process of pulling up my baskeball shorts.

I heard him chuckle, "Guess I came at the right time."

I had just finished pulling my tank-top over my head as he pushed open the door with that devious grin plastered on his face. I knew what he wanted.

"Thought you were changing?" He raised an eyebrow, "Were you lying to me?"

"N-no." I shuddered, backing away from him as he inched closer.

"You don't gotta be scared of me, Sammy." He breathed, sensing my distress, "I just want to love you."

"You… don't… love…" I said through panicky breaths.

"I do love you," He was standing directly in front of me now, and my back was against the wall.

No escape.

He planted his hand on the wall beside my head, leaning forward just enough to send more chills through my body. His face was inches away from mine, and all I wanted was to get away.

"N-no."

"Yes," He shrugged, pushing a strand of wet hair behind my ear, "You've been without a daddy for so long you forgot how we love. Don't you remember?"

My eyes widened and my heart was pounding so hard, I was waiting for him to notice. I was more confused now than anything, since I hadn't had a father around in ten years, I truly didn't know how they were supposed to act. Maybe this was normal and I'm just overreacting to the whole situation.

"Y-you're supposed to d-do this?" I breathed, fear dripping on every word.

"Of course," He kissed my forehead forcefully, "I'm a good father."

His kiss felt like a lightning bolt in my skull, and I immediately flung my head back into the wall as a reaction. He didn't seem to mind though; he began caressing my cheek as if this whole thing was normal.

"Hun?" Like an angel sent from God, I heard my mother's voice downstairs calling for Him, "Are you up there?"

He pushed me away from him and held me against the wall by my neck, "Yeah, I'll be right down!"

I could feel the air leaving my lungs and started pulling at his hand so I could breathe again, "L-lemme go." I choked.

He turned back to me and grabbed my arm with his free hand, "You remember, don't tell nobody about us. 'Cause if you tell anybody, I'll be out of here as quick as I came back."

I stared up at him fearfully and nodded my head, "I w-won't."

He pursed his lips and let go of my throat, but squeezed my arm tighter, "And, if that ain't enough motivation for you, I could always hurt you… or your mom."

My eyes locked with his, and I could tell he was serious.

"Well?" He growled, "You just gonna stare at me all night? Tell me you'll keep this a secret!"

I shook uncontrollably, "I'll k-keep it a secret."

He released me and turned to leave. After the door slammed shut behind him, I fell to the floor with my head in my hands. I leaned against the wall and gritted my teeth, stopping the tears that were threatening to fall. I was a tough girl, I could deal with this. There was nothing in this world that fazed Sam Puckett, nothing she couldn't handle.

Oh great, I'm thinking in third person. I really _am_ going crazy.

I pulled my knees up to my chest and wrapped my arms around them. Slowly, I started to nonchalantly rock back and forth, it helped ease my nerves a little. But the nagging thoughts of him coming back upstairs to… _**love **_me again; it was too much. I knew that the next time he touched me I wouldn't be able to keep my emotions in check. I'll break down, tell someone, and then he would leave.

As much as I hate the man, my dad _needs_ to stay here. I'll do _anything _to keep my mom happy, even if it means killing me emotionally in the process. I hoped it wouldn't go beyond emotional pain.

I shook my head and sighed, what was I thinking? For all I know, he could have already done that. I was still piecing together the events of last night. I still didn't fully understand the damage he had done to me, or how broken I truly was.

I shivered as a small draft flew in through the crack in my window, and I quickly realized I was still sitting on the floor in the fetal position wearing only a pair of shorts and a tank top. I pushed myself up from the carpet, and crossed my messy room to my bed that I was actually fearful of sleeping in. My heart began beating faster as I neared it, and it was easily seen that I couldn't sleep in that bed ever again. I sighed as I grabbed my pillow and blanket, hoping they weren't dirty like my bed was, and laid down on the carpet solemnly.

I stared up at the ceiling with glassy eyes, feelings of numbness etching at my being. My eyes were beginning to water again, but I couldn't let myself cry. The more I tried to stop myself, the more I heard his voice in my head.

_"You've been without a daddy for so long you forgot how we love. Don't you remember?"_

I **didn't** remember, but Carly never said anything about her dad loving her **that** way.

_"I'm a good father."_

No. A good father wouldn't disappear for ten years, return randomly one day, and then start... _**loving**_ his daughter. He wasn't a good father, he wasn't.

Hot tears streamed down my face, and I began to cough uncontrollably. My body wanted so desperately to break down and start sobbing like a five year-old who'd dropped their ice cream, but my mind kept telling me how much of a baby I would be for crying.

"I'm _not_ a baby," I whispered into the darkness, before rolling over and crying into my pillow. Just like a baby.

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	8. Leverage

**Okay, I decided to go ahead and post another chapter really quick tonight since there is a chance I may not be on for a couple days. So, instead of just leavin you guys hangin for a few days, I wanted to be nice. lol. I wouldn't expect anything else until maybe Wednesday so be ready then I guess!**

**Now, on with the chapter...**

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**Leverage**

_"Sammy," He whispered to me, "Wake up, Sammy."_

_I lifted my head before attempting to lift my arms, only to find they were strapped to the bed. I gritted my teeth and desperately tried to free myself, but the more I struggled, the rope around my wrists tightened. _

_"What are you doing?" He sighed, walking around the front of the bed so I could see him. _

_"Lemme out of this!" I growled, tears streaming down my cheeks._

_"Sammy, you belong to me now." He cooed, running his hand through my blonde locks._

_I moved my head away from him, but he grabbed my skull and held me still, "Be good, Sammy."_

_"I-I'll be good, j-just please don't…" I grunted, trailing off because I didn't want to say the words I'd been avoiding._

_"Don't what, Sammy?" He smirked, reaching down to unzip my pants, "Don't love you? That's all I'm doing."_

_I began thrashing around on the bed as he pulled off my jeans, and then his own, "No! I don't want to! Stop!"_

"Sam!" I heard screaming echoing in my ears, "Sam, wake up!"

"No! Stop! Please don't make me!" I cried, swinging my fists into the air, "Stop!"

I felt someone touch my forehead, "Sam, it's just a dream!"

My eyes shot open, and I jumped backward from my mom who was staring at me bewildered on my bed, "Mom…" I whispered.

"Are you okay, honey?" She asked, staring down at me on the floor, "Come sit with me up here."

I stood up and shakily sat down on the bed beside her. She reached out to comfort me, but I scooted farther away from her.

"I'm fine," I muttered.

Mom frowned, "What were you dreaming about? And why were you on the floor?"

I gritted my teeth as I remembered, "It's nothing."

"Sam…" She raised an eyebrow.

"It was nothing," I was shaking, "Just… um… all the stores ran out of ham."

"Well, that would be enough to have anyone in our family screaming." Mom smiled.

"Yeah… So where's… **dad**?" I asked, biting my lip as that word slid across my tongue.

"He went to work," Mom sighed, "Why, do you need to talk to him."

"No!" I gasped, my voice a little too loud.

She sighed, "I know that it's been difficult adjusting to having him around, Sam. But, you need to at least try."

I stared up into the bright blue eyes we shared, feeling like I'd just been slapped. If she had any idea how hard I was trying, and not willingly I should add, she wouldn't be saying that.

"Mom, he's not the kind of guy you think he—" I began before I was cut off by the sudden opening of my door.

"Amy, you seen my keys?" My father asked, glaring only at me. A chill went down my spine.

Mom got up from the bed, "I thought you had them?"

He shrugged, "Me too."

My eyes were glued to his face, and I knew he had heard me talking to mom. The way he kept clinching his fists and scratching his head were mannerisms that matched my Uncle Carmine when he was mad perfectly.

"Can you go check the kitchen while I look up here?" Dad asked.

My entire body was shaking, like I'd been in Alaska without a jacket and fallen into an icy lake.

"Okay," Mom smiled before facing to me and patting my leg, "We'll talk about this later, Sam."

I nodded faintly, watching as the door shut behind her, leaving me with Him **alone**.

The smile disappeared from his face, and it was replaced with an angry scowl.

"I didn't… I swear…" I choked out, edging backward on the bed until my head hit the wall.

He shook his head and stomped across the room to me, "You were about to!"

He lunged at me on the bed, grabbing me by my hair and pulling me off the bed. I yelped as I hit the ground with a resounding thud, holding back tears.

"Mom… gonna hear…" I choked out.

"She ain't gonna hear," He growled, bending down and slapping me, "You can't hear anything in that crappy kitchen."

My eyes widened in terror, the stinging in my cheek surprised me, "I didn't say anything!"

"You almost did!" He stood back up and stared down at my figure laid out on the floor, "I told you the consequences."

I gasped as he kicked me in the stomach, the air escaping my lungs. I gritted my teeth and kept myself from crying as he pulled his leg back and did it again, only harder.

"That was a warning," He growled, grabbing my hair again and forcing me over so that I was staring at him straight in the eyes, "Next time will be much worse. Not just for you either."

He finally released me, "Get ready for school."

I gawked at him as he turned and left the room, shutting the door behind him quietly, still in total shock at what had just happened. My mom should have been able to hear us. Even though my room was upstairs on the far side of the house, my dad had yelled more than loud enough for her to hear. It makes you wonder if she really hadn't heard or was ignoring us.

I laid on the carpet, struggling to get myself into a sitting up position. The pain in my abdomen was fierce, but I wasn't going to let that stop me. I was too proud and tough for that.

Once I had myself leaned against my bed I pulled up the bottom of my shirt to reveal two large red marks that were in the process of becoming bruises… big bruises. I poked at the one that was surrounding my bellybutton, hoping the damage wasn't too bad. I was wrong. I flinched and pulled back my arm, holding in the cry that almost came.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, feeling like a kicked dog. I still couldn't believe he hit me; he was my father after all. Even though he'd already hurt me in that _other_ way, I didn't expect he'd hit me. He said he _loved_ me. He said he was doing the right thing, and that he was _supposed_ to… **sleep with me**.

I tried to shake those thoughts from my head; I really needed to get ready for school. Without thinking first, I leapt up from the floor to get my phone, only to find myself crashing down onto the floor after a sharp pain in my side surprised me.

"Nice going, Puckett." I muttered to myself angrily, my eyes tearing up.

With gritted teeth, I crawled back to the bed and leaned against it like before. Maybe I should be a little more careful from now on.

For my second try, I kept my hand clasped over where my stomach hurt the most and held onto the bed for support. At first, I was reluctant to touch that disgusting bed more than I had to, but I knew it was the only way I could get up and moving.

I clenched my teeth together to keep myself from crying out as I slowly lifted myself up from the floor until I was in a standing position. Once I had my weight balanced, I lifted my head and blew some blonde curls out of my face.

The pain in my abs wasn't as bad as before, it only ached whenever I had to bend down or I touched the bruises. I was pretty surprised considering how hard he'd kicked me.

After I was standing up and positive that I wouldn't lose my balance and topple over again, I walked over to my dresser and pulled out a pair of blue jeans, a Penny T, and a zip-up hoodie. Not caring if they matched or not, I threw the clothes on in a hurry.

I sat down on my bed for a brief moment to slip on an old pair of Converse when out of the corner of my eye I spotted a stain on my sheets. Curiously, I threw a blanket out of the way to reveal a brownish-red blob in the middle of the bed. I felt my face getting hot and my throat become scratchy. I wasn't on my period.

I breathed in slowly and began to strip the sheets off the bed, throwing them into a pile in the corner of the room. I saw that the stain had actually made it down to the mattress itself, and I ended up grabbing that and throwing it at the wall too. I swallowed the lump in my throat and stared blankly at the dirty linens. Everything about this room felt dirty to me now, and I knew that getting rid of this stuff wouldn't help much, but it would help a little. The pain in my abdomen flared up once again as I tossed the mattress, but I played it off well. After I was finished, I sat down on the floor—away from my pile—and finished slipping on my shoes.

He wouldn't love me in _that_ bed **ever again**.

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**Tada! lol. Hope you liked! **

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**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	9. Need You Now

**Enjoy!  
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**Need You Now**

I planned to go in my backyard and burn the sheets and mattress after school. Nobody in my neighborhood should notice since there is normally some source of random fire or gun shots all the time. Before I left the house for the bus stop, my mom wanted to talk to me. Joy.

"Sam!" She screamed from the living room where she was cleaning up some empty bottles, "Come here for a second!"

I trudged into the room, backpack in tow, "What?"

"Somebody is a little bit snippy today, aren't we?" Mom said sarcastically, throwing a couple bottles into the trashcan she was holding.

I groaned, "I'm gonna be late."

"Since when have you cared about being late for school?" She asked, smirking.

"Just now," I growled, "So what do you want?"

Mom sighed, "I need you to call Melanie for me."

"What?"

"I need you to call Melanie for me," Mom repeated, "She won't answer my phone calls or emails, but I know that the two of you still talk."

"Why do you want to see Melanie?" I asked, fearing the answer.

"It's not me, it's your father." Mom answered, making my fears come true, "He said that he wanted to see her again, so he could explain himself for leaving and get to know her again. Like he's tried to do with you."

"No," I answered sternly.

"Sam, I'm not asking you." Mom replied, crossing her arms.

"I'm not doing it!" I growled before turning and running out of the house, leaving my Mom standing there speechless.

I stomped down the road, my eyes watering and my hands in fists. There is no way in hell that I was going to call Melanie about dad being back. I knew exactly what he wanted. He didn't care about seeing her again. He only wanted another 'doll' to play with.

Melanie didn't deserve that. She wasn't strong like me and she can't handle things like I can. Besides, Melanie had the chance to go places. I wasn't going to let my dad screw all that up by messing with her like he messed with me.

I stopped walking just as I reached the gas station and waited for the bus, leaning on an old light pole. My eyes scanned the area, keeping aware of everything around me. The best time of the day for some of the guys around here to jump somebody was in the morning. Nobody expects a thug to be awake at seven or eight in the morning.

My hands were shaking, and I had only just realized how cold it was outside this morning. I jammed my hands in the pockets of my jacket in an attempt to get warmer.

When I finally saw the bus prowling down the street, my hands were already beginning to feel numb. Once the bus made it to my stop, I hopped on and dropped some change in a cup before going to the back and sitting down.

Nobody was on this morning except me, so I took the opportunity to lie down in the seat and enjoy the alone time. Everything had been so crazy lately; I was beginning to worry that this was the way things would be now.

"_I need you to call Melanie for me,"_ My mom's voice was echoing in my head still, _"Your father wants to see her."_

I shook my head solemnly. If I didn't call Melanie soon, mom would probably just take dad to see her at her stupid boarding school anyways. My eyes closed as I weighed the pros and cons of both options.

Melanie and I never really got along, but it was only because of this huge fight we had before she left me and went to boarding school. Before that we were the best of friends. I always protected her from everything, whether it was some bully at school, or our own mother during one of her drunken tirades. In return, Melanie gave me the one thing I craved more than anything: love. She never said it out loud, neither of us did, instead she showed me through her actions instead of her words.

Melanie showed how much she cared about me when she went to that stupid school without even talking to me about it first, leaving me here with our lunatic of a mother. All alone. That's when I figured out that I was unlovable. Mom and dad put the idea in my head long ago, but Melanie confirmed it.

The bus came to a stop and I sat up to look out the window, seeing that we were just down the road from Carly's apartment building. I jumped out of my seat with my backpack over my shoulder and got off the bus. I still felt really bad about going off on her yesterday, and I needed her to know that I was sincerely sorry.

"Get out of my lobby!" Lewbert, the annoyingly gross doorman screamed at me.

I rolled my eyes, "Get off your lazy butt and make me!"

This only made Lewbert seem even more senile, because he then began to run around the room screaming like someone out of a horror movie, "Egahhh!"

"See ya 'round, Lewb." I said sarcastically, turning on my heels and running up the stairs to Carly's apartment.

I swear I could still hear him screaming at me when I reached Carly's floor. That guy seriously needs to take a pill.

I shoved open the apartment door, "Carly, Spencer?"

"Kitchen!" I heard Carly call out to me.

I walked across the living room and found Carly at her usual post: the computer, "Hey, Sam."

"Sup, Carls?" I greeted, tossing my backpack on the ground, "Whatcha doin'?"

"Looking at comments for our last iCarly," She answered happily, "Almost all of them are begging us to do Baby Spencer again this week."

"Sweetness," I smirked, "I love shoving salsa down your brother's throat!"

"Right here!" Spencer shouted as he shut the refrigerator door, "And my mouth is still on fire from last time!"

"Hey, it's not my fault Freddie accidentally got Atomic Salsa instead of mild!" Carly laughed.

"Where is Freduardo anyways?" I chuckled, "He's always over here in the morning."

"I don't know," Carly shrugged.

"Probably getting a tick bath from mummy," I said in my baby voice.

Spencer laughed but Carly glared at me, "You know she stopped giving him tick baths!"

"Whatever. You know he lies about it, but you don't wanna hurt his nubbish feelings." I snorted before returning to my former seriousness, "Hey, Carly, can we talk real quick?"

"Sure," She hopped down from the stool and led me over to the couch, "What's up?"

"I-I," I began slowly, sitting beside her, "I'm really sorry about yesterday, I wasn't myself."

Carly smiled, "Don't worry about it, Sam."

"But I _am_ worried about it," I sighed, "I know it must've scared you."

"A little," Carly stared at the ground, "But it was just cramps. You were hurting."

I was silent for a moment, before looking up into Carly's hazel eyes, "Y-yeah."

"Sam?" Carly grasped my hand in hers, "It _was_ just cramps, right?"

I felt my heart skip at the gesture, "Yeah, o-of course."

"You're not lying to me, are you?" Carly urged, "Because I thought we all promised no more secrets."

I shook my head, "Some secrets are better off that way, to stay secrets."

"You can't keep secrets forever. Eventually, the guilt will eat you up and you'll turn in to some neurotic crazy person… Like Freddie's mom or Mrs. Briggs."Carly responded with a small smile.

I blinked away a tear that was trying to fall and smirked at Carly's little joke, "I need to keep this one, cupcake."

"Promise you'll tell me later though?" Carly asked.

I nodded, "Sure."

Carly rubbed my arm before getting up from the couch and going to the kitchen with Spencer. I let out a long sigh of relief, happy that I had a friend like Carly. We could be laughing about something one second, before having a deep heart-to-heart the next.

"Hey, Sam?" Carly called out, "You want anything to eat before we go?"

I hesitated, "Naw, I'm not really hungry right now."

"Not hungry?" Spencer's jaw dropped, "Is that even possible?"

"Shut up, Spence." I glared at him, "I'm still… not feeling too well."

"Do you need anything?" Carly asked in her motherly tone, "Like medicine?"

I shook my head, "Naw, I'm good."

"Okay," Carly nodded and grabbed her bag from the counter, "Let's just go. Freddie's mom will probably take him to school."

I opened my mouth to say something, but Carly shushed me, "No, Sam."

"It wasn't going to be _that_ mean!" I pouted.

"Come on, Sam," Carly sighed, "We're going to be late."

"Kay," I smiled, slinging my backpack on my shoulder and standing up.

We linked arms and walked out into the hallway. I caught Carly glancing at me as we went down the steps.

"Carly?" I asked, "Something wrong with my face?"

"Actually… yeah," Carly frowned, stopping and pointing at my cheek, "What happened there?"

I was still confused. Carly shook her head and reached in her bag, pulling out a small make-up mirror seconds later, "Use this."

I grabbed it from her and opened it, looking at the spot on my face where she pointed. My cheek was red and puffy and the cheek bone looked like it was bruising. I guess my dad had slapped me harder than I thought.

"Oh, that?" I asked casually, "I got into a fight with some thug yesterday on the way home from your house."

The lie was easy, the hard part was making Carly believe it.

"Oh my God," Carly gasped, "Are you okay?"

"Yep, I'm fine." I smirked. Successful lie: check.

"Okay," Carly nodded, "You should have told me earlier, we could have iced it."

"Eh," I shrugged, "I don't need it."

Carly smiled and shook her head, "Of course you don't."

We continued walking down the hall, but my mind was elsewhere. I was doing a really good job pretending that everything was fine, but I couldn't pretend forever. My thoughts kept returning to Melanie. I still wasn't completely sure if I was doing the right thing inviting her home. I might be able to protect her, but I wasn't completely sure. My dad was stronger than I'd imagined, he proved that this morning. My stomach still ached from his blows. Thinking back, I probably should have taken some pain killers this morning before school.

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**Well, Sam is _still_ lying to everyone about everything. Tssk tssk tssk...**

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**

**PS: This chapter is named after one of my fave songs. lol. Lady Antebellum is awesome and if you like country (or even if you don't) you NEED to check them out. lol. Fun Fact: They're signed to the same record label as Jennette McCurdy.  
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	10. Hell Is For Children

**Warning: It may get grizzly. **

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**Hell Is For Children**

"You want this Low-Fat Fatcake?" I asked Carly, pulling it out of my locker and holding it in front of her.

"Don't you want to eat it," Carly frowned, "I mean, you haven't eaten anything today."

"I told you, I don't feel good." I sighed, "But that doesn't mean a perfectly good Fatcake has to go to waste."

"Fine," She rolled her eyes, grabbing it from me.

"Hola, muchachas." We heard Freddie walk up behind us.

"What up, Fredlump?" I growled, tossing a book in my locker.

Freddie moved closer to Carly and whispered, "What's her deal?"

"She's just doesn't feel very good right now." Carly sighed.

"Oh," Freddie nodded, "Well, I just came to tell the blonde-headed-demon that Principal Franklin's looking for her."

I flipped my hair and looked at him, "What I do?"

He shrugged, "I don't know. He wants to see you in his office, now."

I threw my hands in the air and slammed my locker shut, "Fine, I'll see you later Carls."

"What about me?" Freddie whined.

"I'll give you and Gibby your weekly wedgies later, kay?" I smirked.

Freddie groaned and walked across the hall to his own locker while Carly and I laughed at his reaction.

"You're so mean to them," Carly shook her head.

I shrugged, "It's the only way to keep a boy in line."

Carly shook her head and opened the Fatcake I'd given her, "Whatever, you better go see Principal Franklin."

"I guess," I sighed, "I'll tell Ted you said hi."

Carly giggled and returned to her locker, "You do that then."

I smiled and turned around, beginning my short walk to my second home: the principals' office. I spent just about as much time there as I did eating ham.

"Sam," I jumped at Principal Franklins' voice, "I'm sorry, did I scare you?"

I turned and saw him standing behind me, looking concerned, "Naw, just surprised me. Nothing scares Sam Puckett."

"Oh," He nodded, walking a little faster to catch up with me, "It's a good thing I found you, we need to discuss your truancy."

"I was on my way to your office," I muttered.

"Freddie gave you the message?"

I nodded, "Yep."

We walked into his office and I sat down in my usual chair while Principal Franklin took his seat behind the desk. After he pulled out a file and went through a few papers, he put his attention back on me.

"I understand you ditched school yesterday," He sighed, pushing the papers into a stack.

"I didn't ditch, I just left." I muttered, rolling my eyes.

"It's the same thing, Sam."

"No it's not," I corrected, "Ditching means I never came to school that day. I came, but I left early. That, Ted, is called skipping."

"Whatever," He threw his hands in the air, his lip twitching when I called him 'Ted', "Unless you have a good reason for leaving, the school board is forcing me to make you go to court for truancy."

"Well, some guy was messin' with me and I didn't feel like getting into a fight." I lied simply, "Would you prefer me beat up some dude, or skip?"

Principal Franklin wrote something down, "The school board might believe that, but the Sam Puckett I know doesn't run from fights."

"So?" I asked rudely.

"So, I want you to tell me the real reason you left school early." He replied, "The truth, Sam. Do you know what that means?"

I rolled my eyes, "Don't treat me like I'm stupid, just because I lie a lot doesn't mean I don't know what the truth is."

"You're avoiding my question."

"Maybe I don't want to answer you," I slumped down in my chair, "Ever think of that?"

"Yes, actually." Principal Franklin stared down at me, "But if you don't tell me the truth, I'll be forced to give you a court date, immediately."

"It's just… family stuff. Okay?" My voice was barely above a whisper, and I wouldn't stare him directly in the eye.

"Family stuff?"

"Yeah," I breathed, "Just family stuff."

I looked up and saw him writing something else down, "What are you doing?" I asked angrily.

"Writing down what you said," He responded nonchalantly.

"N-no," I stuttered, before screaming, "You can't tell anybody I said that!"

He stared at me suspiciously, "Why not?"

"Because!" I shouted, running my hand through my hair and standing up, "He'll get mad!"

"Who?"

"My… nobody." I stopped myself.

"Sam," He began slowly, "I don't want to push this further because it's obviously a very touchy subject for you. I'll tell the school board the fight story, and we'll leave it at that. Okay?"

My heart was beating rapidly, "Really?" I panted.

"Yes," He nodded, "But, I want you to know that if you ever need to talk about anything, I'm here."

I nodded in disbelief, "O-okay?"

Principal Franklin smiled and wrote his signature on a post-it note before holding it out for me, "Good, now, why don't you go on to class."

My eye's widened and I nodded silently, grabbing the note and turning around to leave. Principal Franklin never ceased to surprise me with his random acts of kindness. As I walked down the hall towards Mrs. Briggs' house of horrors, I still couldn't believe he was going to let me off easy. Any other principal would have given me detention at the least, but not Ted. He was probably one of the nicest guys I knew. But, wait, I thought the exact same thing of my father before he…

Principal Franklin wasn't being nice; he just wanted to love me like my dad did. That's probably how all guys are. They act all nice and good at first, but when you least expect it, they'll turn on you. They always turn on you.

___

"Nice of you to join us, Puckett" Mrs. Briggs said sarcastically as I walked into class, "You better have a note or—"

I cut her off by tossing the crumpled up note in her general direction, barely missing her face. Her cheeks got red as she picked up the note and tossed it in the trash angrily, "Sit somewhere."

"My pleasure," I sneered.

I waltzed to the back of the classroom and took my regular seat behind Gibby. He stared at me fearfully as I past him. I guessed he was hoping his number one tormentor wouldn't be in class today. Wrongo Gibson.

"Alright, now back to the lesson…" Mrs. Briggs said after she got over the shock of me returning to class.

I zoned out after that and stared out the window, daydreaming about ham and bacon. Eventually, I fell asleep with my head on my desk. When the bell for second period rang, I awoke to screeching desks and an angry teacher.

"Samantha Puckett!" Mrs. Briggs shouted, "You slept this entire class didn't you?"

"Yeah, what's it to you?" I yawned, stretching my arms.

"Detention," She growled, "Tomorrow after school."

She handed me a detention slip and I took it drowsily, "Nice doin' business with you."

Mrs. Briggs rolled her eyes and went back to her desk. I smirked and left the room, yawning again. I sluggishly strolled down the hall to my locker where Carly was standing talking to Freddie.

"Sam!" Carly shouted happily, "We were just talking about the next iCarly! Do you think we should do another Baby Spencer, or a Wake-Up Spencer? Spencer is dead-set against Baby Spencer, just so you know."

I laughed, "We're gonna torture him either way."

"True," Carly nodded, "How about both? Freddie?"

Freddie shrugged, "Sounds good. The viewers love anything we do with Spencer."

"Awesome!" I declared excitedly, "Can we do Wake-Up Spencer tonight?"

"Totally," Carly agreed as we hear the bell ring, "Oh, I gotta go. See you in lunch!"

And with that, Carly was gone. I was left standing beside Freddie in the hallway that was quickly becoming empty. I looked over at him and noticed he was staring at my face the way Carly had this morning.

"What Fredward?" I growled.

"Um, I was just wondering," He sounded like a scared little kid, "What happened?"

"You mean this?" I asked, pointing at my cheek.

He nodded so I continued with the amazing lie I'd concocted this morning, "Got into a fight with some thug on the way home yesterday. He got one good swing in, but that's it."

"Really?" He eyed me suspiciously, "Because, it doesn't look that old."

"What?" I grunted, "You think I'm lying?"

"Maybe… are you?"

I stared at the floor, feeling my face getting red, "What do you care?"

"Well, you are my friend, even though neither of us really wants to admit it." I looked up into his brown eyes, holding myself together.

"I guess," I returned my gaze to the floor.

"You remember when Carly and I were dating, and you gave me that advice?" Freddie asked randomly.

"About the foreign bacon?" I responded, "Yeah."

"Well, I wanted to thank you." He was the one staring at his shoes this time.

"What?" My mouth dropped, "I gave you advice that destroyed your relationship with the girl of your dreams, and you're thanking me?"

"Yep," Freddie mused, "I guess I am."

I shook my head, "Okay, your welcome then."

We stood together, staring at each other in a silence that wasn't exactly awkward. Suddenly, like a gunshot at a race, my stomach growled and broke the peaceful quiet.

"Have you eaten anything today?" Freddie asked.

"Not really," I smiled shyly.

"Seriously?" Freddie sounded astonished, "You're always eating something. As you always say, yummy in the tummy."

Before I could stop him, he playfully poked at my stomach, "N-no, Freddie!" I grimaced, slapping his hand away. I placed my palm over the area that was now throbbing and aching just like it had the night before.

"Sam?" Freddie called out to me as I fell to my knees.

"You're s-so stupid!" I growled through gritted teeth, "Just go away!"

"Sam, I'm sorry—"

"**Go!**" I repeated, only louder this time.

Freddie opened his mouth to say something else, but I shot him a quick death glare to shut him up. He stared at me for a moment before turning and running off. I leaned my body against the lockers, letting my forehead come into contact with the cold metal of a locker door. I shut my eyes and waited for the pain to leave, or at least recede enough for me to resume standing again.

"I'm gonna k-kill that nub," I muttered angrily.

I stayed like that, crouched down against a locker, for a few minutes before I decided it was safe for me to stand up again. I took it slowly, and resumed my standing position easily. The hallway was still just as empty as it had been before, which meant that no one, except for Frednub, had seen me at my weakest.

Freddie… I would have to make sure he understood that telling anybody what happened today would result in the rearrangement of his face. He'd keep it a secret then, I'm sure. But even _I_ knew that there was only so much a girl could do to keep him quiet.

I sighed and grabbed my backpack; I had bigger things to worry about besides Freddie and his big mouth. I still had to call up my sister and get her to come home so dad could see her again… and so I can protect her. I wasn't going to let _**this**_ happen to her, no matter what I had to do.

* * *

**Poor Sam. A little bit of Seddie (if you could call it that) for fans of that ship. lol. The next chapter has got Seddie out the yin-yang, so at least you got that to look forward to.**

**Review??? Maybe??? Pleez??? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	11. I'd Lie

**Hola Ppls! Seddie is in the air...**

* * *

**I'd Lie**

The rest of the school day went on like it usually did. I gave Gibby a wedgie, stole some girls' lunch money, and caught up on lost sleep in every class. The only downside to what would have otherwise been a perfect day was the fact that Freddie was now avoiding me like the black plague. It's not that I like hanging out with the nub—I don't for obvious reasons—but I really needed to talk to him about this morning. While I was in my last class, I decided I would jump him on his way home from school. He couldn't avoid me then.

"Carly!" I called out to my best friend after the last bell had rung.

She was standing at our lockers talking to Freddie. When I was a few feet away from them, Freddie noticed me and immediately ran off.

"What's his problem?" Carly asked.

I shrugged, "You know how some nubs can be."

Carly rolled her eyes, "Whatever. Are you coming home with me?"

"Nope, I gotta stay after and talk to Mrs. Briggs about some stuff." I lied easily.

"Okay," She nodded, "You'll come by later though, right?"

"Duh, I'd rather be at your place over mine any day." I smirked, hoping she wouldn't over-analyze my answer.

Carly gave me a sympathetic look, "What do you mean by that, Sam?"

I froze, "Um, nothing. J-just that your apartment is so much more fun than my house. I mean, hanging out with my insane bikini-wearing mother is fine, I just prefer your _normal_ family."

Carly giggled, "Normal? You're kidding right?"

I smiled, "Compared to my family, yours is pretty normal."

She shook her head, "I'm gonna go, see you later."

"Bye, Carls."

I stood beside my locker and watched her walk away. Once she was out of sight, I turned and sprinted down the hallway to the back doors of the school. When Freddie walked home alone, he always took the back alley that ran behind the school and opened again a few blocks from the Groovy Smoothie. For a nub, I was impressed that he had the balls to walk this way. Well, it's either that, or he's too stupid to realize that he's walking right through extreme gang territory.

When I finally made it to the group of trashcans that he would undoubtedly walk by, I threw my back pack down onto the asphalt and hid behind them. I stayed like that for at least ten minutes before I saw Fredweird coming down the road, listening to his PearPod. This was going to be way too easy.

"_You're making this too easy, Sammy." He whispered, kissing me again._

My lunch felt like it would come up, but I shook my head and pushed the thoughts from my mind before it got too far. There's too much at stake here for me to start reliving things now.

Freddie was directly in front of me now, and I waited until he was completely past the trashcans before jumping out and grabbing him by the backpack, "Surprise, dork!"

"Ow!" He shouted in surprise, ripping the headphones from his ears, "Sam! What are you-?"

I slammed him against the side of a building, "We need to talk."

"Ow!" He cried out again, "Just let me go!"

I released his backpack, and instead gripped his arm, "Better?"

"Not really," He grunted, "What do you want, Sam?"

I growled, "You remember this morning, _right_?"

He stared at his shoes and didn't say anything. This only angered me more, and I tightened my grasp on his arm, "Answer me!"

"Ah! Yeah, yeah! I remember!" He yelped.

I loosened my hold on his arm, "Good. You can't tell anyone about, got it?"

"What?" He breathed.

"You can't tell anyone!" I roared, "If you do, I swear on my ham stash I'll rip your face off."

"I don't care what you do to me, Sam." He jerked his arm away from me, "I promise not to tell anyone _if_ you tell me the truth about what happened to you."

"What are you talking about—" I began before he cut me off.

"Someone hurt you, didn't they?" He questioned.

My mouth dropped and I froze, "W-what?"

"I've poked you in your stomach a hundred times before, and you've never reacted like that. And, when you fell over, your shirt kind of lifted up and I saw-"

"You _looked_!" I growled angrily.

"You had bruises, okay?" He shouted back, not daring to look me straight in the eye, "Big ones…"

I was silent for a moment before speaking, "No one hurt me. Nobody hurts Sam Puckett; you should know that better than anyone."

"I heard about your dad being back, was it him?" He continued urgently.

My eyes watered, "Just shut up, Fredward."

I turned to leave, but he grabbed my arm to stop me, "Sam, don't go."

"It's not what you think," I whispered, "Trust me."

"What happened to your stomach?" He asked again.

"I fell down some stairs," I lied simply, "Nobody hit me, Freddie."

"Can I… see?" He asked slowly, gesturing to my stomach.

I shook my head, "It sounds like you got a good enough look at it already, dork."

"Sam…"

"Freddie, you can't tell anyone about this morning." I ran my fingers through my hair, getting back to the reason I was here in the first place, "You gotta promise me."

He rolled his eyes, "Fine."

I sighed, "Good."

"So… you're going to Carly's?" Freddie asked.

I nodded, "Yep."

"Could we… walk together?" He bit his lip nervously.

"Duh, _Freduardo_." I rolled my eyes and picked up my backpack before beginning to walk down the alleyway, "We're going to the same place."

He groaned and ran after me, "You don't have to be so rude about it."

"And _you_ don't have to start asking me about private things." I retorted, turning to look at him.

"I'm sorry," He apologized, "I was just worried about you."

I shook my head, "I don't get you at all, Fredlump."

"What do you mean by that?" Freddie asked curiously.

I sighed, "What I mean is, I'm probably the cruelest person to you on the planet Earth. But, whenever something like _this_ comes up, you act all… _worried_ and stuff."

"We're friends, Sam. Friends look out for each other." He answered simply.

I nodded, "Oh."

Freddie smirked, "Speechless much?"

I drew my fist back and gave him a playful punch to his shoulder, "You wish."

"Ow!" He laughed, grabbing his shoulder, "You're insane."

I held my fist in the air, "You wanna say that again, Benson?"

He backed away from me a few feet, "I'm good."

I smiled and put my hands in my pockets, "So, are we cool?"

Freddie nodded, "For now."

We walked in silence the rest of the way to Bushwell, but it wasn't because we'd run out of things to say. The fact that I'd been able to laugh with Fredward and not insult him the _entire_ time was scaring me. Sure, I hurled a couple of nicknames at him and hit him once, but it was all in good fun. I've never bullied Freddie to have fun for both of us; I always did it for me. All this crap with my dad is seriously starting to mess with me.

"Sam?" I heard Freddie say.

I snapped out of my thoughts and lifted my head, seeing Bushwell a few blocks away, "Yeah?"

"Were you lying earlier?" He asked, keeping his head down.

"About what?" I groaned.

"You said you fell down some stairs," He continued, "That's how you hurt your stomach. Were you lying?"

I bit my lip, "Does it really matter?"

"Yes," He said stiffly.

"I… I don't know." I struggled to get the correct words out.

"How do you not know?"

"I… Th-that's not what I meant to say." I scratched my neck nervously.

"You don't want to tell me then?" He sighed.

"Yeah, I don't." I muttered, "So, don't ask about it again."

He nodded, "Fine. But, if you ever need to talk to someone about it, I'm here for you."

"Trust me, I'm fine." I lied, "I don't need help from you or _anybody_ else."

"Even Carly?" He raised an eyebrow.

"Especially her," I muttered.

I glanced over at Freddie and guessed he hadn't heard me. It was a probably a good thing though, that answer would have led to more questions.

We walked inside the lobby of Bushwell together where we were immediately greeted by Lewbert screaming at us, "Get out of my lobby!"

I rolled my eyes, "Dude, take a nap."

"You don't even live here!" He howled, "Egahhhh!"

Freddie grabbed my arm and led me up the first flight of stairs before I could say something back.

"Freddie!" I moaned.

He shook his head, "He was making you mad."

"So—"

"You know how you get when you're mad." He said knowingly.

"Yeah, you _would_ know, wouldn't you?" I snorted, walking faster, "I'll see you later."

"Sam!" He called after me, but I was already running down the hall to Carly's apartment.

I opened the door without knocking like I always did, and threw my backpack down once I was inside.

"Hey, Sam!" Spencer said excitedly as I shut the door, "I'm almost done with my sculpture!"

I pursed my lips and trudged over to Spencer beside the couch, "Oh, yeah? Where is it then?"

"Right here!" He shouted before grabbing a sheet that I hadn't noticed on the couch and ripping it off.

There was a giant banana that was surrounded by smaller bananas and glue in the middle seat, "Spence? I still don't see it."

"I thought you might say that!" He yelled happily, "So, I also did this!"

He grabbed the giant banana from the couch and turned it over to reveal the face of a monkey carved in the banana skin. He had glued on some brown hair from God-knows-where onto the top of it and it actually looked pretty cool.

"Awesome sauce," I smirked.

"Yes!" He threw his fist in the air like his favorite team had just won the Super Bowl, "It _is_ awesome sauce!"

"Where's Carly?" I asked, hoping I didn't shatter his 'moment'

"Upstairs in the iCarly studio," He replied with a smile, "Probably cranking out more ideas for the show."

"Sweet," I nodded and pulled out my phone, "Could you tell her I'm here, I need to call somebody really quick. It's kind of important."

"Sure," He agreed, "If you don't mind me asking, who are you calling?"

I groaned, "Melanie."

"Ooh! Tell her I said hi!" Spencer grinned.

"Yeah, I don't think so." I said sarcastically.

Spencer turned to run upstairs while I began to dial my sister's cell phone, hoping she wouldn't answer. But she always did, Melanie loved talking on the phone, even if it _was_ to me.

* * *

**A sorta/kinda cliffhanger to leave ya'll on. lol. **

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	12. On The Edge

**Sorry it's been almost a week since my last chapter! My best friend is moving to Colorado in about a week, so I've been trying to spend as much time with her as I can before she leaves! I haven't been at a computer for a few days either, except at school, so that has a pretty big part of it too! **

**Well, now that I'm done apologizing, here's a chapter for ya'll. It's pretty angsty though, so that's pretty awesome I guess. Oh, and it's actually two chapters that I put together, mostly because apart, the chapters weren't really workin' for me. Here it is...**

* * *

**On The Edge**

"Hello?" The high-pitched and much happier version of my own voice answered.

"Hey, Mel." I sighed into the phone sadly, "It's me."

"Sam!" Melanie sounded way too excited, "Oh my **gosh**, I haven't spoken to you since I was in Seattle! How are you?"

"Fine," I lied sheepishly, "Um, do you want to come home and visit again? _Soon_?"

"Why?" She giggled, "I thought you hated me."

"_I'm_ not the one who wants you home…" I frowned.

"Who then?" Melanie's voice turned serious, "I know Mom doesn't."

"Um… our…" I struggled to get out the words, "O-our… _dad_."

"Dad?" Melanie gasped, "Like our biological father, dad?"

"Yep," I ran my fingers through my hair. I can't believe I'm doing this.

"Wow," Melanie didn't sound as happy as I'd expected, "How long has he been back?"

"A couple weeks," I muttered, not allowing my mind to go back to _that_ night.

"So, when does he want me to come home?" Melanie asked, though the words sounded forced.

"As soon as possible," I bit my lip.

"How about this weekend?" Melanie suggested, her voice holding no happiness.

"Sure," I felt tears welling up in my eyes, "Sounds g-great."

"Sam?" She asked, "Are you okay?"

"I'm f-fine, Mel." I sniffed.

"Sam," Melanie sighed, "He hasn't… done anything **bad** to you has he?"

I snorted, "Define bad."

"Bad as in… like he hurt you?" Melanie replied seriously.

I swallowed hard, "Um, Mel… I gotta go…"

"Sam!" Melanie exclaimed.

"Come to Carly's when you get here." I muttered sadly, shaking my head in disgust at myself, "Just like the last time you came to visit."

She was about to say something else, but I hung up the phone to fast for her. My hands were shaking as I shoved my cell back into my pocket and wiped the tears from my eyes. I felt like the worst sister ever.

"Sam!" I heard Spencer yelling from the steps, "You done with our phone call?"

I took in a deep breath before turning around and nodding, "Yep."

"Sweet!" He grinned, "Carly's waiting for you."

"Okay," I smiled weakly.

"We're having spaghetti tacos for dinner!" He announced, "You can stay for dinner if you want!"

"Sounds awesome," I replied before turning on my heels and running upstairs to the iCarly studio soundlessly.

I plastered a fake smile on my face before I walked into the studio where Carly was laying on a beanbag chair with her laptop.

"What up, Carls?" I greeted, plopping down in the beanbag chair beside her.

"Hey, Sam." Carly smiled, "Just working on some ideas for iCarly."

"Cool," I muttered, nodding faintly.

Carly sat up a little and stared at me, moving her laptop aside, "You okay?"

"I'm fine," I sighed.

"Are you?" Carly urged, "You kind of look like you've been crying?"

"I'm **fine**," I grumbled angrily, "Stop asking me. Besides, I _don't_ cry."

"Sam, you know you can talk to me about anything." She tried again.

My hand curled into a fist as I stood up above her, glaring down angrily, "Carly, I'm fine! Just leave me alone!"

"Sam, I just want to help you!" She was noticeably frightened of me all of a sudden.

"That's all _anyone_ wants to do!" I cried, pulling on my hair in anguish, "You're all lying to me! **Everyone**! I don't need help!"

"Sam," Carly stood up and tried to calm me down by patting my shoulder. She really shouldn't have done that.

It felt like I was being sucked away to a different place, a dark place. I saw my dad standing there, staring at me. He looked compassionate, but all I got from his compassion was a feeling of hopelessness and fear.

"_Sammy, I just want to help you." He said softly, reaching out his hand._

"_**NO**__!" I shouted before punching him hard in the gut, "I hate you!"_

"_I just want to love you, Sweetie." He cooed, "Why did you do that?"_

"_No!" I cried, lunging at him, "I hate you!"_

"Sam!" I was snapped back to reality, and to my horror saw Carly lying on the ground clutching her stomach, "Stop it!"

"Carly," I whispered, gritting my teeth and holding my head with my hands, "Oh my God."

"Carly! Sam!" I heard Spencer shouting as he ran up the stairs.

My breathing quickened and I panicked, "I'm going crazy, he's _making_ me crazy!"

Spencer charged into the room, first noticing Carly was on the floor, and then that I was standing over her. I pounded my palm into my forehead in anger at myself until I was snapped to attention by hands on my shoulders.

"Sam!" Spencer looked down into my eyes and shook me, "What happened to Carly?"

I stared up at him blankly, "She… I… I _hit_ her."

Spencer's eyes widened. He shook his head at me before turning and dropping to the floor beside Carly who was now coughing up blood, "Carly!"

I backed away from the scene and ran out of the room, slamming the door shut behind me. My legs were burning as I ran outside the apartment and towards the stairs that led to the roof. When I felt the cold wind hit my face, I collapsed onto the roof and sobbed like a little kid.

My eyes were basically bleeding with tears. I pounded my fists into the cement ground, sobbing uncontrollably. I let out low moans and screams into the air, self-hatred boiled inside me like lava.

Eventually, I somehow managed to pull my blubbering mess of a body in front of the door to the roof. I thumped my head on the door behind me and let the tears stream down my face, not caring if anyone saw of not. I deserved for people to think I was weak, only a weak person would hit their best friend for no reason. Well, technically I had a reason. I just hallucinated and thought she was Him, so in a way, I'm not completely at fault. I shook my head; it doesn't matter _why_ I hit Carly. The fact that I did it in the first place matters more than anything. A long time ago, I made her a promise that I would never hurt her. She didn't understand the full meaning of what I meant by it, since we were only about nine or ten, but I did. I understood that hurting someone you love is wrong, no matter what the reason. My mom taught me that lesson after dad left… many times over.

"Sam!" I heard someone banging on the other side of the door, "Sam! Open this door! I know you're out there."

Uncaringly, I sniffed and moved out of the way, "Whatever."

Spencer burst through the door seconds later, "Sam! Why did you do that?"

I remained silent, pulling my knees into my chest and rocking back and forth endlessly. Spencer sighed and sat down beside me, putting a hand on my shoulder. I flinched away from his touch, inching away from him.

"Sam, you need to talk to me." Spencer whispered, retracting his hand, "I know I told you to wait until you're ready, but these outbursts are getting too dangerous, and not just for the people around you. One day you might seriously hurt yourself."

I shuddered and looked up at him, "H-how did you know I w-was here?"

"This is where I go when I'm upset," He replied softly, "And after I found you here yesterday, I realized this is where you go too."

I nodded and wiped my eyes, "Smart."

Spencer smiled, "You could say that."

I stared off into the darkness away from Spencer's prying eyes. My thoughts were so jumbled at the moment, that there was really no point in talking. It would be almost impossible for me to speak a cognitive thought in my current state.

My eyes scanned the skyline of Seattle, taking in each building and helicopter light, until I finally saw what I'd been looking for: **a way out**.

Without thinking, I slowly stood up from my spot on the ground and began walking towards the edge of the roof. I didn't check behind me to see if Spencer was following or not, but I really didn't care. As I neared the edge, I could hear the traffic down below get louder, along with the sounds of horns and the blowing wind. I stared down over the edge, and felt my feet lock up when I was standing with my toes over the side of the cement roof. It would be so simple, to just walk off the side and never have to worry again. The more I weighed the options in my head, the more I leaned my body forward. If I succeeded, I wouldn't have to lie anymore. I'd be free. Free from the lies, free from the constant fear, free from _Him_. **Free**… that sounds pretty good right about now.

Just as I was about to take that final step to freedom, the sound of a man screaming stopped me instantly, "Sam!"

I felt arms around my waist, jerking me away from the edge seconds before I would have fallen to my death. Spencer and I fell to the ground entangled in one other. I attempted to stand and continue my plight to end my life, but Spencer wrapped his arms around me, keeping me on the ground with him.

"No, stop. I have to." My voice was barely above a whisper.

Spencer hugged me to his chest, "No you don't, Sam."

"You don't understand," I muttered, still trying to get to the edge again.

He held me tighter, "Explain it to me."

Tears streamed down my cheeks, "I-I can't."

"Sam, you don't have to tell me everything." Spencer loosened his grip on me, "Just enough to make you feel better."

"You don't understand!" My voice got louder, "I can't! He'll—"

"He? Who is he?" Spencer begged, looking down at me with pleading eyes, "What did he do?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but I couldn't find the words. Spencer saw the strain in my eyes and tried again, "Sam, don't tell me who. Just tell me what they did."

"H-he…" I shook my head, sniffling, "No, S-Spence."

"Sam—"

"No!" I cried out, pushing him away from me and standing up, "I can't!"

Before he could say another word, I was already down the stairs to the level below the roof. I ran into the elevator and frantically pushed the down button, desperate to get out of this place. Once the doors finally shut, I allowed myself to breath and leaned against the wall in order to calm down.

But when the doors opened again, I bolted out and into the lobby, uncaring of the screeches and howls Lewbert was throwing at me. I didn't know where to go other than home. If I had been thinking straight a few minutes ago, I probably would have hid out in Freddie's apartment, at least until morning. Maybe he wouldn't have sent me away. But now, I was out in the cold rain, wearing nothing more than a hoodie and a tank-top. I silently prayed that my dad had a late shift or something, so that I could have at least _one_ night at home where I wasn't living in constant fear of my own father.

Father, he really didn't deserve to be called that, did he? After what he did to me, I can't even _look_ at the guy without wanting to vomit. All of the memories I had of him, the 'good times' before he left when I was a kid, it's like none of that ever existed. But he was a good dad before, I know he was. He wasn't like _that_ before.

_Don't fool yourself, Sammy. He was always like that; you're just too stupid to remember._

I smacked my forehead with my palm, "Shut up!"

Great, now not only am I hearing voices, but I talk back to them too. Awesome.

When I was a few blocks away from Bushwell, I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. I whipped it out and saw that it was Carly trying to call me.

I immediately silenced it.

"Sam?" My mom greeted me as I slammed the front door behind me, "You don't look so good."

"Who cares?" I muttered, "Is He here?"

"Yes," She answered, "He's upstairs asleep."

"Fan-freaking-tastic." I gritted my teeth before running upstairs to my bedroom.

I shut the door behind me quietly, hoping that if he really was asleep, I wouldn't wake him up. When I looked around my room, I noticed all of the bedding that I had dismantled this morning was sitting on my bed as if I'd never touched it. I stood there, mouth agape, when my door suddenly opened.

"I fixed your bed," I felt a hand on my shoulder, making me shudder, "I don't know what happened to it."

"Stop it," I growled as he kissed my neck.

He played with my hair nonchalantly, "Stop what?"

I shook my head and turned around to stare him straight in the eyes, "D-don't touch me. **Ever again**!" I tried to sound strong, but my voice came out weak and forced.

"Sammy," He frowned, "Don't be like this."

"Stay _away_ f-from me!" I said, my body shaking uncontrollably.

"Sammy, I—" He began, but was cut off by the door to my bedroom suddenly swinging open to reveal my mother.

"I heard yelling," She panted, "What's going on up here?"

I relaxed a bit at the sight of her concerned face, but my dad obviously didn't, "Amy… we were…"

"What?" Mom tapped her foot impatiently.

"Um… Sam saw a mouse." He lied quickly.

I flipped my hair and glared at him, "What? I'm not scared of **anything**!"

"Sam, relax." My mom sighed, "I'm not gonna get mad at you for being scared of a stupid mouse... even though you _are_ bigger than that."

"But I wasn't—"

"Sam!" My dad shouted, "Forget it!"

I stared silently at them both for a moment before finally shaking my head and mumbling, "Fine."

My dad left the room, "I'm gonna get back to my nap."

"Alright, honey." Mom nodded and shut the door as he left, leaving just the two of us in the bedroom together.

"Mom, you know I'm not scared of mice." I whispered.

"Why would he lie?" She defended, crossing the room and standing in front of me, "Tell me what really happened if you want me to believe you."

Tears streamed down my face, "I-I'm not… I **can't**."

"Sam, just tell me… whatever it is." She demanded.

I bit my lip and sighed, "He isn't… I…"

The words wouldn't come. My mom seemed to be getting more and more annoyed. I didn't blame her though, I'd be pretty annoyed too if I was in the same situation.

"If you don't have anything else to say, I'm gonna go start dinner." She frowned.

I shut my eyes and controlled the sudden urge to scream the truth to her, knowing it would only end in pain for the both of us. My head was spinning and I kept opening my mouth and closing it, almost telling my secret one too many times.

"Why are you crying?" Mom asked, "You don't cry."

I opened my eyes and touched my face, feeling hot salty tears on my fingertips, "I-I'm s-scared."

"Sam, don't be scared, just tell me."

My heart pounded in my chest like a rock, and my face was burning in embarrassment. The way mom was looking at me made me feel like a crazy person. The room was getting harder to see through my teary eyes. Finally, I took in one last deep breath, and let go of everything I was holding on to.

"Mom," My voice was barely above a whisper, "H-he… he **raped**** me**."

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**Hmmm, another sorta/kinda cliffy. **

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	13. Live To Tell

**Sorry to leave yall hangin' for a few days! Here's the chapter!**

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**Live To Tell**

"You're lying!" She shouted before slapping me hard across the face, causing me to stumble back, "He has been trying so hard to patch up things between the two of you, and you make up something like this!"

"Mom!" I shouted back, regaining my balance and holding my throbbing cheek, "I'm not lying!"

"You just want him to leave us again!" She continued, stepping towards me, "Just like your stupid sister did the first time!"

"Melanie?" I was caught off-guard, "What did she do?"

"It's not important now," She growled, grabbing my arm, "All that matters right now, is that you stop telling people lies about your father."

"I'm not lying!" I cried again, glaring down at her grasp on my arm, "Why would I lie, Mom?"

"Like I said," She scoffed, "You wanna get rid of him."

"Mom, please believe me." I begged, grabbing the bottom of her shirt and crying into her chest, "Please!"

She let go of my arm and shoved me onto the floor, "You're so pathetic, Sam."

My mother shook her head at me before turning and leaving my bedroom, slamming the door behind her. The sound echoed in the air seconds after she left. I sobbed loudly once I was left completely alone again; alone and vulnerable. How could she _**not**_ believe me? I was her own daughter, her flesh and blood, it didn't make any sense.

I lay on the floor, staring up at the ceiling just like the night before. Without thinking, I rolled over on the floor and banged my head on the ground over and over again, muttering under my breath, "You're stupid." The carpet mixed with my tears, and I now had a small puddle of salty water under my face, with a couple drops of blood from my forehead. The pain from my head would have been unbearable for some, but it was a welcome reminder that you can always block out emotional hurt with something physically agonizing.

Finally, I stopped and rested my sore head on the carpet. I didn't care that I was lying down in a puddle of tears and blood, **nothing** mattered anymore. My mom hated me now more than she always had, my sister was coming home from Chicago and would unknowingly become as crazy as me after what dad _will_ do to her, lastly: I'd probably lost my best friend today.

I cried harder when I thought about Carly and Spencer. There was no way they'd allow me back in their apartment after what I'd done… and what I'd **tried** to do. I didn't mean to hit Carly, I really didn't, but I was so messed up right now that no matter what I tried to say, they wouldn't believe me. Carly would never forgive me, and then there was Spencer… I'd probably given him the shock of his life when I tried to jump off the roof.

I tried to jump off the roof? I really am going insane.

Then again, it didn't really surprise me. The way I'd been acting lately would have eventually ended in some sort of crazy outcome. But now that I was thinking more clearly, I began to wonder if it was worth Spencer's effort to save me. Maybe I should have run faster, that way I'd be six feet under by now and not causing problems for the people I love. Causing problems… I'm the _human_ _embodiment_ of a problem. The fact that Carly and Spencer have stuck by me for so long is insane. And Freddie, well, we may be friends, but it's not like I've been a good one to him. Our relationship has always consisted of insults and pain, nothing more.

I curled into a ball on the floor and stopped crying. Everything I had been feeling previously was gone, and I was left with an empty shell: an emotionless, empty shell.

The sound of my door creaking open startled me, but no sound came from my mouth. I didn't turn to see who it was because I already knew; I just shut my eyes tight and remained where I was.

"Sam," His voice growled, "I know what you did."

I felt a hand on my shoulder forcing me on my back so I was looking straight up into the eyes of the devil. Well, _my_ devil.

"You wanna tell me yourself?" He snarled, "Or do you just want me to say it?"

I stared at him blankly, "I told her."

His grip on my shoulder tightened and the expression on his face changed from annoyed to angry, "That's right."

My eyes held no emotion, and the way he continued to glare at me told me that it was angering him. He preferred the scared Sam to the hollow form of a girl.

"You got anything else to say?" He frowned, "Cause' if you don't, I think you know what's coming."

I breathed in deeply and exhaled before shaking my head no.

"Alright," He nodded before letting go of my shoulder and standing over me.

I felt a hard kick to my ribs seconds later, but no cries escaped my lips. I rolled over so that my back was facing him. His boot struck my back, but only gasped at the pain. The third time he kicked me, the blow was so forceful it knocked me over on my stomach, but I continued with my emotionless and silent suffering.

"What the Hell's wrong with you girl?" He growled, grabbing my hair.

"She didn't believe me," I muttered, my voice cold and foreign.

He sneered, "You're kidding?"

I shook my head and he let go of me.

"That bitch must really like me being around," He said to himself before returning to me, "That explains why she was drinkin' downstairs. You probably depressed the Hell outta her."

My eyes widened, and the color returned to my cheeks, "Drinking?"

"Yeah, she had about a pint of Vodka sitting on the coffee table." He smiled deviously.

I felt my voice cracking as I whispered, "V-vodka…"

"Yeah," He sounded annoyed, "That's what I said."

I shook my head and felt tears streaming down my cheeks once again. I tried to hide them, but my dad noticed. He quickly realized I was vulnerable once again and took the opportunity to hurt me further.

"You're the reason she's drinkin' you know," He sighed, patting my cheek, "If you had just kept your pretty little mouth shut, she'd be sober as a nun right now."

"It's n-not my f-fault," I whispered through tears, trying to convince myself more than him, "It c-can't be."

"Sammy," He frowned, moving his hand down from my face to my shoulder and massaging it gently, "Stop lying to yourself."

I stared up at him with wide eyes like a child, "N-no,"

"Yes," He cooed, brushing some hair out of my face, "And now, she won't stop until you tell her you were lying. Just say you were lying to her, and the drinking will go away."

I really started to believe him, "You think so?"

"I know so, Sammy." He smiled.

I nodded, "I'll t-tell her… that I was lying."

"Good girl," My dad beamed and finally got up from the ground and stood over me.

He began to leave, but I guess he remembered something because he was at my side dragging me up by my arm moments later, "You talk to Melanie yet?"

I shuddered, "Y-yeah."

"She comin'?" He demanded, squeezing my arm harder.

"Y-yes!" I cried out painfully.

"When?" He growled.

"Th-this weekend!" I yelped, before he released me and I fell back to the floor.

"Perfect," He muttered, a mischievous smile playing out on his lips.

My eyes followed him as he walked across the room and stood at the door, "Go talk to your momma, now."

I stared at him, terrified, "What?"

"Go tell her you lied right now," He commanded, "Or else I'll make sure Melanie has a lot of… _**'**__**fun'**_ on her visit."

The emphasis he put on the word 'fun' caused my body to spring into action and have me limping into the hallway quickly. He followed me down the stairs, holding his arms out to catch me if I fell. It was a pretty good possibility considering how badly my ribs and spine were hurting.

"Amy," He called out when we reached the living room, "Sam's got something to tell you."

She sat up on the couch with a half-bottle of Vodka in one hand, and a lit cigarette in the other, "Whatever."

He nudged me forward a little, "Go on, Sam."

"M-momma," I bit my lip, trying to find the correct words, "I'm s-sorry I lied about D-Dad."

She looked at me for the first time since I'd been downstairs, "I knew you lied, you always were the little liar."

Her voice was slurred and she was obviously drunk. Dad walked over and took the cigarette from her hand and took a quick drag before giving it back, "I had a little talk with her upstairs 'bout lying, Amy."

"Good," Mom nodded, "Somebody should've taught Melanie that too."

Dad had a panicked look on his face, "No need telling Sam about that, Hun."

"She needs to know why that girl got her ass sent away!" Mom retorted, throwing her bottle into the air, "She made you leave me! With her stupid little lies!"

I stepped out of the way as the bottle landed on the floor, smashing into a million pieces. My focus, though, was on my mother and father's current conversation. What in the world could Melanie have said to make mom so mad, and make dad leave? I was slightly thankful for my mother's drinking for a moment. Whenever she was wasted you couldn't get the woman to shut up no matter how hard you tried.

"Amy, calm down," Dad sighed.

"Melanie just had to say you—" Mom began before dad cupped his hand over her mouth.

"Get upstairs," He ordered me, "_Now_!"

I didn't think twice and limped back up to my bedroom, still a little confused. I shut the door behind me, careful to stick a chair under the knob so I wouldn't be bothered the rest of the night.

My legs instinctively took me to the far corner of the room, and I sat down there on the carpet. I pulled my legs into my chest and wrapped my arms around them before laying my head down on my knees. There were so many thoughts buzzing through my brain, mostly about Melanie. I still couldn't figure out what she had lied about to make dad leave. Mom seemed pretty cheesed off about the whole thing and it scared me more than anything. The more I thought about Mom and Melanie, the more things in my head seemed to click. For example, when we were little, after dad left, mom always went after Melanie first when she was in one of her drunken rages. She was always screaming about how everything was Melanie's fault and that we'd be better off without her. I always protected her of course, but I never knew why mom hated her so much. I guess, now I know. But I don't know why, and that's what matters most.

My heart pounded in my ears as I heard footsteps outside my bedroom door. I pleaded with God for them to move on past my room.

"_Please_," I whispered softly, shaking my head with my eyes closed, "Don't let them stop. I can't _take_ anymore tonight."

I opened my eyes and stared at the bottom of the door. The shadows disappeared and the footsteps faded while I let out long sighs of relief, "Thanks."

I relaxed and leaned my head against the wall behind me, allowing my eyes to close and my mind to settle down. Sleep was the natural follower of this action, but just as I was drifting off, I heard a buzzing sound coming from my backpack. I shook my head and unwillingly crawled across the room to retrieve my bag.

I reached in the front pocket and pulled out the cause, my cell phone. I raised an eyebrow, wondering how it had ended up there. Instead of making the same mistake I'd made earlier by answering without looking at the caller ID, I was sure to check it this time.

"Freddie?" I whispered to myself.

After thinking on it for a second, I flipped open my phone and answered it.

"H-hello?" My voice was weak.

"Sam!" Freddie sounded scared, "We were so worried about you! Carly and Spencer have been trying to call you for hours!"

"Sorry," I mumbled.

"Sam, don't worry about it." He comforted, "Carly is fine, in case you were wondering."

"Good," I felt tears welling up in my eyes. Damn, I never used to cry _this_ much.

"So," He finally sighed, I knew what was coming next, "What happened between you and Carly?"

"Didn't she tell you?" I retorted.

"No," He replied softly, "Spencer and I have asked her over and over but she won't say."

"Oh," It was all I could say.

"Yeah, so would you mind clearing that up for us?" He asked.

I gritted my teeth, "No."

"No?" Freddie got angry, "You punched the crab out of Carly, and you're not giving a reason?"

"No," I sighed, "I can't."

"Why not?"

"Because—" I began before I stopped myself, "You wouldn't understand, Fredmund."

"Sam!" He growled.

"I gotta go, Freddie." I mumbled, "Tell Carly I said I'm sorry, and tell Spencer thank you, he'll understand."

I hung up the phone and threw it across the room, holding back more tears. After a moment, I crawled back to my corner and got back into my previous position. I hadn't realized how truly drowsy I was, but after sitting there for a moment, my head fell backwards against the wall and I was asleep.

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**Please don't get totally cheesed off at the way her mom reacted. There's an underlying reason why she did what she did that will be revealed in future chapters!**

**Slight Seddie at the end I guess. I thought it would be interesting if he called her.**

**Oh, and it might be another few days before I update again. I've been really really sick the past few days. Something about my lympnodes (wtf big word) being swollen or something? I really don't know. Anyways, the doctor gave me medicine that makes me really sick at my stummy (stomach + tummy = stummy). I hate being sick. :( lol.**

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	14. Walking Disaster

**Enjoy!**

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**Walking Disaster**

"_Stop!" I cried, trying to push him off, "Please don't do this!"_

_He held my wrists down, "Stop moving."_

"_Please, don't!" I begged, "I'll do anything."_

"_All you gotta do is what I say, and it'll all be over in a second."_

_My cries turned to desperate whispers as I felt him enter me the first time, "I… Please… __**No**__…"_

My eyes blazed open, as I sat up in a fury of fear and anger. I curled my hands into fists and frantically searched the room for Him. When I finally realized it had only been a dream, I leaned back against the wall, shivering from the cold sweat that was plastered to my body.

"Just a dream," I breathed, "Just a dream."

I shut my eyes and wiped the sweat from my brow. These nightmares were seriously starting to get to me. No matter what I tried, I always wake up screaming and crying. What's worse is that the nightmares are always memories, not something made up in sub-conscious dreamland. I opened my eyes and suddenly realized that it was morning, not nighttime like I'd originally thought. I searched the floor with my eyes for my phone so I could see what time it was, finally seeing it on the other side of the room.

Slowly, I began to crawl towards it, fearing the pain in my ribs. When I reached it, I noticed the phone had a dent in the side. I ignored it and flipped it open.

**10:46 AM**

It's _that_ late? How did I sleep that long? I shook my head and tossed my phone on my bed. There was no way I was going to school today. I still didn't know if I could face Carly yet. I carefully stood up, not wanting to harm my stomach or back further, and straightened out my spine. Sleeping curled up in a corner is definitely _not_ the best way to get some shut-eye.

I ran my fingers through my hair, not really knowing what to do at this point. Obviously, I didn't want to stay **here**. _Anything_ would be better than spending a 'quiet' morning at home, especially if He is here. Even if it was just me and my mom, she would probably be really hung-over, and I didn't feel like dealing with her anymore after last night.

After standing in my room awkwardly for a few minutes, I decided to put on some clean clothes and go for a walk. It didn't matter where I went, as long as I wasn't here. I limped over to my dresser and pulled out a T-shirt and hoodie without really looking at them. I peeled off my other clothes hurriedly, and quickly put the others on. I didn't bother changing my jeans, it's not like I'm trying to impress anybody. In the end, I was wearing a solid black shirt and a bluish-green zip-up hoodie along with my torn jeans. _Good_, I thought, not wanting to stick out too much.

I grabbed my backpack and put a couple of shirts inside it, just in case I decided not to come back. My backpack wasn't as heavy as usual, and when I looked inside, the reason was obvious: my food supply was running low.

"Crap," I muttered, zipping my backpack up.

I slung it over my shoulder before grabbing my phone from my bed and sticking it in my pocket. As I was about to leave the room, I suddenly remembered something else from the night before. I rushed out of the bedroom and into the bathroom, throwing my bag on the floor and frantically checking my appearance in the mirror.

Just as I thought, there were two bruises: One on my forehead with a small cut running through the center, and one on my cheek. The one on my forehead still felt like it was throbbing, but it would also be the easiest to hide. I grabbed a brush from the cabinet above the toilet and combed my bangs down, covering up my forehead completely. My cheek wouldn't be too hard to conceal either, but it would require a little bit more time.

I opened up my backpack and pulled out some foundation. I carefully applied some to my bruised cheek, along with the rest of my face so it evened out. Once I was done, I threw the make-up back in my bag, and reviewed my appearance one last time. When I thought I looked normal enough, I grabbed my backpack and left the bathroom.

The entire time I was walking downstairs, I kept my eyes peeled and my hearing sharp. When I reached the last step, I made a sprint for the door. Just as I reached out for the knob, I felt a hand curl around my wrist.

"Where do you think you're going?" A voice growled.

I turned and saw my mother glaring down at me, "S-school?"

"It's almost noon, Sam!" Mom screamed, her grip on my wrist tightened, "Why the Hell would you be going to school now?"

I could smell the booze on her breath instantly, "I'm sorry, I woke up late."

"You think I'm stupid?" She slurred.

"No, Momma." I shook my head carefully.

"You're going to that Carly girl's apartment, aren't you?" She demanded, "**Aren't you**!"

"No," I whispered, "I'm going to school, I swear."

She stuck out her lip, "You better be. Remember, no more lies about your dad. Especially to your stupid little friends at school. Got it?"

I nodded, "Yes Ma'm."

She released me and I immediately rushed outside and down the sidewalk towards the road. Once I was far enough away from the house, I slowed my pace to a walk. Normally, I don't like to walk around much. The truth is I'm actually pretty lazy, not that I'm proud of it or anything. But walking does calm me down and keeps me level-headed. Other than that though, walking exerts too much effort for this chick. Here's a few words that _I_ like to live by: I don't lift things 'cause their heavy, and I don't walk 'cause I get tired.

I really thought that after I apologized to my mother she'd stop drinking. I'd tried other things before that never worked though, so this really shouldn't surprise me. I shook my head and dug my hands into the pocket of my hoodie, trying to get my mind off of my family, but most importantly my drunk for a mother. It was easier said than done, because seconds later, I was sitting on the curb, tossed head first into one of my more depressing and angering memories.

"_Melanie!" I screamed, almost dropping my backpack while reaching out to grab my sister's arm, "Stop!"_

"_What?" She asked, stepping back down from our front porch._

"_I don't want you going in there yet," I mumbled, "Not without me."_

"_But you're going to Carly's!" She whined, "I don't wanna wait for you out here all night!"_

"_Shut up, Mel." I growled, "You're so stupid sometimes... I want you to come __**with**__ me to Carly's."_

"_But mommy might get mad if I don't tell her firs—"_

_She was cut off by the screen door screeching open, "What're you two doin' out here?"_

_We gulped simultaneously and grabbed each other's hand, staring up at our domineering mother. She was wearing a sweat-stained robe, with a cigarette hanging from her lips and a bottle in her hand. Her eyes were blood-shot, and I could smell alcohol on her breath. I guessed she had a bad day._

"_Well?" She growled, "Ya'll gonna answer me?"_

_I could already feel Melanie's hand shaking in mine which didn't comfort me at all. Obviously I was going to be handling this one on my own._

"_Sorry, Momma." I apologized quickly, "We were just… looking at the sky because we have to do a… um… art project and draw the sky and the sun and stuff… yeah." _

"_Art project?" She growled, "You think I'm an idiot, dontcha?"_

"_N-no, Momma." I pleaded, "I think you're real smart!"_

_She shook her head, "Melanie get upstairs to your room."_

_Melanie stared at me with pleading eyes, "S-Sam—"_

"_I said __**go**__!" Mom screamed, angrily throwing her bottle onto the ground and letting it shatter into a million pieces._

_Melanie gave me one last helpless look before she shuffled inside and upstairs._

"_You," She snarled, reaching out and grabbing a handful of my hair before dragging me inside and slamming the door behind us._

_She shoved me onto the hardwood floor and I landed with a pretty loud thud for a seven year-old. I crawled on the floor to get away from her, but she stomped her foot down on my wrist to stop me. I struggled hard, but it was of no avail._

"_**Calling me stupid**__!" She shouted, "__**Thinkin' you're gonna get away with it**__!"_

"_I didn't say you were stupid!" I screamed, tugging at her ankle with my free hand._

_I felt her foot release my arm and I immediately retracted it, holding my wrist against my chest in pain. Mom gave me one last angry grunt before reaching down and slapping me across the face harder than I'd ever been hit before. _

"_Momma!" I cried out, "I'm sorry!"_

"_What're you sorry for?" She growled, bending down to my level, "Are you sorry for calling me stupid?"_

"_But I didn't call you stupid!" I whined truthfully._

_She shook her head and grabbed my shoulders to pull me up a few inches, only to slam me back into the floor seconds later. _

"_What're you sorry for?" She repeated, wrapping her hand around my throat._

_I shuddered, "I-I'm sorry for calling you… s-stupid."_

"_You sure as hell better be!" She screamed, gripping my neck, "Now, go upstairs and get in your room. I don't wanna see you or hear you anymore today! You got that?"_

"_But, Momma," I whimpered, "Wh-what about supper?"_

"_Bad girls don't get no supper!" She hollered, slapping me once again with her free hand._

_I sniffled and nodded fearfully, staring up at her with wide eyes, "M-Melanie can still eat r-right?"_

_She frowned, "Well, I guess so. Unless she's done somethin' bad you ain't tellin' me about."_

"_N-no, Momma." I shook my head nervously._

"_Good," She released my neck and resumed standing over me, "Now go."_

That was the first time my mom had ever physically hurt me, though it definitely wasn't the last. I was so young that first time, but the memory has been burned into my brain forever. My mom was really messed up then. Actually, my mom has always been pretty messed up, it was just a lot more prominent in the first five or six years after my dad left. Luckily, I met Carly shortly after, so Melanie and I had a safe haven to escape to whenever the need presented itself.

I got up from the curb and resumed walking, remembering that today was Friday. Tomorrow, Melanie was going to show up at Carly's apartment and I would somehow have to meet her there. After what I did to Carly, I highly doubted I'd be welcome there. Maybe I could just text Melanie and tell her to meet me at home instead.

No. I wouldn't do that. Hell, I _couldn't_ do that. The whole reason for her going to Carly's after she gets here is so I can keep her away from our dad for as long as possible. If she goes straight home when she gets in Seattle, then it'll be harder for me to protect her. No, she needs to go to Carly's first. Unfortunately, this means that I'm going to have to apologize to Carly and Spencer in person sometime today or tomorrow morning. I also need to make up some sort of story to explain my emotional outburst.

I sighed loudly. There was almost no way that I could apologize without telling the truth about my father… and me. If I lied, Carly would see right past it, I was sure. After thinking on it for another few minutes, I finally decided to go to the Shay's apartment. It would be easier for me to explain everything to Spencer alone while Carly was at school. Then I could just hang around the apartment until Carly gets home.

My plan was actually pretty solid on paper. Of course, I was excluding a few details that will prove to be very important. Number one: emotions. There were a few different ways this conversation could go when you factor in everyone's emotions, especially Carly's. I still didn't really know how she felt about everything that happened. All I knew is that she hadn't told Freddie or Spencer about me hitting her. Maybe she was trying to protect me? I don't know. Number two: truth and lies. There was no way I could tell the complete truth about why I've been acting the way I have lately. I could, however, tell a partial truth and leave crucial details out of my confession. The rape, for example, is something that I will definitely **not** be spilling the beans about. _Not yet_. But, if I tell Carly that my dad or my mom has been… hitting me… that should work just as well. I mean, the effects or rape and abuse are _basically_ the same… right?

Ugh, I might as well go in and tell them that I got brainwashed by a talking-penguin and am being forced to act insane by a machine gun wielding squirrel. That ought to get them laughing before I hit them with a **real** bombshell…

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**Dun dun dun...**

**Sorry if this one seemed a bit rushed, I've been really busy and under loads of stress lately. Thoughts on how this conversation with the Shay's is gonna go? Hm? This next chapter is going to be pivotal for a lot of reasons, so stay tuned!**

**So, who else is too crunk for iSpace Out? I can tell ya right now that this chick is! Yeah! lol.**

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	15. Open Your Eyes

******Hey ppl! Can you believe I'm getting this one out so quick? I can't either! lol. Enjoy!**

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**Open Your Eyes**

I felt like I was having déjà vu or something as I stood across the street from Bushwell. I gazed from the lobby doors, all the way up to the roof, trying to get the courage to cross the street and fulfill my 'mission'. After I took a couple of deep breaths, I sprinted across the road and into the lobby. Lewbert was there of course, but instead of obnoxiously screaming at me, he just glared at me with a look of pure hatred. I shivered as I past him and climbed the stairs to Carly's floor.

When I reached out to knock on the door, I froze. Doubts were flooding into my train of thought. What if Spencer is really mad at me? What if he starts asking me questions, questions I _can't_ answer? What if he kicks me out for good?

I shook my head, no. I can't allow myself to breakdown here, not over this. If I don't go inside now, I'll never know how this would have ended. Besides, I'm not the type to get scared over something as minuscule as emotions.

Without anymore second thoughts, I curled my hand into a fist and rapped on the door with an amount of force I can't begin to describe. After standing outside for a few seconds, the door swung open almost soundlessly, to reveal Spencer standing before me. He gave me a small smile and stepped out of the way so I could come inside. I took a deep breath before going in and plopping down on the couch. Spencer sat down beside me and propped his feet up on the coffee table. I followed suit.

I stared up at Spencer with wide eyes, "You don't hate me… right?"

Spencer patted my leg, "I could never hate you."

"You don't mean that," I whispered, "Do you?"

"Sam, I would never lie to you." He frowned, looking intently at me.

I shook my head and lowered my gaze so that I was staring at the floor, "Why not? Everyone else does." My voice was almost inaudible.

I heard him breathe deeply before moving some of the hair out of my face and lifting my chin so he could look me in the eyes, "I don't care what everyone else does. _**I**_ won't lie to you."

My throat began to feel tight, "I'm so sorry."

Spencer smirked at me, "You don't have anything to be sorry for."

Tears were building in my eyes as I gawked at him, "How can you say that? I punched Carly! I tried to jump off a building! I have _everything_ to be sorry for!"

"Sam, we all make mistakes." He sighed calmly.

"Not like me," I whimpered, shutting my eyes and letting a few tears stream down my cheeks.

I felt his hands wrap around my shoulders and I opened my eyes to see him staring down at me more serious than I'd ever see him, "Listen to me, Sam. Carly is fine, you're _alive_, and I'm **not** angry with you. As a matter of fact, I was up all night with Carly trying to figure out what happened between the two of you so I could fix it."

My eyes widened and I felt my mouth curl into a small smile, "Carly didn't… I mean… she still hasn't told you?"

He shook his head as he released my shoulders and smiled, "She said over and over again that it was a thing between you guys, and that me and Freddie needed to butt out."

"She was probably right," I muttered.

He nodded, "I know. But I still wish you would explain everything to me, Sam."

"I… it's complicated." I sighed, staring at my shoes.

"Just tell me what happened upstairs and why, and I'll never bring it up again." Spencer begged.

I slowly considered his offer, "You'll never ask me about all this, deep emotional stuff ever again?"

"Nope," He shook his head, "You can keep all of your 'deep emotional stuff' to yourself after today."

I nodded and began my story, careful to leave out key details, "Um… well, after I got off the phone and went upstairs, I sat down with Carly and we were talking."

"Uh-huh," Spencer nodded.

"And then," I said cautiously, "I… I don't really know what happened next. The next thing I remember is… punching Carly."

"Don't lie to me, Sam." Spencer frowned.

_"Yeah, Sam." He whispered, "Don't lie."_

"Shut up!" I growled, pounding my head with my hand, "Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!"

"Sam?" Spencer panicked, "Sam!"

_"Don't raise your voice to me, Kid." He ordered, his tone turning harsh, "I don't wanna do something I'll regret."_

_"Just stay away from me and you won't have to." I shot back, dropping my backpack on the floor._

_He smiled and stepped forward, "Sorry, Sammy, but daddies can't stay away from their kids for too long."_

"No!" I screamed, standing up from the couch and backing away, "You stay away from me!"

"Sam!" I heard someone screaming who didn't sound like my father, "Sam! Calm down!"

"No, I know what you're doing!" I shut my eyes and banged my head with my palm, "You're trying to trick me again! Well I'm not falling for it, **Dad**!"

"_Dad_?" The voice whispered to himself, then shouted back, "You're dad is the one hurting you, isn't he?"

"Stop it!" I cried, tears streaming down my cheeks, "You're doing it again!"

"Sam," The voice whispered as I felt a hand on my shoulder.

I instinctively turned and tried to punch whoever it was, but because my eyes were closed I missed him completely and he caught me in a big bear hug.

"No, please don't do this again!" I sobbed, "Please not again! I'll do anything if you stop!"

"Shhh, open your eyes, Sam."

I got some courage together, and opened one eye a little. As soon as I saw Spencer's face, not my fathers, I began crying into his shirt.

"Sam, it's okay." Spencer whispered, "It _was_ your dad, wasn't it?"

"Y-yeah," I whimpered.

"What did he do to you?" Spencer asked, rubbing my back.

I sniffled, "He made me… I…"

_"And, if that ain't enough motivation for you, I could always hurt you… or your mom."_

"Sam?"

_"That was a warning," He growled, grabbing my hair again and forcing me over so that I was staring at him straight in the eyes, "Next time will be much worse. Not just for you either."_

"Yo, Sam?

_"You're the reason she's drinkin' you know," He sighed, patting my cheek, "If you had just kept your pretty little mouth shut, she'd be sober as a nun right now."_

"Sam, you okay?"

_"…I'll make sure Melanie has a lot of… 'fun' on her visit."_

"**No**," I whispered finally, staring blankly at the floor, "I **can't**."

Spencer didn't say anything after that. We sat together in silence for a couple of minutes, both of us lost in our own thoughts. After some time had passed, I finally sat up and came to eye level with Spencer. He stared back at me, looking slightly defeated.

"It… This whole thing… It's so complicated, Spencer." I sighed, keeping my voice level, "But if I tell you… If I tell you the truth, things **will** get worse. That's a fact."

He nodded, "I wish you could just talk to me."

"It's not that simple." I muttered, wiping the tears from cheeks.

"Alright," Spencer brushed off his pants and stood up, "But remember, I'm here if you ever need me."

I forced a small smile, "That's what Freddie said…"

"Huh?" Spencer frowned.

I shook my head, rubbing my eyes with my hands, "Nothing."

He smiled back before walking into the kitchen and digging around in the fridge. I remained on the couch, still in shock that I'd somehow kept myself together and not spilled my secret. Well, not completely. Spencer _does_ know that my dad did **something** to me, but he doesn't know _what_, so I'm good… technically.

"Are you hungry?" I heard Spencer call out to me from the kitchen, "We've got ham!"

I grinned and replied, "You read my mind."

Spencer smirked and nodded, "Just hang out in there, and I'll bring you some!"

My smile widened slightly at the simple fact that Spencer knew that I was too lazy to get the ham myself. Even after all the years I've known Spencer, I was unexpectedly beginning to notice how well the man knew me. Spencer is the only thing in my life that has actually stayed consistent. Yeah, Carly has always been there too, but with her it's just different. When Carly and I have a fight for example, it's almost like we stop being friends for a few days. But no matter how mad Carly is at me, Spencer still allows me to come over and eat their food. He's like the older brother/father I was never allowed to have.

"Here ya go," Spencer's voice brought me out of my thoughts. He was standing in front of me holding a plate piled high with ham, grinning like an idiot.

"Thanks, Spence." I muttered, taking the plate from him and setting it on my lap.

He gave me a sideways glance, but I silently ignored it. I'd had enough mental probing for one day. Spencer let out a long sigh before returning to the kitchen, probably getting himself something to eat. I stared down at my plate of ham, feeling that hunger wasn't an issue at the moment. I felt the couch cushion jerk below me and looked up to find Spencer sitting beside me holding a Peppy Cola.

"Are you thirsty too?" Spencer asked quickly, obviously noticing me eyeing his drink.

I shook my head slowly, "No, not very hungry either."

Spencer took the plate from my lap and sat it on the coffee table along with his cola before speaking again, "Talk to me, Sam. Whatever it is I can see it's bothering you."

I frowned, "I already told you, I can't."

"Yes you can," He urged, "Come on, it _must_ be bad if you're not eating."

"**No**," I shook my head angrily, "You don't understand, dude. I _can't_."

Spencer ran his fingers through his hair, which in my opinion was getting a little too long, and gave me a long stare. After a few seconds, he reached out to brush my cheek.

Out of instinct, I jumped backwards on the couch, "What are you doing?"

"Sorry, Sam." Spencer sounded embarrassed, "I was just wondering what happened to your face?"

I froze, "Wh-what?"

He pointed at my forehead and cheek, "Did someone hit you?"

"Uh… um…" I stuttered, my jaw dropping, "I… the…"

How could I have been so stupid? Coming here, knowing he would make me cry, and knowing that the tears would wipe my make-up away. Ugh, I'm such an idiot.

"Sam?" Spencer awaited an answer.

"I walked into a door!" I shouted randomly, feeling rather pitiful.

If I had been thinking straight, I could have concocted a much better lie than _that_ one. Back when my mother's drinking was at its peak, I was maybe eleven or twelve then, I was great at hiding bruises and cuts, along with making up the most amazing lies about where they came from. Everyone _always_ believed me, including Carly and Spencer, because who wants to think that the great Sam Puckett has a mom that beats her? **No one**, that's who.

"You're lying." He muttered.

After keeping myself together for the past few minutes, I snapped for the last time.

"Who the Hell cares if I'm lying?" I shouted, standing up and pointing at him, "You act like it matters _so_ much! It doesn't! It's **never** mattered!"

"Sam, listen—"

"No!" I growled, "No, _you_ listen! I've been trying so hard to be normal around you people! You, Carly, even stupid Fredward! I can't take it anymore!"

Spencer sat on the couch, making no motion to stop me. So, I continued with my rant.

"You have _no_ idea what I've been going through!" I began to cry, "No freaking clue! But you act like it's all okay! It's not okay! I can't keep being like this!"

He stood up and tried to wrap his arms around me, but I shoved him away. Spencer stood back, looking shocked.

"So just let me lie to you, Spencer! It's so much easier if you just let me lie!" I finished my angry outburst, breathing hard and tugging at my hair.

Spencer just gawked at me. Soon, my emotions returned to normal, and I immediately felt bad about everything I'd said. Though, thinking back on it, most of what I said didn't make any sense at all.

Before I could begin to apologize, I heard the door to the Shay's apartment open and close, and a whisper so low I could barely hear it come from the entrance.

"_Sam_?"

She's never had the greatest timing.

* * *

**Okay, pretty obvious who it is at the end, but it's more fun to leave it open-ended like that. lol. Hope you guys/gals liked! Hopefully now that my laptop is fixed I can have chapters out quicker! Yay! **

**Chapter 15 yall! I'm amazed I've actually made it that far! lol. **

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	16. One In The Same

**I'm really sorry it's taken me like a week to post this! I've been dealing with some stuff this week and it's just been difficult. But anyways, I finally found time finish this today so enjoy!**

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**One in The Same**

"C-Carly?" I sputtered, gaping at her like an idiot.

She stared back at me, a look of both surprise and fear in her eyes. Neither of us seemed to know what to do.

"You're… you're _here_?" Carly finally stated, her voice barely above a whisper.

I forced a small smile and nodded, "Yep."

"I'm going to leave you guys alone," Spencer smiled, grabbing his Peppy Cola, "I'll be in my room working on Mojo if you need me."

The second he was gone, Carly ran at me full force. For a split second, I thought she was going to hit me, but those thoughts ceased as soon as she wrapped her arms around me and hugged me close to her chest. The hug was a little too tight for my liking, especially with the bruises on my back and stomach. After hanging in her arms awkwardly for a moment, I finally returned the hug.

She was crying. I couldn't handle crying. But there she was, crying into my hoodie like no tomorrow. Carly kept saying the same thing over and over again, "I didn't think I'd see you again." Her sobs were muffled by my shirt, but I could understand her clearly.

I pushed her off after a minute, holding her by her shoulders in front of me. She wiped some of the tears from her eyes, but remained silent.

"Carly… I-I'm so… I'm so sorry." I stuttered, desperate to find the words, "I… I don't know why I… _hit_ you. I didn't mean it, I swear."

"I know, Sam." She sighed, "It all just happened so fast…"

"I don't know what happened, Carls." I ran my fingers through my hair and sat down on the couch, "One minute, I was okay, but then the next I was… **crazy**?"

Carly sat down beside me and wrapped her arm around me for comfort, "You're not crazy, Sam."

I shook my head and leaned into my friend, "Well lately it's been feeling that way."

She placed her chin on my head, "You're not crazy. Sometimes you get a little bit… out there… but crazy? Naw, that's a bit of a stretch."

I smiled, "Thanks."

Carly nodded and the room became silent again. The more I stared up at her, the more I realized I was hurting her. She knew something had caused me to… 'jump' her. Carly was really intuitive like that. So intuitive to the point that I was surprised she hadn't figured me out yet. Of course, along with being extremely insightful, she's also pretty naïve about the bad stuff in life. The worst she's ever experienced is when her mom died, but she was around four when that happened, so she doesn't remember much of how it went down. I'm happy she doesn't remember though. Carly doesn't deserve to hurt like that because she's a genuinely good person.

Somehow, I'd ended up lying down in Carly's lap while she stared down at me looking contemplative. She was trying to figure me out, just by looking at me. I moved my head slightly, but not without accidentally brushing against her stomach, which she gasped at.

"Tender?" I asked simply.

She nodded, "Yeah, you left a pretty huge bruise."

The color drained from my face and I sat up, "I did?"

"Yes, but it's okay. I know you didn't mean to." Carly said quickly.

"Can I… look?" I asked slowly, wondering if I should.

"Sure," She nodded, lifting up the bottom of her shirt to reveal a couple of large bruises just below her chest.

I winced at the sight of them, only because they were almost the spitting image of my own stomach. The bruises my father had caused…

"I'm sorry," I said again, blocking memories out with my voice.

Carly shook her head and put her shirt down, "I told you, I'm fine."

I stared down at the floor for a few seconds, gathering my thoughts. The simple fact that Carly wasn't mad at me was more comforting than a bed made of bacon. It almost made me feel safe again, safe enough to talk about skeletons that needed to stay in my closet.

"Sam, yesterday you only had one bruise on your face?" Carly asked, lightly brushing my forehead, and then my cheek with her fingers, "Did something happen?"

I snorted, thinking angrily about how stupid I was coming here, "A lot of stuff has happened."

"Sam." Carly was serious, "Tell me."

She pushed a few strands of hair away from my face so she could get a better look at me, but I grabbed her wrist to stop her. Neither of us said anything, she just stared back at me in shock. Carly was already beginning to figure me out.

"Who hit you?" It didn't take her as long as I expected…

"Nobody!" I said a little too quickly, shaking my head desperately.

"_Sam_."

"Carly, just drop it." I growled.

"Samantha Jolene Puckett." Carly frowned.

"Carlotta Taylor Shay," I shot back, "I can play full names too."

"Sam, I just want to help you!" She cried.

"Yeah, and I want you to butt out of this!" I shouted.

"Someone did hit you, didn't they?" Carly asked, keeping her voice low.

"Drop it." I muttered.

"Sam—"

Carly was cut off by thunderously loud knocking at the door, to which she angrily cursed under her breath. I smirked at this, knowing that Carly wasn't the cussing type.

"Spencer!" Carly screamed, "Can you get the door?"

Spencer ran into the living holding his fencing sword, "Who's being attacked by a boar?"

Carly giggled, "No, I said can you get the _door_?"

"Oh," He dropped his sword, looking like he felt kind of foolish, "Sure."

Spencer walked across the room to the door and looked out the peephole, before turning the knob and pulling it open, "Oh, hello, Man-I've-never-met-before!"

I looked over my shoulder to see who Spencer was talking to, but Spencer himself was blocking my vision. Maybe Carly's right about him needing to lose a few pounds…

"Uh, yeah," The man replied, I could hear in his voice he was confused by the man-child in front of him, "Is Samantha Puckett here?"

"That be me!" I exclaimed hopping up from the couch, "Who you—"

I froze, my blood running cold. The room suddenly felt smaller, and the air I was trying to breathe got stuck in my throat. I felt like I might faint, or die even. Oh man, if I could just die right now…

"Sam?" Carly waved her hand in front of my face, "Are you okay?"

Her voice sounded like more of an echo, making me believe I'd imagined it.

"_Dad_," I whispered to myself, lowering my head and staring at my shoes.

"Your dad?" Carly sounded shocked, "_This_ is him?"

I nodded, trying to keep my balance. My body was shaking uncontrollably as I slowly allowed my gaze to meet my fathers. His eyes were burning with fury, like he was ready to kill me on the spot. But of course, he couldn't do that. He was in public, and he wasn't a fan of prison. So, he'd put on his good-father-hat, and pretend for a few minutes, just as I'd expected.

"Sam, you weren't supposed to be out today." He told me, keeping his voice calm, "Your mother's been worried sick about you."

"I-I'm sorry," I muttered, gritting my teeth.

He raised an eyebrow, "I bet you are."

Spencer gave me a sideways glance, probably trying to non-verbally ask me what my deal was. I shook my head and ran my fingers through my hair. Spencer frowned and returned to my father.

"Um, I had no idea she wasn't supposed to be here." Spencer apologized, "If I had known, I would have sent her home."

My dad nodded, plastering a fake smile on his face, "It's alright. Sam got grounded yesterday and she's not taking it well, are you, Kid?"

My teeth chattered and I slowly shook my head, "N-no."

"What did she do?" Carly asked, crossing her arms.

My eyes widened as I recognized the look on Carly's face. It was the same look she gave Spencer when he was addicted to PakRat, or when Freddie was dating that Valerie chick. Carly knew something was up between the two of us, but I could tell she wasn't completely sure what it was yet.

"Um," My dad grimaced, working up a good lie, "She… snuck out last night."

"Snuck out?" Spencer frowned.

"Yeah," Dad breathed, "Snuck out."

"Where did she go?" Carly questioned, not backing down from him.

"I'm not sure," My dad scratched his neck, "I just know when I checked on her she wasn't upstairs."

I bit my lip nervously, "Um, D-Dad?"

He turned to me and gave me a look that said shut up, but answered me regardless, "Yeah?"

"Can I just m-meet you downstairs?" I asked, my voice shaking, "I need t-to get my backpack and s-stuff."

"I guess," He grumbled, walking towards me and subtly grabbing my arm.

He leaned down and whispered in my ear so low, I could barely hear him.

"Five minutes or _else_." His breath made me shiver as it brushed across my skin, "You know what I'll want."

I looked up at him and nodded fearfully, the color draining from my face. He smiled and let go of me, "I'll see you in a bit, _Sam_."

My gaze returned to my shoes until I heard the door close, signaling to me he was finally gone. I breathed a long sigh of relief before silently grabbing my backpack from the floor. Spencer and Carly remained in the room, watching me carefully. I looked up at Carly after a few seconds, and she looked like she was prepared to start screaming at me.

"Sam," She began, keeping her voice steady and low, "You didn't sneak out, did you?"

My lip quivered, "N-no."

"Then why—"

"I gotta go," I cut her off, shaking my head and slinging my backpack over my shoulder, "Just text me later or something."

"But, Sam—"

"I don't have time for this." I muttered, walking across the room, "Oh, and if Melanie comes by tomorrow, don't let her leave."

"What?" Carly asked.

"Melanie, my _sister_?" I bit my lip, "She's supposed to come by here tomorrow instead of coming straight home. I need Melanie to stay here until I can come and get her, okay?"

Carly sighed, "_Fine_."

"Thanks, Carly. I-I'll see you tomorrow, or at school Monday… _sometime_." I mumbled, afraid that I might not.

"Sam," Spencer chimed in just as I was about to open the door, "If you ever need us, we're a phone call or a text away."

I nodded solemnly and walked out into the hall, knowing a call or text was impossible.

* * *

**Uh-Oh, right? **

**I'm not very happy with this chapter, not at all. My mind just hasn't been in the right place to write this thing. But, I tried, for you guys! lol. **

**BTW, I checked this morning and now I have like 40+ reviews and I think 19 subsriber type ppls! Lol, I'm pretty damned happy bout that, with this being my first story and everything. So thanks to all of y'all! I'd give ya cookies, but I can't cook, and the girl scouts at Wal Mart quit selling them yesterday! lol.**

**And another thing, what did y'all think of iSpace Out? I absolutely loved the part where Sam was all, "Why you so stooooopid?" to Freddie. Lol. And Carly's 'Space Madness' made my day. lol. **

**To end this way-too-long Authors Note type deal, I just wanna say that these next few chapters will mos def include some Seddie. Yay right? Oh, and I hope no one minded that I added a little Spencer for comic relief. lol. Because I can't be depressing and dramatic all the time! :)**

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	17. Whataya Want From Me

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Two chapters in two days? Holy cheese! What is wrong with me! lol. Enjoy!

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**Whataya Want From Me**

My eyes were glued to the floor as I walked down the hall and steps to the lobby of Bushwell Plaza. Every single one of my thoughts included Him, and what he would do to me once I met him downstairs. I still couldn't believe he found me here. Carly's apartment has definitely lost some of it qualities for me, especially the feeling of safety I had when I was there.

_I'm not safe __**anywhere **__anymore._

I shook my head and gripped my backpack strap tighter. I can't think that way; it'll only make me worse mentally. Out of nowhere, I heard footsteps behind me and instinctively threw myself at the wall beside me, fearing that it was my father. I shut my eyes as tight as I could, until I felt a gentle tap on my shoulder.

"Sam?" Freddie asked softly, "Are you okay?"

I turned around and stared up at him, blushing in embarrassment, "I'm f-fine, Fredbag."

"You don't look fine," He frowned, crossing his arms, "I thought I heard you screaming in Carly's apartment when I got home from school. Guess I wasn't imagining it."

"Listen, Dork." I growled, grabbing the collar of his shirt angrily, "I don't have time for this right now."

He grabbed my hands and pushed me away from him, "Are you okay?"

"Yeah," I wanted to scream, "I told you I was fine."

"Sam, talk to me." Freddie begged, "Please?"

"I gotta go," I shoved him out of my way.

"Sam, wait!" He called out, grabbing my arm and pulling me back to him, "I want to help you."

We were closer than I would have liked, but I didn't try pushing him away. I felt tears pooling in my eyes, and desperately wiped them away. All I needed right now was for Freddork to see me cry.

"My dad… he's waiting for me, Freddie." I sighed, "If I don't hurry… I don't know what he'll do, okay?"

"Can I walk you there?" He asked sincerely, giving me one of his signature smiles.

At first, I was going to turn down his offer. But after thinking on it for a second, I decided it might be safer if he walked me downstairs. Well, at least I would _feel_ a bit safer. Walking alone isn't something I should probably be doing in my current state.

"I guess," I muttered, darting my eyes away from him.

He released a long breath before reaching his arm out to me, "Can I carry your backpack for you? I mean… if your stomach is still hurting like it was yesterday."

I smirked, "Sure."

I handed him my bag and he slung it over his shoulder before leading me down the hall. We walked in silence, but the way Freddie was acting worried me. I mean, we hate each other, right? Why would he try and walk me downstairs, or carry my backpack? So unlike Freddie…

"Dude," I said finally, "What's your deal?"

"What?" He was caught off-guard.

"Why are you being so nice to me?" I asked angrily.

Freddie sighed, "I don't know."

"You don't know?" I frowned.

"Well," He replied, "You seem like you need someone to be nice to you right now… And I feel bad about accidentally hurting you yesterday."

I shook my head, "Don't feel bad about that, I shouldn't have yelled at you."

"Naw, you had a right to." He smiled, "You were in pain, yelling at people is cool then."

I rolled my eyes playfully, "Whatever, Freddie."

We were on the final flight of stairs that led out into the lobby, and I soon remembered what I was going to be facing in mere minutes. I stopped Freddie and stared into his chocolate brown eyes seriously.

"Freddie, you might want to go back upstairs." I said nervously, reaching out to take my backpack from him.

He shook his head, "_Why_?"

I searched for the right words, "It's just… I don't want you to… He might…"

"Sam," Freddie sighed, "I want to meet your dad."

"You don't get it," I shook my head sadly, "You **don't** want to meet him."

"But, Sam, I—"

"Sam!" I jumped at the sound of His voice, "Where the Hell have you been?"

I turned to see my dad coming towards me from across the lobby. His face was beet red and his eyes blood shot. Freddie really shouldn't have come with me.

"D-dad," I choked out.

Freddie stood at my side, "I'm sorry, it's my fault. She stopped to talk to me upstairs."

My dad shook his head angrily, "Whatever, Kid."

He reached out and grabbed my arm, jerking me towards him in one swift motion. Freddie stood motionless in front of me, keeping his eyes locked with mine.

I forced a small smile before my dad dragged me off, "Bye, Freddie."

Freddie gave me one last sad smile before my father pulled me outside into the parking lot. As soon as we were out of Freddie's sight, my dad began talking to me like he usually did.

"I told your momma not to let you outta the house," He grumbled, pulling me down the sidewalk, "How'd you manage that?"

"T-Told her I w-was going to school." I yelped as he dug his nails into my arm.

He shook his head, releasing my arm and grabbing my shirt collar, "You're so stupid."

When we arrived at his old pick-up truck, he opened the passenger side door and forced me inside. I barely had enough time to pull my legs inside before he slammed the door shut behind me. As he walked around the truck, I hurriedly pulled on my seat-belt and pushed my body as close to the door as possible. Fear engulfed me as soon as he sat down in the cab beside me. I kept my gaze down at the floor mat, waiting for what was to come. He turned the key and the engine came to life before backing out of his parking spot and pulling out onto the main road.

"You got any idea how much trouble you're in?" He growled, reaching out for my neck with one hand so I would look at him, "Huh?"

I shut my eyes, shaking my head, "I-I'm sorry."

"Nope, too late for sorry, girl." He tightened his grasp on my throat.

I coughed, "I didn't… I won't do it again… I'm **sorry**!"

He let go of me and returned his hand to the steering wheel, "Of course you are. Well, you'll be saying sorry to Melanie when she gets here then, won't ya?"

My eyes widened in horror, "What?"

"Me and her are gonna have a lot of fun tomorrow," He chuckled, "Wonder if she'll be better than you were…"

"N-No," I begged, "P-Please, I'll d-do _anything_…"

"Like I said, too late for all that." He mused.

I knew what he wanted from me, and as much as I feared it happening again, Melanie's safety was much more important.

"I-I'll let you…" I muttered, "J-Just leave Melanie alone, p-please…"

He smirked, knowing he'd gotten what he wanted, "You can be a good girl when you wanna be."

I shivered and nodded, looking out the window at the passing buildings, desperately trying not to cry. He may be able to control me sometimes, but there is no way he's getting the satisfaction of making me cry. Not right now anyways.

I felt his hand on my thigh suddenly, making me flinch. He laughed at me and rubbed my leg more, causing me to shake violently. Everything I did made him chuckle, like my suffering was somehow funny to him. I didn't understand this guy at all, even if he was my father.

No, this man is not my father. Biologically, maybe, but in my eyes, he's just the devil. Inside and out. Everything about this man scares me, the way he looks at me, the way he speaks to me, even his eyes. He affected me this way even before he _raped_ me. The day he showed up, I barely recognized him.

"_Mom, there's some creep at the door who wants you!" I called out, not bothering myself with formalities. If there's a guy who wants to talk to my mom then the word 'creep' is usually applied. _

"_Tell him we don't want any!" She screamed back, "Unless he's selling bikini's! Then I want two! Green with blue polka-dots!"_

_Oh mother…_

"_You heard her," I grumbled, attempting to shut the door._

_He stuck his foot out and stopped me, "Sammy, don't you remember me?"_

"_Who do you think you are?" I shouted, almost grabbing him, "Calling me Sammy like you know me?"_

"_Sam, I thought I told you to—" My mom was behind me rubbing her eyes like she'd just woken up, but was immediately deemed speechless._

"_Mom?" I frowned._

"_Oh my…" She cupped her hand over her mouth, "Karl? Is that you?"_

"_Hello, Amy." The way he said my mother's name made me sick._

"_Who is this __**weirdo**__, Mom?" I asked angrily._

_She seemed shocked, "You don't remember him?"_

"_Uh, no."_

"_Sam, this is your dad!" Her voice squeaked in excitement._

"_You?" I was unimpressed by the man in a wife-beater and jeans in front of me, "__**You're**__ my father?"_

"_Yep, Sammy." He smiled, but the way he said my name plus that smile made me shiver, "I'm your dad."_

"Wake up, Sammy." I felt someone shaking my shoulder aggressively.

I remembered where I was, except it was darker outside now than it was back at the Shay's apartment. I stared up at my father with wide eyes, filled with fear and anguish. He grabbed my arm and forced me out of the truck hurriedly. I shut my eyes tight and allowed him to take me through the yard, inside the house, and upstairs without too much of a struggle.

He _is_ the **Devil**; I don't care what anybody says.

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**So, this one was angst-filled wasn't it? Ya'll haven't seen anything yet, the next chapter is extremely depressing and angsty. Yay! I toldja there'd be Seddie, even if it wasn't _that_ amazing. Don't worry, there will mos def be more!**

**Man, you guys are so awesome! I got like 6 reviews on that last chapter and it's only been up for like a day! I love all of ya'll! Even the ones who don't review, cuz alerts are love too! lol. **

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	18. My Skin

**Okay, I'm just going to say in advance that there is some deep emotional stuff that goes down in this chapter. Barely any dialouge, except for the beginning and end. This chapter is mostly Sam's thoughts and feelings. But, there is some stuff that occurs towards the middle that actually matters. lol. Enjoy!**

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**My Skin**

"That was good, Sammy." He cooed, playfully tracing my spine with his fingers on my bare back.

My eyes had been shut for the past half hour or so, and I wasn't planning on opening them until I absolutely had to. I shuddered each time I felt his skin against mine, which was frequent, considering we were both naked.

The same words have been on replay in my mind ever since he got me home: It's not your fault. But the longer he kissed me, and the more I felt him enter me, the words began to lose their meaning. At first, I had resisted, just like the first time. But a few hard blows to my face and back later, and I laid on the bed motionless, allowing him to do what he wished to me.

I felt the bed move and I lifted my head slightly, finally opening my eyes to see what he was doing now.

"I thought you were sleeping for a second there, Sammy." He whispered into my ear, kissing my neck.

I pushed him away from me and pulled a pillow over my head, desperate to get away from him. He laughed and grabbed the pillow from my grasp, throwing it across the room.

"You're pathetic, Kid." He shook his head and roughly ran his hand through my hair.

I shut my eyes and whispered, though my voice was hoarse, "W-Why do y-you think I'm s-so **pathetic**?"

"What's that supposed to mean?" He growled, getting in my face.

I gritted my teeth and lowered my head, smelling his alcohol ridden breath. He chuckled lowly at this, and pecked my forehead.

"A-Are we d-done?" I asked fearfully.

"Hm," He sighed, standing up and pulling his underwear back on, "I guess."

I let out the breath I was holding and pulled the blanket over my naked body. Never in my life had I ever felt so relieved.

"I'm gonna get outta here," He sighed, putting his pants and wife-beater back on, "If your momma asks, I'm at the bar. I've _been_ at the bar."

I nodded and buried myself under the covers, waiting for him to leave. Finally, I heard my bedroom door shut. I dared a peek over the blankets, and after seeing he was gone, broke down in choking sobs.

I'm not a weak person, I swear. He just… he makes me weak. Before my dad came back, I rarely ever cried. The only times I can remember before now are the first time my mom hit me, and after my horrific job experience at Chili My Bowl. Oh, and that time Carly and I were fighting and we made up.

I grabbed a pillow from the bed and shoved it into my face, screaming and crying into it like no tomorrow. After my mini-meltdown, I finally got myself calm enough to get some actual thought going. The first thing I wanted…no, the first thing I **needed** to do was shower. I'm so dirty right now…

I stood in the shower and rubbed my skin raw, hoping to feel clean again. This shower was similar to the one I'd taken the other day, except for the fact that it didn't hurt when I scrubbed myself down forcefully. Last time, it had been slightly painful, but this time I couldn't feel much at all anymore.

About an hour later, I ran back to my room in a towel and got dressed. My skin was red and raw, but I pulled on a baggy gray hoodie and a pair of ripped jeans regardless. Nothing could hurt me right now. It's hard to explain how I feel right now without passing by the word numb. I used to think that was so cliché and cheesy for dudes and chicks in books to feel numb inside and out, but I understood it now. It _is_ possible to feel absolutely nothing. That's where _I_ am right now.

The past several days I've been pretty good at not completely breaking down. Yeah, I tried to jump off a building, but I did it subconsciously knowing Spencer was there and he would stop me. It was just another useless cry for help. Everything crazy I've done so far has been either me desperately reaching out to someone, or just being scared to death. I'm tired of trying to get help, I'm tired of hiding, and I'm tired of being scared.

I'm just so tired of everything. Every time I hear someone walking down the hall, my thoughts automatically go to him. What if it's him? What if he's coming back to rape me again? Or hit me? Is he going to get creative with it this time? Will he _kill_ me?

Shamefully, I kind of wish he would. At least then I'd be happy, and not living in fear 24/7. It _would_ be easier if I was dead. Carly would probably be better off without me anyways, and my mom, well, she's never wanted me around in the first place. The only person I'd be worried about leaving behind is Melanie. I can't protect her in the afterlife, or whatever they call it these days.

I didn't _have_ to die. I mean, there are other ways of dying without actually being dead. I was half-way there already anyways, I hear most dead people are pretty numb. My mom killed herself emotionally the day my dad left by crawling into a bottle and staying there, so why shouldn't I? Well, actually, I don't wanna end up a drunk like my mother. That hurts the people around you too much for my liking. I just want this pain inside to go away, and for me to stop feeling so dirty.

I pulled the hood of my sweatshirt over my head and leaned against the wall, pulling my knees into my chest and wrapping my arms around them. I need to feel better. I can't carry this around on me forever.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted something shiny under my bed. Curiously, I crawled on the floor to retrieve whatever it was. When I reached for it, somehow my knee slipped on the carpet and I ended up falling on the shiny object. A sudden stabbing pain in my arm caused me grit my teeth and curse under my breath. What the Hell is this… Oh, it's just an old razor blade. I wonder how it ended up here.

It was stuck in my arm, and crimson red liquid was spilling from the wound.

I'm going to sound completely masochistic here, but I found the stinging pain in my arm somewhat comforting, almost relieving. The numbness was going away, and I felt like if I could hurt again physically, then maybe it will go away completely. I pulled the blade out of my arm and held it in front of my face, studying it carefully. The small amount of light that came from my window reflected in the blade, making it shine in my eyes. It had a slight weight to it, forcing me to hold it tighter.

My hands felt as if they were out of my control as I made the first intentional cut across my left arm, blood trickling down my pale skin like a rushing river. I gritted my teeth as the pain sent shivers down my spine, but then let out a long sigh of relief.

_This is easier… _

I slid the blade across my forearm again, careful to not cut too close to my wrist. One cut too deep there would result in instant death from yours truly. The blade was cold against my skin, but once another cut was made I couldn't have cared less. I sighed contently, though I probably looked like a lunatic. My eyes were trained on the three cuts upon my arm now, only one of which was unintentional. Each was bleeding exceedingly, and I was feeling a bit light headed, but in the end I didn't care. After staring at my bleeding arm for a few more seconds, I finally came to my senses and realized what I'd done. I grabbed my tank top from yesterday that was laying close by and applied pressure to my bloody arm, seething as the fabric touched my skin. It burned.

Before this moment, I would have laughed if you asked me about people who cut themselves. I would have told you that it was something emo's do for attention, and that being emo was a selfish choice made by whiny little brats who didn't get the right car for their birthday. My mind has been completely changed now. Maybe not all people who cut are doing it for attention; at least I know _I_ didn't. I just didn't want to feel numb anymore, that's all I wanted, I **swear**.

My eyes stung with tears that were spilling from my eyes. Everything is so wrong now, everything. It's entirely His fault. Why did he even come back in the first place? I bet he planned this. I bet he planned to come home and begin to gain my trust, just so he could toss it in my face by hitting me… and raping me. I hate him more than I've ever hated anything in my life. Even Freddie. Now that is saying something if you speak fluent Sam Puckett-ese.

Hm, I wonder what the Dork is doing right now. He looked pretty freaked out when I left, of course someone as intimidating as my father would scare anybody. When I left, the look in Freddie's eyes told me so much. He would have stopped my father and I if he could, I just know it. But because Freddie is weaker than a first-grade girl, it was probably in his best interests to stay out of it.

"_Don't wanna hear your sad songs  
I don't wanna feel your pain  
When you swear it's all my fault  
'Cause you know we're not the same  
No, we're not the same, oh, we're not the same"_

"Who is calling me _**now**_?" I growled, angrily searching my room for my phone.

I really wasn't in the mood to talk to anyone, especially if any of those people had the last name 'Shay' or 'Benson'. But, in a way, I felt like I needed to speak to someone. I've been sitting in my room alone for less than half-an-hour with no human contact, and already I feel like I'm going crazy. I need to hear a human voice that isn't related to me, desperately.

I finally grabbed my phone just as the ringtone was starting over again, and flipped it open anxiously, "Y-yeah?" My voice shook.

"Hey, Samantha!" Ugh, Melanie.

"What do you want?" I grumbled.

"Oh, I'm sorry." Her kindness was so annoying, "Did I catch you in the middle of something?"

My lip quivered as I looked down at the blood that continued to trickle down my arm, "Nope, I'm straight."

"Okay," Melanie replied, her voice way too cheery for me right now, "So, am I still banned from the house until you come to Carly's and get me?"

My heart stopped, "Y-you're not there… a-are you?"

"…Yeah?" She giggled, "Sorry, I caught an early plane here."

I mentally smacked myself for not considering that 'perfect' Melanie would fly here early. Why am I so stupid?

"It's fine," I sighed, "So you're already at Carly's apartment?"

"Yes, she's been acting really weird, Spencer too. Anything I should know about?"

I sucked in a long breath, "No."

"Freddie is really worried about you too," She said quickly, "I thought you guys hated each other?"

_She saw Freddie? _

"We did," I mumbled under my breath before speaking louder again, "I don't know what their deal is. Why do you have to automatically think it's my fault anyways? Just because I'm not perfect like _you_ doesn't mean everything in the world that isn't perfect is because of something _I_ did!"

"Sam, relax." Melanie breathed, getting serious, "Listen, I'm alone in the iCarly studio right now, so no one is going to hear us if you have something to tell me."

"Everything is fine! _**I'm**_ fine!" I shouted louder than I meant to, tightening my grip on my cell phone.

"Sam," She sounded hurt, "We can talk about this tomorrow if you want; Spencer said he doesn't mind me staying here over night."

"Mel, I'm… _sorry_." Ugh, I hate those words, "I'm just really… **really** stressed right now."

"It's okay, hun." Melanie said, sounding a bit happier, "We can talk tomorrow, okay?"

"Yeah," I scratched my neck, "Sounds great."

Her side of the line went dead, but I remained silent as I sat there, holding the phone to my ear listening to the pulsing tone.

_I'm a slow dying flower..._

_

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_

**Okay ppl, don't be mad at me because of what Sam ended up doing. I know some people would call it cliche, but this is just the way things went in my mind. There has been some light foreshadowing in earlier chapters leading up to this, but it's so light that it's barely noticeable. **

**Another quick lil thing, I don't like the writers who get on here and beg for reviews and such, but my last chapter only got like two or three. lol. I'm not gonna be all "give me reviews or you get no update" in an evil voice, but it would be nice to get some feedback. Even if it was an _insignifacant_ 'good job' or 'you suck'! I except all! LOL. Don't worry though, I'm going to post regardless of how many I get, I'm not _that_ mean. Reviews just make stuff happen faster! lol.**

**_PS_: Last line is a song lyric from the song this chapter is named after. It's a really beautiful song: My Skin by Natalie Merchant. **

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	19. Brick By Boring Brick

**Enjoy!**

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**Brick by Boring Brick**

"Sam!" I awoke to the sound of shouting and someone banging on my door, "Wake up and open this damned door!"

I rolled over on the floor and rubbed my eyes, trying to get adjusted to being awake again.

"Samantha!" My dad yelled louder, "Open the door!"

I couldn't understand why he didn't just come into my room, it's not like my door has a lock. But when I looked up, I saw a chair propped up in front of the door, holding it shut. I must have put it there last night for safety. I guess I'm not a _complete_ idiot.

He stopped knocking around in the hallway, and I thought maybe he'd given up. But, of course, I wouldn't be so lucky. After a few seconds of silence, I heard a huge thud hit my door, and it looked like the hinges were breaking. I gasped when he charged at it a second time, but eventually realized I needed to get out of here. **Now**.

I searched my room for a pair of converse and slipped them on just as he tried a third time to bust the door down. Without a second thought, I shakily grabbed my cell phone, and ran to the window. Just when it looked like the hinges on my door were going to give way, I opened the window and slipped out, landing on the roof. I sat down on the edge of the roof and jumped down quickly before sprinting across my yard and down my street. When I was at the gas station where my bus stop was, I heard a loud crash and guessed that he'd gotten the door down. I turned around to see my house where he was standing at the window, staring at me with wild eyes.

He didn't move, or try to chase after me; he just glared down at me. Instead of waiting around to see why, I continued down the road until I lost sight of my cruddy house at which point I slowed my pace to a brisk walk. I was panting like a sick dog, but it didn't matter. I don't know what I did to make him so angry, but I was glad I didn't stick around to find out. Now, all I had to do was catch a bus to Bushwell Plaza and hope for the best when I get there.

Lovely, right?

After waiting around at the second stop the bus makes around my neighborhood for maybe fifteen minutes, I gave up and decided to walk, suddenly wishing I'd remembered my cheapo mp3 player. I loved jamming to that thing, even if it didn't hold too many songs.

I sighed and dug my hands into the pocket of my oversized gray hoodie. I think it used to belong to Rip-Off Rodney, but he gave it to me once when I showed up to school without a jacket in the middle of a snowstorm. He took pity on me, and though I hated pity, I was thankful for it that day. It's a good thing I put this on last night now that I think about it, otherwise I'd run the chance that Carly might see my… cuts. Now _that_ would be a fun conversation between friends. I rolled up the sleeve on my left arm to my elbow, so I could survey the damage. The cuts had stopped bleeding last night before I fell asleep, that I remember, but they still looked as if they'd start bleeding again any second. The two I'd done on my own were much deeper than the accidental cut, and that surprised me. I ran my fingers over the cuts, feeling the ridges underneath my fingertips. My arm started to burn again as I brushed my scars with my palm, so I stopped and carefully pulled my sleeve back down.

I shook my head angrily and sped up my pace. I can't believe I did that. No matter how bad things have gotten in my life, I've never sunk this low. If Carly, or God-forbid Freddie, ever find out, I'm so screwed. They'll never look at me the same. I won't _feel_ the same. Cutting just isn't one of those things a person forgets. My cousin, Mia, had a similar problem, and she ended up getting sent off because she couldn't stop. I don't want to end up like that. This was a onetime deal, and it's never happening again. I was just in a really bad place for a few seconds and needed to get away, that's all.

_I think…_

Yeah, that _is_ all. I may be dumb enough to cut myself once, but definitely not twice. I'm not going to do it again. It was stupid and selfish, and that is _not_ the Sam Puckett way.

I continued down the road until I found myself outside the Groovy Smoothie. When I looked through the window, I could just barely make-out the figures of Gibby and his hot girlfriend, Tasha. I sighed, but just as I was going to leave, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the glass.

The bruises on my face from yesterday were bigger, with a few new ones from last night. There was a long scratch on my forehead, and when I touched it, I flinched. This is just awesome, not only will I have to deal with convincing Melanie and Carly I'm fine, but I'll also have to figure out a way to cover up my battered face.

_And body…_

My eyes widened and I rushed into the Groovy Smoothie, sprinting by Gibby and Tasha into the girl's bathroom. I shut the door behind me and locked it before running up to the mirror and lifting up my hoodie to see my stomach and back. I gasped and held back tears at the sight of myself. My entire body looked like it was some shade of blue, purple, or green. It was sickening to look at. He really did a number on me last night when he…

_Don't go there, Sam. Don't think about it…_

Shaking my head, I let my hoodie fall back down around my body. The room felt like it was spinning, and nausea crept up on me like a mouse. I found myself unwillingly bent over the toilet, puking my guts out in seconds. When I was done, I leaned back and wiped my mouth with some toilet paper. I sat down on the tile floor and rested my head against the wall, allowing the memories to float back in.

"_Sammy," He sighed, holding me down by my wrists, "If you'll be good, I'll be good."_

"_I don't want to be good!" I cried out, struggling in his grasp, "Just please stop, you already did it once!"_

_I was returned with a hard smack to my face, "I don't wanna just do it once, Kiddo."_

"_I'm not your kid!" I shouted, kneeing him in the balls._

_He fell over on the bed and seethed while I jumped up from the bed and ran for the door. Just as I reached out for the knob, I felt his fingers curl around my arm and jerk me back to him. He shook his head at me as he held me in his arms. I glared back at him with a look of disgust and anger._

"_Sammy," He began, throwing me onto the floor with one hand, "I told you already, if you're nice, I'll be nice."_

_I yelped as my back came into contact with a bedpost before I collapsed onto the floor again. I sat up a little, glaring up at him defiantly, "And I said I d-don't want to be nice."_

"_Now you listen here," He grumbled, grabbing my throat, "You're gonna do this, and you're gonna be happy 'bout it. Otherwise, I'll have to get Melanie to make up for your shortfalls."_

_I swallowed hard, "__**Please**__… don't…"_

"_Be good," He ordered, releasing my throat and kissing my forehead._

_I shuddered as he forced me back up onto the bed, ripping my clothes off piece by piece. My eyes remained shut so I wouldn't have to see him, so maybe I could pretend I was somewhere else. _

"_What's wrong, Sammy?" My dad whispered into my ear, "You don't want to look at me?"_

"_I d-don't wanna b-be nice…" I repeated._

My hair had fallen in my face, and the tears on my cheeks were causing strands to stick to my skin. I really should have just been nice, at least then it would have ended sooner… maybe.

I scratched my head and regained my composure, silently pulling the hood over my head in order to shield my face from people who might recognize me. Nobody needs to know I've been crying. Before leaving the small bathroom, I glanced at myself one last time in the mirror. It would be impossible to explain this without the truth, but I can't tell Carly, Spencer, or Freddie. My only hope for solace and maybe even help would be Melanie.

When I re-entered the real world and left the restroom, Gibby and Tasha were gone. As a matter of fact, a lot of people weren't there anymore. T-Bo was cleaning one of the tables, and as I crossed the room, I felt him staring at me. I turned and gave him a slight nod before leaving and getting back on the road to Carly's apartment. It wasn't very far from here now, just a couple blocks and one crossing of a busy street. My palms felt like they were getting sweatier with each step I made.

I couldn't barge into Carly's like nothing happened yesterday, or like my face looks normal. I needed to get Melanie out of the apartment so I could talk to her, at least that way I would feel more comfortable. Slowly, I came up with an easy plan that would only involve a phone call and a prayer. Not much if you ask me. Once I was in the lobby of Bushwell, I whipped out my cell phone and dialed Melanie as I walked up the stairs. It rang a few times before she finally picked up.

"Hello?" She answered, her voice not as chirpy as usual.

"Hey, Mel." I croaked, sounding like my voice hadn't been used in awhile.

"Sam!" Melanie's voice perked up immediately, "I was getting worried about you!"

My lips curled in a small smile, "Yeah, could you like… make up an excuse or something so you can come out into the hall and… meet me?"

"Sure," She replied, "Important?"

"Yes, very." I sighed, scratching my head.

"Kay, see you in a few." And with that she hung up.

I shut my phone and returned it to my pocket just as I reached Carly's floor. I stayed at the shadowy end of the hall, just in case Carly looked out her peephole or something. When I finally saw Carly's apartment door open, I almost ran. But, after seeing the blonde curls my sister and I shared, I just couldn't do it.

"Sam?" She whispered, "You here?"

"Yeah," I muttered, walking out of the shadows and into her view.

Melanie grinned and ran to me, embracing me in a hug that hurt a lot. I grimaced and let out a small yelp, hoping she didn't notice. Unfortunately, after all the years we suffered together through our abusive drunk for a mother, she was extremely in tune to my emotions. Not to mention we're twins.

"Sam?" She let go and backed away, "Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah," I forced a smile, holding my stomach, "I'm fine."

She shook her head and held my bruised cheek, "No you're not."

I grabbed her wrist, "Don't."

"So, which one did it?" Melanie asked, as if it was nothing.

"What are you talking about?" I played dumb, letting her go and looking away from her intuitive eyes.

My sister stuck out her lip, "I'm not an idiot."

"And I'm not talking about this here."

"We could go somewhere else?" She suggested.

I nodded, "Good."

We walked down the hallway together, until we reached a place I knew would always be safe: the fire escape.

"Here's good," I mumbled, leading her out onto the small area.

She seemed weary at first, but I gave her a pleading look and she ended up following me outside into the cool air. Melanie was a sucker for a good puppy dog face.

"So, what's up?" She asked, sitting on the steps while I sat on the window sill.

_Just like me and Freddie…_

I frowned, "Nothing."

Melanie read between the lines, "**Dad**?"

I nodded silently, pulling my knees into my chest and shutting my eyes.

She smiled humorlessly, "That doesn't surprise me."

"I **hate** him." I muttered under my breath.

Melanie sighed, "_That_ doesn't surprise me either."

I shuddered, thinking about him. Him touching me, him kissing me, him… having sex with me. **Him**.

"Sam?" Melanie asked after a few minutes of silence, "Can I ask you something without you getting mad?"

I nodded, "I guess."

"Has he…" She paused, "I mean… has **dad**… ever… _touched_ you?"

My eyes widened and I stared at her motionlessly. It felt like my blood was running cold, and I was frozen. Everything around me was blurred, except the outline of Melanie's face. My mouth opened and closed over and over again, trying to get the words out but not being able to.

_How could she know?_

"Sam?"

I shook my head nervously, "_No_."

"Please don't lie to me," She begged, "You'll feel better if you just say it."

The tears started before I could stop them, "I already tried that, Mel!"

Melanie narrowed her eyes on me, "Try again."

"Mel…" I cried, "He… I can't… he'll… hurt…"

"Sam," She got up and sat down beside me, wrapping a comforting arm around me, "Nothing is going to happen. Just tell me the truth, please?"

Tears glistened in my eyes as I stared up at her, "I need help."

Melanie stared down at me with sad blue eyes, her hand frozen on my back. I never asked for help, it just wasn't in my nature. Melanie knew that this had to be bad, I could tell from the vibes she was giving me.

"Sam…" Melanie began slowly, "Tell me what happened."

I bit my lip and felt my body shaking as I rocked back and forth on the window sill, "I can't."

Melanie sighed, "I know it's hard but—"

"No," I growled, pushing her away, "You don't know. You have no idea what it's like Melanie! You got away! You went off to your perfect little boarding school and left me all by myself with _Mom_! Do you have any clue what it's been like here with Her, alone?"

"Sam, I—"

"Let me finish!" I shouted, shutting her up immediately, "You wanna know what our **dad** did to me when he got back here, do you _really_ wanna know? While you were out studying or partying with your perfect boarding school friends, I was busy getting…" I paused, "Getting _raped_ by our father! Raped, and beaten and yelled at by him! Where were you when all of that was happening? Where were you? You _left_ me…"

"S-Sam…" Melanie trailed off.

"It hurt **so** much!" I cried out, "I told him 'no' over and over! He wouldn't s-stop…"

Melanie encased me in a hug as I sobbed into her chest, "Y-You left m-me, Mel."

"I'm sorry," She whispered into my ear, "I'm so sorry…"

We stayed like that for a long time. I cried into her shirt while she desperately tried to comfort me, though I knew she didn't have a clue what to do. But she didn't need to anything else, her being here is better than anything else she could have done for me. I can't believe I told her, finally. The way she held me in her arms automatically told me she believed everything I said.

"I missed you," I mumbled, pulling away from her slowly.

There were tears streaming down her cheeks, "I'm sorry. I won't leave ever again."

At first I was comforted by this, but suddenly I remembered Him, "No! You can't stay!"

"What?" Melanie frowned, "Why?"

"H-He said that he w-would… he's gonna h-hurt you too! I _can't_ let him!" I cried out, pulling my hair, "He can't hurt you _**too**_!"

"Don't worry about me, okay?" She ordered, "We really need to be worrying about you right now, right?"

I shook my head angrily and crossed my arms, "I'm fine."

"Sam, you're not fine. You are the opposite of fine." Melanie retorted.

"No, I'm fine." I said again, wondering who I was trying to convince, Melanie or myself.

She reached out and tugged the bottom of my hoodie up before I could stop her, revealing all of my bruises. Melanie didn't gasp, but I could see the pain in her face. I grabbed my hoodie and put it back down again, glaring at her.

"It's not important," I shook my head, "I'm fine."

"Sam, stop it!" She shouted, standing up in front of me, "Just stop! I know you always feel like you have to be the strong one, but not right now!"

I gawked at her, "You don't get it."

"What don't I get?"

"Anything," I shook my head.

"Sam, you need to be a little bit more specific." Melanie frowned.

I sighed, "If I'm not strong, I don't know what to be."

"What?"

"I've had to stay strong all my life for the both of us and you're sitting here telling me to stop." I sighed, biting my lip, "It's like a slap to my face, Mel."

Melanie shook her head, "You're a lot more than the 'strong one', Sam."

I glared at her, "No, I'm not."

There were so many emotions running through my head right now. I was relieved that someone knew about dad and his 'interests' in me. But, on the other hand, now that Melanie knew, she might ask questions. Questions I won't be able to answer without freaking out on her.

"Sam?" Melanie said after a moment of quiet.

"Yeah?" My voice was low.

"Why did he hit you?" I cringed at her words.

Sighing, I lifted my shirt again, "The first two around my belly button, those are because he thought I told mom what was going on. Those," I pointed at the ones closer to my chest and back, "are from after I _actually_ told mom, when she didn't believe me. And then the rest… well, those are mostly from the sex."

"You fought back?" Melanie had a small smile, though she still seemed a little peeved off after I said 'sex'.

"Of course," I shrugged, "Not that it helped any."

"Still, at least you tried." She sighed, staring off into the distance behind me.

I put my shirt down and pulled my hood over my head, feeling embarrassed, "Carly is probably wondering where you are."

Melanie shrugged, "You need me more."

"Just go back," I demanded, "I can't have Carly seeing me. Not like this."

"She is getting suspicious," Melanie frowned, brushing my bruised cheek with her fingers softly.

"Yeah," I muttered, "I'll be fine here, just go."

"Okay," Melanie sighed, standing up and going back inside the hall, "Text or call if you need me."

"Will do," I forced a smile.

"I'm serious," She glared at me, "Promise me?"

"I promise."

"Good," She sighed, turning to leave, "Call me later when you decide I can come home."

I shook my head as she disappeared and whispered, "Don't count on it."

"Don't count on what?" A voice said from behind me.

I jumped and turned around, "What are _you_ doing here!"

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**DUN DUN DUN! Man, I've really been bringin' the cliffy's lately... **

**Hope y'all liked the Sam/Melanie interaction. That was pretty hard to write considering Sam and Melanie had little or no interaction on the actual show, and Melanie isn't a character I 'created' like Sam's dad. lol. I tried! **

**I've got three chapters after this one written up already, so be prepared for a lot of updating this week, if I get around to it. Yay!**

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	20. Plane Crash Dreams

**I hope yall like this, though I know for a fact that some might actually LOVE it. lol. Just sayin...**

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**Plane Crash Dreams**

Freddie jumped back from me, clutching his chest, "Oh my God! I'm sorry!"

"How long have you been here?" I demanded, glaring at him.

"N-Not long…" He stuttered. _Liar_.

"Freddie!" I shouted, jumping up from the sill and grabbing him by his shirt collar before shoving him against the wall, "How much did you hear?"

"All I _needed_ to hear!" He exclaimed, pushing me off of him.

"What's that supposed to mean?" I spat.

He re-adjusted his shirt, "You lied to me."

"I didn't lie… wait… what are we talking about?" I was confused.

He exhaled noisily, "The bruises, Sam. I heard you telling Melanie what each one was from. Why did you lie to me? I could have helped you!"

I gritted my teeth, "Nobody can help me, _Fredward_. Especially not you."

"Sam!" Freddie growled, "From what I heard, you need it!"

I narrowed my eyes on him, "You don't understand."

"No, _you_ don't understand!" He shot back, "How can you have sex with your father and expect everyone to be fine with it?"

I was taken aback and I froze, "What?"

"That's what you told Melanie!" He continued, "That you had bruises from 'the sex'!"

I ran my fingers through my hair and sighed, "Freddie, you're so stupid."

"How am I—" He began before I pulled my shirt up to reveal my stomach.

Freddie gasped and cringed at the sight of my body. I turned slightly so he could see my back as well, but then pushed the hoodie back down, flattening it around my torso carefully. When I lifted my gaze to stare at Freddie, I could tell he felt guilty. The look in his brown eyes made me want to stop, but I continued regardless.

"Do you really thing all of _that_ came from having sex?" I questioned, clenching my fists, "Because, if you do, you really need to get your brain checked, _Fredwad_."

"B-But… when you were talking to Melanie… you said—"

"Forget what I said," I frowned, "I didn't willingly _'do'_ my dad."

"Wait… _willingly_?" Freddie thought on this for a second before yelling, "Holy crab, Sam!"

I rolled my eyes, "Yep."

"He… you let him… Sam!"

"I didn't let him do anything!" I shouted on the verge of tears, "He made me! I didn't want to do it, Freddie!"

"Sam…" He whispered before walking to me and wrapping his arms around me.

I rejected his embrace at first, but the more he held me, the more I wanted to be comforted. Finally, I rested my head against his chest and cried into his T-shirt. Freddie didn't say a word, but it's not like he needed to. The fact that he was here holding me spoke volumes. When I looked up at him, I could see that he was crying too. His gaze met mine, and the sadness in his eyes almost broke me. Freddie may be a dork, and I may pick on him a lot, but I've never seen him so hurt.

"Freddie," I whimpered, "I'm sorry."

He shook his head and held me tighter, "You don't need to be sorry."

"No, y-you weren't supposed t-to know." I shivered.

He smiled sadly at me, "I would have figured it out later anyways, right?"

I smirked, "Yeah, dorks like you are usually smart like that."

Freddie didn't get mad about my comment, he only held me closer to him. Our eyes met once again, and he moved his face closer and closer to mine. I lifted my chin and we were inches apart. My eyes closed as I felt his lips brush against mine. His were soft, like the petals of a flower or something. Not like my dads, his were rough and they hurt and…

"_Be good, Sammy." He sighed, kissing me on the lips forcefully._

_I attempted to push him off, but he held me down with a deviant's smile on his face. He kissed me again, and this time I almost vomited straight into his mouth._

"No!" I shouted, ripping my lips from Freddie's and holding my head, "Come on, don't _do_ this!"

"Sam?" Freddie said in shock, "You okay?"

"I can't…" I stuttered, shivering, "He… It makes me think about… _Him_. I'm sorry."

I wrapped my arms around myself, hoping to get warm. But I feel so cold right now, like I'll never be warm again. Freddie wasn't moving from his spot a few feet away, and his eyes were trained on my face. He stuffed his hands in his pockets and lowered his head.

"Sam," Freddie said finally, "We… _you_ need to tell someone."

"I told _you_," I frowned.

"I mean like a cop or someone—"

"No!" I shouted, "No, I can't! You don't understand what he'll do!"

"Sam, you can't keep that bottled up inside forever!"

"Like I already said, you and Melanie both know!" I shot back.

Freddie threw his hands in the air, "You can't go home to **that**! What if he does it to you again?"

_Oh, Freddie… _

"You already missed _that_ train, Idiot!" I cried out, wiping my eyes.

"You're kidding me, right?"

I shrugged, "Would I lie about this?"

Freddie turned pale and leaned against the wall, "I-I don't feel so good."

"Really?" I asked sarcastically.

He glared at me, holding his head with his hands, "I'm serious, Puckett."

"Here," I trudged over to him and helped him sit down, "Just take deep breaths, it'll go away."

Freddie sat on the floor, breathing in and out, staring up at me the whole time. Finally, he got the color back in his cheeks and seemed okay again. He stood up again and stared at me incredulously.

"What?" I asked.

"How did you know what to do?" He asked quizzically.

I smirked, but not happily, "I've needed to do that a lot lately."

"Oh," Was all he said.

We stood together silently for a little while, before I finally gave him one last look of anguish, "Freddie… I'm scared."

"I know," He sighed, "That's why you need to tell someone, so you can get help."

"No!" I shouted, "And you can't tell anybody either! You have to promise me, Freddie!"

He frowned and crossed his arms, "I… I don't know if I can do that."

"Freddie!" I shouted, "Please? If Carly and Spencer will never look at me the same ever again! Just like you are now!"

"I don't see you any different," He raised an eyebrow, "Why would you even think that?"

"B-Because, it's just the w-way you stare at me." I sniffed, "In your eyes, I can see it."

He shook his head, "Sam, the only thing about you that seems different is that you're a much stronger person than I'd ever thought possible. I don't know how you've been dealing with this alone and keeping it a secret, but I _do_ know that it isn't healthy."

I smirked, "I've never been the healthy type."

"Sam…" Freddie moaned.

I shook my head, "Look, I just don't want anyone to know about this. Not yet. Please, just promise me you won't tell, I swear that one day I'll tell people, but I'm not ready."

He scratched his forehead and sighed, "I don't want to, but for _you_, I will."

I smiled and nodded, "Thanks."

Freddie stared at me with his beautiful brown pools, like he was trying to delve into the secrets of my soul. I stared back with my own icy blue eyes, holding onto the moment with my fingertips.

"Sam?" Freddie said after a moment of silence, "You're not going home tonight, are you?"

"Of course, Nub-Munch." I growled, "Why?"

"I don't want you to," He whispered, "What if he… _hurts_ you again?"

"I'll be fine," I sighed, trying to convince myself more than Freddie, "Trust me."

He shook his head, "I'm not going to make you change your mind, am I?"

"No," I said lowly.

"Fine," He sighed loudly, "I'm gonna go. I need to process some of this… **information**."

"The fact that we kissed, or that my dad's a perv?" I asked sarcastically.

He rolled his eyes and smiled, "Oh yeah, we _did_ kiss."

"Go home, Fredward." I chuckled, waving him off.

He grinned, "I hate you."

My eyes lit up at the fact that he remembered, "Hate you too."

Just as he turned the corner, my smile disappeared when I realized I was alone once again. I was still in disbelief that we had kissed _again_. I mean, the first time was like a business deal, but this was different. I mean, we both wanted it…

_Right?_

Ugh, this love crap is so confusing. The more I think about it, the more I want to say that because I got a flashback of dad, then I don't like Freddie. But, maybe that will always happen. Maybe I'm just being paranoid about the whole thing. Maybe, I need to stop thinking about it.

I sighed and stared down at the busy street below sadly, feeling utterly alone. It had warmed up a little since I'd been sitting out here, so I rolled my sleeves up. The cuts on my arm were already beginning to scar over with a brownish-red color, and that only made them more noticeable. I tore my gaze from my arm and stared at the sky, trying to forget. I _need_ to forget everything.

Talking to both Melanie and Freddie made me feel better, but not significantly enough for me to be content with myself. Every time I shut my eyes, His face pops into my head. Nothing will ever change that. No magic pill will make him go away, or give me my virginity back.

"Sammy," I heard a voice whisper, "I knew I'd find ya here."

I jumped and turned, feeling my stomach drop at the sight of my father. His eyes were filled with fury. I still didn't know what I'd done wrong. He stood over me, the way he usually did to scare me, and it was working. I scooted away from him, but he reached out and grabbed me by my arm, wrenching me back into the hallway.

"Why'd you run?" He growled, holding my arm tight, "Hm? Get scared?"

I shivered and shook my head, at which he only chuckled.

"I see," He smirked, "So, where's your sister?"

I stared up at him silently and shook my head slowly, praying he wouldn't figure it out.

He frowned, "Sammy, if you don't tell me you're only makin' it worse for yourself."

I shuddered, "I d-don't know."

"Liar," He grumbled, shoving me into the wall.

The back of my head hit with a loud thud, and I let out a loud yelp, "I-I'm not lying!"

He shook his head and grasped my forearm, dragging me down the hall and towards Carly's apartment. I seethed as he gripped my bare arm forcefully, right where my cuts were. When we reached her door, he released me and pushed me into the door, "I know she's in there. Go get her."

"She's not!" I cried out, but he pointed at the door angrily.

"Sam, if you don't come out of there in five minutes with Melanie, I swear to God you'll regret it."

My eyes widened in terror as he began to walk down the hall, "I'll be waiting down here."

I bit my lip and nodded, slowly turning around to face the door. I knocked on it lightly, hoping maybe they wouldn't answer and dad would forget. Unfortunately, Spencer was at the door, looking down at me seconds later. I gave my dad one last glance before barging into the place without a word to Spencer.

"Sam?" He asked, shutting the door behind me as I crossed the living room.

"Where's Melanie?" I asked aggressively.

"In the iCarly studio, but why—" Spencer began but I ran up the stairs before he could finish.

When I was outside the glass door, I looked inside and saw Melanie sitting on a beanbag with Carly sitting beside her. First, I rolled the sleeves of my hoodie down, and then took a long breath before entering into the lion's den.

"Sam?" Carly exclaimed, seeing my battered appearance, "What happened to you?"

"Nothing," I mumbled before turning to Melanie, "You need to hide."

"Why?" She asked, staring at me with our matching blue eyes.

"_He_ is here, and he's **looking** for you." I grunted, glancing over at Carly.

"Well, I'm totally out of the loop here." Carly frowned.

Melanie shook her head, "Sam, relax."

"No! I can't relax because I know what he wants to do, Mel!" I cried, "You need to get out of here or something."

Melanie looked over at Carly and mouthed something, at which point Carly ran out of the iCarly studio. Melanie turned back to me and sighed, "You can't protect me from dad forever, Sam."

"Well I can try, can't I?" I frowned, "Look, just stay up here when I leave and don't go back downstairs until I'm gone."

"Sam—"

"Because he might be looking when I leave to see if you're in the living room and if you are he'll make me get you, and I can't do that. I can't take you to him… I can't just hand you over to him without a fight." I rambled; my words ran together because of how fast I was talking.

"Samantha—"

"He'll take you home and he'll do stuff to you, I know he will. Last night he said that if I had sex with him again he'd leave you alone, but he was lying! I know he was lying! I won't be able to live with myself if he hurts you too!"

"Sam!" Melanie shouted, "Stop!

I looked up at her, suddenly snapped from my rambling-crazy monologue, "What?"

She had tears in her eyes, "Sam, he's driving you crazy, I can see it."

"I'm not crazy, I'm fine!" I growled, shaking my head, "Look, I need to go. Just stay here, okay?"

"No, I'm coming with you." Melanie crossed her arms.

"No, you can't!" I begged, "Please? He'll make you do things… you won't be able to handle it, Melanie."

"Sam, stop acting like I'm weak!" She cried out, "I may not be as strong as you are, but that doesn't mean I can't take care of myself!"

"O-Okay then?"

Melanie reached down and grabbed her bag, "Let's go, Sam."

I whimpered, "I don't wanna go yet. He's waiting out there…"

Melanie walked over to me and grasped my hand, "You'll be fine."

Slowly, we left the studio and went downstairs. When we got into the living room, we were met by the questioning stares of Spencer and Carly. Carly seemed to know more than Spencer about what was happening, because she hopped up and gave me and Melanie both huge hugs before we opened the door and left.

"Sam," Carly had whispered in my ear, "Be safe."

I shrugged it off, she couldn't have known.

Once we were out in the hallway, I unwillingly pushed Melanie behind me, just in case dad came out of the shadows and decided to grab one of us. I preferred it be me rather than Mel.

"Sammy, did you get—" He said as he came around the corner, changing his words as soon as he saw Melanie, "Melanie!"

He tried to move me out of the way so he could hug her, but I held my ground. Dad seemed pretty mad about it, but I knew he wouldn't hit me in front of Melanie… yet.

"Truck's out in the parking lot," He said finally, taking Melanie's gym bag she had filled with clothes and make-up from her arm.

We followed behind him, Melanie stayed directly behind me the entire time. I wasn't taking any chances. When we arrived at his pick-up, I once again grudgingly hopped up into the truck, pushing my body into the middle of the seat while Melanie waited outside patiently, and dad got in on the driver side. After we were all inside with the doors shut, I felt his leg brushing up against mine, causing me to press my body into that of my sister. Melanie tapped my knee and held out her hand. I didn't understand why at first, but finally, she reached over and grabbed my hand and let our fingers intertwine. She gave me a weak smile, trying to comfort me. I forced a quick smile back, before returning my gaze to the floor board. Dad hadn't said much since we'd gotten in the truck, and for that much I was grateful. Melanie and I held hands the entire way home, with her randomly squeezing mine whenever I got a pained expression on my face. When we pulled into our gravel driveway, I let go of her instantly, trying to close myself off from emotions. I had learned that if I went numb when I got home, nothing dad did would disturb me as much as before. It still emotionally, and physically, battered me, but not as bad.

"We're home," I heard dad grumble, cutting off the engine.

Melanie waited until dad was out of the truck to say anything to me, "Sam? Are you okay?"

I shuddered and shook my head, "No."

Melanie wanted to say something else, but dad had the passenger side door open too quickly for her. She smiled thanks to him and got out, while I remained inside. I was scared to move… way too scared to move.

"Sam," Dad growled, nudging me with his hand, "Get out."

Unwillingly, I slid out of the truck. My eyes met his, but I quickly looked away. Melanie pulled me over to her and rubbed my back. Her being here should have comforted me, but it did the opposite. I needed to be on high-alert 24/7 until she leaves to make sure she stays safe and **innocent**.

"Go inside the house," He ordered.

We walked together to the front porch. I was keeping my eyes peeled to make sure he didn't try a sneak attack on us while we were busy. He didn't, but I was still suspicious.

"Melanie!" I heard mom exclaim from inside the house.

I ran inside to see them hugging each other, "You've gotten so tall." Mom said.

I sighed and walked around to the couch, plopping down. Melanie did the same after mom let her go. It was weird, seeing the two of them getting along. But the more I thought on it, I realized that since dad has come back, mom can't blame him leaving on Melanie. That's another reason to keep him around I guess: Melanie's finally being accepted and loved by our mother.

"Samantha," Mom growled, I cringed at the use of my full first name, "Get on upstairs and try to fix that door. Your dad broke it this morning."

"I know," I murmured softly, my hands shaking. She must still be mad about when I 'lied' to her.

"Don't get smart with me, Samantha." She hissed, grabbing me by my arm and pulling me up from the couch, "Now go do what I said!"

I stared helplessly at Melanie, who was glaring at mom with pure fury. If this had been a few years ago, Melanie would have tackled her to the ground already. But she couldn't do that now. Now dad was in the picture, and I'm not risking Melanie's safety over something stupid.

My eyes watered as I climbed the stairs to my room, if you could call it that anymore. The door was completely off the hinges, and there were wood chips and broken things scattered around my floor. My gaze locked onto my bed, the one I refused to sleep in ever again. I shrugged and sat down on the floor beside my bed, the place I'd sat for so long yesterday. I calmed my breathing so I could hear downstairs. If Melanie needed me, I was planning on being down there quicker than a cat running across a busy highway. I was listening so contently to downstairs, that I didn't notice the broken glass on my floor, or the shadowy figure standing behind me. Not until it was too late.

Suddenly, I felt someone grab me by my hair and jerk me upwards. I turned to see who it was, and wasn't surprised to see Dad standing there. I shuddered as he gripped my shoulders and kissed my forehead. Fear had an iron grip on me, and I couldn't speak.

"Sammy," He frowned, "You shouldn't have run this morning. Maybe then I wouldn't have to hurt Melanie."

My eyes widened, "N-no! I'll be good, I _swear_! Melanie didn't even do anything! Just h-hurt **me**!"

He shook his head, "Too late."

_Too late…_

_

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_

**SUPER SEDDIE! AGGGHHHHH!**

**Well, I got that out of my system... lol.**

**Hopefully that wasn't rushed, I tried to take it slow. lol. Some of the stuff towards the end was definitely more depressing and angsty than the beautiful Seddie interaction, but it kinda had to happen I guess. **

**Poor Sam, I actually felt bad about the way I made things go for her this chapter. I'm feeling a lot worse for what's gonna happen really soon though. lol.**

**Thanks to everyone who's read this thing so far! I just realized I'm at chapter 20 now! Super proud. lol. **

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	21. Never Again

**Hola muchachos y muchachas! lol. Just trying out some Spanish...**

**Warning: It may get grizzly (Seriously.)**

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**Never Again**

"No! It's not too late!" I begged him desperately, "Please leave her alone! I'll be real good! I'll never leave the house again or anything!"

"You're pathetic," He grumbled, "I already gave you a bunch of chances, Sammy. You gotta learn your lesson sometime."

"I _did_ learn my lesson!" I sobbed, "I just screwed up! It won't happen again!"

"I know it won't happen again," He smirked, "Not after tonight."

"Last night you said if I let you**…** then you'd leave Melanie alone!" I cried, clenching my fists.

He smirked, "I **lied**. A thing _you_ should understand pretty well."

My eyes were ablaze with fury, and suddenly, I felt my legs spring into action. I ran at him and tackled him to the ground with all of the strength I had, punching him over and over again in anger. Everything was red. His face was red, my fists were red… it was all red.

"Amy!" He yelled before I punched him in the jaw.

I heard footsteps coming up the stairs, but I ignored them and continued pummeling him. When I felt hands wrapping around my waist and lift me into the air, I kept hitting him until I was too far away. That's when the pain in my ribs came back. I let out a low howl and started trying to hit whoever was holding me.

"Sam, stop it!" Mom screamed, letting go and dropping me on the floor with a loud thud.

I yelped and glared up at her, she was red too.

"What the Hell is goin' on up here?" Mom screeched, helping dad up to a standing position.

"That bitch came running at me for no reason, that's what happened!" He hollered, holding his fist in the air, "I was just trying to talk to the kid!"

"You're lying!" I shouted, standing up just as Melanie stepped into the room.

He pointed at me with his beefy fingers, "You ain't gonna be able to **breathe** when I'm done with you!"

I stepped forward a little, but Melanie grabbed my arm and shook her head, mouthing a simple, "No."

"Karl, just relax." Mom breathed, "She's probably just in one of her moods."

"He said he was gonna hurt Melanie!" I growled, struggling to get out of my sisters grasp.

"You said that?" Mom frowned, "She's been here five minutes and you're _already_ trying to scare her off."

"Oh, come on, Amy." Dad sputtered, wiping the blood from his nose, "Who are you gonna believe? Her," He pointed at me, "Or me, your **husband**."

"**Mom**!" I cried.

"She's already lied to you once," He sighed, crossing his arms, "You know I never touched her. And she said so herself."

"Mom, _please_!" I whimpered, "You gotta believe me!"

Mom seemed to think on this for a second before turning to glare at me, "You need to stop with your lies, _Samantha_."

"I'm not lying!" I shouted, throwing my hands in the air, "I'm your **daughter**!"

Mom gritted her teeth and slapped me, showing the side of her I'd become so accustomed to before my father came back, "You're doing it again. You're trying to make him leave!"

I reached up and put a hand on my stinging face, "Mom, I'm not—"

"Shut up!" She bellowed, shakily pointing at me, "Shut the Hell up, Sam!"

I opened my mouth to say something, but shut it quickly and stared at my shoes solemnly.

"Mom, Sam isn't lying." Melanie said softly, reminding me she was still here.

"Yeah, like I'm going to believe _you_." Mom said sarcastically, "Your lie is what started this whole thing."

"I wasn't lying, mom!" Melanie cried out letting go of me.

Dad smirked at me and I shivered while Melanie and Mom yelled at each other over something I didn't understand. Something I'd never known about.

"Why didn't you believe me, Mom?" Melanie asked, tears welling in her eyes.

"Because you're a liar," She grumbled, "Your dad _loved_ you!"

"He loved me the wrong way!" Melanie shot back, "And if I was lying, don't you think he would have stayed instead of running off!"

"He had to leave, you destroyed his reputation!" Mom screeched, "They wouldn't even let him come around the park to play with you two before he left! They didn't want him 'hurting the children'!"

My eyes widened and I glared up at my father in realization, he hurt her. He had done stuff to her too, and I never knew. He touched her. It all makes sense now. But, I didn't stop him then…

"**Bastard**!" I ran at him again, fists blazing, but this time he was prepared and grabbed my wrist, tossing me onto the floor. I attempted to get up and try again, but he gave me a hard kick to my ribs, paralyzing me for a few minutes. I gasped and rolled over, moaning in pain.

"I'm done," Mom threw her hands in the air, "I'll be downstairs having a drink if anyone needs me."

"Oh, yeah, Mom!" Melanie screamed, "Just run off to your damned Vodka like you always do when life gets tough!"

Mom turned around and slapped Melanie too, "You have no idea what it's been like raising you brats on my own!"

Melanie smirked, undaunted by the pain I knew she had in her cheek, "You have no idea what it's been like living with a _bitch_ like you for a mother."

My mouth was agape. Melanie never cussed, no matter how mad she was. Mom gave her one last fleeting look, before turning and walking into the hallway. The sounds of muffled sobs floated into the room, but soon disappeared, leaving Melanie and I alone… with _Him_.

Melanie got down on her knees to check on me, but out of the corner of my eye I saw dad coming toward her. I reached up and grabbed her shoulder, pulling her down onto the floor with me and out of his immediate grasp.

"Y-you need to r-run," I croaked out painfully, "N-now."

Melanie shook her head and whispered, "I'm **not** leaving you again."

"G-go!" I moaned before she was lifted off of me.

She let out a loud shriek as our dad tossed her onto the bed, while I lay motionless on the floor. My limbs weren't working for some reason, and I was so helpless it hurt. I attempted to get up just as Melanie screamed again, this time louder. My motivation grew stronger, and I gathered what little strength I had left to get back up. Once I was standing, my horror grew stronger when I saw him on top of her.

Without any second thoughts, I jumped on top of him and pulled him off Melanie. I attached myself to his back and rolled him onto the floor before I started hitting him. Melanie remained on the bed, completely silent, before I screamed at her.

"**Go**!" I screamed as he drove his knee into my side, "**Melanie, get out of here**!"

She hopped up from the bed, and after seeing the events unfolding on the floor, looked torn on whether she should leave or not.

"**Don't worry about me**!" I cried out, "**I'll be fine**! **Just go**!"

Melanie shook her head, but ran anyways. I waited until I heard the front door shut before I finally let go of him. I rolled off of him and onto the floor, panting excessively.

_Melanie is safe… _

"You're gonna regret that," Dad said, standing over me.

Just as I turned to look up at him, I got a face full of his boot. Blood sputtered from my nose as I rolled over and tried to curl into a ball, hoping to block some of his blows. My entire body hurt, and all it took was a couple of kicks to my back and side to make me cry this time. I gritted my teeth and shut my eyes, allowing the pain to take over. I was positive that he'd broken some bones, or at least fractured them. After what felt like hours, he stopped.

When I painfully lifted my throbbing head, I saw him sitting on the bed with that weird smile on his face. His gaze met mine, and the smile grew bigger.

_Oh no…_

He got up from the bed and trudged over to me while I desperately clawed at the floor to get away. My father shook his head as he bent down and pulled me into his arms, holding me above the ground against his chest. I writhed in pain as he touched my aching body, but otherwise remained fearfully still. I knew what he was going to do. It didn't matter that I looked like something out of a horror movie, or that I would probably cry the entire time. It didn't matter that mom was downstairs, and it didn't matter if my door was gone. He doesn't care. If he wants sex, he knows how to get it and will stop at _nothing_ to get it.

When he threw me onto the bed I let out a loud yelp as the pain shot through me like lightning. There was almost nowhere on my body that wasn't aching or stinging. My head felt like it had been beaten with a plank of wood and my eyes vision was blurred from the massive headache, plus the kick to my face.

As he climbed on top of me, I didn't shut my eyes or try to push him off me. I didn't beg him to stop, and there was no source of a struggle from my body. He seemed put off by this at first, but eventually came around and decided that I was into it now. I stared blankly at the ceiling, holding back tears that threatened to fall. Everything was different this time, because everything was the same. Because, no matter how hard I had fought back the last two times, he still ended up raping me. No matter how much I begged him to stop, he continued. And lastly, no matter how much I cried or how tightly I shut my eyes, this would still happen.

"You're being good, Sammy." He commented, shoving his lips onto mine and sticking his tongue down my throat, "I like that."

Nausea swept over me, but I held it back. He began to take my clothing off, stopping when I was down to just a bra and panties to take his own off. Just as he was about to unlatch my bra and take it off, a flash of light emitted through the air. I lifted my head slightly to follow it, but it disappeared as I looked down at the side of my bed where Freddie's bat was.

_**Freddie's**__ bat?_

I swallowed the lump in my throat, and slowly moved my arm off of the bed and towards the bat. This would be my last chance, my only savior. I can't be dumb about this; I need to be sneaky and precise. Once I felt the cold wood of the bat against my fingertips, I clasped my hand around it and gripped it hard. After taking one last fleeting glance at my father, I got a sudden rush of adrenaline and swung the bat around as hard and fast as I could in my current condition.

A loud crack erupted in the air, and my dad fell on top of me with blood gushing from the side of his head. My eyes widened and I slowly slid out from under his body. I looked from my father, to the bat, and back at my father again.

_What did I do?_

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**Sorry for the bit of shortness, I had the entire chapter written up the other day, but then I forgot to save and my laptop died, and when I plugged it up and turned it on I had about half of what I'd written. Not fun if I say so myself. So, instead of forcing you guys to wait forevs, I tried to round out what I had left so I could have a chapter of some kind for you guys. **

**Pretty crazy ride on this one, right? And Melanie cussing? Holy cheese on a chisel. lol. **

**I thought it would be pretty awesome if Sam finally snapped and just attacked her dad, so I made that happen, three times I think in one chapter. lol. **

**So... who thinks she killed him, and who thinks he's still alive? lol. **

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	22. What Have You Done

**Sorry if this sucks, it's late. lol. Enjoy!**

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**What Have You Done**

The sound of the faucet captivated me as I stuck my bloody hands and arms under the forceful stream of steaming hot water. The water in the sink slowly began to stain red, while my hands began to take on their natural color again. My body tensed as I heard clumsy footsteps outside the bathroom.

"Sam?" Mom called out, her voice slurred, "Samantha!"

I shut the water off immediately and slammed the bathroom door shut, just as I saw a flash of her brown hair. She banged on the door with her fists, but I sat down against it so she couldn't open it. My eyes were trained on the wall in front of me, desperately trying to block out my mother's anger-filled screams.

"Open the door, Samantha!" She growled, "You gonna say ya sorry for what ya did!"

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I remained silent, holding my still slightly blood spattered hands in front of my eyes.

"What did ya hit him with, you bitch!" She demanded, beating on the door again, "**Tell** **me**!"

I felt the door shaking against me, but I remained where I was.

"You know what?" Mom snorted, "Just forget it! I'll just call the friggin' cops so they can deal with your sorry ass!"

My eyes widened as I heard her footsteps fade. I shot up from my sitting position and ran back to the sink, desperate to remove the evidence from my hands. I scrubbed until all of the blood was gone and my hands were raw from being rubbed so much. At that second, I heard mom screaming into the phone downstairs. I couldn't understand what she was saying, but I'm not an idiot.

I threw open the bathroom door and ran for my room, grabbing my backpack from the floor and throwing some clothes inside. Once I had it filled with some of my belongings, I zipped it up and carefully slung it on my back. I was thankful that I'd thrown some clothes on immediately after the incident with dad, dressing takes time.

When I was at my window, I pushed it open to the sounds of sirens in the distance. I was so screwed. I glanced back and saw that my dad was still lying on the bed, either unconscious or dead. My hands shook as I climbed out of my window, careful about touching any of the injuries I'd sustained tonight… or the night before. Once I stepped onto the roof, my instincts kicked in, and I found myself flying down my road in seconds.

My heart was pounding and my legs were burning, but I needed to get as far from that house as possible. If I had still been there when the cops showed up, I'd be back in juvie before you can say chizz. They wouldn't believe me if I tried to tell them why I hit him with a bat. They'll just see Sam Puckett: the bad girl. I'm not letting that happen.

_Melanie…_

I need to find her. My heart told me she was at Carly's, but I continued having doubts. What if she's alone on the streets somewhere? Melanie can't handle that. She's probably scared or hurt… or _dead_.

I tried not to think about that last part, she was alive. Melanie has to be alive; she's all I have left. Instead of driving myself crazy over her whereabouts, I decided to check Carly's first. If Melanie isn't there, that's when I'll panic.

My eyes glistened with tears as still felt liquid between my fingers. If he's dead, I didn't know if I should be happy or feel remorse. Happiness wasn't something you're supposed to feel when someone related to you dies. I guess it's different when your father is a perverted rapist who likes messing with his daughters.

I cringed, remembering the recent information I'd learned. I didn't know exactly what dad had done to Melanie, but it obviously wasn't right. Guilt washed over me for the second time tonight for not protecting her back then. I've always been about protecting her for our entire lives, but of course there would be one time I didn't even know about that I let her get hurt. I'm such a crappy sister…

"Watch it, Kid!" A faceless man yelled at me as I almost knocked into him.

Without so much as a sorry, I turned and ran across the street from the man. I couldn't deal with petty crap like this right now. Melanie was all that mattered right now.

_You're forgetting something, Sam…_

Oh, right, I probably beat my father to death with a bat. I might have killed someone. I'm not a killer, I swear. Maybe I torture people to the point of insanity, but I'd never kill someone, that isn't me.

I sighed and pulled a hood over my head just as tiny droplets of rain began hitting my forehead. Of course it would start raining, that's just the way things go for me in life. When life gets tough, there's always something making it tougher for me. My dad was an awesome example of that. When he came back, I was mad as Hell about it and thought it was basically the end of the world. Boy was I wrong…

My eyes shut as the memories slowly faded to the back of my mind again, a place they needed to stay.

My clothes already felt like they were getting wet, so I sped up my pace to a run. Puddles were slowly beginning to form on the sidewalk, and I could hear the splashing sounds of my high-tops hitting the wet pavement. Rain sucks.

I stuffed my hands in my pockets and kept my head down for most of the hike to another bus stop. I would have hopped on a bus by the gas station near my house, but I didn't want to take a chance of the cops or my mother getting me there. That would have left me extremely screwed.

Once I was close to the bench that sat beside a sign that said 'bus' on it, I pulled my hands from my pockets and reached into my bag for my phone. Unfortunately, it wasn't there. I sat down on the bench and mentally smacked myself for being dumb enough to leave it at home. I threw my backpack down beside me and leaned back on the bench, allowing the rain to trickle down my exposed face. It felt really good.

"Excuse me, miss?" The rain suddenly stopped, and I looked up to see an umbrella being held above me by some dude.

"What?" I whispered, my voice kind of hoarse.

He straightened his collar, "You do know that it's raining, right?"

I snorted and answered him sarcastically, "Really? Is that why all that water is falling from the sky?"

He furrowed his brow, "You'll get sick if you stay out here like this."

I cocked my head in his direction, "Trust me, dude, getting sick is the least of my worries right now."

"I see," He frowned, "Typical teenage angst."

I gritted my teeth and immediately got defensive, "It's _not_ teenage angst, dude. I got **real** problems."

"Hey, hey," He sighed, "Chill. I was only kidding."

"Oh," I frowned, crossing my arms.

"So, what's a nice girl like you doing out here so late… in the rain?" He asked.

I gave him a sideways glance, suddenly feeling very uncomfortable, "Needed to get out of my house."

"Hm," He stepped closer to me and I inched farther away, "I see."

"Dude, what's your deal?" I growled, standing up and grabbing my bag.

"I just hate seeing cute little girls like you out all alone at night. I wanna make you feel better." He chided, stepping closer.

I slung my bag on my shoulders, knowing where this was going, "Fudge off."

"Come on—"

I ran before he had a chance to finish. When I looked back, he wasn't following me, but I ran anyways. I must be a real pervert magnet.

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**Sorry for the super shortness of this. I thought I'd try and post something now since I _might_ be busy this weekend. lol. I don't wanna be all evil and leave yall with a cliffy like that for like four days! lol.**

**I'm not very happy with this one... I don't know... I was having a lot of trouble writing this chapter because I kept changing my mind over what I wanted to happen. lol. In the end, I guess I decided on this, but not really. This is basically filler and I apologize for that, but after about three or four straight 'extreme drama' chapters, I was basically forced to write this. **

**PS: Random creep-man-guy just kinda happened when I was typing. lol. IDK why...**

**PSS: DUDE! I am at like 70 reviews now! lol. I'm like friggin happy! For a first story EVER, it's pretty friggin awesome!**

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	23. Writing On The Walls

**Enjoy, Ppls!**

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**Writing On The Walls**

Bushwell Plaza wasn't too far away now; I could almost see its big clock looming in the distance. My nerves were starting to kick in though, because I had no idea what to say to Carly or Spencer… anybody. If Melanie wasn't there, and I start freaking out, they are all going to want to know why, including Freddie.

Ugh, Freddie.

Once he sees the look in my eyes, and the cuts and bruises all over my face, he'll know that something is wrong. He'll know that my dad did something to me. I don't want Freddie worrying about me; I hate it when people worry about me.

I hate that I told him the truth about my father even more.

This wasn't just a secret, it was _my_ secret. It was my life we were talking about. I don't like talking about my life to people, besides maybe Melanie. If I can get out of talking about mom by saying she's trying on bikini's or something, I do, because it's easier. It's easier than saying I can't go home right now because mom just restocked the fridge with another case Vodka. It's easier than explaining that she likes to celebrate getting more alcohol by getting drunk as hell, before she gets mad and beats me.

But it won't be easy anymore. Freddie is going to start seeing past my lies, he'll ask me questions about stuff I don't wanna talk about. He'll want answers, not cleverly placed half-truths. I can't give him anymore answers.

My confusion over our second kiss is still lurking. I haven't been allowed to think about it very much since it happened, but I know I probably should before I see him again. I'm not even sure if I wanted it. The fact that I saw dad's face when it happened tells me a lot, but then again it says nothing. Freddie looked guilty afterwards. He cared that he'd hurt me by loving me. Yikes, love… that might be too strong of a word to explain Freddie's feelings right now. Let's go with… affection? Maybe not, that's way too poetic for our relationship.

Are we in a relationship?

We kissed, that's got to mean something. It wasn't like the first time we kissed, that was just us trying to get our first kiss out of the way, nothing special. I felt nothing from the first time. But this time… oh man… before dad's face popped into my mind, my thoughts turned fuzzy and it was like I was flying. I'm smiling just thinking about it.

Just because it made me happy, though, doesn't mean he feels the same way. He may have been guilt-ridden for a good minute or so about hurting me unintentionally, but that may have been just it: He was shameful. Maybe he hadn't liked it at all. I mean, it's kind of like me and my dad in a way. My dad enjoys having sex with me repeatedly, while I hate it. I hate it more than anything.

I looked up from the wet sidewalk to see I was just across the street from the large apartment building. Sometimes I wished I lived here. At least then I'd have a nice apartment to live in instead of a shabby house with bullet holes in the walls. Even if mom was still a drunk, it would be better. I _know_ it would be better.

Lewbert was asleep at his desk, holding a half-eaten doughnut in his hand. I smirked, thinking back to a simpler time when I stole a cheeseburger from him when he was in the same state. My eyes shimmered with tears threatening to escape, but I quickly shook the memory from my mind and went upstairs. Instead of running up all the flights of stairs to Carly's apartment like I usually did, I walked across the hall to the elevator and rode up in it. I was tired, more than I would usually be after walking all the way here from my house. I leaned against one of the walls of the elevator, sighing loudly as my forehead slowly came into contact with the wall. My body felt like it weighed a hundred pounds, and I wanted so badly to lay down somewhere and sleep.

My stomach growled suddenly, and I tried to remember the last time I'd eaten anything. It was probably the other day at school, before Freddie touched my wounds and made me go off on him. I opened my eyes, realizing that may have been **two** **days** ago. It had been Thursday I think, and today is Saturday, or whatever is left of it. I looked up at the clock inside the elevator and realized that it was well past midnight. Make that Sunday.

How I've made it that long without food, after puking most of it up in the first place, is beyond me. This whole thing _has_ driven me crazy, or at least changed me drastically. A month ago, I couldn't go two hours without a Fat Cake, let alone two whole _days_. I slid down the wall and sat down on the floor, not caring that the doors had opened long ago. I heard the bell ding as the doors closed again, but I didn't attempt to get out. My eyes were trained on the object that had ended up in my hands by some force I couldn't understand. I didn't even remember bringing it with me.

The light gleamed off of its silver surface, slowly drawing me in to my raw desire for pain. I shivered as the icy metal came into contact with my bare arm. I maneuvered the blade above the three cuts that were already there and began to push it into my skin before sliding it across with expert precision. The sick satisfactions of a physical wound followed and made me breathe in deeply, holding onto the emotion. After the first cut began to spew blood, I inched the razor over onto more porcelain skin, before repeating the process. The stinging, burning sensation made my heart flutter and my current feelings of insanity vanish. I wanted to stop after the first couple cuts, but my hand was doing its own thing now. Before I knew it, there were at least six new cuts on my arm, gushing out blood all over my once white skin. If there were more, I couldn't see them because the blood was covering them. I followed the slow trickling of red liquid as it slid down my arms to my fingertips before dropping off onto the carpet floor with a small splash. There was a lot more than I originally thought possible.

I dropped the razor on the floor, suddenly brought back to my senses. My eyes widened at what I had done. I placed my palm over the row of cuts I'd produced, hoping the bleeding would stop. It didn't.

Hastily, I stuck the razor back into my pocket and dug in my bag with my good arm for something to stop the blood with. I pulled out a white shirt from the bottom of the bag and immediately pressed it on my bloody arm, not even sure if I was on the right place. The shirt was turning red quickly, so I pushed down harder, seething from the burning I felt in my arm. I lifted the shirt a little to see if the bleeding had stopped, but just as I pulled the shirt up, more blood began to trickle down my arm. I grimaced and put the cloth back on.

After what felt like hours, the bleeding finally stopped, but not before I began to feel dizzy and lightheaded. I needed to drink something, fast. I tied the shirt around my arm, just in case it started bleeding again. Once I had it fastened tight enough, I rolled the sleeve of my jacket down around it. My jacket was black and really loose fitting, so it wasn't _too_ noticeable.

I breathed in slowly before grabbing a rail with my good arm and trying to pull myself up. Just as I got to my knees, dizziness consumed me and I fell against the wall, still on my knees. I held my left hand to my head and pushed myself up so that I was standing up but still hunched over. My eyes were heavy, and I was feeling more tired than ever now. There was this pressure in the back of my head too, probably from the dizziness. I slowly reached down for my backpack, still keeping a firm grip on the railing. Once I had it in my grasp, I turned back to the buttons on the wall.

I didn't know if the elevator had moved at all since the doors shut earlier, so I just pushed Carly's floor number again and waited to see what it did. The room seemed to move, so that gave me my answer. Soon, the doors opened once again and I was sluggishly stepping out into the hall, leaning onto a wall for support. The hall was swaying back and forth, causing me to strain to see in front of me. I slowly edged along the wall, taking each step carefully. When I saw Carly's door in the distance, I sped up my pace a little, or as much as I could I should say.

Consequently, my eagerness would be my downfall, literally. Just as I was about to reach out for the knob on Carly's door, my legs finally gave out and I collapsed onto the floor with a loud thud. Instead of getting up, I lay there staring up at the ceiling, losing the ambition of finding my sister altogether.

The sound of a door opening echoed in my head, but I thought I'd imagined it.

"Sam?" The squeaky sound of a male's voice broke through my thoughts.

I cocked my head slightly to see Freddie staring down at me with wide eyes filled with fear. My heart skipped a beat when I stared into those eyes, the dark-brown pools he told me that he hated. I liked his eyes, they were beautiful.

"Hey, Benson…" I sighed before rolling over and watching the hall fade away into blackness.

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**Dun dun dun! lol.**

**Okay, so most of this chapter is basically to show what her mental state is now. I thought maybe I needed one where she just thinks about everything. lol. I realized when I was writing this one that I hadn't written her eating anything since the ham at Carly's apartment when she hung out with Spencer all day. lol. **

**About the cutting, I wasn't going to write it at first. But considering the night Sam went through, it seemed understandable.  
**

**PS: I gotta question! lol. What do yall think a good story length is? Because I don't want this thing to go on forever and ever and have yall getting bored. I also don't want to end it abruptly, that would cheese yall off I'm sure. lol. Just answer that little question for me in the reviews please? It would rock if ya did! :)**

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	24. The Other Side Of The Door

**Enjoy!**

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**The Other Side of The Door**

When I woke up, I didn't awake to blinding white lights of hospitals like the lucky people in books. Instead, I was sprawled across Freddie's couch, with him sitting on the floor in front of me expectantly.

"You're awake," He sighed, more to himself than to me.

"What'd you expect?" I attempted to sit up, but I felt suddenly light-headed and lay back down, holding my forehead with my hand, "Whoa."

"What happened, Sam?" Freddie asked, pushing a few strands of hair from my face.

I blinked a couple times before giving him a confused expression, "What are you talking about?"

Freddie placed his hand on my cheek and sighed, "You look like you've been through Hell."

"That's what every girl wants to hear in the morning," I tried to push his hand away in defiance when I felt bandages on my face, "I ain't been to a doctor have I?"

He smiled at my horrible grammar, "Doctor Benson fixed you up."

"Oh," I stared up at him, "You did?"

"Yeah," He smirked, "My mom's taught me a lot from 'saving money on doctors' and doing health-type -stuff at home. Except shots, my mom can't handle needles."

I chuckled, "_That's_ surprising."

"That my mom hates needles?"

"No," I shook my head, still smiling, "That she didn't take you to the doctor. I thought that would be her number one priority… or something."

He shrugged, "I know, but after my dad died she didn't have much money to do much with me, so hospitals were kind of out of the question. It's a good thing my mom's a nurse I guess."

"Yeah," I murmured, keeping my voice low, "I guess."

I didn't know how to react to him talking about his father, since I'd never met him, nor knew _how_ he died. Freddie rarely said anything about him. When he did, it was because he was caught up in the moment of something. It made me feel strangely special that he'd even said the word 'dad' in my presence.

Freddie gave me a puzzled expression before realizing why I was being so quiet and what he'd said. He soon changed the subject, "So, about what happened to you…"

"Freddie," I sighed, staring deep into his eyes, "You _can_ talk about your dad, I really don't mind listening."

He shook his head, "No."

I cocked my head, "Why not? I told you about mine."

He turned pale, probably remembering our conversation, "That's different…"

I shook my head and placed my hand over his which was now on my shoulder, "It's not."

"Yes it is," He bit his lip and his voice got a little higher, "Completely different."

I sighed, "Freddie, is it going to hurt you if you talk about it?"

"Emotionally: yes." He frowned.

"Well, emotionally, it _killed_ me to tell you what my dad has been doing to me. I feel like shit for telling you. Excuse my language."

Freddie angrily shook his head, "I don't like talking about it."

I shrugged and shuffled around on the couch, "Same here. Do you think I _enjoy_ letting people know I'm a slut?"

"You're not a slut…" He looked hurt, "You **didn't** want to have sex."

"So? I still feel like I'm a whore for it, Freddie." I stared at the floor, "Because that's what I am."

He cupped my face in his hands, "You're not."

Suddenly, as if out of some twisted dream, our lips met. At first I was surprised, but eventually I gave in and lifted my head slightly so he knew I was into it too. The softness of his lips against mine felt so good, like it was right.

_"That was good, Sammy."_

No. I wasn't going to let **Him** ruin this for me a second time. I shut my eyes and wrapped my arms around Freddie's neck through my dizziness. Subconsciously, I was trying to rebel against my father by kissing someone else. In spite of my dad's voice echoing through my mind every few seconds, I continued to pull Freddie closer, sucking on his lips with passion.

As soon as it started, it was over. Freddie and I both had the stupidest smiles on our faces. He soon was brought back out of his thoughts, and with a cute smile muttered, "I don't kiss sluts _or_ whores, Sam."

Tears filled my eyes at his small comment, and I resisted the urge to hug him close to me, "Y-You mean that, d-don't you."

He kissed my forehead happily before pulling back and smiling, "Of course."

I gave him a small smile and slowly muttered, "That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me in a long time."

Freddie sighed and stared at the floor, before giving me a sad smile, "You're right about me."

"Huh?" I frowned.

"Our dad situations being similar… you're right." He scratched his head, "I _should_ tell you."

I attempted to sit up on the couch, but this time when I faltered, Freddie was there with awaiting arms. He pushed me up and sat down where my head once was before allowing me to lay down on his stomach. I stared up at him innocently like a small child, "Okay."

He released a long sigh before beginning, "My dad was a total nerd from what my mom has told me. She said that when he found out she was pregnant he bought me Galaxy Wars sheets, pillows, clothes; the whole nine yards. He didn't even know I was going to be a boy. Mom said it was all on impulse because of how happy he was.

"A few months after I was born," He continued, obviously trying not to cry, "He was driving through the bad part of town, kind of close to where you live, and a bunch of gangsters just shot him. There was no warning and no reason, they just shot him. He died instantly."

I looked up at him and saw the pain in his face, "I'm sorry, Freddie."

Freddie sighed and shook his head, "It's fine. I don't even remember him, Sam. How am I supposed to miss someone I almost never met?"

My gaze went to the ceiling, "I… I guess you don't."

He ran his hand through my hair, "I guess I'm lucky that way though. Since I don't have any memories of him, it doesn't hurt as badly that he's dead."

"Freddie," I frowned, staring up into his dark-brown eyes, "You sure about that?"

"Yeah," He replied simply, before releasing a long sigh, "Though, it would be kinda nice to remember _something_."

Our eyes met, and I could see the distant pain in Freddie's eyes. Pain he probably tried so hard to shield. It was all revealed to me in a matter of seconds, and I wasn't sure that I wanted to understand it anymore.

"I wish my dad had died when I was a kid." I muttered under my breath, staring off into space.

"Sam…" Freddie's voice brought me back, and I realized he'd heard me.

I gritted my teeth and stared up at him, feeling embarrassed, "I'm sorry."

Freddie shrugged, "It's okay, I kinda wish your dad was dead too."

I smiled sadly, "He's not a very likeable person."

He brushed my bruised cheek with his fingers, "He isn't… I'm sorry."

"For what?" I asked, my heart fluttered at his touch.

"Making you think about him," Freddie frowned, "I know it hurts you."

I shook my head, "I'm okay, Freddie. Really."

"Don't lie to me," He seemed unconvinced, "I just don't like making you think about Him, that's why I didn't want to tell you about my dad… and why I almost didn't kiss you earlier."

"What made you want to do it then?" I asked curiously.

He smirked, "You. I know you don't want to be treated like a piece of glass sitting up on shelf that everyone is scared of breaking."

My eyes widened at how well he understood me, "How… How do you know that?"

Freddie shrugged, "You need to feel in control. That's why you beat me up all the time, because you know that you can. I figured it out one day when you had me in a headlock and kept saying that you were my master or something. If people treat you like they are scared of hurting your feelings, it kills you, because that inevitably puts them in control of you."

My mouth dropped, "Wow."

He was right. That was the reason that I picked on him, because he let me. It's always been why. Nobody has ever been able to pick up on that yet. Not my teachers, not recyclable guidance counselors, not even Carly or Spencer have been able to understand me so well.

I was silent for a moment before finally asking the question that had been on my mind for the past few minutes, "How long ago did you figure that out?"

He shrugged, "I don't know, it was around the time you got that job at Chili My Bowl."

You have got to be kidding me. I worked at that crap-hole almost two years ago. He's known all this time, yet he continues to allow me to hurt him.

"Why have you kept letting me beat you up then?" I demanded, sitting up on my own without a problem.

"Because I didn't want to hurt you." He replied simply, "You looked like you were being hurt enough by someone else, I don't think I needed to add to that."

"But—Wait a minute, what do you mean 'someone else'?" I glared at him.

Freddie scratched his head, "Well, there had to be a reason why you had to hurt people or be in power to feel accomplished and happy. I thought maybe it was because your dad left you or something."

I gritted my teeth angrily and did something I knew I would regret. I stood up and grabbed his shirt collar and shook him, "Why does everyone always say that? Just because my dad ditched me doesn't mean that's why I'm so screwed up!"

Freddie gave me a fearful look, "Then who is it then?" He yelled back.

"My—" I stopped myself and let him go, backing away slowly, "No one."

Freddie shook his head, "Whatever."

My bottom lip quivered and I sat down on the couch again, feeling light-headed. Freddie scooted away from me, probably sensing that I was pretty cheesed off right now. After sitting together silently for a moment, I suddenly felt really tired, and really dizzy.

Without warning, I fell over onto the arm of the couch, hitting my head on the cushions. Freddie hopped up immediately and threw himself onto the floor beside the couch so he was as close as to me as possible, "Sam?"

"I'm really… I need…" My eyes kept opening and closing, I was just so tired and my brain was Jello, "Drink."

"On it," Freddie got up and ran off somewhere while I stared at the spot where he once was, shaking uncontrollably at a sudden cold feeling that had swept over me.

He was back in no time, setting a glass of water on the table beside me, "Sam?"

"Hm?" I opened my eyes slightly, seeing a blurred version of my friend.

"I got the water," He said, nodding to the glass."

"Cold," I shivered, staring up at him weakly.

"I guess the water is cold?"

I shook my head at his stupidity, "I'm… **cold**."

He shook his head and grabbed a blanket, draping it over my shaking body. I nodded in thanks while Freddie grabbed the water and held it in front of my lips. I glared at him, unsure of what he was doing.

"Just try to open your mouth, okay?" He sighed, seeing my confusion.

I did as I was told and he began to tip the glass slightly so that a slow stream of water was sliding down my throat in seconds. I gulped it down desperately, surprised at how thirsty I actually was. Freddie seemed pretty shocked by it too, because he was up filling the cup with more water moments later. When he came back, I opened my mouth wide in anticipation but he didn't move.

"F-Freddie…" I moaned, trying to hit him but my arms felt like rubber and weren't working right.

"What happened to you?" He asked.

"N-Nothing-ah." I struggled to say.

Freddie stood his ground, "You're showing all the symptoms of blood loss, Sam."

"Th-Thirsty." I begged him, tears filling my eyes.

He wanted to give in to me, I could see it in his eyes, but he didn't, "Sam, just try and tell me."

"L-Later-er…" I muttered, my eyes drooping, "P-Please?"

"Fine," Freddie grumbled, bending down and letting me drink again, "You better tell me later."

I nodded and guzzled the water down quickly. Just as I finished off that glass, I shivered again, this time causing my teeth to chatter. Freddie gave me a worried look as he went to get more water. I wasn't feeling as dizzy and tired as before, but I was so cold.

"Sorry," I mumbled softly, "You didn't… have to… do this."I let out a long breath between every few words.

Freddie crouched down in front of me and allowed me to drink again, "It's cool. As long as you're okay, I'm okay."

I drank the water quickly, and as he stood up to get another, lowly muttered, "_Sorry_."

He didn't hear me.

* * *

**SEDDIE! EEP! Lol. Everyone loves a lil Seddie kissin'! (Well... I do...)**

**This one was pretty fun to write. I'm pretty happy with it I think. It's longer than the last two I've posted I think, so that's good :)**

**Random thing: Title for this was named after a T-Swift song. NOT because it relates to anything, I've never even heard it lol, I just thought it sounded appropriate with it being Freddie's apartment... I don't know.**

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	25. All We Know

**Enjoy! **

**:)**

* * *

**All We Know**

_It was red. Everything was red: my walls, my bed… my __**hands**__. Red was the only color I could see or even begin to picture in my mind. _

_Red, red, __**red**__._

"_Eh?" I heard a grunt from the bed and jumped back, instinctively throwing my hands in front of my face for protection._

_He didn't move, only laid there staring at me with those eyes. His eyes were red too. I stepped forward and gave him a small tap on the shoulder, worried he might actually be dead. The bat on the floor beside my feet looked as if it were moving closer to me. _

"_You…" He turned his head at my touch and gave me that devious grin I hated so forcefully._

_My eyes widened as he rose up from the bed and grabbed me, pulling me back down onto the bed beside him. As he began to pull my clothes off, I opened my mouth to scream but nothing would come out. He laughed heartily at this and tried to pry my clothing off that much faster. I gritted my teeth as I attempted to push him off of me, but it was all in vain._

"_Dumb girl…" He whispered, kissing my neck and chest._

_I mouthed the words "stop" and "please no" repeatedly, hoping a sound would eventually escape my lips. My eyes watered as I felt my jeans being ripped from my body. He was going to do it again, this is actually happening._

"_Weak…" His voice rang in my ears._

_I shook my head and tried to push him off once more, but once again he overpowered me. My body felt like it was being pricked with a million red hot needles, piercing my skin over and over again. _

"_Defenseless…" I heard him say throughout my agony._

_My mouth curled as I tried to tell him 'no' again. Why can't I speak? Why can't I move him?_

_There was a light coming from my bedroom door, a light that wasn't a crimson red shade. It was bright blue. My head was spinning when he began to unzip his jeans. I reached out for the small ray of light, praying for a miracle. The more I reached for it, the more my determination grew. _

_Suddenly, I felt my heart get some sort of electric shock and I screamed as loudly as I could, "__**Get off of me! Stop!"**_

_His body rose from mine and into my ceiling until he disappeared. I sighed in relief before getting up and running to my door. It felt like I was going in slow motion until I felt the cold metal of my doorknob brush against my fingertips. My body felt like it was being sucked through a vacuum seconds later, with colors and shapes floating and spinning around me. Finally, I was spit out onto the hardwood of a floor that wasn't of my bedroom. _

"_Hello?" I whispered into the nothingness._

_The room was dark. There were no windows or lights, just pure blankness. The doorknob fell out of my clenched hand as I opened it. It surprised me. I flinched and jumped away from it._

"_Where __**am**__ I!" I demanded angrily._

"_Sam?" _

"_Freddie?" I glared at his glowing form walking towards me, "Why are you here?"_

_He shrugged, "I'm supposed to help you, but you won't let me."_

I awoke with a start, covered in a cold sweat and shaking. When I looked around me, I realized I was no longer in the closet, but in Freddie's apartment. I sighed in relief, realizing it was just a dream.

"_I'm supposed to help you, but you won't let me."_

The sound of those words still reverberated in my ears.

I shook my head and sat up on the couch, suddenly noticing the arm wrapped around my shoulders. Freddie had stayed with me all night. I smiled and playfully thumped his fingers, knowing he wouldn't wake up. Freddie was a heavy sleeper.

When I went to stretch, I suddenly felt very stiff and sore. I grimaced and slowly relaxed on the couch again, keeping my pain-filled breaths to a minimum. The stinging in my arm felt worse than it had yesterday, but the dizziness and light-headedness that had presented a problem earlier were all but gone. I was very thankful for that.

Freddie stirred on his spot on the couch, but was quickly at rest once again. I wondered where his mother was, I never thought to ask last night when we were talking before my health went downhill. I glanced over at the table where a half-empty glass of water still sat. I didn't even remember falling asleep, just being really tired and weak. Freddie had helped me, even if he did so with the intention of finding out why I was in the state I was in. That was one secret he couldn't know. If he found out I was cutting, Freddie would never speak to me again.

I sighed sadly, realizing that maybe I did have a problem. It did help me feel better last night when I cut in the elevator, but the consequences are eventually going to catch up to me. They actually kinda did last night when I fainted, but that was only because I was being stupid when I did it. I was just way too into the moment. Next time will go better, I know it.

What am I saying? I sound insane right now, I swear. Who plans how they're going to cut themselves? Crazy people, that's who. I'm not crazy. I'm the opposite of crazy.

After glancing over at Freddie to make sure he was still sleeping, I rolled the sleeve of my jacket up to see how my arm looked this morning. The shirt was still tied there. When I tried to pull it off, I painfully noticed that there was dried blood bonding the cloth to my arm. I frowned and got up from the couch, headed for the kitchen sink. Once there, I turned the knobs and let the water run freely before holding my arm out under the steady flow of liquid. The cool water felt good on my scarred arm. I stood there for a good minute or so before shutting the water off and slowly peeling the shirt away from my skin.

It took a couple of good tugs, but the shirt was soon removed and I was staring down at my scar-ridden arm. There were more cuts than I thought. After I cleaned some more dried blood off of my wrist I counted at least ten or eleven cuts decorating my skin from my elbow, all the way down to my mid-arms length. There was a lone cut though that was just above my wrist, and I didn't remember doing that one. It scared me.

I shrugged the fear away and pushed my sleeve back down, careful not to let it brush against my scars too much.

"Sam?" I heard a yawn from the couch.

I rushed over to see Freddie stretching his arms, "Sup, Benson?"

"You woke up before me?" He yawned again, "How did that happen?"

I shrugged, "You're a heavy sleeper."

Freddie scratched his head and frowned, "What time is it?"

"I don't know," I shrugged, "Didn't think to check."

He shook his head and reached for his phone sitting on the coffee table, "Nine-thirty."

"In the morning?"

"Yep," He smirked, "Looks like you've beaten your Sunday record for waking up early."

"Can it," I growled, pointing an angry finger his way.

Freddie gave me a sly smile, "Yes, _Mama_."

I rolled my eyes, "Anyways, where is your mom, _Fredward_?"

"Ugh," He groaned at the use of his full first name, "She's at another Aggressive Parenting Conference."

"You're kidding," I groaned, "I thought she went to one last week?"

Freddie sighed, "Yes, Sam, that's why I said '**another'**."

"Whatever," I yawned.

Freddie smiled at me and motioned me to sit beside him, but I declined. My eyes were trained on my backpack that was lying on the floor beside the couch.

"Why is my bag here?" I asked.

"You had it with you last night when I found you," He replied, "Remember?"

I shook my head, "No."

"That's weird," He sighed, "Do you remember us talking?"

I nodded, "Yeah, and I remember walking here from my house, but everything that happened in the hallway is kind of a blur."

"You never told me what hap—"

"Melanie!" I screamed in sudden realization.

I'm a terrible sister. How could I forget about her? I mean, seriously? Man, I _suck_ at life.

"Sam?" Freddie tried to calm me, "Relax."

"No, no, no!" I yelled quickly, grabbing my backpack, "I gotta find her! I need to check Carly's and… and…"

"Sam," Freddie put a hand on my shoulder, "Melanie is fine."

"What?" I glared at him angrily before grabbing him by the collar and shaking him, "You knew she was okay, and you didn't tell me! What kind of friend are you?"

"No, Sam, just listen," He sat me down on the couch, "Carly came over last night after you fell asleep. She told me that Melanie was there and she was okay, just really shaken up. I didn't want to wake you because you were sleeping so peacefully, and I thought maybe you needed it."

"Freddie!" I shouted, "Melanie is a Hell of a lot more important than how much sleep I get!"

"Why is that?" He asked, crossing his arms.

"Because she's my sister, **Idiot**!" I cried out, "I gotta make sure she's okay!"

"Sam," He grabbed my arm to stop me from getting up, "You really need to stop?"

"Stop what?" I gritted my teeth.

"Stop trying to take care of her when you can barely take care of yourself!" Freddie shot back.

"You don't understand, Freddie!" I shouted, jerking my arm away from him, "I need to protect her!"

"Look at where that's gotten you, Sam." He stated simply.

"I'm fine!" I cried out, holding my head, "Everything is fine!"

"Sam, you're _not_ fine." Freddie retorted, placing a hand on my shoulder.

I gritted my teeth, "How would you know?"

He paused before answering, "Because of the way you sleep."

"That doesn't mean any—"

"You curl into the tiniest ball I've ever seen, and you cry. Every few minutes, I'd hear you whispering in your sleep, begging someone to stop." He interrupted me with a sigh, "I thought you were hurting at first last night, but then I realized you were sleeping. That's when I knew."

I sucked in a hard breath before turning on my heels and heading for the door, "I'm done."

Just as I turned the knob and pulled the door open barely an inch, it slammed shut again. I looked up to see Freddie's outstretched arm above my head with his hand placed firmly on the door, "You're not going anywhere."

"You can't decide that for me." I growled, glaring up into his eyes.

"You're right," Freddie frowned in defeat, taking his hand off the door and stepping back, "I can't."

I smirked defiantly, "Glad you see it my way."

As I looked back before shutting the door behind me, I realized that I may have just hurt him a little more than I meant to.

_He just doesn't understand that you need to see Melanie._

Yeah, but he was right on one thing, I'm definitely **not** fine.

_It doesn't matter._

It does.

_It doesn't._

It **does**.

"_**I'm supposed to help you, but you won't let me."**_

* * *

**The dream was interesting to write. I really didn't know where to go with it, but then I was watching a Harry Potter movie and saw them using those random objects to transport them places and got inspired. lol. So, thanks Harry and friends. Couldn't have done it without ya.**

**Anyways, I hope yall liked it. It's taken me a little bit longer than usual to post, sorry bout that. Been really busy lately with family type stuffs. lol.**

**On a much more awesome/happy note that has nothing to do with this story, I got my drivers lisence! It only took me two tries and an almost totaled Ford truck. lol. I was too crunk! My dad was pretty pissed over the truck thing, but I could really care less! I'm mobile! YAY!**

**BTW I am 10 reviews away from 100 yall! Also way too crunk about that! lol. If I somehow make it there by next chapter, I'll do... something. lol. What does a writer do on here to reward people for sheer awesomeness? lol. Idk... I'll figure something out. Suggestions? lol.**

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	26. There For You

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**There for You**

"Carly!" I shouted, opening the door without knocking, "It's me!"

They were all sitting on the couch: Carly, Spencer, and a rather panic-stricken Melanie. I had to contain my joy of seeing her, resisting the urge to run up and hug her. I knew she probably wouldn't be able to handle it right now.

"S-Sam?" Melanie looked up and I quickly noticed the blankness in her eyes.

"Hey, Mel." I gave her a small smile, walking over and sitting beside her on the couch.

Her face lit up immediately, and the glazed over look she once fashioned was gone, "Sam!"

I braced myself for the hug that indefinitely came, holding in the ache to cry out when she came into contact with my bruises and cuts. When she let go, I forced a smile through the pain I was experiencing.

"We'll leave you two alone," Spencer said smiling, dragging Carly away after him.

Carly gave me a brief nod before following her brother upstairs. I didn't know what it meant, other than that maybe she was happy to see me. Maybe she was treating me like I was treating Melanie; trying to keep the emotional outbursts to a minimum. I appreciated it since I probably couldn't handle another hug without breaking down.

"How long have you been here?" I asked Melanie, holding her hand in mine.

She shrugged shakily, "Since last night I think."

I sighed, "So you _did_ come straight here?"

Melanie nodded silently, her eyes on the floor. I squeezed her hand in a comforting way and gave her a small smile, "That's good."

She scratched her head nervously, "I should have stayed."

"Stayed?"

"At home…" Melanie trailed off, her expression hard.

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair, "I made you go. Don't feel guilty."

Melanie shook her head, eyes watering, "What if he had killed you, Sam? What then? He obviously beat you up pretty bad... I can see blood in your hair…"

I reached up and tried to feel for it, but Melanie stopped me by pulling down a clump of my hair that was tinted a reddish-brown color instead of my natural dirty blonde. My hands curled around the strands before I threw them behind my ear carelessly. The action caused me to feel a sudden tenderness in my head, but I held in the urge to say anything about it.

"It doesn't matter," I muttered finally, "It would have been worse if you had stayed, Mel."

She shook her head, "You shouldn't have intervened. If you had just let him…"

"No!" I cried out a little too loudly, "I wasn't going to let him **rape** you, Melanie!"

Melanie turned silent immediately, drawing her legs to her chest and wrapping her arms around them on the couch. I felt suddenly guilty, remembering that he had _already_ done something to her that I didn't understand yet.

"Sorry," I mumbled, "I forgot."

"Forgot what?" Melanie asked innocently.

My lip twitched, "When mom and you were fighting… You said dad loved you the wrong way…"

"Oh," She breathed.

"What did he do?" I questioned, trying not to sound too desperate for an answer.

She shrugged, seemingly put off by the question, but answered regardless, "Touched me… made me touch him."

Her gaze remained at the floor, and I could see her face flush red. I opened my mouth to say something, but closed it quickly, realizing I didn't know what I should say. Melanie was embarrassed.

"I…" She whispered, "I didn't like it… so I told mom."

"And she didn't believe you." I muttered knowingly.

Melanie shook her head, "No."

I nodded angrily, "_Bitch_."

"Sam, don't call her that," Melanie muttered, "She's still our mother. And anyways, after he left it wasn't such a big deal anymore."

My mouth was agape, "How can you say that? Of course it was a big deal, Mel!"

Melanie flinched, "It's a big deal that he's raped you, but I don't see you acting like it is."

"That's because it's not," I mumbled, remembering the count was at two and a half rapes now, not one, "It's… **different**."

"How is it different, Sam?" She threw her hands into the air.

I sighed, "I'm older. You were a little kid."

"So?" She retorted.

"I can handle this better than a six-year old, Melanie." I growled, clenching my fists, "I _am_ handling it."

"You think I didn't deal with it?" She frowned, "When I went to boarding school they stuck me in therapy after I told them about it."

Suddenly, I felt my heart drop, "So you told your snobby school people before me?"

"No… Sam it's not like that—" Melanie began before I cut her off.

"Yes it is! You went to them and told them about all of your fudgin' secrets you never told me!" I cried out, holding back the urge to scream.

Melanie gritted her teeth, "I woke up crying and screaming every night for the first week I was there. They had to stick me in a room by myself because I was disturbing people. Eventually, I had to tell because if I didn't they were going to send me home. It's a good thing I did too, I'd probably be crazy right now if it wasn't for the meds they put me on."

"Meds?" I felt my anger rising, "You never told me you were on medication."

"For PTSD, yeah." She replied simply, "And the only reason I didn't tell you is because you would worry."

My heard pounded in my chest like a rock. She didn't tell me so I wouldn't **worry**? That's _my_ thing. _I_ keep my stuff to myself. I hope I haven't somehow rubbed off on her or something.

"You're not allowed to do that," I thought aloud, not realizing she heard me.

"Excuse me?" She grumbled, "Since when do you get to decide what I can and can't do?"

"Since we were born!" I shouted, "_I'm_ supposed to protect you! You can't go around keeping secrets from me because you think I'll worry!"

It was probably the most hypocritical thing I've ever said. But still, I said it.

Melanie snorted and looked me up and down, "You have no room to talk."

I sucked in a long breath, letting it out slowly through my nostrils. Melanie gave me a hard glare, but I ignored it. She just didn't understand. It's always been my job to take care of her. Keeping secrets and emotions locked away in my mind was a huge part of that. If she only knew some of the stuff I never told her, maybe she would understand.

"Whatever," I mumbled finally, "You don't understand."

"That's what you always say, Sam." Melanie muttered.

I stood up and walked into the kitchen, feeling the burning of her eyes in the back of my head. Once there, I got a bottle of root beer out of the fridge and a few pieces of ham. Melanie continued to stare at me incredulously, like she didn't understand what I was doing.

"You're eating… now?" Melanie said finally, an air of annoyance in her voice.

"Another thing you don't understand," I frowned, staring back at her, "I haven't eaten anything in two days, Mel-Loser."

"You're kidding me?" Her face dropped, "_You_?"

I nodded, "This whole thing with dad has _killed_ my appetite."

"That's not healthy, Sam." Melanie said in the motherly voice I adored as a child, "You can't just stop eating for a couple days."

"Like I said, you don't understand." I mumbled, finally putting the ham in my mouth and savoring the taste.

"I would if you'd tell me these things." She sighed, taking a sip of my root beer.

I jerked the bottle of root beer from her hand, "Mine."

"Bossy…" She muttered, giving me a sly grin.

I took a long gulp of my drink before slamming it onto the table, "You know it."

Melanie smiled but didn't say anything. I cocked an eyebrow, "What?"

She shrugged, "It's just good to know all of this 'stuff' hasn't changed you too much."

"Yeah," I scratched my neck nervously, the cuts on my arm burning and stinging now more than ever, "Good to know."

"Is there something you're not telling me?" Melanie asked, her smile fading.

I shook my head, "Nope, I'm straight."

"Okay, just checking." She nodded.

I continued to chew on my ham silently, taking swigs of root beer every few minutes while Melanie watched me closely. I gazed at the countertop in an attempt to keep her from reading what I was actually feeling through my eyes. She was talented at that.

"Sam," Melanie said, I could hear the caution in her voice, "What happened last night after I left?"

I grimaced, "He just got kinda... mad."

"That's all?" Melanie asked, though she already knew the answer.

I lied anyways, "Yep."

"Sam…" She moaned.

"Fine," I mumbled, "He just hit me some."

"_That_ I believe." Melanie sighed, "How bad?"

I shrugged, "It hurt."

"Sarcasm? Really?" Melanie groaned.

I smirked, "Yep."

"Give me a serious answer or I'll just look for myself." She crossed her arms.

"Melanie..." I moaned, "Please don't make me..."

"Tell me, Sam." She frowned, "Don't test me because I _will _look."

"Kicked me in the head," I muttered, my voice low in embarrassment, "He probably kicked me just about everywhere actually. Then he… stopped."

"He just stopped?" Melanie sounded unconvinced.

I nodded silently, drinking more root beer. Melanie took the bottle from me and glared at me, "Sam?"

"Gimme that back," I whispered weakly.

She tapped her foot, "Tell me the truth."

Our icy blue eyes met, and I knew she meant business. I ripped my gaze from hers, and returned to staring at the counter, "He tried stuff again." My voice was barely above a whisper.

"Tried?"

I nodded, "I stopped him."

Melanie turned pale, "How?"

"Just did," I muttered angrily.

"He's not dead or something is he?" Melanie joked with a small laugh.

I lifted my head, "I didn't stick around long enough to find out for sure."

Before she could say something else, I quickly added, "Not kidding."

Her eyes froze on my face, and I knew she was searching for the answers using instinct alone. Instead of forcing her to question me for another fifteen minutes or so, I eventually let out a long sigh and mumbled, "He tried to rape me again, but I wasn't going to let him. Freddie's bat was there… and chizz happened."

"Chizz happened?" Melanie said incredulously.

I nodded solemnly, "Chizz happened."

We sat in solitude for a few minutes before Melanie finally spoke.

"You hit him with the bat," She said as I nodded, "And when you left you weren't sure whether he was alive or not?"

I nodded again, "I'm in serious chizz, Mel. Mom called the cops and… I heard sirens when I was leaving. They're probably out looking for me right now."

"Well," Melanie sighed, "Maybe if you just explain what happened, then they'll call it self-defense and you won't be in trouble."

I shook my head, "The cops around here won't believe that for a second. They know my history."

Melanie gave me a grave look, "This is bad."

"Really bad," My heart pounded, "The cops will probably be here soon. Maybe you should go."

"Why would you think that?"

I shrugged, "Mom hates me right now. She probably already told them who my best friend is, so they'll be here in a heartbeat."

I tried to remain as calm on the outside as I could, but internally I was breaking.

"Sam, don't think like that." She sighed, "Spencer won't let them arrest you."

"It's not his call," I laughed sadly.

She frowned, "Sam, relax."

I rolled my eyes and ate another piece of ham, "Whatever."

"So, anyways," Melanie changed the subject after realizing this conversation wasn't going anywhere, "Where did you go last night? Carly was pretty worried."

I shrugged with a sly smile, "Freddie's."

"Freddie, as in Freddie Benson?" Melanie's face lit up, "Gimme deets!"

My lips curled into a smile, "There are no 'deets'."

"Oh, come on, Sam!" She begged me like a kid wanting a new toy, "Please?"

"We kissed." I said finally, holding back the urge to scream it.

"Holy cheese, no way!" Melanie hopped up, "I bet it was good, Freddie's got lips sent from God."

"Ugh," I cringed, "I just remembered he kissed you."

Melanie smirked, "Yep, and it was awesome before he ran away."

I snorted, "That's just sad."

"Whatever. It was only because he thought I was you… or something." She rolled her eyes, "Do you like him?"

"Freddie?" I sighed, "No."

"Oh, come on, Sam!" Melanie squealed, "You can't kiss someone and _not_ like them."

I frowned, "That's not true. When we kissed on the fire escape a couple of years ago I hated him."

"Yeah," She nodded, "But that's different."

My fingers twitched, "How so?"

"You guys were younger then and your hormones were really out of whack," Melanie replied smiling, "Now you're older, in whack, and more experienced when it comes to 'love'."

"More experienced?" I glared, "I haven't had a boyfriend since ninth grade, Mel."

Melanie breathed, "So? That's one more boyfriend than you had before you and Freddie kissed the first time, right?"

I shrugged and gave in, "I guess..."

"So you do like him!" She shrieked, clapping her hands.

I rolled my eyes, "No, I don't. He was just helping me through some stuff, and the kisses just happened."

"Kisses plural?" Melanie grinned.

"Can we drop this?" I growled, "I'm just really confused right now about me and Freddie."

"Aw!" Melanie cried out, "You said 'me and Freddie'! It's like you're married already!"

"Ugh, you're so weird." I shook my head, drinking more root beer, "I'm gonna go get Carly and Spencer so I can talk to some normal people."

"Sam?" Melanie said suddenly, stopping me from running upstairs to fetch Carly, "Maybe you should tell her… about dad."

I shook my head, "She'll never look at me the same, Mel."

"But Carly is your best friend, Sam." She retorted, "I think she deserves to know."

I exhaled loudly, "She won't be able to handle that type of information."

Melanie gave me a sideways glance, "She's already suspicious that he did something to you. After last night, you really can't get away with not telling her any longer."

My eyes widened, "You didn't say anything… did you?"

"I… I said enough to get her thinking," She breathed, "But not enough for her to figure it out on her own. You need to tell her."

I gritted my teeth, "I'll make you a deal, if she brings it up, I'll tell her."

"Good." Melanie smiled.

I rolled my eyes and ran upstairs, "Whatever."

I found Carly and Spencer in the iCarly studio, having some kind of intense conversation. Though the door was closed I could hear them clearly, more than clearly enough to eavesdrop.

"—But Spencer!" Carly whined, "Something happened at her house, I know it."

He shook his head, "Until she actually confesses to anything happening at home with her mom or dad, I can't do anything about it, Carls."

Carly looked as if she could cry, "When Melanie showed up here last night, don't tell me that you believed her when she said that she got mugged. Please don't be that naïve, Spencer."

"I didn't believe her, Carly." There was an air of annoyance in his voice, "But I wasn't going to question her to death until she shut down completely."

Carly scratched her neck and stared at the ground, "I wonder what they're talking about down there."

Spencer shrugged, "Everything probably."

"I wish Sam would tell me more," Carly thought aloud, "I know she thinks she has to be strong for everyone, but it would be nice to know some more about my best friend besides that her favorite food is ham."

"You know things about Sam." Spencer frowned.

She shook her head, "I know the difference between when she's mad, and when she's just bored. But when it comes to the things that really matter, I don't have a clue."

"Knowing a person doesn't mean that you know all of their secrets, Carls." Spencer said, sounding more and more like an adult with each passing word, "Sometimes, it means that you know their moods, or their body language. With Sam, it's all of those things."

Carly's face brightened slightly, "That makes sense."

"Anyways, it's not like you don't know _any_ of her secrets." He continued, "You and I both know how afraid of being alone she is."

I cringed, feeling weakness creeping over me. They aren't supposed to know what I'm scared of. Suddenly, I angrily barged into the room, trying not to show I'd been listening in to their conversation.

"Sam!" Carly exclaimed, jumping up from her beanbag and running up to me.

Instead of embracing me in the super hug I'd expected, she stopped in front of me motionless. I looked up at her, noticing the pained look in her eyes. She was scanning my battered appearance from my face down to my feet, as if she was trying to figure out how to hug me without causing pain. After a few seconds of this, I released a long sigh.

"It won't hurt that bad, Carls." I muttered with a smirk.

She still seemed unconvinced. Finally, I decided to take the prerogative and hugged her myself. Carly was surprised at first, but finally relaxed into my arms. It felt good hugging her, almost cleansing.

"I've missed you…" Carly mumbled into my shirt, "A lot."

"I saw you a couple days ago," I muttered, trying to keep calm.

"That's not what I meant," Carly pulled away, "You haven't been… _you_ lately."

I wiped at my eyes, keeping tears to a minimum, "I know."

"What happened?" She asked as Spencer left the room without a word, "To you, I mean."

I shrugged, "A lot has happened, Carls."

We sat down together on the bean bags before she spoke, "Just start from the beginning."

I released a long sigh, "You have to promise me something first."

"Okay?" Carly smiled, "What is it?"

"You have to promise that no matter what I tell you, you can't treat me any differently."

"This _is _bad, isn't it?" Carly frowned before nodding with a sigh, "I promise."

"Okay," I breathed, "But I'm going to warn you, this isn't going to be fun to listen to."

She nodded again, "I understand."

"Fine," I said reluctantly, still not prepared to tell her everything, "But remember, I warned you..."

* * *

**Cliffy Time! Yay! Looks like Sam is finally going to come clean to everyone! lol. It's actually a really big step for her when you think about it.**

**Hope ya liked! I'm not very sure how much longer this story is going to go... but it will definitely be longer than thirty chapters. I've already gotten most of those written too! lol. After I finish revising them and whatnot I'll have maybe one up tomorrow or Thursday, then maybe another Friday. It just really depends if I get on my laptop tomorrow or not. **

**:)**

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	27. Say This Sooner

**Enjoy... I guess...**

**:)**

* * *

**Say This Sooner**

"When my dad showed up last week, I really didn't like him." I began slowly while Carly listened attentively, "I told mom that letting him stay with us was dumb, but she wouldn't listen to me.

"On the day he moved in, I knew something was off about him." I shook my head, "I should have listened to my instincts."

Carly comfortingly put her hand on top of mine and squeezed, giving me a small smile.

"It was simple at first," I continued, "He would touch me in a weird way or say something inappropriate to me, and I would just tell him to stop or leave. It stopped being simple.

"He made me… do things with him..." I shuddered, "I didn't want to… but he said that if I didn't… he scared me… I didn't want to…"

I felt Carly's hand lift from mine, and when I looked up I saw tears in her eyes. She cupped her hand over her mouth and looked as if she was in pure shock. My gaze fell on her hand lying at her side, it was shaking.

"I'm sorry," I looked down solemnly, "I told you it was bad."

"N-No," Carly sniffled, wiping at her eyes, "_I'm_ sorry. I'm overreacting, Sam."

I shook my head, "Trust me, Carls, you're not."

"When did all of this happen?" Carly asked.

My heart pounded in my chest, "You remember the other day when you called me at home because I was late for school?"

Carly nodded before shutting her eyes, "Yes."

"Night before that," I muttered, holding back the tears that sought to fall.

Her face scrunched up, "You didn't tell me…"

"In my defense, I didn't tell anybody." I sighed, breathing heavily, "Melanie was the first to find out…"

"Freddie…" Carly's eyes widened, "He knows, doesn't he?"

My heart skipped a beat at the sound of his name, "Uh-huh."

Carly's face suddenly fell, "So I'm last to know?"

"Melanie forced me to tell her, and Freddie… well that just kind of happened." I rambled, "I didn't want you to worry about me, Carls. I know you will _now_."

She smirked with an air of sadness, "Somebody has to, Sam."

I shook my head, "You act like you're my mother sometimes… you know that?"

"Exactly, it's my _job_." She smiled at first, but then her expression turned grave, "Wait a minute, where was your mom when he… you know?"

My eyes watered, "Downstairs on the couch. Probably asleep like she usually is."

Carly gritted her teeth, "She just let him?"

"I tried to tell her," I mumbled, "But she didn't believe me. Then my dad got madder at me."

Carly brushed my bandaged forehead with her fingertips, "So… H-He **beat** you."

My lip quivered as I nodded, "Y-yeah."

"You should have said something," She sighed, shaking her head, "This explains _so_ much."

She was taking this a lot better than I'd expected. Maybe I _should_ have told her the truth a long time ago. At least then I might not be in fear of getting arrested right now.

"I couldn't," I sighed, "I was so scared of what he would do to me after I told my mom that I didn't know what to do with myself."

Carly looked a lot more pale than usual, "He only… It only happened once, right?"

Tears streamed down my cheeks as I whispered, "N-No."

Her eyes told me all I needed to know, but her voice rang in my ears regardless, "_Oh my_ _God_…"

I shut my eyes and gritted my teeth as the tears continued to fall, "I'm s-sorry."

Arms were wrapped around me seconds later, and I opened my eyes to see Carly crying with me, "Why are _you_ sorry?"

My bottom lip quivered, "B-because, no one w-wants a h-hoe for a best f-friend."

She shook her head, "It wasn't your fault, Sam."

I sniffled, "Y-Yes it was… the s-second time… it was m-my choice."

"What?" Carly pulled away from me and pushed a few strands of hair from my forehead.

I refused to look her directly in the eye, "H-He said that if I d-didn't… he would h-hurt Melanie… I c-couldn't let him…"

"Sam," Carly breathed, "You were protecting her, it still wasn't your fault."

"Y-Yes it was…" I muttered, still unbelieving of her, "I could h-have said no…"

Carly looked down before answering me slowly, "And then what? He would have hurt her too? You were just doing what you thought you had to for Melanie."

I shivered, "Whatever, C-Carly."

"Don't 'whatever' me, Samantha Puckett." She said in her motherly voice.

For someone who had grown up without a mom for most of their life, Carly sure did act like one towards me. Maybe it's because she's always had to be the 'normal' one at home. Spencer _is_ pretty weird…

"Yes, _Mom_." I said with a small grin, feeling the tears stop.

Carly didn't return it, "Sam, you need to tell someone about all of this."

I grumbled angrily, remembering that Freddie had told me the same thing, "I told _you_! Melanie and Freddie know too! Isn't _that_ enough for you people?"

"Sam, relax." Carly sighed, putting a hand on my shoulder, "I'm not forcing you to tell anyone, I just think it would be best if you did."

"Why? So they can judge me too?" I ran my fingers through my hair nervously, "Just the three of you knowing has got me stressed out enough, Carly!"

"No one is judging you, Sam." Carly said softly, "You're still the old Sam. _I_ don't see you any differently."

"Yeah?" My voice was barely audible, "Well, Freddie…"

"Freddie?" Carly frowned, "What about him?"

I sighed with a small smile, "There is some more stuff I need to tell you about I guess."

"What did you do to him?" Carly asked, her motherly tone still intact.

I shook my head and smirked, "Nothing."

"Sam…"

"We… We've actually been getting along… kinda." I struggled to say.

Carly arched an eyebrow, "Really?"

I nodded slowly, "I guess you already know I stayed there last night?"

She smirked, "Yep, you looked pretty funny curled up on his couch instead of mine."

"He's been really… really good." I said, not realizing I was smiling, "Through all of this stuff… he's helped me out a lot."

Carly nodded, "Something happened between you two, am I right?"

"Why would you think that?" I wiped the smiled from my face.

She giggled, "No girl smiles like that while talking about a guy unless they've done something."

"We… kissed." I sighed, wiping the tears from my face, "Twice."

"Aw!" Carly had the same reaction as my twin sister, "That's so _cute_!"

"Ugh," I grumbled, "Don't **ever** say cute like that again."

"Sorry," She lowered her gaze, but I still caught the smile in her eyes, "You and Freddie…"

"Slow down, Shay." I waved my hands, "There is no me and **anybody**, especially Freddork."

"Okay," She laughed, "Whatever you say, Sam."

I huffed, "I'm serious."

"Fine," Carly smiled, "We'll talk about it later… then we'll start planning your wedding!"

"Carlotta Taylor—"

"Sam, Carly?" I was cut off by my untimely sister who was wearing a look of shock on her face, "You guys aren't fighting are you?"

Carly laughed, "Of course not! Just talking about Sam's future husband…"

Melanie's face lit up as she jumped onto the beanbag beside Carly, "We were talking about this downstairs too!"

"Did she deny it then too?" Carly asked, as if I wasn't even there.

"Yep," Melanie gave me a sly grin, "But I know she was lying, twin telepathy."

My face scrunched up, "Come on, Carls? Mel? I **don't** like that little Nub-Munch."

"Right…" They said in unison.

I rolled my eyes, "I'm going downstairs to eat some ham."

Carly smiled, "We're coming too!"

Melanie and Carly both stood up effortlessly, but I had a little bit more trouble. Each time I tried to sit up, the pain in my abdomen would kick in and have me grimacing painfully. I tried to hide it from my best friend and sister, but it didn't work very well.

Carly shook her head sadly as I attempted to stand again before falling back onto my butt, "Do you need some help?"

I shook my head angrily, "I got this."

After trying for what I believe was a fourth time, I was sitting upright on the beanbag. I pushed myself up from the ground and with a loud grunt was standing up with Melanie and Carly.

"Maybe you should go to a doctor for some of that," Carly suggested.

I shook my head, "Naw, its fine. Only hurts when I put stress on the muscles, or get touched."

"You sure?" Melanie added.

"I'm fine," I forced a smile as I walked past them, "But I'd be better if you two would hurry up, Mama's hungry."

Carly and Melanie smiled at each other before following behind me. I smiled to myself as I cascaded the stairs to the kitchen and living room. I had them fooled pretty well.

I have myself fooled pretty well too... _Sometimes_.

* * *

**Okay... So, I hate this chapter with a passion. lol. It just didn't come together right in my opinion. Y'all might think differently, but if not I apologize for the badness. lol. **

**Anyways, I'm gonna warn you guys, next week I'm going to be away at my state competition thing for 'redneck club' so I wouldn't expect too many updates. I might be able to sneak on the laptop a couple times, but I highly doubt it. I gotta share a motel/hotel room with 2 chicks I've never met, and apparently one is 'weird'. lol. I can't write well unless I'm alone so... **

**Sorry! lol.**

**Moving on, I still hope you guys liked this one even if I hate it. It's good that Sam's telling people the truth about everything now, it's progress at least. And a little Seddie without Freddie! lol. Apparently everyone thinks they're adorable together except Sam herself. lol. Nice stuff...**

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	28. Temporary Home

**Enjoy!**

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**Temporary Home**

I was laying out on Carly's couch, mowing down another plate piled high with meat when he finally came over. He gave me a long stare as he walked in before obviously deciding to ignore my presence.

"Hey, Carly." He greeted her, passing by me nonchalantly.

My eyes followed his path into the kitchen as he sat down at one of the barstools. Melanie gave me a sly smile but I waved her off and rolled my eyes. He was mad at me right now, too mad to talk.

"Hey, Freddie." Carly called back to him, "What's up?"

I shuffled my position on the couch around so I didn't have to look at him.

"I just came over to work on some stuff in the iCarly studio," He lied. I could hear the crack in his voice.

"Cool," Carly said back to him.

I heard footsteps running past me and up the stairs until they faded away. My gaze shifted to the ceiling in a hopeful attempt to forget about him.

"Sam?" Melanie's voice brought me from my thoughts, "What's his deal?"

I shrugged angrily, "Why should I care? I **don't** care."

Melanie backed away from me, "Okay, chill out."

"I _am_ chill," I muttered, crossing my arms.

"I bet they had a fight," I heard one of them whisper to the other.

"There is no 'they'!" I shouted, tossing my plate of ham on the coffee table before getting up and walking into the kitchen, "Besides, me and Freddie have always fought. I don't get what the big deal is."

Carly shrugged, "Well… the two of you are kind of a '_thing'_ now."

"We're not a '_thing'_; I don't even like him like that." I grumbled, feeling tired of defending the relationship I didn't share with the nub.

"_You_ may not like _him_," Melanie said slowly, "But… _he_ might like _you_."

I snorted, "Yeah, I'll believe that when Gibby starts acting normal and wearing shirts."

"Sam, we're serious." Carly frowned, "He cares about you a lot."

"Examples?" I growled, "Besides us kissing, there isn't anything that says we care about each other."

"When I came to Freddie's last night and saw you there, he had his arms wrapped around you. He looked like he was trying to protect you." Carly retorted, "If that doesn't say he cares I don't know what does."

"He was just being nice," I muttered, "That's all."

"Sam…" Melanie groaned.

I shook my head and began to walk towards the stairs, "I'm gonna take a shower. Can I borrow some of your clothes, Carls?"

Carly smirked, "Does it really matter if I say no?"

"Nope," I grinned before bounding up the stairs to my best friends room.

When I opened the door and looked inside, I was reminded of what a happy person Carly was. The walls were a bright shade of pink, reminding me of the ink in a gel pen. One of the walls was covered top-to-bottom with pictures of Carly and Me, along with a bunch of other people. Her full-sized bed sat in the middle of the room with purple and pink polka-dotted blankets, plus matching pillows and sheets. It always made me smile when I walked in here. I mean, how could I not? With so many bright colors this place would make the most depressive vampire get some color in their cheeks.

I walked across the room to her wooden dresser and dug around inside until I found my usual pair of boxer shorts that Carly always kept for me and a long sleeved tee-shirt. It was Sunday, so the chances of us going anywhere today were slim. Pajama's seemed better suited for the occasion. Once I had what I needed, I rushed out of the bedroom and down the hall a few steps before meeting the bathroom door. I knocked on it lightly, remembering that I hadn't seen Spencer downstairs since he left the iCarly studio earlier.

"Just a sec!" He called from inside.

It's a good thing I can have manners when I want them.

"Kay!" I yelled back, stepping away from the door and leaning against the wall.

Seconds later, a shirtless Spencer charged into the hallway, throwing the door against the wall, "I'm out!"

"Obviously…" I muttered with a smile.

"Hey, Sam!" He greeted me, "I thought you would have left by now!"

"Naw," I shrugged.

"Okay," Spencer said as he ran past me, "I'll see you downstairs!"

"Awesome?" I watched him run down the hall until he was out of earshot, "Crazy…"

I shook my head and laughed as I pulled the door shut behind me once I was inside the bathroom. I put my clothes on the shelf above the sink before turning around and starting the water for my shower.

The steam was already floating through the air when I began to peel my clothes off. It didn't hurt as badly as I expected when I pulled my jacket and shirt off, something I was very thankful for. There were a few bandages I had to pick off of my face and head before getting into the shower too. I still refused to look in the mirror at my reflection. The thought of how bad I probably looked repulsed me.

Once I was nude, I stepped into the shower and allowed the hot water to soak my body. The feeling of it against my bruises on my stomach and back was relieving, even though it made the cuts on my arm sting.

After I scrubbed my body raw for the third time in the past few days, I finally gave in and shut the water off before wrapping my body in a towel. My cuts were beginning to bleed a little again from my scrubbing, but I used some toilet paper to dab away the red liquid. I grabbed another towel from the cabinet above the toilet for my hair. I put the towel on my head and rubbed my scalp to dry my hair, feeling a slight tenderness in my forehead. Once it felt like my hair had been rung out enough, I threw the towel onto the floor and concentrated on drying the rest of my body and putting my clothes on.

It didn't take me too long to throw the clothes on, and as soon as I was done I left the bathroom with a cloud of steam billowing out into the hallway behind me. I took my dirty clothes and threw them in a hamper outside the bathroom before running back down the hall. I hoped that all of the Freddie-talk would be done with once I made it back downstairs. Before I got to the last flight of stairs, I consciously checked to make sure my sleeves were long enough to cover my greatest embarrassment. They were, but I tugged them down regardless, feeling guilt wash over me. My face got hot and my cheeks were probably a bright shade of red by now.

When I stepped into the living room, I saw Carly and Melanie sitting on the couch watching Girly Cow. They didn't notice me, so I decided to do something old-Sam would do to lighten my mood. I tip-toed across the floor until I was right behind the couch. After taking in one last breath, I leaped up from behind the couch and started screaming frantically.

"**Spaghetti tacos**!" I bellowed, laughing to myself as Carly and Melanie both jumped up and fell off the couch simultaneously in shock.

"Sam!" They screamed in unison, brushing themselves off while I laughed like a maniac.

"You should have seen… the look on your faces…" I cackled between words, "How could I resist?"

Melanie and Carly stood up and crossed their arms, "That wasn't funny."

I chuckled, "Uh, yeah, it was!"

They rolled their eyes and sat back down, "You're so immature." I heard Carly mutter.

"I'd rather be immature and fun than mature and boring!" I smiled, running around and plopping down onto the couch in between them, "S'cuse me!"

Melanie shook her head and smiled, "You're crazy."

"Eh, I try." I shrugged, before changing the subject, "Is my ham still here?"

Carly handed me my plate of ham with an annoyed sigh, "Here."

"Awesome!" I smirked, "Mama loves the meat."

I settled between my sister and best friend with my plate of meat, smiling brightly. I leaned my head on my sister's shoulder, unwillingly sharing my ham with her. Everything felt completely normal. It was almost like nothing bad had happened to me this past week or so.

But as everyone knows, all good things must come to an end.

There was a sudden banging on the apartment door that made Melanie and I jump up in alarm. Carly waved at us to calm down before standing up and bounding across the room to the door.

Carly looked outside the peephole, and I guessed she wasn't happy with what she saw from the blank expression on her face. She turned around to me and shook her head, "It's your mom."

My eyes widened and I froze where I sat, not sure if I should run or scream. Melanie gave me a look of fear that told me she needed to be protected. That part wouldn't be hard.

"Do I let her in?" Carly asked slowly, the fear was in her eyes too.

I looked down at the floor with a look of disgust before muttering one word, "Sure…"

* * *

**Dun, dun, dun! **

**Lol. I know some of you hate my stupid cliffhangers, but I can't resist you know? **

**Her conversation with her mom with definitely be... interesting to say the least. Lol. And a little more Seddie fluff without Freddie. lol. Melanie and Carly are being so 'stereotypical girl' right now... lol.  
**

**I'm going to try and have the next chapter posted before I go to 'redneck competition' on Tuesday. So be looking out for that maybe Monday. If I can't take my laptop with me there, I wouldn't expect another update until Friday. It sucks, but whatever. I've already written about three or four chapters for the future since I will be too busy next week to work on them, but I don't like to post chapters immediately after I write them. I gotta revise them and make sure they sound right first. lol. I try not to give y'all crap to read :)**

**Anyways, I just wanna say that there is some BIG stuff coming up. Like huge. lol. It's gonna be crazy I'm telling ya. Any ideas? What do you thins is gonna go down? :)**

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**

**_PS: Apologies for the long-ass authors note! lol._**


	29. Conspiracy

**Enjoy!**

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**Conspiracy**

Carly opened the door slowly. She was just as scared as me of the woman behind its wooden frame. My mother looked as disheveled as usual, except she was wearing pants and an old T-shirt instead of her usual bathrobe. Her eyes were still fairly bloodshot, and there were dark circles underneath them.

"Sam," She croaked, pointing at me with her bony finger, "Out here, now."

I stood up, keeping my gaze at the floor, and did as I was told. Carly motioned for me to stay, but I shook my head. I needed to deal with this sooner or later I guess. Mom guided me into the hallway before shutting the door behind her.

"Cops ain't coming." Mom grumbled, stabling her drunken self by using a wall, "Your daddy told me he wanted to deal with you himself."

I shivered at the word 'daddy', suddenly worried of what would happen to me once he got his hands on me. Instinctively, I began to shift my view from left to right, waiting for him to jump out of somewhere.

"Whatcha doin' that for, Sam?" Mom grumbled in annoyance.

I shook my head and stuttered, "N-Nothing."

She sighed, "You need to take a pill…"

I rolled my eyes but remained alert, "Why are y-you even here?"

"You're an idiot," Mom shook her head and growled, "I came to tell you he's in the hospital."

I sighed in relief, giving her a nod to show I understood what she said. My body was still shaking, but I was happy to know he wasn't anywhere near me.

"Oh," I gritted my teeth.

Mom leaned against the wall, and for a split second, I saw a flicker of humanity in her eyes. She didn't want to do this, I knew she didn't. But the alcohol and the drugs and Him… they changed her. The flicker of hope was gone as quickly as it came.

"Stupid kid," She muttered to herself, giving me a sideways glance.

I stared down at the floor once again, "H-How long w-will he be in the h-hospital?"

"Not long," Mom grumbled, "Probably just for the rest of the day."

My heart sank, "Oh."

I felt her hand grip my shoulder, forcing me to look up at her, "You wanna stay here till then I'm guessin'?"

I nodded half-heartedly, "Y-Yeah… can I?"

She shrugged, "I ain't got a problem with it. Just be ready when he comes to get you tonight."

"O-Okay," I shuddered at the thought of him coming for me… again.

Mom glared down at me, "Stop being such a baby. You did this to yourself ya know."

Her words struck a chord within me, "_I_ didn't do **anything**."

"Excuse me?" Mom snarled, "_You're_ the one who hit your father with a bat!"

My fists clenched, "It wasn't like that!"

"Don't raise your voice to me," Mom ordered, shaking her bony finger in my face, "Any more sass like that and I swear to God your father will be hearing about that too."

I gritted my teeth and stepped back, sucking in a hard breath, "What about Melanie?"

"Hm?"

"Melanie," I repeated, crossing my fingers, "She doesn't have to come home too does she? He's not mad at her, right?"

"I guess not," She croaked, "She can stay here with your stupid friends I guess. We wouldn't want her getting into the middle of _that_ mess."

I shuddered. The way she said mess gave me the idea that I was really in for it now.

"Yeah," I said faintly, staring at the wall behind her.

Mom rolled her eyes at me, "I'm gonna go."

"Fine," I muttered, glaring at her angrily.

"Just be ready to go tonight if he comes," Mom began to leave, "It'll piss him off more if you're not, and I know you don't want that."

"Wait!" I suddenly called out, "You could have just called me and told me all of that… why did you come all the way up here?"

She seemed caught off-guard by my question, "I just… I was around and…"

I shook my head and rolled my eyes, "If you don't want to admit you came to check on Melanie and I… just go."

Mom released a long sigh before turning and leaving me alone in the hall. I watched her figure disappear around the corner. My heart felt like a rock in my chest as I waited for the sound of the elevator, my mother was too lazy to walk long distances. Once I heard the dinging of the bell signaling the doors had opened, I released a small sigh of relief. Just as I began to turn around, I heard a door open and close.

"Carly, I thought I told you to stay—" I was cut off by the male chest in my face, "Freddie? What the—"

"Who was that?" He interrupted, referring to my mother.

I shrugged, "My mom…"

His expression turned angry, "Why was she here?"

"Who cares?" I growled, brushing past him to Carly's door.

Freddie reached out and grabbed my wrist, "I do."

"Stop pretending like you care, Fredward." I gritted my teeth, jerking my arm from his grasp, "It's getting old."

He exhaled loudly, "I'm not pretending."

"Of course you're not," I said sarcastically, "No one would **pretend** to care about me, I'm not _that_ important."

"Sam," Freddie grumbled, "Cut the crap. What were you two talking about?"

"Nothing," I muttered, placing my hand on Carly's doorknob, "I gotta go."

Freddie stepped back, "Whatever she said… it scared you."

"Puckett's don't get scared," I mumbled, more to myself than to him.

"Sam—" He began, but I was inside Carly's apartment slamming the door in his face before he could finish.

I rolled my eyes and plopped back down on the couch beside a worried looking Melanie.

"Sam?" Melanie whispered, "How did that go?"

"Fine," I muttered, glaring at the TV screen, "Where's Carly?"

Melanie looked up, "Her room. She needed to get her phone."

"Why?" I asked, still looking at the TV angrily.

She shrugged, "I don't know."

"Whatever," I breathed, slouching down on my seat and propping my feet up.

"What happened out there?" Melanie asked, grabbing the remote and turning the TV off.

"Turn that back on!" I ordered, reaching for the remote.

"Tell me what happened in the hall."

I rolled my eyes and threw my hands in the air, "Nothing!"

"It doesn't sound like nothing," Melanie said knowingly.

I gritted my teeth, "She said that dad told her not to involve the cops."

"That's good… right?"

My body tensed, "He wants to deal with me himself when he gets out of the hospital… tonight I think."

"Sam—"

"You're fine though, she said you can stay here tonight." I interrupted, breathing heavily, "So don't worry."

"Sam—" Melanie tried to say but I cut her off again.

"I said don't worry!" I shouted, "**You **are gonna be fine!"

Melanie put her hands on my shoulders, "Sam, relax."

"I can't relax…" I gritted my teeth, feeling my face getting hot and tears forming in my eyes, "What if…"

She sighed, "Look, you don't _have_ to go with him tonight."

"Yes I do!" I cried out, pushing her away from me and putting my head in my hands, "He's gonna come get me… here."

"We… We'll think of something… okay?" Melanie said slowly.

"Yeah," I nodded faintly, staring off into space.

Melanie gave me a sad smile and patted my leg as she stood up, "Do you want anything? I'm getting me and Carly some more Peppy Cola before she gets back."

I shrugged as I turned the TV back on, "Root beer, I guess."

She nodded and went into the kitchen. I sat on the couch feeling the fear and anguish that was becoming so common recently creep up on me. There is nothing they can do to help me. He is really mad at me, and he will undoubtedly rape me again tonight. That or he will beat me to a bloody pulp. A dead bloody pulp. Either way I'm screwed when you think about it. Screwed... great choice of wording, Sam...

"Sam?" Melanie was holding a fresh bottle of root beer in front of my eyes.

I took it and popped the cap off, "Thanks."

"No problem." She smiled.

After taking a long drink from the bottle, I sat it down on the coffee table and returned to my thoughts.

Subconsciously, I was hoping that my dad would have suffered some form of brain damage from the blow to his head. I know that is probably wrong, but I don't care. If he became a vegetable, then he couldn't hurt me or my sister ever again. That would be better than killing him in my opinion. At least if he didn't die I would still have a chance at being allowed in heaven later when _I_ die.

Later is gonna become sooner once my dad gets his hands on me. If he loses control of his anger, I'll be dead in five minutes flat. But being dead is better than being a three-time rape victim in my opinion. I'll take death over sleeping with him again any day.

"Found it!" I heard Carly's voice coming from the stairs.

I didn't turn to look at her, but Melanie got up and dragged her into the kitchen area. My eyes shifted into their direction, noticing that they were speaking to each other in whispers.

"You know it's rude to whisper!" I shouted angrily.

Carly and Melanie shuffled over to me seconds later, while I glared at them in contempt.

"Sorry, Sam." Melanie apologized, "We weren't talking about you."

I snorted, "Of course you weren't."

I rolled over on the couch and smothered myself with a pillow, desperate to get out. Get out of where? I really wasn't sure. Being alone never did anything for me, I was actually extremely afraid of being left alone for long stretches of time. It was mostly thanks to my mother and her weird punishments she liked to inflict on Melanie and I when we were children. She had an interesting affiliation with locking either of us in the closet and leaving us there for hours if we were bad. Sometimes she would forget and hours turned into days. Melanie hardly ever got that punishment, unfortunately I sure did.

"Sam?" I felt someone stroking my hair, "Are you alright?"

I looked up and saw Carly knelt beside me. I considered lying, but changed my mind after realizing that lying hasn't gotten me anywhere fast these past few days.

"No," I muttered angrily, letting go of my pride, "I'm not."

* * *

**Sam telling Carly she wasn't fine is huge. It may not seem like it, but her finally admitting when she feels like crap is a big thing.**

**This is probably it for a few days unless I get on while I'm in Louisville... Sorry! **

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	30. Back Against The Wall

**I'm back! Enjoy!**

* * *

**Back Against the Wall**

Tears flowed freely from my eyes, streaming down my cheeks until they were stopped by the cushions of the sofa. I'd given up on hiding the fact that I was crying, or that I was in deep emotional pain. It just didn't seem worth it anymore.

"Sam, sit up and talk to me." Carly said with pleading eyes, "Melanie won't tell me anything…"

After a short pause, I sighed and sat up on the couch, wiping at my eyes furiously. The weakness of my tear ducts had lasted way too long for my liking.

"What?" I asked, twiddling my thumbs while Carly got up from the floor and sat down beside me.

"I just want to know what your mom was here for…" She responded, "And why it upset you so much."

My gaze shifted up to her eyes, "Carly… you _really_ don't want to know **that**. I don't want you to be a part of it…"

"But I do," Carly urged, "Please, Sam? I hate not ever knowing anything about you… This is a huge example of that."

I looked away from her, "You'll call the cops."

"Why would I…" Carly began before her eyes widened, "What did you do? Sam?"

"My dad… he was trying to… do something… again last night…" I struggled to say, "And… I saw Freddie's bat there… and sorta…"

Carly gasped, "Sam?"

"… and I hit him with it…" My voice was monotone.

I could feel Carly's eyes burning into my skull, along with Melanie's. Even though Melanie already knew, she was obviously still disturbed by it. My face became hot with embarrassment, and I had to wipe a few beads of sweat from my brow. We stayed like that for a long time, with Carly giving me a look of pure astonishment, and Melanie frowning sadly at me from the kitchen.

Finally, Carly broke from the shock and mumbled, "Is he… alive?"

I gritted my teeth and held back tears, "Y-Yeah… that's what my m-mom was telling me."

Unintentionally, I began to subtly rock back and forth, keeping my eyes trained on the coffee table in front of me. Melanie came over to the couch from the kitchen, but I paid her no attention. Even when she pulled me up by my arm and gradually dragged me into the kitchen, I remained in my zombie-like state.

"Sam?" She whispered, shaking me by my shoulders, "Snap out of it, Kiddo. Sam?"

My body rocked and I finally blinked a few times and looked up at her innocently, "He's going to _kill_ me, Mel."

She stared down at me tearfully, "No he's not. I won't let him."

"You don't…" I almost said 'understand', but I was soon reminded of how much that small statement aggravated her, "Nothing."

Carly remained on the couch, staring off into space with a blankness in her eyes.

"You should make sure Carly is okay." I suggested, nodding to Carly's robotic motions.

Melanie shook her head, "You'll never stop doing that, will you?"

"Hm?" I asked, holding my head down.

"Caring for everyone else over yourself," She responded, subtly lifting my gaze so I looked at her when she spoke, "Even if you're the one who truly needs help."

"Whatever," I grunted, glaring at the floor, "Just check on her for me? Please?"

She sighed before letting go of my shoulders and following my orders. My eyes fluttered open and closed as I stared at Melanie trying to snap Carly back to reality. Carly shouldn't have to deal with this. She's too much of a naïve fun-spirit to be brought down by something so depressing. Just looking at her tear-stained cheeks made me shiver, I have never hurt Carly emotionally like this. Carly isn't _supposed_ to be hurt by me.

All I could hear was my heart pounding and the panicked breaths escaping my lips. Everything around me was happening in slow motion. Melanie comforting Carly on the couch, my short and choppy breaths, even the dripping from the faucet on the kitchen sink, it was all in slow-mo. My heart beat was speeding up steadily, as if I'd been running for a long time. My gaze switched from the couch to the door frantically in desperation. The air in the room suddenly felt too thick for me to breathe. I shook my head and sprinted out of the kitchen, bypassing the living room and gunning it straight for the door. Once I had my fingers around the doorknob, I jerked it open, ignoring the pleading shouts from my sister.

"Sam!" Melanie was screaming, chasing after me, "Wait!"

I slammed the door shut behind me and ran as fast as I could to the only place I could think of: the roof.

When I felt the cool air hit my face, I breathed a sigh of relief. My hair was whipped around in the breeze, but I ignored it and sat down in my usual spot at the edge. I lay back on the cement ground of the roof, shivering as the bare skin of my legs touched the cold pavement. It wasn't too cold outside, but because I was still wearing only a pair of shorts and a long-sleeved shirt, the frigid air just got to me a little more than it usually did. I tried to shrug off the cold and concentrate on something else. I breathed in the crispy air deeply, happy to be able to breathe easily again.

Melanie doesn't know where I am, that much I was sure of. I didn't start coming up here to relax until after she left me for boarding school. I hoped that I would at least have fifteen minutes or so before Spencer tells them about my 'special' spot. If any of them came through the door right now, I don't know what my reaction would be. Maybe I'm being paranoid… or maybe I'm just being safe. Paranoid seemed more plausible.

I stared up at the noon sky, forced to squint because of the sun that glared down at me from above. I wish it was nighttime. Being out here in the dark and watching the stars was always amazingly helpful to my current mood.

My mood right now… I wasn't even sure of what that was. I felt guilty for placing Carly in the situation she was now in. That was where most of my pain was currently coming from. I sighed, feeling that maybe God should smite me where I lay, punishing me for hurting my friend. It's what I deserved.

_You don't need God to do that…_

I sat up and held my hand in my hands, slowly beginning to rock back and forth. It felt like I was choking on something, and my throat was on fire. My entire body was shaking, yet I couldn't feel a thing. Soon, my vision became blurry, and I realized tears were streaming down my cheeks.

Great, now I'm crying. I'm always crying… Crying is for babies… I wish it would just stop.

My hands were shaking. I unconsciously rolled my shirt sleeve up, revealing all of my cuts. I traced the one above my wrist with my fingers, feeling the tingling sensation of pain I craved so desperately. I swallowed the lump in my throat and shook my head. I'm not doing this. Not again. Sam Puckett is **not** a cutter.

But I am, aren't I? All of these cuts happened intentionally, except for the first one of course. If anyone other than me was looking at my 'situation', I'd be called a cutter and then the word emo would probably get thrown around a few times. I don't want that.

I rolled my sleeve back down and took a deep breath, trying to make the urges and thoughts cease. If there was anything in this world I didn't want to have a problem with, it was cutting.

My hands stopped shaking, and I finally had myself calmed down enough to go back downstairs. With a sigh, I pushed my body up from the ground carefully. Once I was standing I trudged to the roof door with my hands at my side, shamefully tugging at my shirt sleeves. I jerked the door open with a hard tug, before stepping back inside the building and slamming it shut behind me.

It was darker in the hallway now, but I couldn't place why. I hadn't been outside _that_ long. I shrugged and continued down the flights of stairs until I made it to Carly's floor, dreading the long list of question's I would be getting once I got back. My hands began to shake again at the thought, but I clenched them into fists quickly in hopes that it would stop. I kept getting the lingering feeling that someone was following me, and every few seconds I would glance over my shoulder to see no one. When I was just mere feet from Carly's front door, I finally heard the footsteps of this mystery person behind me. I turned around, but was met by the muscular chest of a man.

"What the—"

"Sammy," My dad smirked defiantly, stepping into the light, "I knew I wouldn't have to work too hard to find you."

My eyes widened and I backed away from him fearfully until I was met with the wall, "N-No…"

His smirk diminished and was replaced with a sick frown and eyes filled with fury, "You didn't think you'd get away with it, did you?"

I gritted my teeth and tried desperately not to cry. He had a bandage wrapped around most of his head, but it didn't cover his face at all. I could see the creases in his brow that told me he was pissed as hell. It was then that I realized I needed to go. Now.

"**Carl**—!" I began to scream desperately before his hand cupped over my mouth.

I tried to bite him, but it was of no use. He held his hand there firmly, lifting me from the ground and taking me farther and farther from safety.

"**Freddie**!" I shrieked helplessly when he allowed his grip on my mouth to slip.

That earned me a hard smack to my already bruised face, causing me to slip onto the ground out of his grasp. I clawed at the ground desperately as he tried to drag me up again, "**Spencer**! **Melanie**! **Help me**!"

He stood over me and gave me a hard kick to my stomach, knocking the air out of my lungs and keeping me from screaming anymore. My dad threw me over his shoulder once again, only to pack me a few steps before using all of his strength and tossing me through the air and down the hall. I hit the carpeted floor with a loud crash, screaming in pain as I tried to bend my right arm, only to find it was broken or fractured. I rolled over on my side moaning when I felt his hands curl around my arm.

"**N-No please**!" I screamed painfully as he bent my arm behind my back, "**D-Dad s-stop**!"

I heard the bone crack just as I released another earsplitting scream, shattering what little calm there had been in the hallway. The pain in my arm and back was unbearable, literally. I laid on the floor crying into the carpet while he stood over me, wearing a twisted grin on his face.

Suddenly, I heard a door open somewhere down the hall. I silently prayed it would be someone to help me. When the person finally came into view, my desperate cries turned to painful sobs.

"Amy," My dad greeted my mother with a short hug, "I thought I told you to wait in the car."

My mom cringed in his arms, and I clearly saw the outline of a bruise on her cheek, "You said you weren't going to hurt her too bad…"

"She busted my head open!" He defended, pointing at his bandaged skull, "I could do a whole lot worse if I wanted. I could _kill_ the bitch!"

"M-Momma," I whimpered helplessly, "P-Please… H-Help—"

"Shut up!" He grumbled, kicking me in my busted arm with his boot.

I rolled over and seethed, holding my arm to my chest.

My mom trembled, "Karl… you can't just do this to her…"

"You're one to talk, Amy." He shot back, "From what I've been told, you've been beating the crap outta Sammy since the day I left. George said that listening to you yell at her at night almost made him move off our street."

I flinched at the sound of his pet name for me.

"I was wrong to do that to her, Karl. I know that now." Mom whispered, scratching her arm, "And George don't know nothing. The guy is seventy years old."

He grabbed her shoulder and shook her, "Amy, just lemme finish this and then we'll get some drinks. That'll make you happy."

"No. I need to know my daughter isn't getting beaten to death by my husband. **That** will make me happy." Mom retorted, giving me a look.

Dad shook his head and stepped towards her, "You can leave right now, or you're gonna get it too."

Mom opened her mouth to say something, but soon closed it.

"Go," He demanded, "**Now**."

The look in her eyes was breaking me. She wanted to stay with me, to protect me… like she used to when I was little. But she can't. Mom doesn't want to get hurt too.

"Sam…" She gritted her teeth and tears streamed down her cheeks, "I… I can't…"

Mom turned and began to walk down the hallway, slowly disappearing from view.

"N-No…" I whimpered, reaching out for her with my good arm, "M-Momma… p-lease… I n-need… you…"

Mom looked over her shoulder, her brunette hair flying around her head gracefully, "I-I'm so sorry, S-Sam."

And then she was gone.

"Well," My dad breathed after she was out of sight, jerking me up by my hair, "Now that we're alone… let's have a little _fun_."

I sucked in a hard breath before he put his hand over my eyes, plunging me into agonizing darkness.

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**More cliffhangers! The angsty drama has returned!**

**I felt really bad for Sam as I wrote this chapter. I hope all of you liked it! I tried to keep it as real as possible and stay away from extreme circumstances that are so insane that they aren't realistic. lol. Hopefully I succeeded.**

**Well, as you can see, I'm back from my trip! It was so fun and I met so many awesome people, along with a couple of really cute country guys... Back on topic! I lost my competition, but it didn't matter because afterward I went to White Castle! We don't have one of those here at home so I was too crunk for that. lol. Got fourth place out of... four teams... yeah, I'm a loser, but I went to White Castle! Okay, I'm done now. I just got home an hour ago and its time for sleepy sleep... zzzzzzzzzzzzz...**

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**

**(PS! Chapter 30! Thanks for reading my story this far! I love all of my awesome readers! You guys rock! There's no way I could have written a story this long without your reviews and support! Love y'all!)**


	31. Fully Alive

**You guys asked... no, you guys **_**begged **_**for it! **

**:)**

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**Fully Alive**

My dad flung me violently against the wall, my back colliding into the painted wood. I released a small yelp, but remained silent otherwise. Keeping quiet was my only defense now. The lingering fear that Carly or Freddie would walk outside their respective apartments and see him hurting me… raping me even… it was there. They barely deserved to hear about him, let alone see him in action. His hand was no longer over my eyes now, but I had shut them long ago. I also didn't need to see this again. Being raped for the third time was going to be enough to push me over the edge, seeing it would only make everything worse.

"Sammy, you ain't being any fun." He cooed, patting my cheek lightly, "You gotta do better than this."

I trembled under his touch, biting my lip to keep from crying. His fingers brushed against my lips before he lowered his hand to my shorts, obviously about to pull them off.

"S-Stop..." I whimpered, still trying to scoot away, "P-Please..."

He forced himself onto me and gave me a hard kiss on the lips, holding there for what felt like forever. In a last attempt at protecting myself, I opened my mouth and bit his lip as hard as I could, hoping to maybe break skin. Although, before I had a chance, he was shoving me back onto the floor and giving my broken arm a hard twist. I screamed in agony, shutting my eyes and tears spilled from my eyes and down my cheeks. I don't think I've ever been in so much pain. When he finally stopped, I rolled over and panted, holding my arm to my chest.

"D-Dad..." My voice was weak and painfully driven, "D-don't... I... sorry..."

"Do you ever shut up?" He growled, smacking me hard across the face, "Just stay quiet and this'll be over before you know it."

I shut my eyes tight and allowed a few sobs to escape my lips while he began to lift my shirt off my body.

"Sam!" I suddenly heard a shout echo through my ears, "Sam!"

My eyes snapped open immediately to see my dad being thrown off of me by someone in a blur of brown hair, "Get off her!"

A few strands of hair were pushed out of my eyes, and I looked up to see Freddie knelt in front of me, his brown eyes filled with anger and panic, "Are you okay?"

I opened my mouth to speak, but out of the corner of my eye I saw my dad stir on the ground and scooted back. Freddie looked over his shoulder just in time to get a hard punch to his face from my dad. Freddie flew backwards, blood sputtering from his nose.

"This your boyfriend?" My dad smirked before turning around and hitting Freddie again, "Not very good at protecting his girl is he?"

"Stop!" I shouted, painfully sitting up against the wall and holding my busted arm against my chest, "Freddie!"

Freddie drew his own fist back and hit my dad with more force and anger than I'd ever thought he could muster. My father fell backward onto the floor with a loud thud, hopefully unconscious.

"Sam…" He whispered before kneeling in front of me again, "Answer me. Are you okay?"

I looked from my father's limp body to Freddie and nodded faintly.

He kissed my forehead, "We need to get back to Carly's."

I nodded as he helped me up, "H-He b-broke my arm, F-Freddie…"

Freddie looked at my elbow that was now swollen and an ugly shade of green and purple, "You'll need to go to a hospital for that, Sam."

"No…" I seethed as I limped down the hall hurriedly, leaning on his shoulder, "Hate… hospitals."

"Sam—"

"No!" I shouted, almost falling down.

Freddie sighed and carefully helped me up, "Fine. What were you doing out here anyways?"

I cringed, "I told Carly… _everything_."

"Everything?" He asked, "Like… everything everything?"

I nodded painfully, "She was really cool about it… but I know that it's hurting her. I just really needed to get out of there, Freddie."

"So you ran out here?"

"No… roof." I muttered, leaning against the wall beside Carly's door while Freddie opened it.

He shook his head as he turned the knob and pushed, "You better not have gone up there to jump."

"I didn't," I gritted my teeth.

Freddie frowned and helped me inside the apartment, "Guys! I found her!"

Carly, Melanie, and Spencer all came running from upstairs, "Sam!" They screamed in unison. Freddie shut the door behind us and chained it quickly, blood still trickled from his nose.

I held my busted arm against my chest, but gave them a quick wave with my fingers regardless, "H-Hey…"

"What happened to you?" Spencer asked first, letting me lean on him before he helped me onto the couch, "Did you fall?"

"…Something like that." I mumbled, staring up at Freddie.

"Her dad," Freddie cut in, giving me a hard glare, "He did this to her."

"Freddie!" I shouted, "You said you wouldn't tell!"

"Your father?" Spencer said but we ignored him.

"He needs to know, Sam." Freddie shot back, "Spencer can help you."

I sniffled and glared at the floor before muttering, "No one can help me."

There was a hand on my shoulder seconds later, "Sam?"

I looked up at Spencer staring at me with wide eyes, "What do you want?"

"I _can_ help you," He sighed, before looking down at my swollen arm, "But first, we need to get that arm fixed, kiddo."

I groaned, "Whatever."

Spencer smiled, "We probably need to get you to a hospital, Sam. I don't think Freddie's mom can fix that without medical help."

"Please don't make me go, Spence?" I pleaded, "I hate hospitals…"

"It's true," Melanie cut in, "The last time we went Sam got four doctors stuck in a mental hospital, and bit seven nurses. Two of the nurses were so bad they had to get their pinky and thumb amputated."

"Well that's gross," Carly smirked.

I groaned, "They kept giving me shots."

Freddie smirked, "There won't be any shots if we go for your broken arm, Sam."

I shrugged and stared at the floor, "I'm not going."

"Sam—"

"Sam!" There was a sudden loud banging at the door, "I swear to God when I find you and your little boyfriend I'll kill you!"

I curled into a ball on the couch and buried my face in the cushions, trying to block out the sounds of him hitting the door and shouting. My arm throbbed from me laying on it, but I didn't care. I was too scared to care about anything right now.

There was a comforting hand rubbing my back, "Sam, relax. It's okay." Melanie soothed.

I shook my head and sobbed into the pillow, "It's n-not okay."

"Open this Goddamn door!" My dad demanded, beating on it harder, "Before I knock it down myself!"

I cringed and deepened my position in the couch.

"Spencer," I heard Carly say, "Do something."

"I…" Spencer sighed, "I don't know what to do, kiddo."

"Make him go away!" She shot back, I heard her kneel on the floor beside me, "Please, Spencer?"

My sight was blinded in the darkness that I'd created on the couch, and the voices were beginning to sound farther and farther away. Soon, I could only hear the echoing of my father's voice and his angry pounding on the door. With each knock my body tensed up that much more. I guessed that it was still Melanie rubbing my back, but I really wasn't sure.

"I'll get all them too, Sammy!" His voice reverberated in my head, "I'll hurt all of them! Especially that little bastard who broke my nose!"

Chills ran down my spine and my body trembled on his every word. The deeper I tried to press my body into the couch; the more my arm pained me. My eyes fluttered open and shut as the pounding on the door continued. I'm scared. Not just being alone scared either. This is like, fear of death scared.

My fear grew once I heard the knocking stop, and the shouting end. The silence was worse than the chaotic confusion that once was. My eyes shut once again while I waited for something to happen… for anything to happen. All I could hear was the sound of everyone around me breathing, and my muffled cries of anguish.

"Maybe he's gone?" I think it was Carly whispering.

I shook my head, "He's not." I whimpered lowly into the couch.

My theory proved correct, because seconds later there was a clicking sound in the hallway. I shuddered, not sure what the clicking was coming from. It wasn't a bomb; he wasn't smart enough for that. The sound suddenly stopped, followed by a loud crack and the door crashing open.

"Toldja I get ya…" Dad slurred.

Instead of deepening my body into the couch further, I gathered what little pride and courage I had left and rose my head to face him. After seeing what he had in his hand, I wished I'd remained concealed in the cushions. There in his hand, the metal shining from the lamp on the end table, was a .45 caliber pistol.

It all happened in slow motion. Just as I popped my head out and saw the gun, he turned and pointed it at Carly's head. My father yelled something, but I wasn't paying attention. I was more in tune to the tears streaming down the cheeks of my best friend. Carly was mouthing that she loved me over and over, but I knew that she wanted to be saved. She needed to be saved. She _deserved_ to be saved.

Without a second thought, I sprung from the couch and charged at the scene, getting to Carly just in time for him to pull the trigger. I tackled her to the ground and toppled down on her, listening to the gunshot that still lingered in the air. My shoulder burned furiously in pain, but I blamed it on the hard fall to the ground. When I rolled off of her, I saw it lying on the ground: the gun. I must have knocked it out of his hand when I tackled Carly.

After staring at it for a few seconds with wide eyes, I reached for it and rolled over on my back, glaring up at him with fury. He looked helpless standing above me, a drastic change from our previous encounters. I aimed the gun up at him with shaky hands before whispering my last words to him.

"I **hate** you," I growled as I pulled the trigger, "And I'll **never **be a _daddy's girl_ **ever **again."

The resounding crack echoed through the air as his limp body collapsed onto the floor beside me. The blood spattered my face, my hands, my shirt… it was everywhere. I dropped the gun from my grasp and the sound of it hitting the floor made me flinch. He laid there on the wooden floor at my side, still staring at me with those eyes. The eyes of a deviant pedophile… the eyes of my father… the eyes of my mother… the eyes of my sister…

The icy blue eyes we would _all_ share… **forever**.

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**I don't remember who it was, but a long time ago I got a review on a chapter saying Sam needed to have some kind of triumph over her father. Personally, I believe this qualifies. **

**That was really intense. Sam almost getting raped, Freddie saving her, Carly almost getting shot, Sam saving **_**her**_**. Lol. It kinda shows how much each of the iCarly team cares for one another. Especially Sam/Freddie who had their little moment towards the beginning of this Seddie is really gonna take off in a rocket ship pretty soon, so be prepared for that one.**

**Ooh, and did y'all like how I used the title of the story in Sam's final words to her dad? Lol. I love it when in movies and books people use the story title in dialogue, it makes me get more excited about what I'm watching. Probably didn't work like that here, but I don't care. It made me happy. **

**Man, you guys were going crazy in the reviews last chapter. lol. That was pretty awesome.**

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**

**(The song this chapter is named after is AMAZING. It goes with the chapter pretty well. If you're into rock I should say. The band is Flyleaf, check 'em out!)**


	32. Comatose

**I got 10 reviews last chapter! 10! That's the most I've ever gotten on a single chapter! So thanks you guys! You rock!**

**Now, on with the angst and drama that will inevitably follow this cheery authors note...  
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**Comatose**

"Sam?" A voice echoed lowly.

My eyes fluttered open and closed as I stared up at the ceiling, refusing to look at the man lying beside me on the floor. Each time I snuck a glance, my entire body shivered at the sight of his lifeless body, not to mention the bloody bullet hole in his skull. There was blood all over my face and hands, along with most of my upper body. It was mostly his I hoped. The only sounds I could hear were of my own breathing and my heart pumping. Tears spilled from my dead eyes, but I made no move to stop them. Everything around me looked blurry and had the sound of a low echo. It was like I was in a dark, shadowy cave.

"Sam?" Another voice called out to me, gently shaking my shoulder.

I slowly rolled my head over to face a panic-stricken Freddie. His eyes were wide with terror and he had blood on his hands. My heart sank at that terrified look in his eyes. He hates me. I know it.

He snapped his fingers in front of my face, "Snap out of it, Sam."

I blinked a few times before the world around me suddenly came back into focus, and everything began to sound normal again. Freddie's face brightened slightly, but that look in his eyes still remained. He placed a hand on my cheek and wiped some of the blood from my face, "You're okay…." He breathed slowly.

He tried to help me sit up, but I refused his assistance. I didn't want to see Carly or Melanie's faces. I was perfectly fine laying on the ground beside… my father.

"Sam?" Freddie whispered, "Come on."

I shook my head defiantly and shut my eyes once again, sucking in a hard breath through my nostrils. My vocal chords seemed to not be working. I couldn't speak. Well, it's not like there was much I could say anyways.

My body slowly began to curl into a ball on the floor, facing away from my father's body. Freddie had walked away long ago; at least I guessed he had. My face pressed against the floor of the apartment, the only sounds leaving my lips were my low sobs and moans. No one reached out to comfort me. It was in their best interest though. Would you comfort someone after they shot somebody? I didn't think so.

I gritted my teeth and cried harder, tightening the grip around my knees on the floor with each low cry.

"Oh my God!" I heard Freddie suddenly shout, "Sam!"

There was a hand on my shoulder in seconds, and the searing pain that had only bothered me a little now hit me full force, "Freddie!" I yelped, opening my eyes to see everyone crowding around me.

When Freddie retracted his hand, he stared at it in horror. There was blood covering his fingers and palms, my blood.

"N-No…" I moaned, gasping as more burning pain racked my body.

"She got shot…" Carly said faintly, "When she saved me…"

"Sh-shot?" I whimpered, crying lowly.

"Freddie, call an ambulance!" Spencer shouted, wiping some cold sweat from my brow, along with some blood, "Tell them she was shot in the… right shoulder… now!"

Freddie sprung from the ground and ran out of sight while Spencer ripped his outer shirt from his body and pushed it onto my wound, "You're gonna be okay, Sam."

"H-Hurts," I stuttered, my body going cold.

"I know," Spencer ran his fingers through my hair, tears were pooling in his eyes, "But it'll be all better soon."

"It… w-won't…" I sputtered, now my teeth were chattering.

My eyes were feeling heavy, and my body felt almost completely numb. All I could feel was the burning pain in my shoulder, and the broken bones in my elbow. Everything else was numb. I was struggling to keep my eyes open like Spencer kept telling me to do. It was tiring just looking at him.

"S-Spence—"

"Don't talk," He shushed me, rubbing my head, "You need to rest."

Melanie knelt down at my side and grasped my hand, squeezing it tightly, "I love you."

She was crying so hard I felt the **need** to respond with a low croak, "I-I… know."

"I'm so sorry," She sobbed while Carly hugged her, "So sorry."

"This is all m-my fault," Carly cried into Melanie's shoulder, "All my f-fault."

I shook my head and shivered. My mouth wasn't working well anymore, and my eyes were getting heavier by the second. Carly cried into Melanie's shoulder while Spencer continued to apply pressure to my bullet wound. Freddie wasn't in my line of sight which worried me more. My eyes darted around, searching for a glimpse of Freddie. I needed to see him before I passed out completely. The blood that had been slowly trickling down my back seemed to be picking up at a steady pace. I shivered at the feeling of the liquid against my skin.

"They're on their way!" I heard Freddie's voice call out before he flopped back down beside me, "Sam?"

My lips curled into a smile when I looked into his dark brown pools, "F-Freddie…"

As soon as I whispered his name, I was thrust into darkness.

_The floor fell out from under me, and I plummeted through the darkness as the faces of my friends and sister faded from view. The pain in my back and arm had ceased, although the dizziness and light-headedness still remained. My vocal chords still seemed to be messed up because I couldn't scream, by my eyes were wide in terror. When I finally felt my back come into contact with a tile floor, I was dazed and confused beyond repair. I laid on the dark blue and white tiles of the floor, staring up into the blackness I'd fallen out of. The dark pit suddenly disappeared and was replaced with an all white ceiling. My heart pounded in my ears as the sounds of people yelling tried to bring me back to the real world._

"Spencer!" Carly shrieked, "What do we do?"

"Sam?" Spencer was shouting through Carly's panicked screams, smacking my cheek, "Wake up, Kiddo! Come on, Sam!"

_Just as I felt like I might awaken, I was sucked back into the dark depths of my mind. I shut my eyes and reopened them, finding I was back in the all-white room from before. I sighed and tried to sit up._

_I'm wasn't completely alone. There's a tree here, but I'm not sure how it's sprouted itself in a dark room. I shrugged and pulled my body in front of it, leaning against its hard and powerful trunk. It was cold here too, causing me to hug my arms around myself to keep warm. It didn't help much, but I'll take what I can get. The room suddenly got even colder, and I pulled my knees up to my chest to fight off the frigid air. Voices still echoed in my head._

"Freddie!" I heard Spencer yelling, "Ride in the ambulance with Sam! Carly and me will follow you guys on my motorcycle!"

"Okay!" Freddie replied.

The floor of whatever I was laying in began to shake and wobble, while the pain in my arm and shoulder continued.

_I shook my head and I was back in the room again. My hands began to shake from the bone-chilling cold I was now experiencing. I could feel my nose and ears going numb, and soon my hands and feet did the same. It was so weird. I still didn't know where I was, or why I was there._

_Suddenly, the tree disappeared, and I fell backward, only to be caught by a pair of hands._

"_I've got you," He said with a smile, "I won't ever let you fall, Sam."_

_I lifted my head, "Freddie?"_

_Freddie smirked, "Did you expect someone else? Carly maybe?"_

"_No," I shook my head knowingly, "I didn't."_

_His face brightened, "Good."_

_My body warmed at his touch, and the sight of his face made the dark room seem to brighten ever so slightly. I grinned up at him and watched as he looked around our dingy circumstances, "Sam?"_

"_Hm?" I asked._

"_This is what it's been like… isn't it?" He replied, "Ever since your dad… you know."_

_I thought for a moment. After looking around the room for a moment, I realized he was right. After dad raped me, it was like all of the light had been drawn out of my soul, and I'd just been left a dark empty shell. Even when I was with him, or Carly, or even Spencer, they could never help me hold off the darkness for too long. It always came back. And it was always the same, dark and lonely._

"_Yeah," I breathed finally, "It is."_

_Freddie looked down at the small smile etched across my face, "But it's different now?"_

_I nodded and breathed, "You're here."_

When my eyes fluttered open, I wasn't where I'd expected to be. Instead of lying in a hospital bed, I was actually floating above it, along with my body. You can imagine I was confused. I decided I must be dreaming. There was no way this was possible. I studied my actual body lying in the hospital bed, cringing at the sight of all the tubes poking in and out of my body. There was some plastic thing sticking out of my nose, and I guessed it was to help me breathe. It was the weakest I'd ever looked, or felt.

As I watched my chest rise and fall, Freddie walked into the room carrying flowers with Carly and Melanie following close behind.

"She looks so… broken." Carly mumbled as Freddie sat the flowers on my bedside table.

Freddie sighed and sat down in a chair, Melanie and Carly did the same, "I'm really worried about her. It's been nearly a week and she's still unconscious."

"The doctors just said that a blood transfusion takes a while to recover from, Freddie." My sister chimed in, obviously holding onto hope, "She's fine."

I smiled. Melanie had always been the type to calm everybody down when something really bad was happening. If it wasn't for her, I'd probably be a neurotic crazy person. Considering everything the two of us have gone through over the years, it's not a farfetched idea.

"This is my fault," Carly muttered, reaching out and touching my hand.

I wanted so badly to hug her to my chest and explain it wasn't her fault. I just needed to comfort her. Carly had never got this upset over anything.

"It wasn't, Carly." Freddie frowned, "Sam told you it wasn't before she passed out."

"She didn't," Carly stepped away from me, "Sam just shook her head which could have meant anything."

"She wouldn't want you to be beating yourself up over this," Melanie sighed, patting her shoulder, "I know that for a fact."

Carly shook her head and wiped at her eyes as tears began to stream down her cheeks, "When is she gonna wake up? I can't live without my best friend… I just… **can't**."

Watching Carly cry made my determination to awaken strengthen that much more. She didn't deserve to be going through this, none of them did. This is all my fault…

Freddie watched my sleeping form closely, "Carly, Melanie? Can you guys go wait out with Spencer? I want to talk to Sam… alone."

Melanie gave Freddie a sad smile before taking Carly's hand, "Sure. Tell her I love her."

She dragged Carly out after her, while Freddie placed his hand on top of mine.

"Sam…" He bit his lip and was obviously fighting back tears, "I… I need you to w-wake up. C-Carly needs you, and Melanie needs y-you… _I_ need you. They're all losing h-hope, Sam."

My eyes watered as I looked down at him. I wished I could wake up for just a second, if only to make them all smile again.

"The doctors…" He continued, tightening his grasp on my hand, "They say if y-you don't wake up s-soon… that y-you might be brain dead… from all the blood loss. That it m-might have cut off the a-air to your b-brain. I don't believe them though, because I know y-you wouldn't die on us. You're stronger than that."

I released a long sigh before shutting my eyes and letting a tear stream down my face, "F-Freddie…" I croaked.

"Sam!" Freddie gasped, "Oh my God! Carly! Melanie! Spencer!"

When I opened my eyes, I wasn't floating above the scene anymore. I was lying in the bed, with tubes sticking out of me, a cast on my arm and gauze wrapped tight around my shoulder. My arm was in a sling too, but all of that paled in comparison to the boy standing beside me. Freddie hugged me to his chest, crying into my hair. It hurt my shoulder, but I didn't care. I missed feeling him hold me more than bacon, or ham… anything. I **really** missed him.

"I thought you were gone," He smiled, kissing my forehead, "Sam…"

My throat was dry, but I managed to get a few words out, "I… w-won't **ever**… leave y-you."

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**Aw, Sam woke up for Freddie. lol. That's probably totally cliche, but I couldn't resist. **

**If this chapter was difficult to follow, I understand. I was trying out a slightly different writing style for this one, since Sam spends most of it unconscious. At the parts during her dream where she randomly hears or sees Spencer or Freddie, it's because she gets awakened for a split second before becoming unconscious again. Lol. I thought it would be more interesting than a continued dream sequence. lol.**

**And at the hospital, I actually saw this one in a movie, Sam is half-awake, but not completely. Like her mind is awake, but not her body. So she can hear and see whats happening without being awake. lol. Hopefully I didn't confuse too many of you guys! This chapter took forever to get right, so I hope you enjoyed it. My friend said it was kinda trippy, so yeah...  
**

**Another thing I need to address, is that I'm not sure when I'm going to end this. I was thinking of stopping it here, and then writing a sequel for Sam's recovery and whatnot. If you didn't notice, I haven't tied up a bunch of loose ends yet. So, I need yall's opinion on what to do. I don't want to end it while some of you still want more, but if you guys don't tell me, I won't know. So just tell me in your review. lol. If you review, which I hope y'all do! lol. **

**Review??? Maybe??? Pleez??? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**

**...Sorry that was a long AN...  
**


	33. Bulletproof

**:)**

**I got another 10 reviews last chapter! You guys seriously rock!  
**

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**Bulletproof**

My eyes were glued to the boy leaning over me as I whispered to him again, "F-Freddie… I—"

He grinned down at me and put a finger over my lips, shaking his head, "Don't worry, I understand."

"Sam!" My gaze shifted to the door that was being thrown open by my extremely eager sister, accompanied by me equally excited best friend.

They rushed to my side and started hugging me, avoiding the cast on my right arm and shoulder, "You just had to wait until we were out of the room, huh?" Carly smiled through the tears that were streaming down her cheeks.

I shrugged, though my muscles were very stiff and sore, "S-Sorry." My voice was hoarse from misuse and an extremely dry throat.

"Are you thirsty?" Melanie asked, reading my mind instantly.

I nodded with a smile while Freddie and Carly stared at us incredulously. Melanie gave me a smirk before turning back to Carly and Freddie, "Twin telepathy. It exists."

Melanie hopped across the room to the sink and I heard water running. While Melanie was busy, Carly bent down and quickly whispered in my ear, "I'm really sorry. This was my fault."

I shook my head and croaked, "N-No, s'not."

Freddie looked down and gave us a sly smile before turning on the balls of his feet, "I'm going to go tell the doctor that you woke up… finally."

I pursed my dry lips and rolled my eyes, "W-Whatever…"

"Do you know how long you were out, Sam?" Carly asked, holding my hand.

I shook my head just as Melanie walked over with my cup of water, a straw sticking out of the top. She held it in front of my face and helped me get the straw in my mouth so I could drink it easier. Once I took a few good gulps, I pulled away, "Thanks."

Melanie smiled as she sat the cup on my bed side table, "No problem. Considering how long you were out, I understand how thirsty you were."

"How long… was I asleep?" I asked. My throat was no longer dry, but I was breathing weird and forced to take a hard gasp between words.

"Almost a week," Carly answered, giving my hand a squeeze.

I smirked, recalling them talking about that earlier when I was sleeping, "Oh… I remember now."

"Remember?" Melanie frowned.

"Yeah," I smiled, "I mean… you guys were talking about it… earlier, when I was… sleeping. I… heard you."

"How did you hear us?" They asked in unison.

I shrugged and shook my head, "I don't know… it was really weird."

Carly and Melanie exchanged glances of confusion before shrugging and turning back to me and smiling.

"I'm not crazy," I muttered, glaring at the corresponding wall, "I'm… not."

Freddie stepped in with a dark-skinned woman wearing all white before Carly or Melanie could respond to my random comment.

"Samantha!" The woman was way too enthusiastic, "Good to see you up and speaking!"

"Uh, I go by Sam," I frowned, "And you are?"

"I'm sorry." She smiled, "I'm Dr. Warren. I've been overseeing your progress since you arrived."

"Oh," I forced a smile, "Cool… I guess."

"Is there a problem?" Dr. Warren asked.

I shrugged, "It's just… aren't most doctors'… well, dudes? The last time I saw a doctor… he was a dude."

Dr. Warren nodded, "After considering your situation, we thought it would be best if you had a female doctor."

I relaxed into my pillows, flinching as my shoulder began to sear in pain, "Probably a good idea… from you guys."

"Are you hurting?" She asked, quickly making her way to my side.

I shook my head, "I'm fine."

Freddie groaned, "She's lying. I think it's her shoulder."

"Freddie…" I growled.

Dr. Warren ignored me and reached for a small remote laying on my bed-side table, "You see this, Sam?"

I nodded and she continued, "If you press this button, it will inject morphine through your IV to help with the pain. But don't do it too much. There's an alarm on it and if you hit it too many times in a certain time period, I'll have to shut it off."

"Why?" I groaned, "Scared I'll OD or something?"

"Actually, yes." She nodded, "And we can't have you going into another coma, Sam."

I shrugged, "I guess."

Dr. Warren put the remote in my left hand, "Here you go."

"Thanks, but I won't use it much." I smirked, "I'm not a baby."

"You're obviously not stupid either," She noted, "If the pain becomes too much for your 'tough-girl-ness', hit the button."

"Are you mocking me?"

"Maybe," She smirked.

"Hm," I grinned, "I like you."

Dr. Warren laughed, "Well, okay then."

"How long am I stuck here?" I asked quickly before shakily reaching for the tubes sticking out of my nose, "And can I take this thing out? It's annoying."

She sighed, and helped me pull the tubes out, "It depends on how long it takes for your shoulder to heal up, not to mention the multiple fractures in your ribs and broken arm."

"My ribs?" I frowned, "Seriously? A cracked rib isn't that bad and they don't take very long to heal."

"Your arm and shoulder are important too." She replied simply.

"Just wrap me up in a bunch of gauze or something real quick and give me some morphine for the road and I'll be fine." I pleaded, "I hate hospitals."

Melanie sighed loudly, "Sam…"

"Hey, wait a minute…" My face scrunched up as I stared down at the bed angrily, "I forgot to ask…W-What about my dad? Is he… dead?"

Dr. Warren pursed her lips and frowned, "Well… in relations to your father there is… good and bad news… depending on how you look at it."

"Okay?"

"The 'good' news, is that he is… alive." She struggled to say, "The 'bad' is that we believe he is a vegetable now. Brain dead."

My mouth opened wide as I gawked at her. He wasn't dead… I didn't kill him. He's alive, he's still alive. That **bastard** is still alive…

"You're lying," I scowled, my fist clenching.

"I wish I was, considering your reaction." She sighed, "But it's true."

"Sam?" Melanie rubbed my good shoulder, "Relax. He may be alive, but it's not like he can do anything to… us again. He's brain dead."

"He deserves to be dead dead," I grumbled, staring at the ceiling, "God might have mercy on him now… Let him up there instead of sending him to hell where he **deserves** to be."

"Excuse me?" Dr. Warren turned to Carly, Melanie, and Freddie, "Would you all mind leaving so I can talk with Sam in private?"

They all nodded and began to leave, but Freddie lingered for a moment, "We'll see you soon, Sam."

I nodded and watched him go before turning back to Dr. Warren, "Why'd you make them leave?"

"There are things we need to discuss in private… pertaining to your father." Dr. Warren said sadly, "Things that will be difficult for you. Having them here would complicate things further."

I nodded, understanding the situation immediately, "Okay."

She cleared her throat and grabbed her clipboard, "I understand that there was… sex without consent involved, is this true?"

"Yes," I gulped.

"How many times?" She continued after writing something down.

I gritted my teeth, "Twice…"

Dr. Warren nodded and wrote something else, "We ran a rape-kit on you and it turned up with nothing. How many showers have you taken since each… time?"

"Three." I muttered, staring at the floor, "Once after the… first. Twice after the second… I think."

"Sam, you're doing really well." She comforted, noting my current distress, "Just a couple more question's and we won't talk about this anymore."

I nodded, "Good."

"I understand you live with your mother," Dr. Warren said, "Where was she during all of this?"

I shrugged, "I don't know… the second time she was downstairs. Drunk… I believe. The first time though… I was so caught up in everything… I didn't think about it. Sorry."

"It's alright, Sam." She smiled, jotting down more notes, "We're almost done. Melanie told me that she came home about a week ago because you called and asked… is there a reason why she wasn't hurt at all the way you were? We checked her over and there wasn't a scratch on her."

I sighed, "I did what I had to do, okay? He tried stuff with her, but I wasn't gonna let that happen. She's my sister."

"So you protected her?"

"Yep," I nodded, "I took one hell of a beating for her though."

She nodded and wrote something else down, "Okay. Now, Sam… we have one more thing to discuss, and then we'll be done here. It's not about the rape though."

I nodded, "Fine."

"There are… other injuries," She reached over and pulled my left arm out from under the covers, "I need to know what happened here."

I cringed at the sight of my wrapped up arm. I had almost forgotten about the cuts that resided beneath the gauze that suffocated my skin all the way up to my elbow. Even though I couldn't see them, I could imagine that they were probably scarred over mostly by now.

"Sam?" Dr. Warren frowned, "You okay?"

I shook my head, "I'm fine. I don't know what happened there. My dad probably did it or something."

"You're not lying to me are you?" She sighed, "Because I highly doubt he would have taken the time to make sure they were in rows."

"He took the time to rape me," I growled angrily, "So there's really no telling what he would make time for."

She looked down at the floor for a moment before looking up, "If you tell me the truth about this, we have doctor-patient confidentiality rules. No one else has to know. I might tell the on-site psychologist that you'll be seeing tomorrow about this, but otherwise it will be between the two of us only."

"Psychologist?" I scowled, "There's nothing wrong with me!"

"Sam, relax." She sighed, "It's just hospital policy that we have to follow, for people who have been through the emotional trauma you've dealt with. You're only required one session."

"You promise that none of them," I pointed at my door, "Will know?"

"I promise." Dr. Warren smiled, "I just need to know what to write down on your report, so I can keep my job."

I sighed loudly before finally answering, "I did them all, except for one."

She nodded and jotted down a couple notes, "How long ago?"

I shrugged, "I don't know, the first time was… last Friday or Saturday… I really can't remember. Sorry."

"It's okay, Sam." She smiled, "I'll just write Friday for them all. Do you have a lie worked up for what happened yet? I don't want our stories to mismatch in case your friends see the scars."

"You're an awesome doctor when you wanna be," I smirked, "And… I think I'll just say my dad did it, or my cat."

"Hm," She examined my arm carefully, "These here are a little more jagged, so I'd say the dad excuse will work better for them. And the other's we'll blame on your cat…"

"Frothy," I chimed in, "His name is Frothy."

"Okay," Dr. Warren placed my arm back on the bed, "You do know that it's bad to hurt yourself, correct?"

"Yeah," I muttered, not looking her in the eye, "I just… had a lapse in judgment a couple times. Everything became too much… you know?"

She nodded, "I understand, Sam."

"I'm glad someone does," I leaned back a little, cringing as my shoulder flared up in pain again, "Would you mind hitting that morphine button for me?"

Dr. Warren grabbed the remote and pushed the button, "I won't tell them you used any. I'm guessing you probably have a reputation to keep?"

I nodded, "I gotta be the strong one."

"That's not healthy either," Dr. Warren said as she stood up, "You need to learn how to let people in when they can help you, Sam."

"I know, but that's all I have left of myself, Doc." I whispered as she left, "He took everything else…"

* * *

**Holy Cheese! The jerk is still alive! Well, if you can call it alive. lol. **

**Bleh... sorry this took longer than usual to post. Schools been crazy lately so... lol. I'm not very proud of this anyway. I wrote this in about an hour and didn't read it over very much. I felt bad because I've left you guys hanging off of those last couple chapters for a few days so I wanted to get this up before the weekend.I apologize for any errors. Seriously.  
**

**I turn 17 tomorrow! lol. Too crunk. No party or anything, but still pretty excited. Hopefully I'll go to my dad's next week and we'll see Kickass. That movie sounds awesome.**

**Oh! And a funfact for this chapter! I named/based Sam's doctor after the coroner type person from Law & Order: SVU. That's like my favorite 'serious' show! lol. The fact that Jennette had a guest spot on it once, makes it that much cooler. lol. **


	34. Brighter

**Enjoy ppls!**

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**Brighter**

"What did you guys do for iCarly last week?" I asked, slurping on a smoothie that Spencer sneaked in for me.

Carly smiled, "Melanie helped out, but she definitely doesn't have the comedic timing you have. Freddie ended up putting a blooper special together, and it totally rocked. I'll bring my laptop later so you can watch it. We ended up having to tell the viewers you were in the hospital though… I hope that's okay…"

"You didn't say why, did you?" I panicked.

"We did, but not the truth," Carly replied simply, "They think that you broke your arm trying to rob a meat factory."

I smirked, "That **is** something I would do."

"Yeah, Freddie came up with it." She shot me a sly smile, "It's amazing that he knows you so well…"

"Carls, we aren't starting this again." I grumbled, putting the smoothie on my end table, "I don't like Fredward."

Carly shook her head, "Come on! Just admit it! You guys would be so cute together, Sam!"

"Okay, never use my name and the word 'cute' in a sentence together ever again." I scowled, "Besides, even if I did like him… it wouldn't work out."

"It totally would," Carly retorted, "He loves you."

"Slow down, Shay." I breathed, "We're not even past the liking barrier yet. I don't want to think about loving anyone yet, especially Freduardo."

She sighed, "He **does** like you a lot. When you were in that coma he was here with you every day. All he did was talk to you, but it was special. And he cried over you, Sam. I've never seen Freddie cry."

I shrugged, "Maybe he just felt guilty?"

"Sam…" Carly groaned, "Why can't you accept the fact that he likes you?"

I gritted my teeth, "Because… maybe I'm scared of him liking me…"

"What?"

"My dad liked me…" I shuddered, trailing off suddenly, "I mean… I'm scared that things between me and Freddie will go bad. Because of everything that's happened."

Carly leaned back in her chair, "Between you and your dad?"

I nodded, "The first time we kissed after all of this… I imagined my dad was there. It was bad. I don't want our relationship to revolve around my stupid insecurities about Him."

"Sam," Carly comforted, "It wasn't your fault that it went that way. Just give Freddie another shot… for me?"

"Did he talk to you or something?" I arched an eyebrow.

Carly smiled innocently, "Maybe…"

"Fine," I groaned, "The next time he's here we'll talk about everything."

"Yes!" She pumped her fist.

"Chilax, Carls." I sighed, relaxing into my pillows, "Nothing is set in stone yet."

"Whatever," She rolled her eyes before reaching for her backpack, "I brought you some of your homework from school."

I groaned, "Seriously?"

"Yes, Sam." Carly replied, laying a book on my lap, "Seriously."

"Man, it's not like I'm gonna pass the tenth grade now." I moaned, "Why do I gotta do this?"

She frowned, "Principal Franklin told me that if you finish all of the stuff I bring you, and go to summer school, you'll still pass."

I brushed some hair out of my face, "This sucks."

"Just do the work when you have time, okay?" Carly pleaded, "I don't want to start eleventh grade without you, Sam."

"I'll try," I breathed, "Can we stop talking about stupid school now?"

"I guess," Carly sighed, "Have you been to that psychologist person yet?"

I groaned, "No… I don't wanna go either."

She shrugged, "Maybe it'll help, Sam."

"Do I seem fine to you right now?" I asked, "Tell me the truth."

"Right now, yeah." Carly was choosing her words carefully, "But… your mood changes on a dime. In fifteen minutes you might be trying to tackle the nurses or something. Personally, I think you need to see someone and talk to them about your life."

"I talk to you," I whined.

Carly snorted, "Yeah, about ham or bacon. But when it comes to the stuff that involves **you** personally, I'm in the dark. Always."

I lowered my gaze, "Sorry. I just don't want you to know certain stuff about me. It'll change the way you look at me."

"That's exactly what you said before we talked in the iCarly studio about everything," Carly frowned, "And I'm not looking at you different right now, am I?"

"I guess not," I murmured.

She placed her hand on top of mine, "Well, if I haven't looked at you any differently yet, why would I start now?"

"I don't know," I answered honestly, "Sorry."

Carly shook her head, "Stop saying you're sorry, Sam."

"Sor—" I stopped myself, "I mean… I will."

Carly sat up in her chair and gave me a long stare, "You look a lot better, you know."

"What?"

"Like… better than last week." Carly struggled to say, "You look better now: Happier."

I shrugged, "I guess. Mostly it's because I'm not constantly worrying about Him. It has nothing to do with this dumb hospital, trust me."

"How do you feel about him still being alive?" She asked suddenly, "Because I really didn't know what to think when the doctor told me and Spencer."

My fist clenched, "He… he should have died. But instead, he gets to be a 'vegetable'. Doctors and nurses waiting on him hand and foot… it's wrong."

Carly nodded, "That's how Spencer saw it."

"Speaking of Spencer, where is he?" I asked, hoping to change the subject.

"Oh," Carly checked her phone, "He went home to get something. He said he'd text me when he was on his way here…"

"I'm back!" Spencer's voice echoed through the hallway as if on cue, before the sounds of a shouting woman and a loud crash followed.

"Oh my God!" His voice screamed before a door slammed and footsteps were outside my room.

When the door was finally thrown open, Spencer stepped inside looking rather disheveled. He had a cardboard box in his hands, and a phone laying on top of it.

"Uh, Spence?" I smirked.

Spencer dropped a box on the floor as the phone flew off of it and under a chair, "Man, I just scared the crap out of some big lady next door!"

"Wrong room?" Carly sighed knowingly.

"Yeah!" Spencer laughed as he motioned out the whole scene, "She took this big basket thingy, and chucked it across the room at me! Luckily, the prisoners I taught art to showed me the easiest way to dodge things, so I'm fine!"

Carly and I looked at each other for a moment before busting out laughing, "Spencer! The rooms have numbers on them for a reason you know!" I giggled.

He crossed his arms, "Fine then, laugh at me. You just won't get your surprise…"

"Surprise?" I stopped laughing immediately and got excited, "What surprise? Show me!"

Spencer's face lit up, "I sculpturered you something!"

"Don't you mean, sculpted?" I smiled at Spencer's stupidity.

"It's not my fault I don't know words!" Spencer moaned, "I missed that day of kindergarten!"

"Since you're a sculptor and everything," Carly deadpanned, "Shouldn't you _know_ that word?"

He waved her question off, "It doesn't matter! Can we please get back to the fact that I made Sam something?"

I laughed, "I'm sorry for making you feel stupid! Lemme see it!"

"You're gonna love this!" Spencer grinned, running over to the box and opening it, pulling out a wrapped package in the shape of a large ball.

He ran over and sat it in my lap, "Open it!"

It took me a little while to unwrap it, since I only had one working arm right now, but eventually I had the paper ripped off, revealing a massive brown sphere.

"What is it?" Carly frowned, poking at it, "Spencer? I think you're off your nut."

My face brightened as I rolled it around on my lap, "Thanks, Spence!"

"Do you know what it is?" Carly asked.

I smiled valiantly, "It's a meatball… with a monkey face carved into the back."

Carly looked over while I rolled it over so she could see, and her expression immediately changed, "Spencer! That's the coolest thing I've ever seen."

"I thought so!" Spencer hopped into the air happily, "It took me most of the past week to make it."

"While I was asleep?" I asked nonchalantly.

Spencer nodded, "Yeah, it took my mind off of things."

"Does art do that for you, Spencer?" I asked honestly, "Like, make you feel better?"

He nodded, "It's part of the reason I started sculpting."

Carly rolled the meatball back over, "Have they been feeding you well here?"

"No ham or meatballs if that's what you mean," I stated sadly, "Mostly just vegetables and stuff. I hate it. They only let me drink water too. Water! Mama needs her caffeine!"

"Well…" Spencer sauntered over and pulled a can out of his jacket pocket, "That's why I snuck this in for you."

"Are you sure we won't get kicked out for this?" Carly chimed in, "I mean we already gave her a smoothie…"

I shrugged, grabbing the can, "Hopefully they'll kick me out. I can't stand the stench of bleach and disinfectant much longer."

Spencer laughed, "Do you need help with that?"

I frowned and handed him the can, "Probably. I can't do anything with one hand, dude."

He popped the tab and handed it back to me, "Need a straw?"

I nodded and he grabbed one from my cup of water, "Here ya go!"

"Thanks, Spence." I grinned before taking a long sip of Peppy Cola.

It may not have been root beer, but it was a whole lot better than water. I savored the sugary carbonation happily. When I finally gave Spencer back the can, I'd sucked down at least two-thirds of it.

"Somebody really was missing their caffeine," Spencer smiled.

I nodded, "You have no idea."

"Did Carly give you your homework?" Spencer asked, his guardian/parent skills kicking in.

I moaned, "Yes."

"Good," He sat down in another chair close to my bed, "You're not gonna fail the tenth grade as long as I'm around."

"Right…" I smirked, playfully rolling my giant meatball around in my lap, "Hey, Spence? Did you ever finish that monkey thing? The one with the banana's and stuff that nobody liked?"

"Great job describing it," He groaned, "And that's what I finished right after the meatball. You inspired me, Kiddo."

I blushed, "I have that effect on people."

Carly laughed, "Of course you do…"

"Watch it, Shay." I said in mock-anger, "I'll be out of the casts and stuff eventually."

"Do you think the doctors would get mad if laid on your bed with you?" Carly asked with a smirk, "I'm tired…"

"You so sounded like me right there," I laughed and scooted over, "Here ya go, Cupcake."

Carly grinned and hopped onto the bed beside me, I noticed how carefully she was avoiding my ribs. Since she was on my left side, she didn't have to worry about my busted arm.

"Better?" I asked.

"Yes," She relaxed, "School killed me today."

I shrugged, "It's just because I wasn't there to help you sleep in class."

Carly giggled, "Yeah, that's probably it."

Spencer walked over to me and took the meatball from my lap, "I'll set this back inside the box for you, I don't want it crushing your legs."

"Thanks," I smiled, "That would be a bad thing."

"Sam?" Carly said, "You remember that time when we were younger? We were laying on my bed for some reason and fell off in the dumbest way possible? Remember?"

I laughed, "Yeah. It was your fault though, you just had to roll over and scare the crap out of me. Why?"

She shrugged with a smile, "I don't know, it was just funny."

"People of Earth!" I grinned, "The supreme queen of random has spoken!"

She nudged my arm playfully, "Shut up."

I cringed as I felt a stabbing pain in my side, "Ag-eh…"

"Sam?" Carly panicked, "Are you okay? I'm so sorry."

I shook my head and gritted my teeth, "It's all good, Carls. It wasn't your fault."

"Are you kidding?" Carly sighed, "Everything is my fault…"

I sat up on the bed the best I could and stared her straight in the eyes, "Carly, none of what happened at the apartment is your fault. Nothing. If you say it is one more time, I'm moving to Yakima with your granddad."

She giggled at my last line, "Oh, Sam… You know he hates you."

"Exactly!" I said, "And do you know how sad I'd be all the time in Yakima? Very!"

"Okay, I'll stop blaming myself if… you promise to keep an open mind with the psychologist person."

"Fine," I sighed, "We good?"

She laughed and gave my hand a squeeze, "We're better than good, we're best friends."

I shook my head, "No we're not."

"What—"

"Carly, you're my sister." I interrupted with a small laugh, "My nonjudgmental, not-twin sister with a totally awesome older brother who 'sculpturers' stuff for people. The best person I ever met… next to Freddie I guess."

"Aww..." Carly blushed before realizing what I had said, "Wait… So you do like him?"

I was the one blushing this time, "Yeah… I guess I do."

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**Awwww! lol. It too us a while to get here, but now we know for sure, that Sam likes Freddie! Yay! Now the Seddie can 'officially' begin! :)**

**Hope you guys like this one! It was mostly friendship/relationship fluffiness, but I needed to have a few chapters like that ever now and then. BTW I'm hoping to have this story wrapped up pretty soon, or at least wrapped up enough for a sequel. lol. I'm gonna be sad when this story is over though, it's like my 'baby' since it was basically the first thing I ever posted and people actually liked it. lol. **

**Review??? Maybe??? Pleez??? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	35. Unholy Confessions

**Hey guys! Hopefully you like this chapter! There's a little language in this one, but not enough to offend anybody I hope. lol. **

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**Unholy Confessions**

"Do I really gotta go see this chick?" I groaned as Dr. Warren helped me out of bed.

She sighed, "It's a one-time deal, Sam. You can handle it."

"Whatever," I frowned, "Do you know when Melanie is going to get back from her school?"

Dr. Warren shrugged, "She hasn't called Spencer yet."

My face fell. Melanie had been forced to go back to her boarding school yesterday afternoon. They said if she didn't go back then, they would be forced to take away her scholarship. At first she wanted to stay with me, but after much convincing, I got her to go back. We hoped that maybe the dean of students would understand the situation and let her come home again for a little bit longer, but I wasn't sure anymore. She would have called by now.

"This is gonna suck," I moaned, cringing at the dull aching in my abdomen.

"I can get you a wheelchair if you like?" Dr. Warren suggested, but I quickly shot down that offer.

"Unless my legs somehow get broke in the next five minutes, I'm not getting in one of those things," My expression turned devious, "Unless… I can take it off some sweet jumps in the parking lot! Now **that** would be fun."

Dr. Warren laughed, "You're insane."

"I try," I shrugged, sitting on the bed slurping the smoothie Freddie brought me earlier this morning on his way to school.

"Did your future husband bring you that?" She teased.

I groaned, "Yes, if you must know. And he is not my future husband… **yet**."

She smiled, "Yet?"

"Yeah," I smirked, "Because he isn't gonna say 'no' to mama."

Dr. Warren shook her head and grinned, "Okay, Sam. Whatever you say…"

"Come on," I groaned, standing back up carefully, "You can tease me about Freddie later, I wanna get this over with."

"A change of heart?" She smiled.

I shook my head, "I made a promise-deal-type-thing with Carly."

"I see," She nodded, "Well then, here's the clothes your '_husband_' dropped off for you this morning. I'll wait outside for you to get changed."

"I don't gotta wear this stupid thing anymore?" My eyes lit up as I held up the corner of my hospital gown. She shook her head.

"He brought you comfortable clothes though," She added, handing me a bag, "So you can still lounge around your room and be lazy."

"Thanks, doc." I smiled, but as she turned to leave I stopped her, "Wait, um, Dr. Warren… I might need help with the shirt. You know, with my cast and everything."

"Oh," Dr. Warren smiled and walked back over, taking the bag from my hands and shuffling around in it, "I think he brought you… yes, here."

She handed me a black and purple tank top, "He thought this would be easier for you to put on."

I smirked, holding the tank in front of me, "My man was thinkin' outside the box. Guess I don't gotta have any help now."

"I'll be outside if you need me, Sam." She laughed and left the room.

I shook my head and tossed the bag on my bed before sitting beside and pulling out some clothes to wear. It looked like he had mostly brought me tank tops and boxer shorts, not that I mind or anything. There was a lone pair of jeans and a jacket that I was positive didn't belong to me. The more I studied it, the quicker I realized it was Freddie's. I remembered it because it was the one he was wearing when those stupid petographers tried to mess us over, and he 'moved out' of his moms apartment after she embarrassed the crap out of him. It was my favorite of his too, since it had a deep purple color on it, along with blue. My two favorite colors after brown.

A smile crept across my face as I laid it on the bed beside the tank top. I dug around in the bag until I found a pair of black basketball shorts that would come down to my knees. I tossed those on top of the rest of my stuff before pushing the bag off my bed and onto the floor.

Now comes the interesting part. I haven't really looked at myself since the incident, even when a nurse helped me shower, which by the way was extremely awkward, I didn't dare look. But today I was kind of curious. I reached behind my back with my left hand and untied the string holding my hospital gown together before letting it fall down around my ankles, moving my right arm that was currently in a sling an inch so it could get around it. I kicked it away and released a long sigh before garnering the courage to look down at myself.

The bruises that once plagued my body in the earlier week were mostly faded in a light shade of purplish-green. My abdomen was covered with this thing they called a chest binder to help heal my broken ribs faster, so I couldn't see much of that. I could still see the bruises on my thighs, and when I used a mirror on the opposite side of the room, I saw my back was still not fully healed. I sighed and placed my hand on my right shoulder, glaring at the cast and gauze wrapped around it. When I thought about it, I was still in disbelief that he had in fact shot me. Each time I shut my eyes, I could hear the pop of the shot and then the pain in my arm. The thought of that scared me almost as bad as _me_ shooting _him_.

I shrugged and moved back to the bed, grabbing the shorts and pulling them on first since they would be easiest. I sat on the bed, and using one hand jerked them around both legs at once, standing up and hopping a little to get the shorts around my hips. Once I had those on, I smirked and decided it was time for the tank top. This was a little bit harder. I put the tank around my neck and let it rest on my shoulders for a second before using one hand and forcing my arms through it. My right arm was really hard to get through it, but I managed. After my main clothes were on, I felt pretty accomplished.

"Doc?" I called out, "I'm decent!"

The door swung open and she came in wearing a smile, "That looks a lot better, Sam."

I shrugged, "I guess. Do you think I can wear this jacket too?"

"Sure," She took it from the bed and held it behind me.

I stuck my left arm through the sleeve, "Thanks."

"It's no problem, Sam." She replied, letting the right side of the jacket hang on my shoulder around my broken arm.

My heart began to beat harder as I thought about what was to come, "She's gonna ask me about him, isn't she?"

"Probably," She answered, "She's going to ask about a lot of things, Sam. But don't worry, I'm really good friends with Jenny and I made her promise to go easy on you with the questions."

I nodded, but I was still shaking, "I'm kinda scared."

"I know," Dr. Warren sighed, marking something on the clipboard at the end of my bed, "But it's going to be okay."

"You promise?" I asked, slipping a pair of Crocs Freddie also brought on my feet.

"I swear on my kids lives," She nodded.

"You have kids?" I questioned, "How many?"

"Three," Dr. Warren smiled, "All boys."

I smirked as she led me out into the hall, "That must suck, having all those boys around. Your husband must have loads of patience like you do, right?"

Her expression changed quickly, "Actually, my husband died a few years ago."

"Oh…" I was at a loss for words, "I'm… really sorry. I-I didn't mean…"

"It's okay," She breathed, noticing my distress, "You didn't know, Sam."

"B-But still," I mumbled, "I'm sorry."

Dr. Warren gave me a soft smile, "Sam, its fine. I'm not mad at you or anything."

"Do your kids look like him?" I asked suddenly.

She nodded and laughed a little, "Oh yeah. My two oldest, Fleck and Devon, have his laugh and sense of humor. It's almost surreal listening to them crack jokes. Almost like my husband around again."

"Fleck?" I shook my head. She couldn't be, "Is his best friend named Dave by any chance?"

"Yes?" She frowned, "How did you know?"

"I've met him before," I smirked, "On iCarly. Pretty awesome dude."

"Yeah, he can be." She smiled, "It's no thanks to me though, he learned all he knows from his father."

I stared at the floor as we stepped into an elevator "You love your kids a lot, don't you?"

"Yes, I do." She said as she pushed a button and the door closed. Soon, she looked down at me and obviously saw my sad expression, "Sam?"

I gritted my teeth and felt my stomach twisting in knots, "I wish my mom loved me."

"Sam…" Dr. Warren sighed.

"She probably used to… a long time ago." I said without meaning to, tears pooling in my eyes, "But I doubt it. Nobody has ever loved me… I'm **unlovable**."

Dr. Warren rubbed my back comfortingly, and stood in front of me, "You are not unlovable. You are the very opposite of that, Sam. People do love you."

I looked up at her with wide eyes, "How would you know?"

"Freddie loves you," She said with a wink, "Melanie, Carly, and Spencer love you too… I love you."

"You barely know me." I muttered.

"I don't need to know you any better than I know you now, Sam." She smiled, "Because love isn't as complicated as that."

The tears I tried to hold back came streaming down my face, "How can you only know me for a week and love me? My mom carried me for nine months, lived with me for sixteen years and **she** can barely even _look_ at me!"

Dr. Warren wrapped her arms around me, "Your mom isn't a good person. She's just not, Sam. Any good person would know that you're a lovable girl."

I sucked in a breath and wiped the tears from my eyes, pushing her away from me, "Whatever. I'm fine."

She frowned, "It's okay to cry, you know."

"No it's not." I gritted my teeth, "Crying is for babies. I'm not a baby."

She shook her head as the elevator doors opened and we stepped out, "We're almost there."

I nodded, but my gaze remained at the floor. We walked down a short hallway before coming up to a door, once we were inside, I realized it was a waiting room. It was empty.

"Have a seat wherever you want, Sam." Dr. Warren said, "I'll get you signed in."

I nodded faintly and sat down in one of the chairs in the corner, cringing at a sharp pain in my abdomen. Every time I took in a sharp breath or sat down, it always hurt. Dr. Warren sauntered over moments later, sitting beside me. My fears were coming back, and the more I thought about telling yet another person about my life, the more my body shook.

"Are you cold, Sam?" She asked, straightening up the jacket around my shoulders.

"No," I muttered, scratching my left arm nervously, "I'm not."

"Samantha Puckett?" I heard a voice call out.

"Well, that was fast." Dr. Warren smiled, standing up, "Come on, Sam."

My lip quivered, "I can't do this…"

"You can," She sighed, helping me up, "I know you can. You're a strong girl, Sam."

I shook my head and followed her into a room with a couch and chair, "You can lie down there if you want."

I shrugged and laid on the couch, staring at the ceiling and putting my brave face on, "Where's this chick at?"

The door reopened as if on cue and a woman with crazy looking hair that was dyed a couple different colors walked in, "Hey, sorry I'm a little late. The snack machine wasn't coke machine wasn't working and I had to go down a few floors to get my Dr. Pepper."

I arched an eyebrow at this woman. There is no way she is certified to evaluate people. No. Frigging. Way.

"You must be Sam." She strolled over to me, "I'm Jenny."

I nodded, "Sup?"

Dr. Warren gave me a soft pat on the shoulder, "I'll come get you from here when you get done."

I shrugged as she walked out of the room, "Fine."

Jenny shut the door behind her before sitting in the chair beside me, "So, Sam. What do you like to do?"

"Huh?"

"What do you like to do?" She smiled, "You know, like hobbies?"

"Oh…" I frowned, "I guess doing iCarly with my best friend."

She snapped her fingers, "That's where I recognized you from! My nieces love your show."

I blushed, "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Jenny nodded, crossing her legs, "So, how are you doing this morning, Sam?"

"I was doing great before I remembered I had to come here," I groaned.

Jenny frowned, "Aw, come on, Sam. I'm not that bad to be around."

"It's not you…"

She sighed, "You didn't want to come because… you didn't want to talk. Am I right?"

I nodded, "Jackpot."

"Is there a reason you don't want to talk?"

I shrugged, "I'm not the type of person who… shows their feelings. Except when I'm mad. I show that pretty well.

She nodded, "Dr. Warren explained you have… anger issues."

"They're not 'issues'," I groaned, "I just get mad sometimes and…"

"And you need to release all the emotions you've been letting build inside of you," She answered for me, "So you hit people, throw things… am I getting close?"

I shrugged and turned away from her, glaring at the wall.

"Sam?" I heard her say.

I looked at her angrily, "What?"

"You need to talk to me," Jenny sighed, "I can help you."

My hand became a fist as I stood up and growled, "I don't need anyone's help."

"You sure?"

"This is all anyone ever wants to do!" I shouted, holding back the urge to hit her, "Let's all try to help Sam since she **obviously** can't do it herself! It's like I'm a damn china doll! I'm so much stronger than you people give me credit for, and I'm trying so hard not to fall apart, but it's crap like this that just kills me! It makes me want to vomit each time the word 'help' comes into the conversation! Why can't you people just let me deal with this on my own?"

Jenny frowned, "Because you can't."

"I can! I have been for almost two weeks!" I retorted, stomping my foot.

She arched an eyebrow, "How have you been dealing with everything, Sam?"

My left arm burned, "I… I… I just do!"

"Unwrap your arm and show me how you've been dealing." She said.

I gritted my teeth, "You don't get it. No one gets it…"

"Sam—"

"You know what?" I growled, walking towards the door, "This is bullshit. Total bullshit. I'm out."

"Sam!" She called after me but I slammed the door in her face.

When I walked out into the waiting room, I realized I didn't really remember where my room was. I shrugged and left regardless, it doesn't matter anyways. I'm so mad right now that even if I did know where I was going, I wouldn't be able to follow my own directions.

I ran down the hall, ignoring the nagging pains in my ribs and shoulder. People stared at me as I passed them, but not one made a move to stop me. It was in their best interest, I was pissed.

I finally found the elevator and began pushing the button over and over, waiting for the dumb doors to open. When they finally did, I rushed inside and stared at the panel of buttons and numbers. I didn't know which floor I was on. Man, I'm an idiot. I reached up and scratched my head, and as I did so realized there was a hospital bracelet around my wrist. My face brightened, and I began to read all of the words and stuff on it until I finally found it.

Room 617, floor 6. I'm a genius.

With a smirk, I plunged my finger into the button with a six on it and waited patiently for the doors to close, and the elevator to start moving. But before the doors had a chance to close, a mess of brunette curls walked through the door solemnly. I backed into the corner away from the woman, worried she might be a nurse or something. I noticed that when she went to push a button on the panel, she stopped at the sight of the blinking number six. Then her hand fell back down by her side.

"You going to six too?" The voice was hoarse and miserable, but it sounded familiar nonetheless.

I nodded, but soon remembered she had her back to me, "Yeah."

The woman flipped some of her brown curls over her shoulder, and out of the corner of my eye I spotted something around her wrist that I knew I had seen before, "Where did you get that bracelet?" I asked randomly.

"My daughters… they gave it to me…" She muttered, "A really long time ago."

My eyes widened as she began to turn around and look at me. Those baby blue eyes were the same as mine, and her curls matched mine, though her brown hair was greasier than I last remembered. At first the look in her eyes was blank, but after she gave me a quick look over, her expression turned to that of shock that matched mine perfectly.

"Oh my…" She breathed, her hands shaking, "Sam…"

My lip quivered, "M-Mom?"

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**Dun dun dun! And the cliffhangers continue! lol.  
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**I didn't know much of how a psychologist is when you visit them, but I just used what little knowledge I had from back when I went to a therapist and tried to run with that. lol. Hopefully it worked out alright. I thought Sam freaking out on the psychologist chick would be pretty in character, hopefully y'all thought so too. I mean, she just met the chick, therefore won't trust her, and trust has been a big theme lately. lol. I don't know, I sound all authory and creative right now.**

**Review??? Maybe??? Pleez??? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**

**PS: Seddie fluff is on it's way, I promise. I'll officially say this is a Seddie story now. lol. I didn't want to until I was sure. **

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	36. Mama's Song

**Enjoy! **

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**Mama's Song**

For at least five minutes, we stood in the elevator staring at one another in disbelief. We weren't like most mothers and daughters in our situation. There was no 'Hollywood hug' between us, or even a simple smile. We just… glared at each other. It became pretty obvious that my family was definitely not like most. My family can barely even be called a **family**. We're just a bunch of sperm donors, prison inmates, drunks, and defenseless kids forced to repeat the cycle. That simple fact has ruled my life thus far.

The deafening silence was finally broken by the annoying ding that signaled we had made it to the sixth floor. When the doors slid open, I didn't hesitate walking out and into the hallway. My mother lingered, and for a moment, I considered waiting for her. But I changed my mind as soon as I looked down at the arm I had in a sling and my faintly bruised body. I shook my head and turned on my heels, charging down the hall towards my room. Once I made it there, I stepped through the already open doorway and began to shut the door when something stopped me. I looked over my shoulder to see my mother, holding her hand out to catch the door and stop me from shutting it. I held in the short gasp at the sight of seeing her. My expectations for her to follow me had been slim, but here she was regardless. I sighed and let go of the door, allowing her entrance into my safe haven for the past week or so.

She stepped inside, looking around the room with wide eyes. I sighed and retreated back to my bed, flopping down on it and relaxing onto my pillow. My mother seemed awkward and out of place, but eventually found herself seated in the chair beside my bed. She was eyeing me curiously, but her gaze soon found its way to my broken arm. My mom seemed ashamed at the sight of the purple cast beneath my sling. As soon as I noticed, I pulled Freddie's jacket around my arm so as not to cause her more discomfort. I didn't know why I cared about her feelings, but in the end I did. Besides, Freddie's jacket smelled like him, and it comforted me.

After situating myself on the bed in a more relaxed position, I awaited her to speak. It seemed only natural since _she_ is the one that came to visit _me_. That's what I guessed she was here for anyways.

"Sam…" My mother croaked finally, though her voice was faint and distant, "I have a box… of your stuff downstairs… in the car…"

I sat up with wide eyes, "What?"

She breathed slowly, "The social worker thinks it would be best if you lived with someone more… stable."

"You're kicking me out," I muttered, leaning back in defeat.

She shook her head, "I don't want to, Sam."

"Then don't," I whined, though I didn't know why I was so hurt, "Don't make me leave."

"I'm not even supposed to be here," She muttered before looking me in the eyes, "Sam… I'm so sorry I left you in that hallway. If I had stayed, maybe you wouldn't have a bullet in your shoulder… and maybe you wouldn't have shot him. But I can't take it back, and that's all that the judge and the social workers see."

I absorbed the information for a moment before lifting my head, "You're not kicking me out… the court is _taking_ me away from you…"

She nodded solemnly, "I had to take a deal so you didn't end up in some group home far away from here. Spencer already signed the guardianship papers… he's your legal guardian now."

"Are you still allowed to see me?" My voice involuntarily cracked.

My mother's eyes filled with tears, "Sam… Why would you want to see _me_?"

I felt my chest tighten, "Y-You're my mom…"

"I've been a horrible mother to you and Melanie," She whimpered as she wiped at her eyes, hanging her head, "There are so many things I've done to you… bad things… but you still call me 'mom'. I can't remember being good to the two of you… ever."

There were two options I had. The first being to get angry at my mother for everything she's done to me. It was the easier of the two. The second option, and the one I would struggle with the most, would be for me to forgive her. Because, even after everything she's done and said to me, she was my mother. A mother I probably wouldn't see again for a long time after today.

I sat up and made my decision, "I remember! Before dad left us, Mom! You were great then."

She shrugged, "I… I can't remember, Sam. The alcohol and the drugs… I can't remember."

"Momma, I remember though!" I cried out, reverting back to my child-like ways in anguish, "Y-You played with us... and made us really good food… and let me draw on the walls! You always let me draw on the walls!"

Mom smiled, "I remember that… You always were so proud of the cartoons you doodled on the walls…"

"You started calling me doodlebug, Mom." I breathed, trying to relax again.

Her smile vanished, "That doesn't matter, Sam. I neglected you… I **beat** you… I didn't love you or even apologize for any of it."

"You did…" I mumbled, "In the hall… before you left me… you said you were sorry."

"Sam…"

"You didn't wanna leave," I continued, "I know you didn't."

It was then that my mother did something she hadn't done for as long as I can remember. She stood over me, held out her arms, and hugged me to her chest as tight as she could. I could hear her muffled cries in my shirt, cries of regret, cries of pity, cries of joy. Cries of every emotion she had failed to show me in the past ten or eleven years. Through those simple cries, I could hear her mumbling three words she had also forgotten to say to me for a long time.

"I l-love you…" She cried, "S-so much…"

"I know—"

She held me tighter, "You don't… but that's okay…"

"Mom…" I sighed.

"I never showed it before…" She moaned, "I never let you know that I cared, but I did. I swear I did, and I'm sorry."

I pushed her away from me and stared up at her with wide eyes, "You're not allowed to see me anymore, are you?"

More tears escaped her eyes as she tried to hold in another sob, "Not until you turn eighteen."

"That's bullshit!" I shouted, clenching my fists as I began to cry, "They can't **do** that!"

"It's already done, Sam." She sighed, wiping the tears from my eyes, "But it's for the best. If you stayed with me… you wouldn't be able to heal."

I bit my lip, "I could…"

My mom shook her head sadly, "You couldn't. Not with me around."

"Mom… if you just stopped drinking." I breathed, "You're sober right now, and you're fine."

She sighed, "It doesn't work that way."

I reached out and touched the bracelet that hadn't left my mothers' wrist for as long as I could remember, "You remember when we gave you that?"

Mom nodded with a smile, "You and Mel were so proud. It took you two a week to make it at school, and I loved it from the moment Mel handed to me and you got angry because she gave it to me when you were in the bathroom."

"But you've never taken it off…" I frowned, looking up at her, "Why?"

She shrugged, leaning forward slightly and holding my hand, "It… it helped me remember what it was like to be a good mom. I knew that I could change in a day if I wanted to, but I never wanted to. I needed to feel like at one time I'd been good to you and Mel though, so I always wore it."

I stiffened, "Even when you were mean… we still loved you."

"Why?" She asked incredulously.

"Because you're all we had," I replied softly, "No other family but you. In the back of our minds, we always knew you were our mother. I truly believed that deep down you cared about us, that's why you wore the bracelet."

Mom sighed and tightened her grasp on my hand, "I wish I had been better."

My bottom lip quivered, "Why did you beat me?"

"Sam…"

"No mom, I wanna know." I demanded, "Why?

She struggled to speak, "I… I drank a lot… and I'm an angry drunk… but you already knew that. Whenever I was drunk… I'd look at Melanie and you but see… your dad. He wasn't a great guy to begin with… so I'd get scared…"

"He hit you?" I flinched.

Mom sighed, and I noticed the faint outline of a bruise on her cheek, "Yes… but I still loved him. And when Mel said he touched her, I refused to believe it. I didn't think he could because he was always beating me and I thought I kept a good eye on her. I was such an idiot… I still am an idiot."

"You're not," I smiled, "Or else you wouldn't be here… with me."

"I'm sorry it was always you I hurt," Mom apologized, "But you always got Melanie out of the way and protected her…"

"It was better that way," I shook my head, "Melanie couldn't handle it."

Her facial features saddened, "You shouldn't have had to handle it either…"

"Don't say that," I grumbled, "You've apologized a hundred times already, it's okay."

Mom bit her lip, "And you've forgiven me?"

I smiled and nodded, "Yeah… I have."

A smile emitted across her face and she hopped up and hugged me again, this time tighter and happier, "Thank you."

I patted her back with my good hand, "I love you, Mom. I always have."

"Sam…" Mom sighed, pulling away, "I have to go…"

"No!" I begged, "Stay! Please, Mom? We're just getting to know each other again!"

She cried softly, "I know. But it's illegal for me to be here in the first place. Spencer snuck me in."

"Just… can you stay with me until I fall asleep?" I pleaded, "I gotta take my pain meds and I'll be out of it in five seconds!"

She smiled at me, "I think I can manage that."

I grinned happily, "Can you get it? It's on the table by the sink over there."

Mom nodded and walked across the room to the sink attached to my wall. When she had the pill bottle in her hand, she floated across the room to me, "Do you need a drink too?"

I shook my head, "I still have some water left from earlier."

She nodded and handed me the pill. I took it from her and held it in my palm for a few seconds before throwing it into my mouth and drowning it down my throat with a swig of water. Mom watched me from her spot in the chair as I laid my head back onto my pillow.

"Momma?" I whispered, my thoughts becoming fuzzy.

My mother ran her fingers through my hair, "Yeah, Sam?"

"Will you tell me… that story?" I asked, my words coming out drowsy and strained.

She smiled as blurry tears streamed down her cheeks, "About the pig?"

I nodded and rolled over, looking directly into her eyes.

"Once upon a time there was a pot-bellied pig named Sloppy who's favorite food was bacon. The other pigs didn't like him because eating bacon was wrong, but Sloppy liked bacon a lot more than he cared what the other pigs thought of him…"

With a smile and my mother's face engraved in my mind, I shut my eyes and felt the world slowly slip away from me as I lost the battle with consciousness. But just before my world went completely dark, I faintly heard my mother's voice.

"Sam," She whispered, a hand brushed against my forehead, "I **love** you."

* * *

**Awww...  
**

**I thought it would be kinda cute if Sam's mom told her a dumb little story about a pig and bacon because she's, ya know, Sam. lol. I hope you guys enjoyed it! The Seddie fluff is so close I can taste it! lol. As in, so close it's coming NEXT CHAPTER. lol. I needed to tie off the stuff between Sam and her mom first so I could devote some time to Seddieness, which I know some of you will appreciate! **

**Review??? Maybe??? Pleez??? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**

**(Did anyone watch iBloop? I LOVED IT. Especially the clip where Jennette 'accidentally' threw an apple and hit Miranda in the shoulder/face. lol. Too awesome for words! lol.)  
**


	37. Homeless Heart

**I promised something last chapter... so here it is! **

**:)  
**

* * *

**Homeless Heart**

_The halls of the hospital were a lot darker than I remembered. Everything is a lot darker than I remember. The only source of light in the entire place was coming from a glowing ball floating towards me. I looked down and saw that I was wearing nothing but my hospital gown again and the cast that was once on my arm was now gone. I was in the hallway outside my room barefoot, but there were no doctors or nurses around. The entire place was empty. The only thing that gave me the slightest inkling that someone else was here, was that eerie light at the end of the hall. It was slowly hovering above the ground, coming closer and closer to me. I didn't have much time to try and figure out what it was. My curiosity kicked in and instead of letting it come to me, I began to walk towards it myself. As soon as I took one step, it seemed to change course and go in the opposite direction. I shrugged and followed it regardless, speeding my pace as the orb sped up its own._

_Once I finally caught up to it, it turned the corner and floated inside a hospital room. I trailed behind it, reaching out to touch the ball of light with my finger tips. As soon as it seemed I was within reach, it evaporated into thin air. I glared at the spot the orb once was angrily before scanning my surroundings. There was a bed at the opposite end of the room, and it looked as if someone had just gotten out of it. I decided it would be best if I left, the person who resided here probably wouldn't like to know someone snuck in their room. _

_I turned on my heels, but before I had a chance to take one step forward, the door slammed shut. I gasped in surprise and jumped back a few feet, glaring at the shadows beside the door._

"_Miss me?" A chillingly familiar voice hissed to me._

_Out of the shadows, the person I feared most appeared, wearing the clothes I hated most in the world. They were the ones from that first night… the first time. My entire body shook as he began to walk towards me, his deviant grin deepening with each step. I didn't know what to do. My feet were stuck to the floor and my body seemed to have locked up. I was a sitting duck, completely frozen in my own terror. Soon, he was directly in front of me, with our faces nearly touching at barely an inch apart. I glared up at him, desperate to look remotely intimidating._

"_Don't play me that way, Sammy." He cooed, running his rough fingers through my hair._

_The color left my face as he began to massage my temples, "S-Stop…"_

_My dad gave me a slight chuckle before bending down and staring me directly in my eyes, "You're in trouble, Sammy. You did a lot of bad. But don't worry, daddy will fix it."_

"_Y-You're not… real." I mumbled, my words freezing on my tongue as he crashed his lips onto mine, wrapping his arms around me and lifting me into the air. _

"_Lemme go!" I cried out, yelping loudly as I was thrown onto the bed, "I didn't do anything!"_

_He held me down by my wrists, "You shot me you little whore."_

"_I'm not a whore!" I shouted, glaring at him with a fire in my eyes, "Freddie said I wasn't!"_

_He snorted, "What does that little bastard know? Only a whore would sleep with their daddy, Sammy."_

"_Y-You made me!" I whimpered, shivering as I felt his cold touch against the skin all over my body. _

"_I didn't make you do shit," He growled, groping my breast hard._

_I gritted my teeth, tears streaming down my face in haste, "N-No… don't… n-not again…"_

_He smirked and began ripping my hospital gown off my body, leaving me naked and vulnerable. It was as if I was thrust back to my bedroom, the place I never wanted to be again, especially not with him. My protective outer shell of pure numbness took over seconds later, causing me to stare at the ceiling with blankness in my eyes. I tried to imagine being somewhere, anywhere, but here. Freddie's face came into my thoughts and it made me smile. He'd save me if he were here. He would. Freddie would do anything for me… _

"_Sammy," His voice floated into my dream world but I quickly pushed it from my thoughts._

_I focused on Freddie's face, his lips, his eyes, and his kindness. He was one of the few males on Earth who treated me like a human being, not an object. Freddie was smiling at me too, it made me feel safer. He always makes me feel safer. We weren't in the hospital anymore. We were in his apartment watching TV, his arm around my shoulders. He was speaking to me, but I couldn't hear what he said, not that I needed to. Freddie being here was comfort enough._

_Without warning, I was broken from my imagination and thrust back into my current predicament. My father was on top of me, and I could already feel him inside me again. It's the dirtiest feeling in the world. I gritted my teeth and desperately tried to keep my emotions in check, but it was useless. He had that grin on his face that always rocked my body in fear and terror. I cried out into the nothingness, my entire body and soul giving in to hopelessness. My eyes spewed more tears, though these were more symbolic than the others._

"_I will always be here," My father whispered into my ear, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up, "No matter how brain-dead, I'm still here, Sammy."_

"_N-No," I gurgled, tears spilling into my mouth and hair, "Y-You're not."_

_He entered me once again, much rougher this time, moaning in pleasure, "I am." _

"No!" I screamed, thrashing around on the bed wildly, "Get off me! **Stop**!"

"Sam?" A calm voice whispered.

I continued to swing my fists in the air, "I'm not doing this! Not again! Daddy, please no…"

There were hands around my shoulders gently shaking me, "You're hurting your shoulder, Sam!"

"I hate you!" I shrieked, "You're not my dad! Momma help me! Make him stop! Come back! Don't let him!"

"Sam!" Finally, my eyes snapped open and the blinding lights of my hospital room welcomed me back into the real world.

"F-Freddie?" I froze where I was, staring at him in disbelief.

His facial features relaxed and he rubbed my hand.

"Don't touch me!" I cried out suddenly, throwing myself against the metal frame of the bed to get away from his hands before whimpering into the cold bars, "Please…"

Freddie's brown eyes were pooling with pity, "Sam…"

I had my left hand wrapped tight around one of the bars, my knuckles whitening. My entire body was shaking, and all I could see were the blurred images of Freddie's face and the wall behind him. Everything looked fuzzy.

"I…I…" My heart was racing, "H-he…"

"It was just a dream," He stated calmly, giving me a comforting smile, "You're okay now."

I shuddered and corrected him, "Nightmare."

Freddie gave me his trademark grin, "My apologies. It was a _nightmare_."

"B-Better," I croaked, my teeth chattering.

"Sam?" He frowned, "It _was_ just a nightmare, **right**?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat and narrowed my eyes, "S-sort of."

He reached out for my hand, and though I was still reeling from the first time he touched me, I allowed him to pry me off of the bars and help me lay down in the bed again. But once I was under the blankets, he sat down in the chair again and kept his distance. Smart boy.

"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked kindly, leaning forward in the chair and propping his arms up on the bed at least a foot from my body.

I shuddered and shook my head a little too fast, "N-no… please don't make me say it…"

"Okay, okay," He nodded, "You don't have to."

I shrunk into my pillow a little more, staring up at him with wide eyes, "He's h-here… isn't he?"

"Who?" Freddie questioned, leaning over me.

"M-my…" I didn't dare call him father, he didn't deserve that title, "You know who…"

His eyes widened and he nodded, "Oh… your dad—"

"You call him that again, and I'll shoot you too." I interrupted, glaring up at him angrily.

"Sorry," Freddie lowered his gaze, "What about him?"

I groaned, "Is he here?"

"In the hospital?" Freddie asked, I nodded, "Yeah, but not on the same floor as you."

I bore down into my blankets even more, "Oh."

"Why did you want to know?" He questioned.

I shrugged, "Just did."

We remained silent for a few minutes before I turned to him, "What floor is he on?"

"Sam…"

"Just tell me!" I demanded.

"Why do you want to know?" He asked.

That was a good question, one I truly didn't know the answer to. I asked him more on impulse than anything else. Something inside of me desperately needs to know exactly where He is.

"Uh, I… I don't know," I answered honestly, "I just do."

Freddie sighed and gave in, "I don't know exactly where he is, but he is still in critical condition so I'm guessing somewhere closer to the bottom. But I'm not sure."

I nodded, "Okay."

"Sam," Freddie frowned, giving me a sideways glance, "You're not going to go looking for him, are you?"

"Why would I do that?" I growled, getting defensive immediately, "I hate him."

Freddie shrugged, "I don't know… closure?"

I shook my head, "Dude, I don't even know what that word means. Just drop it."

"Sam—"

"Drop it." I cut in, glaring at him.

He threw his hands in the air, "Fine. Are you feeling any better?"

I looked down at myself and realized I was no longer shaking and crying, "I guess."

Without warning, Freddie slowly eased himself onto the bed, pulling the covers around himself as well. Before I knew it, there were strong arms around my waist, gently holding me to his stomach. Instead of shoving him away like I would have done five minutes ago, I relaxed into his small embrace, laying my head on his chest and a hand over his heart. He smiled at this, rubbing my back with his hand comfortingly. His arms felt like walls around me, protecting me from the outside.

"Freddie…" I whispered, shutting my eyes and breathing calmly.

He rubbed my back soothingly, keeping his mouth shut. I stared off into space at the wall, slowly calming myself down to the point of being allowed to think clearly.

_"Sam," She whispered, a hand brushed against my forehead, "I __**love**__ you."_

I shut my eyes tighter, the pain in my chest becoming too much, "She's gone…"

"Who?" He asked, finding my hand and allowing our fingers to intertwine.

"M-My mom…" I whimpered, holding back more tears, "She's gone…"

Freddie had a confused expression on his face, "Your mother? The one I thought we didn't like?"

I nodded and gritted my teeth, holding my emotions intact, "She apologized, Freddie… for everything… said she loved me. You know how long it's been since she said that? Forever…"

"Sam…" He sighed, kissing the nape of my neck softly, "It's okay to cry."

Tears were slowly beginning to escape my eyes, though I tried hard to keep them at bay, "She wouldn't want it… me to cry."

"Why did she go?" Freddie asked, slightly changing the subject.

My lip quivered, "Court took me away… 'cause of my dad… she signed me over to Spencer…"

"That's good, Sam." He was talking to me like I was a child, and though it annoyed me, I knew that I probably needed it right now, "You'll be Carly's sister, like you two always wanted."

"I'll be across the hall…" I choked out, "From you."

He shrugged and loosened his grip around my hips, "That too."

I lifted my head slightly before laying it on his shoulder so I could see him better, "Thank you, Freddie."

"You're thanking me?" He said hesitantly.

I nodded and breathed in the scent of his clothes, "I needed you… and you were here."

Freddie smiled, "I'd do anything for you, Sam."

"I know," I mumbled, nodding slightly.

Freddie sat up a little on the bed and kissed my forehead again, "Sam… I-I…"

"What?" I asked, sitting up as well.

He shut his eyes and sucked in a hard breath before speaking, "I… I love you."

My eyes widened at his words, "You what?"

He shrugged, "I love you… A lot."

I smiled, but sadly knew he wouldn't be as happy as I was in about two seconds, "I… thank you."

"Thank you?" He frowned.

I nodded, "I can't say I love you, Freddie."

"Why?" He was hurt, that much I was sure of.

"Those words haven't done a lot for me in the past." I sighed, "I like you a lot, but love is too strong for me right now."

Freddie's face fell, "Oh."

"Please don't be mad at me," I begged, "I'm just scared to say it… He said it…"

"Calm down, Sam." He breathed, kissing my forehead, "I understand. It's okay."

I relaxed a bit, "You love me…"

Freddie smiled, "I do."

"Why?" I asked, though after thinking about it, knew I sounded like some crazy person. What kind of girl asks a guy why he loves her? The 'me' kind apparently do.

"Because," He scratched his neck, "You're beautiful… inside and out. When I look at you, I don't see anything that's happened lately. I only see the pretty blonde I fell for the first night we kissed. The blonde with bright blue eyes."

I flinched at his blue eyes comment--I hate my eyes now--but smiled brightly at the rest of his words, "The first night we kissed? So you mean…"

"Our first kiss," Freddie answered, "Out on the fire escape, while that acoustic song was playing. Our first kiss ever, Sam."

"You've liked me that long?" I beamed.

He nodded, "I felt all warm and fuzzy inside after we kissed that first time, and the feeling never left."

"What about Carly?" I asked curiously, "You dated her… and you danced with her."

"How did you know we danced?" He questioned, "T-Bo didn't tell you, did he?"

I shook my head and frowned, looking down, "I walked in and saw you. But I left before you noticed me because you both looked really happy. I didn't want to disrupt you guys since that's all I've ever done to you two anyways."

"It was a pity dance," He shook his head, "For both of us. You remember how crappy our dates were. And you don't disrupt things, you make them more exciting."

I nodded faintly, "I guess."

"Sam," He cupped my face in his hands, "I love you, and only you. My crush on Carly went away after we kissed, but it was easier to pretend I still did."

I shrugged, "It still worries me, even though Carly is my best friend."

"What can I do to make you believe me?" He groaned.

My lip quivered and my voice cracked, "Kiss me?"

The smile that crossed his face next excited me, and the closer our lips came to each other, the fuzzier my thoughts became. As soon as I felt the softness of his lips against mine, I relaxed instantly. Thought's and worries of my father disappeared to my surprise, though I still hear his voice. His voice would always be there, I was sure. Freddie wrapped his arms around my waist and I pulled on his neck. He was careful not to go too far because of my fragility, but he went far enough to give me chills that ran down my spine. I continued to hold onto him, trying to ignore my father's voice in my head, which was still proving difficult.

When he pulled away, I hung my head in sadness.

"Believe me now?" He smirked.

I bit my lip and held his hand cautiously, "I'm trying, I promise."

* * *

**Super awww! lol. This whole chapter was basically a Seddie overload. Hopefully that made y'all happy!**

**I tried not to rush it, but I really wanted him to say 'I love you' to her. lol. Too sweet...**

**I named this chapter after a song that Jennette McCurdy did a cover of, if you didn't already know that. It's really really good, and she sounds awesome on it. So, I thought it would be fitting for this chapter.  
**

**Review??? Maybe??? Pleez??? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	38. Here With Me

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**Here With Me**

"Did I come at a bad time?" Dr. Warren laughed as she walked into my room, smiling at Freddie and me still laying on the bed together, intertwined in each other.

Freddie looked worried, "This is allowed, right?"

She shook her head and chuckled, "No, but I'll make an exception."

"Thank you," I beamed, letting Freddie wrap his arm around me as I sat up a little, "So, what's up, Doc?"

Dr. Warren grabbed my clip board from the foot of my bed, "I just need to check on your injuries. If everything looks good, you can probably go home tomorrow."

"Really?" My voice cracked slightly, and both of them noticed.

"Doesn't that make you happy?" Freddie asked, frowning.

I shook my head, "I guess."

Dr. Warren and Freddie exchanged confused looks before she returned to me, "Sam, how has your shoulder and arm been feeling? Are the pain killers working?"

I nodded, "Yeah, but they put me to sleep. You got anything that I can take and stay awake with?"

"Yes," She replied, scribbling something on the clipboard, "We'll prescribe you some when you get discharged from the hospital, but for now, these are better for you to take."

"Fine," I groaned, "Guess I'll be sleeping in about an hour."

"How about your ribs and stomach?" She continued, "Any more pain there?"

I shrugged, "Just when I breathe in too fast or I run…"

"Running?" Dr. Warren narrowed her eyes, "When were you running?"

"You know…" I smirked, "After I kind of… ditched the psychologist…"

"Samantha Jolene Puckett!" Dr. Warren seriously sounded like a mother, not my mother, but a mother nonetheless, "You can't do that."

"Well," I sighed, "I did."

Freddie frowned, "Sam…"

"What?" I groaned, "The chick was making me talk about stuff I don't like to talk about. What was I supposed to do? Let her?"

Dr. Warren couldn't hide the small smile on her face, "Yes! She's a psychologist, Sam. You have to talk about your feelings."

"Whatever," I smirked.

She shook her head and wrote something else down, "Do your ribs or stomach hurt at any other time?"

"Only when someone presses on them too hard," I answered simply, "But, the rest of the time I'm fine."

"Okay…" She jotted more notes down, "How's your head?"

"My head?"

Dr. Warren nodded, "I understand you had some intense blunt force trauma to your head, Sam. Does it hurt?"

"I get headaches sometimes," I muttered, images of my father's boot coming straight at my eyes flooded my mind, "But that's all."

"Freddie?" Dr. Warren said, "Could you leave for a moment? I need to talk to Sam about… other injuries. I'm sure she wouldn't want you to hear this."

I looked up at him with wide eyes as he slowly pushed himself out from under me and rolled out of the bed, "I love you."

My eyes gleamed, "I know."

He gave Dr. Warren a curt nod before walking out into the hallway, standing beside the door impatiently. She shut the door behind him and sighed, "I hope you know what you're getting into, Sam."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I asked.

She sat down at the foot of my bed, "Getting into a relationship this quickly after… everything you've been through."

"We'll be fine," I assured her, "And technically, we still aren't together."

She shrugged, "Whatever you say."

"What 'injuries' did you want to talk about, Doc?" I changed the subject, "My cuts? Or something else?"

Dr. Warren breathed, "A few things."

Her cold hands were around my left wrist seconds later, carefully removing the bandages that she carefully replaced for me every morning before Freddie or anyone would come to visit me. I didn't understand why she cared so much about them finding out, but I appreciated it.

"These seem to be healing nicely," She commented, before giving me a wary look, "I hope you aren't planning on doing this ever again."

I shook my head, shivering at her cold fingers against my skin, "Never."

"Good," She smiled, "You have such beautiful skin, and it would be a shame for you to shred it away like this."

I nodded faintly, "If you say so."

Dr. Warren frowned, "You are a beautiful girl, Sam."

"Anything else you wanna see?" I shook my head, changing the subject from that of my looks.

She nodded with a frown, "You're not going to like it, Sam."

"What?" I groaned, sitting up.

"I need to run a few blood tests on you," She sighed, "And check… between your legs."

"Why?" I didn't want anyone else touching me down there. The rape kit they ran on me the second or third day I was here was terrible enough.

Dr. Warren gave me a long stare, "I need to check you for STD's."

I gritted my teeth, "Oh."

"All I have to do is take a little blood to test," She explained, "And check for any irregularities in your vaginal area."

I snorted, "Sounds awesome, Doc."

Dr. Warren shook her head, "Sam, just relax and I'll be done before you know it."

"Whatever," I sighed, glaring at the ceiling, "Can you do the blood thing first though? Please?"

She nodded, "Of course, Sam."

I sat up and held out my arm, "It'll hurt, right?"

Dr. Warren picked up a syringe and held it above my outstretched arm, "Just a little when I stick you with it and pull it out."

"Okay," I nodded, "Do it quick then."

She smiled, "I'll try my best."

I bit my lip as a felt a small burning sensation in the thin skin of my elbow. Dr. Warren began to pull back the plunger as the tube began to fill with blood, my blood. It's a good thing I'm not squeamish. I seethed when I felt an even worse inflammation in my arm as she slipped the needle out, setting it down on a tray.

"That wasn't so bad, was it?" She smiled, putting a cotton ball over the small spot on my arm that was spurting a small bead of blood.

I shook my head, "I guess not."

Dr. Warren grabbed a Band-Aid from the tray and put it over the small wound, "I'll send these off to the lab and we should have definitive results in a day or so."

"O-Okay," I glared at the floor, scrunching a ruffle of my blanket in my fist angrily.

"Now, Sam." She said, getting my attention back, "This next test is going to be hard, but you need to try and stay calm through it all."

"I know," I nodded, my gaze blank.

"I'm serious, Sam." She sighed, "Just keep it together for me. Remember, I'm not Him."

I nodded again, "I know. Just get it over with."

Dr. Warren pulled the blanket off of my body carefully, rolling it up at the foot of the bed. When I felt her beginning to pull my basketball shorts off, my hands instinctively grasped for the fabric of them, glaring up at her fearfully.

"Sam…" She sighed.

I released the shorts and shut my eyes, "Sorry."

Dr. Warren finished pulling them off my legs, while I tried not to let my fear show too much. Once she had the shorts off my body, I felt her cold hands wrap around my boxer short underwear, tugging them off quickly and smoothly. My body involuntarily began to shiver as my bare skin came into contact with the air. It was a feeling I hated more than anything.

"_Don't fight it, Sammy." He whispered, ripping my boxer shorts off with ease, "You know you want to."_

"_Stop! Get off me!" I cried out, desperately fighting against him._

_I felt his hand around my neck, tightening his grasp just enough to keep air from reaching my lungs, "Sammy, be good."_

_My lip quivered as I glared up at him defiantly, keeping my mouth shut. He finally let go of my neck and returned to undressing me, ignoring my low moans and cries of anguish._

"Sam?" Dr. Warren's voice broke me from my memories, "Are you alright?"

I nodded, keeping my eyes closed, "Fine."

Her cold gloved fingers touched my exposed areas and I let out a gasp, shutting my eyes as tears streamed down my face.

"_Sammy?" He smirked, touching me and watching me squirm on the bed, "It's only going ot get better from here."_

"No!" I cried out suddenly, pushing Dr. Warren away from me, "I can't do this!"

"Sam—"

"No!" I cut her off, "This isn't… I can't!"

"Sam—"

I shook my head and pulled my legs up to my chest, "Stop, please?"

"Sam, I'm finished." Dr. Warren sighed, taking the gloves off her hands and tossing them in the garbage.

I looked up, "You a-are?"

She nodded, pushing some hair out of my eyes, "Yeah. You did really well."

"Can I have my clothes back?" I whimpered, my teeth chattering.

Dr. Warren one-upped my request my putting my underwear and shorts on me herself, giving me a smile once she was done.

"Th-thank you," I gritted my teeth.

"Sam," She sighed, "I didn't find anything. From what I can see, you're STD free."

My eyes widened, "Seriously?"

She nodded, "Yep."

I relaxed into my bed, "I was scared… for a second there."

"Well, you're fine, Sam." She smiled, "Taking blood is really just a formality, mostly to check for AIDS."

I sat up and smiled, "Well, I don't think my dad had AIDS."

"Nope," Dr. Warren grinned, "Now, I'm guessing you want your Freddie-kins back?"

"Watch it, Doc." I warned playfully.

She laughed and began to walk towards the door.

"Wait!" I called out before she turned around, "Thanks. For everything."

Dr. Warren smiled, "You're well worth it, Sam."

I shrugged, "I don't know about all that, but still thanks."

"You're welcome." She nodded, "I'll go get Freddie."

I rolled over on the bed and stared at the wall, waiting anxiously for Freddie. When I heard the door open and close again, his soft voice filled my ears.

"So," He said, sitting on the bed beside me once again, "How did that go?"

I rolled back over and shrugged, letting him wrap his arms around me once again, "It was pretty weird."

"But everything is okay, right?" Freddie asked, kissing my head lightly.

I smiled, "Everything is fine, Freddie. I promise."

"Good," He breathed, "I'm just making sure."

I laid my head back on his chest, gripping a piece of his shirt in my balled up hand, "Why are you still here?"

"What?" He frowned.

"Why are you still here?" I repeated with a small laugh, "It's really late, Freddie."

He smirked, "I don't know… maybe I just don't wanna leave."

"Go home, Freddie." I ordered with a giggle, "Mama says to."

"Can I ask _Mama_ a question before I leave?" He smiled, sitting up slightly.

I frowned, "Sure…"

"You remember how earlier you were worried that I didn't care about you?" Freddie asked, "Because of that dance with Carly?"

"I guess," I sighed, "Where are you going with this?"

He maneuvered himself in front of me, holding me by my hips, "I want to prove to you that I love you, Sam."

"What?" I asked, "Are you off your nut, Freddie?"

"I want to show you what a real dance is like," He smirked at me, "Not a pity dance."

My eyes widened, "You want to dance… with me."

He nodded, grinning happily, "Right now."

"But… there's no music," I protested, "And how are we supposed to dance right with this—" I motioned to my cast, "On my arm?"

"I don't care," Freddie shook his head, "It **will** be perfect as long as I'm dancing with _you_."

"Freddie…" I giggled as he helped me up from the bed, "This is so stupid."

He smiled and wrapped his arms around my waist, swaying with me in the middle of the floor slowly, "Maybe, but stupidity is what makes the world go 'round."

I leaned my head on his shoulder, "I… I lov—"

Before I had a chance to finish, my instincts took over and had me shaking my head, "Sorry."

Freddie shrugged, spinning me around in his arms before holding me close, "I don't mind. I still love you, Sam. Always."

"I know," I sighed, "I'm sorry I can't say it back."

He groaned, "It doesn't matter to me, Sam."

"You're sure?" I asked uncertainly.

He nodded, holding me tighter, "All I need is for you to be here… with me. That makes me happier than any 'I love you'."

I smiled, "Freddie?"

"Yeah?" He asked.

"What are we now?" I sighed, looking up into the air, "Are we like… together?"

Freddie shrugged, "If you want us to be."

"If we're gonna be together, _Fredward_." I smirked, "You're doing this right."

He nodded and let me go, but grasped my hand in his, "Sam Puckett… will you be my girlfriend?"

I laughed, before falling back into his arms again, "Freddie, you're such a dork."

And with that, we leaned together and kissed each other passionately. For the first time, my father was definitely the last thing on my mind.

* * *

**Sorry for the mild-lateness! I had this whole thing written up yesterday, but I lost the flashdrive it was saved on. Bleh. So, I rewrote it this morning during school, and hopefully it's still as good as it was the first time. :) **

**More Seddie cuteness! Yay! Hopefully it was realistically enough!**

**Review??? Maybe??? Pleez??? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**

**(BTW: I'm at 160 reviews now! Thanks for supporting this story and sticking with me so far!)  
**


	39. In The Dark

**Enjoy!**

* * *

**In The Dark**

It was really dark in the hospital at night. I didn't mind it as much as most would have, since my own house was usually extremely dark at night as well, but tonight the darkness made me feel so alone. Freddie went home a few hours ago. At first he tried to stay with me, but I pretended to be asleep to get him out of here. He lingered for another fifteen minutes after I shut my eyes and rolled over, but finally I heard the door open and close, signaling he was gone. As much as I liked the boy, he didn't need to spend another night at the hospital with me. I didn't deserve it.

On night's like this, I missed sleeping over at Carly's on her couch or in her queen sized bed beside her. I always felt safe and secure at Carly's, and I slowly began to wonder if the events that led to my busted shoulder and my father being brain-dead would jeopardize that. I didn't want Carly's apartment to have significance for something I was ashamed of. I was thinking a lot clearer right now, much more clearly than I had been for awhile. My pain killer's had lost effect long ago, but I refused to take another one until tomorrow morning. I was tired of feeling drowsy and out of it. I was rocking back and forth on the bed, desperate to get up and out of this stupid room.

Finally, I released a sigh and rolled out of bed, grabbing the black pair of crocs from under the bed and slipping them on in one swift motion. I pulled Freddie's jacket on as well, wrapping it around my broken arm. Once I was presentable enough, I cautiously crossed the floor to the door, my body jittering in excitement. I hadn't done anything considerably bad since 'the incident' with Him. He changed me after that, and doing illegal or 'bad' things wasn't a priority for my life to have meaning anymore. But I still wanted to be me again, and maybe that's why I was stealthily tip-toeing down the hallway for the elevator. When I made it, I hopped inside and quickly jammed my finger into the button with a big number '1' on it.

I didn't know where I was going, I just needed some air. The first floor seemed like a fair place to start. When the doors opened, I stepped into the lobby of the hospital and looked around, realizing I'd never been here before. I smirked at the Subway that was in the corner. It was still open even if it was almost midnight. I wish I'd known that was here earlier, Freddie could have gotten me a five dollar foot-long. I would have paid him back… eventually.

As I crossed the large lobby area, I caught sight of a desk in the middle of it all. I walked over to it while the woman sitting behind me eyed my battered appearance suspiciously.

"Yes?" Her voice was bored and annoyed.

I swallowed the lump in my throat, suddenly aware of what I had wanted to do all along, "I was wondering… what room is Karl Puckett in?"

She gave me a groan and typed something into the computer in front of her, "Is Karl the full first name or a shortened nickname?"

"Full first name is Karl." I breathed, staring at the ground, "Karl Raymond Puckett."

The woman typed in something else before looking up at me, "Karl Raymond Puckett, room 213."

"What floor is that on?" I sighed, biting back the urge to groan rudely.

"Second," The woman moaned.

I nodded and began walking back towards the elevator, "Thank you."

When I stepped into the elevator, I froze in front of the panel with all of the buttons on it. I raised my hand to push the number '2', but I couldn't move. I didn't know if it was fear, or anxiousness, or any emotion at all, but I wasn't going anywhere fast at this pace. My eyes fluttered open and closed, glaring at the button I needed to push. I couldn't figure out why I wanted to see him. What has he done for me except cause more heartache for me to deal with? He beat me, he raped me, he shot me. But he was my father, biologically speaking. Part of me just wanted to make sure he was gone mentally before I could feel remotely safe again.

I gritted my teeth and plunged my finger into the button as the doors began to close, leaning against the wall. What if he was awake? Can brain-dead people be awake? I didn't know. I don't have much experience with people like this.

The bell dinged and the doors opened. I rushed out and continued down a long hall, hanging my head. This was a bad idea. There is no way this is going to end well. I should just hop back on the elevator now and get back to bed before Dr. Warren comes to check on me.

_You've come this far._

I bit my lip and tried to remember the room number. It was two-something… 210? No, it was 21-something… 213? Yeah, that was it. I scanned the boards hanging outside each room and noticed I was getting closer, I had just walked past the room 205. I stopped just outside of 210, doubting myself once again.

_What's the worst that will happen?_

My eyes widened as I gathered my courage and continued a little farther down the hall. Once I saw the sign with 213 on it, I walked inside the room, it's door was already wide open. When I saw the bed and the man laying on it, I had to take a double take. This wasn't the man I remembered. That man was so much stronger, and so much more menacing. This guy… he didn't have any of that anymore. He just looked broken. There was a tube stuck in his mouth that probably ran down his throat, along with another ten or eleven cords running around his body. The gauze that was wrapped so tightly and thickly around his head covered almost all of his face, but his eyes were still visible.

I backed away from him and leaned against the wall, staring at his lifeless eyes. They were wide open, but it was obvious he couldn't have known or cared. The bright blue in them made me shiver. Puckett eyes used to make me proud. It was the only thing in my family that had some type of beauty. But now, I couldn't look in the mirror without having the urge to grab a fork or other sharp object and gouge my own blue pupils out of my skull. As demented and crazy as it sounds, it's the truth. It's like he's staring back at me when I look in the mirror. We both had the same expression when we were angry, and that scared me more than anything else. I couldn't think of growing up to be a person like him. I don't mean a rapist, a child abuser, or even an almost-murderer. I mean growing up to feel like him, to act like him. For now, I didn't mind striking fear into everyone who passed me in the halls of school. But once I'm grown, I don't want to do that anymore. I want to be a good person, a kind-hearted person that people aren't afraid of or they pity. Pity infuriated me.

I could never have that type of life though. The eyes steal that dream from my grasp each time I look in the mirror. **He** steals it from me. I sighed and looked down at his pale skin, taking in every detail with anger. Why couldn't I have had better aim and killed him? It's a terrible thing to say, but I wished he was dead. At least then I wouldn't still worry about him popping up behind me one day, ready and willing to have sex with me again. Even though it was impossible, my messed up mind still believes he will one day.

I'm such a hypocrite. Less than a week ago, I was angry I hadn't given him permanent brain damage after clobbering him with Freddie's bat. Back then, I wanted him alive but not functional. I've changed my mind. He should be dead. He deserves death. Anyone who could do something so wrong to a person deserves to die.

Without thinking, I ran across the room to the machine beside his bed. There were so many cords plugged into it, and I guessed it was probably his life-support machine. My hands unwillingly began to reach for the cord closest to me. My head told them to stop, but my heart forced them on.

"Sam?" A voice called out to me from afar, "Sam!"

I didn't look over my shoulder to see who it was. My mind was more concentrated on the task at hand. So concentrated, I didn't even feel it when I was dragged away from the machine limply.

"Snap out of it, Sam." The voice ordered, lightly rapping on my cheek.

I blinked a couple times before looking up into the eyes of Freddie Benson, "Hey… You're not supposed to be here…"

"What are you doing, Sam?" He asked me, setting me on the floor.

I swallowed and glared up at him, "What do you think?"

He sighed, "Let's get back to your room…"

"No." I whispered faintly.

He groaned and grabbed me by my arm, pulling me into the hall, "We're going back upstairs. Now."

* * *

Freddie opened my door and ushered me inside. He was holding me up with his arm because, for some reason, I couldn't do it myself. I was in a daze of sorts. The kind that makes your mind turn into mush as well as the rest of your body.

As soon as my feet touched the floor of my room though, my body shocked back to life and I struggled in his grasp.

"Dude, lemme go!" I demanded, wriggling around, "Please Freddie?"

"Sam, calm down." He frowned, his voice stern as the grip around my shoulders tightened.

"Why'd you stop me?" I almost shouted, shoving him away from me and standing my ground.

Freddie shook his head, "It would have been the biggest mistake of your life, Sam."

"He needs to die!" I cried out, pounding on his chest with my fists in frustration, "You don't get it!"

He grasped my wrists and kept me from punching him anymore, holding me in front of him, "Please calm down, Sam. I hate seeing you like this…"

I sucked in a hard breath and swallowed, realizing I was hurting him, "S-Sorry… I just—"

Freddie cut me off by wrapping his arms tight around my small frame, "It's not your fault. That jerk just… he messed you up so bad, and I know I can't fix it. No one can fix it…"

"Yeah…" I whimpered, crying into his shirt, "Except me…"

With a long sigh, he lifted me into the air bridal style and carried me over to the bed before setting me down gently, "You should sleep."

I looked up at him with wide eyes, "I'm sorry, Freddie."

He shrugged and grabbed my pill bottle from my beside-table, "You just take one, right?"

"Yeah," I lowered my gaze.

Freddie handed me a pill before running across the room and filling a cup with water, rushing back to my side quickly. He gave me the water as well and silently waited for me to take my medication. My eyes closed as I downed the pill, drowning it with water quickly after it was in my mouth. It didn't feel as large as usual, but I brushed the feeling off.

"Good girl," He smiled, taking the cup from my outstretched hand.

"I'm… sorry." I whispered to him desperately, rolling over on my side, "Really really sorry, Freddie."

"I know," He sighed, "You really scare me sometimes, Sam."

My eyes welled up in unshed tears, "I don't mean to…"

"Sam, I know you don't." Freddie held my hand, "But it's still the truth."

I rolled over and stared at the wall, "Yeah…"

"Maybe you should go see that psychologist again," He suggested, "Maybe she'll help you with—"

"No," I growled, "I'm never talking to her again. I don't need help from anybody."

He let go of my hand, "Does that include me?"

I turned over so I could see him, "It's not that simple."

"Yes it is," He retorted, "Do you want me around here to help you, or not?"

"Freddie," I whimpered, "I… I don't like getting help…"

He ran his fingers through his hair and stood up, pacing around the room a few times before throwing his hands in the air, "How are you ever going to get better if you don't let us help you, Sam?"

"I'm fine," I cried lowly as tears streamed down my face.

Freddie shook his head and cupped my face in his hands, "You're not fine, Sam. You've never been fine. It doesn't matter how many times you say it, because it won't automatically become true one day."

"Get out," I ordered, glaring at the floor.

"What?" He stepped back, "Sam… I'm sorry—"

I sucked in a hard breath before screaming, "Get out!"

He had a look of hurt in his eyes, but I didn't care. What right does he have to come in here and psychoanalyze me? If I say I'm fine, I'm fine. Even if I'm not when I say I am he still has no justification to take that façade away from me. It's my life, so I can hide pieces of it if I desire to.

"I love you, Sam." He whispered before slamming the door behind him, "Even if you don't."

I rolled over on the bed and held the pillow in front on my face before releasing all of the pent up rage I had in a long scream. Soon, my screams turned into hard sobs of despair. I hated myself so much that I couldn't see straight. When I lifted my head from the pillow, I was still alone in the dark room. At seeing that he hadn't come back, I pounded on my forehead with my palm. Hard sobs racked my body. He left me… and it's my fault. Everything is my damn fault.

My eyes scanned the room. I was hurting so badly emotionally and I needed the pain to end. Or at least, I needed to displace the agony enough so I could feel better. The pain pills were kicking in and, though I was becoming drowsy, I was still wide awake and overflowing with hatred for myself. I spotted a sliver of hope on the counter beside my single sink. When I crossed the room, my left hand reached out for it desperately.

It wasn't anything special. Just the pair of scissors Dr. Warren had been using to cut strips of gauze to bandage my arm. But to me, these were more than scissors. In my mind, this ordinary pair of scissors held the key to putting my mind at ease. I held my hand over them for a moment before pulling it away and stepping back. I wanted it so badly. That feeling of nothingness before the pain of a fresh cut sets in. I needed it.

My heart was beating in my ears and my body rocked on the balls of my feet restlessly. I tore my gaze from the scissors and found myself running at the door, shutting it forcefully. I ran back to the scissors and held them in my left hand, crouching down on the cold tile floor away from view through the window. I wasn't thinking about where I would cut, just that I needed to. I shakily switched the scissors to my right hand, finally realizing this might work. All I had to do was press down on my forearm with my right hand, and move my left arm swiftly so the scissor blade would break the skin. It was so simple it scared me.

My eyes fluttered open and closed as I gazed down at my hands, feeling like more and more of a failure each passing second. I promised Dr. Warren I'd stop. But she didn't understand the need to cut that continued to gnaw at me each time I felt helpless and scared. No one understands it.

Freddie may love me, but he won't for too much longer. Once he gets to know me, the true me, he'll end up hating me like everyone else does. Why else would my mother and all of her boyfriends have beaten me as a kid? I may have forgiven her, but I would never forget everything that happened. Especially the countless times she brought guys home whom, after sleeping with my mom in the other room, would come into Melanie and I's room and try stuff with us. When I refused and protected Melanie, I usually got a new injury to add to my collection. People love me, and then they end up hating me. It was a hurtful fact, but a fact nonetheless. I was still that unlovable person I'd been as a child, only I'm better at hiding my unlovable flaws now.

I began to push the blade into my skin, gritting my teeth as the familiar pain began to overcome me. The sounds of footsteps filled my head, and then a door opening, but I thought nothing of it. It was probably the next room.

"Sam, I'm really sorry. I shouldn't have—" Freddie's sorrowful voice interrupted my thoughts and had me throwing the scissors under the bed, holding my arm with my hand desperately, "Sam? What are you doing?"

"Freddie?" I gasped, looking up at him with wide eyes, "I… I…"

He crouched down in front of me, "Is that… blood?"

"It's not what it looks like!" I cried out, shaking my head frantically, "Freddie, I swear it's not!"

Freddie narrowed his eyes and wrapped his fingers around my wrist, slowly pulling my hand away from my bleeding arm, "What happened?"

"I-I…" I struggled to come up with a definitive lie, "I was trying to scratch my arm… under the bandages and I accidentally got… cut."

"You were scratching you arm with scissors?" He frowned, picking them up from the floor.

I had to admit, it did sound pretty ridiculous. But I had to keep this lie going. He can't find out about that part of my life. He'll hate me. Everyone will hate me.

"Yeah… I wanted to cut the bandages to I could reach the itch." I bit my lip, "But my hand slipped… because of my cast."

Freddie gently wrapped his fingers around my wrist and pulled it away from my bleeding arm. He glared down at it before looking up at me with true pain in his eyes, "You cut yourself…"

"No!" I shouted, shoving him away, "I didn't! Freddie, I would never do that! You gotta believe me!"

He shook his head, backing away from me, "Stop."

"Stop what?" I breathed.

"Stop lying to me," His voice was monotone, "Tell me the truth, Sam."

I pounded the floor in frustration, "I am! Why would I lie, Freddie? Why?!"

"You are always lying to me!" He suddenly shouted, "Everything you've ever said to me up until this point was always a lie!"

"Freddie…" I whimpered, my body began to shake.

"I'm gonna go…" He shook his head, standing up, "Call me when you feel like telling the truth for once."

"It's just one!" I cried out desperately, praying for a miracle with this lie, "If I was cutting, there'd be more!"

He stopped and turned around, "Just one?"

I nodded, holding out my arm for him to see, "Look!"

Freddie inspected the single cut that was pointed downward, and really looked as if it came from me trying to cut off my bandages. Maybe I could get away with this. I really hoped so, Freddie would never forgive me if he figured out what really happened.

"Sam…" He sighed, holding my hand in his, "I won't be mad. Just tell me exactly what happened. Please?"

I swallowed the lump in my throat, glaring down at the floor, "You weren't lying when you said you loved me, right?"

Freddie frowned, "Of course I wasn't. I love you with all my heart, Sam."

Tears welled up in my eyes, "You can't love me."

"Why not?" He asked, "Why can't I love you?"

"B-Because," I sputtered, "No one is supposed to love someone like me."

He shook his head, "Sam…"

"I'm a freak…" I whispered, before slowly ripping the gauze wrapped around my arm off and throwing it to the floor, revealing all of my scars, "And not the good kind."

* * *

**Bam. Looks like all of Sam's secrets are out in the open now. Yay/Oh noes! lol. **

**Hopefully this didn't seem rushed. I've been a little writer's block-ish lately and this was written quickly during a short moment of inspiration. lol.  
**

**This was originally two chapters, but I decided to combine them because it's taken me a little while to update. You're welcome. The next couple chaps will be a little shorter, but the end is getting closer. I'm thinking four or five more chaps before this is completely over. :(**

**And BTW, there is a good kind of freak. lol. I'm one of those :)**

**Review??? Maybe??? Pleez??? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	40. Supernatural

**Sorry for mild-shortness! It gets better though!**

**Enjoy!  
**

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**Supernatural****  
**

Freddie couldn't look at me. Though he was dabbing my bleeding arm with a cotton ball, he still refused to give me his eyes. Once he was done and the bleeding had stopped, he slowly pulled himself away from my broken down state, blinking and shaking his head. I glared at the floor, not daring a single glance at the boy who had, at one time, loved me. There is no way he still loves me now. I screw up everything. The two of us were as close to perfect as you can get merely a few hours ago, and I've destroyed all of it in a matter of a few minutes.

"Sam," Freddie's voice flowed into my thoughts, "You cut yourself…"

I bit my lip and shut my eyes as tightly as I could, "I told you… you can't love me."

My heart pounded in my ears as I awaited him to start screaming at me or leave and never look back. He didn't use either of these options. Instead, he opted to remain crouched down on the floor in front of me, still holding the scissors in his hands. I didn't understand why he wouldn't go. Anyone else would have ditched me by now, but I guess I've pretty much established Freddie isn't just 'anyone'.

"Sam…" He trailed off, "I…"

I opened my eyes and shook my head, "Don't. Just go."

He slowly began to lean forward, subtly grabbing my scarred arm and holding it in his lap. I flinched when I felt him slowly brushing the scars with his fingers, stopping at the one just above my wrist.

"I'm not leaving you," He whispered, a single tear slipping down the side of his face, "I just… how could you… Sam?"

I shook my head and jerked my arm from his grasp, refusing to look at him, "It became too much, Freddie. Everything just kinda hit me at once one night and… and it happened. I didn't mean to, really, I didn't. But… after the first one…"

Freddie's eyes widened in realization, "That night when you passed out in the hallway…"

"Yeah," I nodded, shivering slightly, "On the way up… I just needed the pain to go away… and I didn't know what to do. But that was the last time I did it, Freddie. I swear on my life."

He sighed, "You were about to when I walked in…"

I shook my head, at a loss for words, "I… I…"

"He did this to you…" His voice was faint, "If that perverted asshole had just left you the fuck alone, you'd be fine… You'd still be you…"

My eyes widened as I watched his hands become fists, and the calm on his face to turn into anger.

**Freddie doesn't cuss**.

He jolted up from the ground, barreling for the door. I hurriedly scrambled up to him, grabbing his arm, "Freddie? What are you doing?"

His gaze was blank, "Finishing what you started. That bastard deserves to die. **Now**."

"Stop, Freddie!" I cried out as he jerked his arm from my grasp, "Don't! Like you said to me earlier, it will be the biggest mistake of your life!"

He shrugged, reaching for the doorknob, "Do I look like I care?"

"Please don't' be mad," I shook my head nervously, staring at the floor, "Freddie… just don't be mad."

He frowned, stepping back, "Sam?"

"I'll do better for you," I gritted my teeth, pulling him around to the front of the bed and shoving him backwards on it, "I will."

"Sam?" Freddie shook his head, sitting up slightly, "What are you doing?"

"Apologizing?" I seethed, slowly pulling up the bottom of my tank top, "Don't you want me?"

Freddie grabbed my hands just as I had my bellybutton uncovered, "Stop it, Sam."

"You don't want me?" I whimpered, "I'm trying to be good for you…"

"Sam, I love you." He sighed, "But I don't want to do this."

I shook my head, as if what he'd said was absurd, "Of course you do."

"Sam, I—" I cut him off by crawling on top of him, pushing him down into the mattress.

At first he was reluctant, but then he began to let his guard down. I kissed him repeatedly, massaging his shoulders subtly. My cast didn't get in the way as much as I thought it would have, so I wasn't holding back at all. Freddie continued to follow my lead for a while, but when I began to reach down and unzip his pants, he stopped me again. I didn't understand what his deal was. Isn't this what guys want when girls are bad to them? I thought it was… but now I'm beginning to wonder.

"I don't want to have sex with you," He warned, gripping my wrist.

I cringed, "Yes you do."

"No, I don't." He retorted, pushing me off of him, "And you don't either."

I shrugged, "It doesn't matter if I want it."

"Sam…"

"Is it because I'm already dirty?" I asked innocently, "Because I can fix it! I swear I can fix it. If we have sex, it will make it be like I never did anything with my dad."

He groaned, "Stop, Sam. Why do you think I want this?"

"Because," I stared at the floor, shuddering slightly, "This is how I apologize. To **guys**."

He sighed, "To _guys_, or to your dad?"

"Both," I shivered, shaking my head, "It's gotta be both."

He cupped my face in his hands, "Sam… I'm not like Him. If you want to say you're sorry, say it. I'm not going to make you do something you don't want to do. I love you more than that."

"You're lying," I muttered angrily, "Stop lying to me, Freddie."

"I'm telling the truth, Sam." He sighed, "I thought we already went over this? You know that I care about you."

I shook my head, glaring up at him defiantly, "Do I?"

"Sam…" He groaned, sitting down on the bed beside me and reaching for my hand, "Why won't you believe me?"

Our fingers slowly intertwined as I refused to look at him, "Because… Love is the most complicated thing I've had to deal with in my life, Freddie. My dad… he said that he loved me, but that couldn't have been true. Rape doesn't equal love. And then there's my mom… it's even more confusing with her because now I know that she always loved me, but when I was little I thought she hated me."

"Love doesn't have to be that way," He breathed.

I shook my head, "But it is, Freddie. When I was a kid, I decided that when my mom was hurting me that she loved me. Other than the times that she was beating me, it was like I didn't exist. I preferred the physical pain over the emotional crap she put me through by ignoring me and Melanie. The only real love I've ever known I received from Melanie, but then she left me for her boarding school and… it changed."

"Sam," Freddie sighed, placing his other hand on top of mine, "I'm sorry."

"What?" I frowned.

He looked me straight in the eyes, "I'm sorry."

"Why?" I asked, "You haven't done anything wrong."

Freddie smirked, "Exactly, Sam. I haven't. And that's why you should trust me: because I haven't hurt you."

I stared at the floor. He was so right it hurt. Freddie _hasn't_ hurt me in the short amount of time we've realized our feelings for one another. I gazed into his dark brown pools. The more I stared into his eyes, the guiltier I felt for not believing him. He did love me, and I was unintentionally hurting him.

"You're right," I mumbled, looking away from him, "You love me."

"Wait a minute," He smiled, "Did Sam Puckett just tell me I was right?"

I rolled my eyes, "Yes, Freduardo. You were right, and I was wrong."

As we sat on the bed, grinning at each other, my pain pills suddenly decided to kick in, and I began to feel extremely drowsy. I tried to conceal my tiredness for a little while, but eventually it got the best of me, and I ended up falling over onto my pillow.

"Sam?" Freddie sounded worried.

I giggled drowsily, "Pain pills, Dude."

"Oh," He relaxed, running a hand through my blonde curls, "I was kinda scared for a second there."

"I noticed," I yawned, rolling over, "You mind taking my shoes off?"

He immediately ran to the foot of the bed and slipped the crocs off my feet, "There."

"Thanks," I smiled, playfully poking him in the side.

Freddie sat down on the bed beside me again, "You'll stay in bed this time? Right?"

I nodded with a small smile, "I wouldn't be able to wake up for another seven or eight hours if I wanted to, Freddie."

"Good," He nodded, "I can't stick around here much longer without my mother going crazy."

"Why were you still here earlier?" I asked drowsily, desperate to keep my eyes open, "I told you to leave."

He shrugged, "I went downstairs and called my mom to come get me, but she said it would be at least another thirty minutes before she could get here. So, I ended up bumming around the lobby for a while before I thought of what you asked me earlier, about which room your dad was in…"

"You—" I was cut off by a yawn, "You wanted to find my dad's room?"

He nodded, "When I was at the reception desk, the secretary chick said someone else had just asked where he was. I didn't think much of it, since you were _supposed_ to be upstairs in bed."

"Sorry," My eyes fluttered open and closed.

Freddie shook his head, "Don't apologize."

"I'm sorry about the cutting too," I continued, trying to sit up, "I know it disappointed you."

"Sam," He sighed, pushing me back down, "I understand why you did it. As long as it never happens again, it's all good."

I smiled contently and shut my eyes, "Thank you…"

"Night, Sam." I heard him faintly say before his soft lips made contact with my forehead and the room went dark.

* * *

**Aw. How sweet and totally cheesy. lol. Seddie rocks.  
**

**I'm so tired. I stayed up until about 4:30 AM last night(or this morning) writing chapters for this story. They're a little rough, but I'm just about finished with the initial writing of it. It's crazy to think that I've actually stuck with this story and continued it. 40 chapters is just awesome. Thanks for reading so far! I love you guys! Just a little bit longer, and this'll be over :( I'm excited though. Writing all these happier-ish moments is a lot more fun than all the depressing drama I've been doing. lol. I like writing Angst, but it gets depressing after a while. lol.  
**

**Review??? Maybe??? Pleez??? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	41. Hold On

**Enjoy!**

**:)  
**

* * *

**Hold On**

My eyes were wide open in terror as the sounds of the hospital coming to life filled my ears. Today, I would pack up everything I'd brought to the hospital with me, along with some things I'd been given, and go home. Home. It wasn't in the same place anymore. I didn't live in a house with peeling paint, rotting floor boards, and walls with bullet holes through them. It was Carly's apartment now. Carly's had always seemed more like home than my own house, but it still hurts.

On the surface, I was ecstatic to get out of that black hole of a house. I wouldn't have to deal with drunken mothers or pedophilic fathers. The consistent lingering fear of my own parent's would no longer be viable. I would have a true family now, where pain wouldn't play a lead part. The life I've wanted ever since I met Carly Shay will become a reality.

Underneath my carefully placed outer shell, though, there was an agonizing emotional toll being paid for my 'freedom'. My mother had apologized for everything. She promised that she'd get sober, for me, and that she'd start doing better in life. I truly believe she will. But I won't be able to find out until I'm eighteen if she's kept her promises. My eighteenth birthday is less than two years away, but it still feels so out of reach.

To be completely honest, I wasn't ready to leave the hospital yet. Here, I was safe from the outside world. I had complete control over most-every aspect of my life here. If I didn't want to see someone, or eat something, or even drink something, all I had to do was say the word and I was safe from it. But once I get back to Carly's, anyone and anything can come in and disrupt the peaceful existence I've slowly created for myself over the past week or two. Besides, I still had the nightmares. The nightmares, that aren't really dreams, just cleverly placed memories by my brain into a dream-like world. Carly and Spencer won't know how to deal with me when I'm screaming my head off, clawing and fighting with my pillow. They aren't going to have a clue. I guess it's a good thing that Freddie lives across the hall, so he can help. He'll help me. Freddie has slowly proven that to me.

Sunlight had slowly been creeping through the blinds that covered my windows, giving my room an eerie yellowish-glow. I don't know when I'd woken up, but it was a lot earlier than I usually did after taking my pain meds. Maybe they were losing their touch. Or maybe I was just sleeping so restlessly that I was forced to wake up. Either way, it didn't matter. I was up at the crack of dawn for the first time ever, and in a few hours I'll be on my way 'home' with Carly and Spencer. It was utterly terrifying.

"Sam?" A confused voice broke me from my thoughts.

I sat up on the bed and looked ahead, pushing some blonde curls from my eyes, "Oh, hey, Dr. Warren."

"You're up early," She eyed me suspiciously, shutting the door behind her, "Everything alright? You aren't in any pain are you?"

I shook my head, yawning, "Don't worry, Doc. I'm straight."

Dr. Warren sighed, "I'm just making sure."

"I think my pain pills are losing some of their steam," I stated, nodding to the almost empty bottle, "Usually they have me sleeping until noon."

"You took a lighter dose last night," She replied, sitting down at the foot of my bed, "So you would be up a little earlier to get home quicker."

"But it was a whole pill," I complained, "I always take a whole pill."

Dr. Warren breathed, "It was only half of the pill, Sam."

"Oh," I nodded, "I thought it felt smaller."

"Yeah," She smiled, looking down, "So, are you ready to go home today?"

I forced a quick smile, "Of course. Why wouldn't I be?"

She shrugged, "Actually, Sam, I could think of a lot of reasons. If you are scared of going home, I won't pick on you."

"I'm not," I glared at her, "Sam Puckett isn't scared of anything."

Dr. Warren shook her head, "Fear isn't a bad thing. It keeps a person sane."

I sighed, looking down, "For you, maybe. But for me, being scared is like a wall. A huge, impenetrable wall that keeps me from doing anything or being anything I want to be. It holds me back."

She frowned, "It depends on how you look at it, Sam, but fear isn't always a wall. It actually can keep a person safe. Let's say that, for example, a person is afraid of falling. They won't jump off a cliff and fall to their death."

I shook my head and stifled a laugh, "That's a terrible example."

"It made you smile though," She pointed out, "And that's all that matters to me."

My smile began to slowly disappear, "It did."

"Let me in, Sam." Dr. Warren begged, "Tell me the truth. Are you scared?"

My voice cracked, "A little."

"Why?" She asked softly, placing a hand on top of mine in a comforting way.

I shrugged, looking past her at the wall, "I don't know… I'm just really scared of leaving the hospital."

She nodded, "I understand."

"How can you?" I asked, looking up at her with wide eyes, "You aren't _me_ right now…"

Dr. Warren let out a long breath before speaking, "I've been in your situation before, Sam. Drunken mom, deadbeat dad, I've been there. After the first couple times I was put in the hospital, I was scared to death of leaving."

"Why were you in the hospital?" I asked, though I had a feeling I already knew the answer.

She shrugged, obviously shutting down emotionally enough to tell me her story without any tears. It was like staring into a mirror as I watched her slowly begin to speak, "My dad came back when I was around fourteen, kind of like yours did, but in retrospect to your situation, he didn't come back for _me_. I was just baggage. So he beat me whenever I disobeyed one of his rules. I ended up in the hospital at least three times before I finally got help."

"At least?" I cringed, my stomach was twisting in knots.

Dr. Warren sighed, "Well, I don't remember a lot of it to tell you the truth. The last time I was in the hospital, it was because my father came at me with a golf club after I got home late and busted my head open. I lost some of my memory."

"Damn," I mumbled, unsure of what to say, "That sucks."

"Not really," Dr. Warren got some light back into her eyes, "Forgetting was a good thing. It helped me start anew; like none of those things had happened."

In a way, I always had a feeling that Dr. Warren had some sort of past. Otherwise, she couldn't have related to me so well, or understood my raw emotional need for love and affection. But I hadn't wanted her to go through something like that, something so similar to my own experiences. It hurt me to hear her story. Though I'd only consciously known the woman for a week, Dr. Warren was like a mother to me.

"So," She continued, as if she'd never told me about her father, "I understand if you're afraid of going home. Because the hospital is so safe, but home is…"

"Home isn't safe," I finished for her, "Home is real."

Dr. Warren nodded with a smile, "Exactly."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, "What happens when I leave?"

"You go home with Carly," She explained slowly and carefully, "And come back here in a few weeks to get your cast off."

"It's that simple." I breathed to myself before looking back up at her, "What about school?"

She smiled, "That's your own decision. You can choose to home school for the rest of the school year since it's already late April. Or you can go back to school and finish out your sophomore year with Carly and Freddie at Ridgeway. But no one is pressuring you either way. Spencer and I spoke personally with Principal Franklin and he is being very lenient with the schools rules for you, Sam. He's genuinely invested in your recovery."

I nodded with a grin, "Ted's a good guy, even though he gives me detention a lot."

"He feels responsible," Dr. Warren sighed, "You spoke to him before the 'incident' about 'family issues'. He told me that he feels like if he'd read a little more into what you told him, that you wouldn't be here right now."

My guilt was brooding, "It's not his fault though. He tried to get me to tell, but I wasn't ready. If you see him again, tell him I'm sorry. Really, really sorry."

She smiled, "I'll be sure to do that once you give me your decision about school. He needs to know for sure by tomorrow."

"I'll be home tomorrow," I eyed her suspiciously, "How am I supposed to give you an answer?"

"Call me," Dr. Warren smirked, handing me a small piece of paper with a number on it, "It's my cell, so I'll always answer."

My face brightened, "Thanks."

She smirked, "You're welcome… and if you ever need a job, I wouldn't mind a babysitter for my youngest son. Fleck and Devon aren't very fond of taking care of their little brother."

"That sounds awesome," I replied happily, "Thank you so much."

Dr. Warren nodded, "You're a good kid, Sam, with a lot of good people behind you. But you'll never know how great you have it now until you get the courage to live your life again."

I bit my lip, "We're back to me being scared of going home again…"

"You're very observant," She grinned, "Do you feel any better about leaving yet?"

"You know," I sat up, "I kinda do."

Dr. Warren tried to hide her excitement, "Excellent! Now, we can talk about something that really matters."

"Huh?"

"I hear that you and Freddie are officially together now…" She smiled like Carly probably would, "Gimme deets!" She really took a page from the Shay's book with that last phrase.

I smiled, "He told me he loved me."

"Well, of course he did," She exclaimed, giving me a high-five, "I told you that you weren't unlovable."

I grinned back at her at first, before I took a serious tone, "He knows."

"Knows?" She frowned, "Knows what, Sam?"

"About the cutting," I sighed, "He found out last night."

Dr. Warren narrowed her eyes, "He didn't see it, did he?"

"No," I breathed, "I almost… did it again. But he got to me in time and stopped me."

"Why?" She asked, "I thought you promised me that you would stop, Sam."

"I did," I shook my head, "But we had a mini-fight, and I don't know… I just wanted to cut again." I chose to omit the part about our adventure up to my father's hospital room and the almost-murder that took place there.

Dr. Warren frowned, "But Freddie stopped you?"

"Yeah," I nodded, "He made me go to bed."

"How did he take it?" She asked, cringing slightly.

I shrugged, "He seemed okay with it, but he made me promise never to do it again."

"And you won't, will you?" She warned, pointing her finger in my face.

"No, _mother_." I smirked, playfully smacking her hand out of the way.

Dr. Warren smiled, playing along, "Good, _daughter_."

I laughed, "For a doctor, you're pretty awesome."

"You've told me before," She shrugged, "But I don't mind being complimented twice."

"So," I sighed, staring at the floor, "When do I leave?"

"Whenever Carly and Spencer get here and I discharge you," She explained simply, "You should probably go ahead and get your stuff ready to go. So you can get out of here faster."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, "What if I don't want to leave fast?"

She sighed, "You'll be fine, Sam. I promise."

"I know," I shook my head, struggling with my words as the pain in my chest came back, "I'll just miss… having a… mom."

"Sam?" Dr. Warren frowned, "What did you say?"

"You're the closest thing to a mom I've ever had, and I'm scared to death of giving that up." I felt tears in my eyes, "It's nice having a person like you around…"

She smiled, "I gave you my number, Sam. Why do you think that is?"

"To babysit your kids?" I guessed.

"So you can come see me, or talk to me." She laughed, "Anytime you want."

My eyes widened, "Really?"

"Of course," She nodded, "You're like my own daughter, Sam."

I grinned, "Thanks?"

"Yep," She beamed.

"I guess I could get my stuff together now," I sighed, throwing my legs over the side of the bed, "If you help me?"

Dr. Warren nodded, "I'd be happy to."

We gathered up all of the clothes Freddie had brought me and placed them back inside the bag, along with some other things I'd been given by the hospital during my stay here. Dr. Warren and I had created a game out of it eventually, where she held the bag open and I threw the clothes at it, hoping they made it inside. We were so invested in our game, that we didn't hear the door open.

"Sam goes around the bed!" I shouted, before tossing the tank-top I was currently holding at the bag, "She shoots, she scores!"

"Mom?" A familiar boyish voice called out.

Dr. Warren stopped what she was doing and dropped the bag, hurriedly turning around, "Hey, Fleck!"

"What are you doing?" He asked, looking from her to me, "Sam?"

"Sup, Fleck?" I nodded to him with a smirk.

Dr. Warren folded her arms across her chest, "You two know each other?"

"Yeah!" Fleck exclaimed, suddenly running to me and giving me a high-five/handshake, "Dude! I haven't seen you in a minute!"

I laughed, "I know! How are the Fleck and Dave videos going?"

"Awesome," He smirked, "Dave and me figured out how to work together and not get into fights all the time!"

"And?" I cocked an eyebrow.

Fleck smirked, "We shoot the videos at school, so before we have a chance to get into a fight we get detention!"

"You're stupid," I commented, "How is Dave's dad taking that?"

He shrugged, "Pretty well I guess, they don't let me over to their house anymore… I don't know why…"

"Hello?" Dr. Warren interrupted, "How do you two know each other?"

"Oh, sorry, Mom." Fleck smacked his own forehead, "Dave and me were on iCarly once, and Sam and me became friends after her and Carly had a… disagreement."

"Yup," I nodded with a smirk, "He was my bud during that mess."

Dr. Warren smiled, "Oh, well that makes sense."

"You bet it does," Fleck smirked, "Why are you in the hospital, Sam?"

I shrugged, deciding to use the same excuse Freddie concocted for iCarly a few nights ago, "I broke my arm trying to break into a meat factory."

"Only you," He laughed while I forced a smile.

"Fleck?" Dr. Warren cut in, "Why are you here? You're supposed to be home with Devon and Nathan."

Fleck frowned, "Yeah… about that. Dave and me were doing a bit for one of our videos at home and… Dave kinda… got electrocuted by the TV."

"Electrocuted!" She shouted while I stifled a laugh.

"Don't worry, Mom." He calmed her, "I'm fine… and I think he is too. But I brought him here and thought I'd come see you. I had no idea you were _Sham's_ doctor."

I smirked, remembering the dumb nicknames we'd created for one another during the short amount of time I was without my best friend. He named me _Sham_, because of my acute love for ham. Apparently, Sam + Ham = Sham. Fleck and I spent a lot of time together then, mostly at the park of Groovy Smoothie. If he'd invited me to his house, I would have known who his mother was. Maybe it's good he didn't though. So I could let her get to know me, instead of her already having a bad opinion of me.

I laughed, "I didn't know _Fleckson's_ mom was my doctor either. But we all make mistakes."

"Oh!" Dr. Warren suddenly realized something, "So this is the girl you were telling me about! I can't believe I didn't make the connection sooner!"

"Mom…" He glared at her, trying to tell her something non-verbally.

She looked down and gave me a sly grin, "Never mind."

Fleck sighed, "Anyways, what were you guys doing before I showed up?"

"Playing clothes-hamper-ball!" I shouted, pumping my fist into the air.

"Technically, it would be clothes-bag-ball, since this is a bag…" Dr. Warren corrected before her voice trailed off.

"Details," I waved her off before turning back to Fleck, "You wanna play? Your mom is pretty slow!"

"I'm old," She whined, grinning.

Fleck laughed, "Sure, I'm down. Let's play some clothes-_hamper_-ball!"

Dr. Warren grabbed the bag and held it in the air while Fleck and I pulled some clothes from the floor and took shots. My broken arm was making it difficult for me to sink anything, but I got a couple in. It didn't take long for all of the clothes to make it inside the bag. We both looked at each other sadly, believing the game was over, until Dr. Warren dumped all of the clothes back out onto the floor again, immediately whispering a sarcastic, "Oops."

We continued shooting clothes for points, Fleck getting a lot more in than I, until a beeping sound interrupted us.

"What now?" I grumbled, chucking a tank top at the bag in Dr. Warren's hand.

She gasped, dropping the bag on the floor, "Sorry, I have to go help with a patient."

Dr. Warren was out of the room before we had a chance to ask what the problem was.

"Well," I sighed, plopping down on my bed, "I guess fun's over."

Fleck flopped down beside me, careful of my arm, "Guess so."

"What do we do now?" I yawned, stretching my legs.

He frowned, getting back up from my bed, "I don't know. I guess I should go check on Dave. Make sure he's all alive and stuff."

I laughed, "Tell him the blonde-headed demon said hi."

"Will do," He playfully saluted me, "I'll come by later, maybe."

I smirked, "You better hurry. I'm gonna be gone pretty soon."

He nodded and turned, "I'll try."

"Dude," I called out, "Your mom's really awesome. Don't take her for granted. You're really lucky to have her."

Fleck smiled innocently, oblivious to the pain in my statement, "Thanks, Sam."

I nodded, "No prob. See ya later."

Fleck waved to me before turning and leaving, shutting the door behind him softly. Great, now I'm alone again. I sighed and rolled over on the bed, letting my head dangle off the end with my long blonde curls hanging off the edge as well. It was comfortable for the moment, and would stay that way, until the blood decided to go to my head and cause a headache. I wondered what time it was, and allowed my eyes to gaze up at the clock hanging on the wall beside the door.

**10:24**

We were messing around for a long time. I hope Dr. Warren didn't get in any trouble for staying with me for so long. She's a really good doctor, it would kill me if she was fired or in trouble on my account.

Carly and Spencer will probably be here soon. Both of them ready to take me home and live our lives like the past two weeks never happened. But it wasn't that simple. If it was, I probably wouldn't have nightmares anymore, and the voice in my head would be completely gone. It sounds a lot like my father, but the words I hear scare me more than the voice itself. I wish I could go back in time and fix all of this.

"_What are you doing up here?" I growled to that jerk who called himself my father, "This is my room, Dude."_

_My dad smirked, "Your room?"_

"_Yeah," My voice was stern, "Mine."_

"_I think you mean __**our**__ room, Sammy." He cooed, stepping closer to me._

_I backed away, "Don't call me that, my name is Sam."_

If I had just gone to Carly's that day, or stayed downstairs with mom, none of this would have happened. He would never have gotten me alone long enough to rape me, and I would still be me. But I didn't. I decided to be a fat idiot and go up to my room for a stupid Fat Cake.

"_I just came up here for a Fat Cake," I cringed as he touched my hair, "I'll be gone in a sec."_

_He shook his head, "But I don't want you to leave, Sam."_

_I felt his hands handling my entire body, stopping at my butt and groping me roughly. I gasped and shoved him away from me, "What the Hell is wrong with you?!"_

_My dad smirked again, "Don't talk that way to your daddy, Sammy."_

"_I'm outta here," I began to turn around and leave before I felt his fingers curl around me wrist, jerking me back around to face him._

"_You ain't leaving me." He stated simply while I looked up at him with wide eyes, "Never."_

_I swallowed the lump in my throat, "What do you want from me?"_

"_Everything," My dad growled before throwing me onto the bed, "And you're gonna give it to me."_

I don't like Fat Cakes anymore.

"_Stop!" I cried out, desperately slamming my fist into his face, "Get off me!"_

_He smirked and put his hands around my throat, "Be good."_

"_No! Stop!" I screamed, still thrashing around the bed wildly though my oxygen was being cut off._

_Soon, the room began to get blurry and I stopped moving around as much, glaring up at him defiantly as I tried to breathe to no avail. He smiled when he figured out he had me right where he wanted me and pulled his hands from my throat. I gasped and choked for air, turning over and coughing violently. This upset him, and he threw me over onto my back again._

"_Don't move," He warned, "Or else."_

_When I heard the zipper on my jeans, I panicked and began kicking and screaming like a maniac once again, "No! Get __**off**__ me! You __**fucking**__**perv**__!"_

_He slapped me with his free hand and grabbed my wrists, holding me down onto the bed and keeping me from moving, "If you say another word, I'm gonna kill you and your sister. Got that, Sammy? I don't wanna do it, but you're making me. I'll hop in the truck right now and drive all the way to her school, and kill her on the spot."_

_My mouth clamped shut as soon as the words left his mouth, as well as my limbs quickly stopped moving. This guy… this man… this person, who was __**supposed**__ to be my father, was serious. I could see it in his bright blue eyes. _

_My dad ripped my tee shirt off my body while I held in cries of anguish. Tears streamed down my face when my bra came off. It was all becoming too real. This isn't supposed to happen to people like me, strong people. It happens to dumb girls who walk the home in the stupidest part of town on crime shows like Law and Order SVU, or CSI. Not in real-life Seattle, Washington to the Sam Puckett, and especially not by my __**father**__, my own flesh and blood._

"_You're being good." He commented as the zipper of my jeans began to come down again, before he swiftly jerked my pants off, leaving me in only my boxer shorts I wore as underwear. Chills ran down my spine when I felt his hands curling around the top of my boxer shorts._

_My whole body was shaking uncontrollably by the time I was fully undressed and he was climbing on top of me, already wearing a sick grin of satisfaction. He hadn't even gotten his own underwear off yet, and he was already happy with himself. When he began plucking his own clothes off, I tried to sink as low into my mattress as I could. But I knew it was stupid of me. Everything I'd done so far was stupid. _

_He began roughly kissing my neck and chest as if this was some kind of ritual, before his lips made contact with my own. I struggled away from him while he kissed me, but he grabbed me before I could do much. The look in his eyes told me that I should probably be still, or else I'd be dead. At least, that's what I believed at the time. Stupid, stupid, stupid._

"Sam?" A welcoming voice tore me from my thoughts, "You okay?"

I sat up and sighed at the sight of my best friend, my body still shaking crazily, "Yeah, Carls. I'm good now that you're here. I'm pretty scared of being alone nowadays."

"You're actually telling me something you're afraid of?" Carly frowned, "This is unexpected. What changed?"

I sucked in a hard breath and spoke with conviction, "Maybe if you know I'm scared of being alone, you won't leave me."

She shook her head and embraced me in a soft hug, "You won't have to worry about being alone anymore, Spencer and I will annoy you 24/7 at home."

"Home," I breathed.

Carly pulled away, "Home."

It didn't sound so bad anymore. After all, I would be living with my best friend right across the hall from a boy who loved me with all of his heart. Though, Carly's apartment was home long before Spencer legally adopted me. It's always been home.

"Carly?" I sighed, biting my lip.

She smiled, "Yeah?"

"I think I need to clean up my clothes," I deadpanned, looking around at the mess of garments littering the floor.

Carly giggled, "I was going to ask you about that."

"Help me?" I suggested, giving her puppy dog eyes.

She nodded, standing up in front of me and holding out her hand for me, "Anything for my _sister_."

* * *

**I sat down at my laptop, and within one hour, this beast was born. lol. I don't have a clue how I got so inspired so suddenly, but it happened. **

**The flashback to when Sam's dad raped her was really random, but I finally needed to show exactly how it happened in detail. Besides, it shows that Sam isn't fully recovered, and how being completely alone affects her. Even if it's only for a few minutes. :(  
**

**Fleck cameo! Lol. I love him. He's like a little nugget I wanna pick up and squeeze :)  
**

**Sorry for the overly-cheesy ending. lol. I thought a nice Cam(friendship) moment would be cute for the end of the chapter. **

**(Hold On is a REALLY good song. I heard it on an iCarly music video on youtube... lol. It's by Abandon. Listen to it.)**

**Review??? Maybe??? Pleez??? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	42. All Fall Down

**Sorry for mild lateness! Writers block is evil!**

**:) Enjoy  
**

* * *

**All Fall Down**

"So," Carly smiled, tossing another shirt on my bed, "What's it like dating Fredward?"

I smirked, "We're not technically 'dating'. We're 'together'."

"You guys are happy, right?" She asked, sitting down after the last piece of clothing had made its way into my bag, "Being 'together'."

"We've barely been 'together' for a day, Carls." I groaned, seating myself beside her, "But, for now, we're happy."

When I looked up, I could see she was holding in the urge to give me a hug and start giggling about me and Freddie. I shook my head, and held up my working arm, sighing loudly, "Come here."

Carly beamed and wrapped her arms around my neck before beginning to hop up and down, causing the bed to shake and wobble, "I can't believe it! You and Freddie! It's crazy, Sam!"

"Yep," I choked out, "Pretty crazy. Can't. Breathe."

"Sorry!" She released me, "I'm just so happy, Sam!"

"I can tell," I brushed myself off, "Can you give me my meatball?"

Carly nodded and ran over to the box that held the beautiful meatball/monkey sculpture Spencer had crafted for me. I was going to make sure it didn't get left behind.

"Here," She laid it on the bed beside me before returning to her seat again, "Spencer should be here pretty soon."

"How am I getting home?" I asked, "Because I'm pretty sure Spencer can't let me ride on the back of his motorcycle with a broken arm and giant meatball."

Carly bit her lip, "Oh… about that—"

"I'm here!" Spencer announced as he entered the room, "What goes on?"

"Hey, Spencer!" I smiled, "Did you get me discharged?"

He nodded, "Yep, you're free!"

"Awesome!" I pumped my fist, "Now I can do whatever the Hell I wanna do without nurses bossing me around!"

"It's not like you do what they say anyways," Carly deadpanned.

"It's the principle of the thing," I flipped my hair, "Anyways… you never answered me, Carls. How am I getting home?"

"Uh…. Well…" She trailed off.

Spencer scratched his neck nervously, "You're not going to like it…"

"Will one of you just tell me already?" I sighed, "I can take it."

"Well," He sighed, "Mrs. Benson came over this morning and… well…"

"Mrs. Benson?" I gasped, "Come on, Spencer! I don't mind dying on your motorcycle! Just don't make me sit in a car with that… that… **woman**!"

Spencer whined, "You didn't even let me finish!"

I perked up, "So she _isn't_ taking me home?"

"No, she is." He sighed, defeated, "Sorry."

"Spencer!" I roared, slamming my fist into the mattress.

"She insisted, Sam." Spencer breathed, nudging Carly, "Because of the… current situation…"

"Situation… you mean Freddie and me? How'd she find out? It's been like one freaking day!" I growled, demanding an answer, "Who told?"

Carly looked like she was about to have an aneurism, before she finally exploded, "It was me!"

"Carls!" I shouted, gritting my teeth, "Why would you do that?"

"I can explain," She retorted, waving her hands in front of her face to calm me, "Mrs. Benson was begging me to tell her why Freddie spends so much time here with you, and she wouldn't shut up. She followed me around all day yesterday! And… and… It was driving me crazy, Sam! It just kinda slipped out last night…"

I stifled a laugh, "I bet she shit a brick when you told her."

"Language," Spencer warned in his mock-adult voice.

"The look on her face was priceless," Carly responded with a smile, ignoring Spencer, "I think she was more confused than anything else."

"That's believable," I smirked.

Carly grinned sarcastically, "You're gonna have a **fun** ride home with her."

I frowned and crossed my arms, "I'm **not** riding with her."

Spencer groaned, "Come on, Sam? Fifteen minutes of pure awkward won't kill you."

"You sure about that?" I frowned, "She hates me… Somehow, I'm gonna end up in a ditch on the way home. Dead or alive."

"Think positive," Spencer chimed in with a smirk, "Maybe she'll be… kind of nice and leave you at a fast-food place. Inside Out Burger?"

I growled, "Not **helping**!"

"Sam, just relax." Carly sighed, "Freddie will be there, so it shouldn't be too bad."

"Awesome," I said sarcastically with mock-enthusiasm, "Now we can have an invigorating conversation about the birds and the bees on the way home."

Carly laughed, "Mrs. Benson won't talk to Freddie about that with you there."

"She's crazy," I groaned, "There's no telling what she'll end up doing."

A loud ringtone suddenly erupted throughout the room, and had Spencer digging in his pocket until he found his phone, "Hello?"

Carly and I shared a few confused looks as we listened to his conversation.

"We're upstairs… Yeah, she knows… Well how was I supposed to know you—… Yes… No… He's your son... I'm not getting smart with you… Yes, I'll call him… See you in a few… Bye… I have to go now—… Because I need to!" He snapped the phone shut and gave us an exasperated expression.

"Mrs. Benson?" We asked in unison as he nodded.

"She's downstairs," He breathed, putting his phone away, "And on her way up in the elevator."

My eyes widened, "What? No!"

Carly giggled, "You're making too big of a deal about this, Sam."

"Am I?" I demanded, frantically shaking my finger in her face for effect, "Am I?"

She shrugged, "Probably not."

"Where's Freddie?" I asked quickly, "You said he'd be here!"

Spencer groaned, "He's getting something to drink. Relax, Sam."

I shook my head, "How do you expect me to do that, Spence?"

"I'm back!" I looked over my shoulder and spotted Freddie walking into the room holding two Peppy Cola's, "What'd I miss?"

"We told her," Spencer muttered, "About driving conditions… and… stuff…"

Freddie handed me a drink with a solemn look in his eyes, "Sorry, my mom went nuts this morning and demanded she bring you home."

I shrugged, popping the tab of the can, "Whatever. Just make sure she doesn't try to kill me or something."

"Is my mom here yet?" He asked weakly. It was obvious he was dreading the car ride home as well.

Spencer nodded, "She called a minute ago saying she was on her way upstairs."

Freddie groaned, "Was she in a good mood?"

"She was just her usual crazy self," He shrugged.

"Awesome," He sighed sarcastically, seating himself on the bed beside me. I smiled when he wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

Carly smiled at our close proximity to one another, "I'm never going to get used to this."

Spencer laughed, "Just wait, after their first fight one of them will probably end up killing the other."

Carly and Spencer both looked at each other for a moment before nodding, "Sam."

"I won't kill Freddie," I defended, "I'll just… give him some brain damage. No biggie."

"So funny," Freddie groaned, his arm tensing slightly.

I smirked, poking his chest, "I'm kidding."

"I know," He nodded, rubbing my back and giving me a quick peck on the cheek.

I'm really starting to enjoy PDA.

"Where is Samantha Puckett's room!?" We all turned to the door when we heard a shrill voice in the hallway, "I need to find my Fredward!"

Freddie sighed, "_That's_ my mom…"

"Fredward Benson!" Mrs. Benson shouted upon entering the room, "Why haven't you been answering your phone? I was worried sick about you! And what are you doing with your arm around _her_?!"

He let go of me instantly, "Sorry mom, I turned it off because it was almost dead."

"That's no excuse!" She screeched.

I snorted and grabbed Freddie's hand, "It kind of is, Mrs. Benson."

"Was I talking to you?" She growled, "And let go of my son!"

"She was just holding my hand, Mom!" Freddie whined, releasing me momentarily.

Mrs. Benson snarled, "It starts off with hand holding! If you keep that up, nine months from now I'm going to be a grandmother!"

"I think you're overreacting—" Spencer tried to say before Mrs. Benson shoved her finger into his face.

"Don't tell me what I'm doing!" She ordered.

I put my hand on my head, "Damn, do you ever stop yelling? I'm getting a headache over here."

"Language!" She screeched, "No son of mine is going to date a sea-talker!"

"Sea-talker?" Freddie frowned.

Mrs. Benson frowned, "Yes! Someone who cusses like a sailor! It's bad!"

"Are we going to leave any time soon?" I yawned rudely, "Or are you just going to keep yelling at us?"

"Do you have your things ready?" She asked in a slightly calmer manner, though I could see the fury in her eyes.

I nodded, "Yep."

"Good," She sighed before turning to Carly and Spencer, "Spencer! Take her stuff downstairs!"

"I'll do it," Freddie offered before his mother stepped in once again.

"It might stunt your arm-muscle growth, Fredward!" She retorted.

Freddie shook his head while I subtly rubbed his arm, trying to keep him calm, "Chill, Freduccini."

He smiled and leant down to whisper in my ear, "I was wondering when you'd call me one of my dumb nicknames again."

I shrugged, "I thought you didn't like it."

"It's cute," Freddie insisted, glancing back at his mother briefly before giving me a quick kiss to my forehead, "Really cute."

If anyone else had told me I'd done something 'cute', I would've given them a black eye. But this is Freddie, and I really like him. Slowly, I'm beginning to fall for him.

"Well, let's go!" Mrs. Benson screamed, pulling me from my thoughts.

Freddie sucked in a hard breath before helping me off the bed, "You ready?"

I nodded slowly with a smirk, "Yeah, as long as _she_ doesn't scream the entire way home. I'm not dealing with her craziness, Fredlump."

Freddie smiled as we began to leave behind everyone else, "It's going to be fine."

"Wait!" I called out suddenly, "My meatball!"

"I got it," He grinned, grabbing it from the bed and steadying between his elbow and stomach, "See?"

I nodded, "Thanks."

"Anything for my blonde-headed demon," Freddie cooed, wrapping his free arm around my shoulders again and leading me out of the room for the very last time.

* * *

"Are you gonna hold your meatball in the car?" Spencer asked, holding the trunk open with his arm, "Or should I throw it in here?"

"I got it, Spence." I smiled, taking it from Freddie's awaiting hands.

Spencer nodded and slammed the lid of the trunk shut, "Well, that's done."

"Be careful with my trunk!" Mrs. Benson warned, coming around the car, "I paid good money for my automobile!"

"Yes, Mrs. Benson." He nodded with a sigh.

Carly smiled, "Poor Spencer."

"Poor me," I mumbled as Freddie opened the car door and gestured for me to sit down inside.

"You'll be fine," Carly affirmed, pulling me into a hug, "Spencer and I will be waiting for you at home."

I frowned, pushing her away, "You're leaving… now?"

She nodded, "Sorry, Spencer has some kind of ice cream sculpture that is melting on our counter right now and apparently that takes precedence."

"Wow," I laughed, "Is it chocolate?"

"Nope," She shook her head, "Cookies n' Cream."

I gasped, "My favorite!"

"Yep," Carly grinned, "We'll eat it tonight when Spencer is asleep."

"And blame it on Freddie?" I giggled, "Sounds like a plan!"

"What are you blaming on me?" Freddie asked, leaning on the door.

Carly and I smirked at each other, "Nothing."

He sighed, "Just don't get me into too much trouble."

"We won't," I assured him, "Promise."

"I'll see you at home, Sam." Carly said when Spencer walked around the car, "Have fun with Freddie's mom."

"Watch it, Shay." I warned with a smirk.

Spencer put a hand on Carly's shoulder, "Ready, kiddo?"

"Yeah," She nodded, turning around with him to go to Spencer's motorcycle, "Bye guys."

I nodded and waved goodbye to her before looking up at Freddie with a frown, sighing for effect, "I hate your mom."

"Random much?"

"I'm serious," I whined, "Call me a taxi."

He breathed, "Sam—"

"Come on you two!" Mrs. Benson interrupted him rudely, "I've got All My Children to watch at home!"

"All My Children?" I stifled a laugh as he pushed me into the car, "I didn't take your mom for the soap-opera-type."

He shrugged, climbing in behind me, "She's odd."

"Obviously," I muttered, situating the meatball in my hand on my lap while Freddie buckled my seatbelt for me.

Mrs. Benson was already sitting up front with her hands impatiently tapping on the steering wheel, "Everyone buckled up?"

"Yes, Mom." Freddie answered with a sigh, leaning back in his seat.

The car roared to life seconds later, and we were on the road home in no time. I sunk back in my seat and stared out the window, trying to distract myself from the sheer awkward. Mrs. Benson hadn't said a word since we left, and Freddie was sitting beside me with his arms crossed over his chest like a statue. I began to get the feeling that there was something going on between the two of them. She's obviously disapproving of our relationship, but I didn't know how deep her hatred for me ran. Hopefully she would get over it; I hoped to remain Freddie's girlfriend for a long time.

"Sam?" Freddie said, keeping his voice low.

"Yeah?" I whispered, turning to face him.

He frowned and glanced up at his mother before replying to me, "Sorry… about this."

"It's cool," I murmured, "Really."

Freddie shook his head, "She's not happy about '_us_'."

"I figured as much," I sighed sadly.

Mrs. Benson turned around in her seat, "What are you two whispering about?"

"Nothing," I muttered, straightening my back, "Just… breathing?"

"Lies," She turned back around and shook her head, speaking under her breath, "All that girl is good for…"

My eyebrows raised, "Excuse me? You wanna say that a little louder?"

"Sam…" Freddie put a hand on my shoulder, "Calm down."

I shoved his hand away, "I'm not gonna 'calm down'! Your mom just insulted me!"

"I did nothing of the sort," Mrs. Benson retorted with a snarl.

"You must have stuck that stick up your ass a little too far this morning," I retorted angrily, "Otherwise you would understand the definition of 'insult'."

"Sam!" Freddie shouted, cupping a hand over my mouth, "Stop!"

I peeled his hand away, "She started it!"

"I didn't start—"

"Shut up!" Freddie shouted, "Both of you! I get it that you guys hate each other, but grow up a little! God!"

My mouth shut immediately and I glared at the floorboard, crossing my arms over my chest in defiance, "Whatever, Fredward."

His mother remained silent. Freddie sighed and gave me a quick look that read "I'm sorry" clearly. I shrugged and returned to staring out the window like I was before I started this whole mess. As hard as it will be, I'm really going to try and keep the sarcasm to a minimum around Freddie's crazy mom. She takes everything so seriously and personally. No wonder Freddie dislikes her so much.

In a way, I understood that she felt very protective of herself and her son. But there is a line that separates overprotective parenting, and being bat shit crazy. Mrs. Benson crossed that line long before Carly or I ever met her or Freddie

I glanced over to see Freddie's solemn body language and an angry scowl that had etched its way across his face. It pained me to see Freddie sitting in so much emotional turmoil, and not being able to do anything about it until we're alone again. If I reach out and try to comfort him at all, it will only end with Mrs. Benson and me getting into some kind of screaming argument again. I don't want that.

"We're almost there," Mrs. Benson stated, her voice monotone.

I nodded and continued watching as buildings past us in the car, smiling slightly when the Groovy Smoothie came into view, before abruptly leaving my sight. My smile vanished when I caught Freddie looking at me. I don't know why, but the mini-fight with Mrs. Benson has me angry at anyone within a five feet range.

I smirked at the joggers running past us, if only I had a Fatcake. Not to eat of course, Fatcakes are disgustingly vile. But, throwing them at joggers serves Fatcakes some kind of purpose.

My forehead pressed against the glass of the car door, but I was thrown from my thoughts by Freddie nudging me in my cast. I flipped my hair and glared straight at him as if to say, "What?"

"Sam…" His voice was much lower than it had been before, and I had to strain to hear him, "She wants me to break up with you."

In a matter of seconds, my heart felt like it had been bleached and pounded with a mallet, an act Mrs. Benson reaps joy from. My eyes widened and I scooted closer to the door, shaking my head, "Freddie… don't."

"I'm not," Freddie sighed, noting my current distress, "I love you. But, it probably won't be a good idea to come over to my apartment until my mom stops being so—"

"Are you two whispering again?" Mrs. Benson cut into our conversation yet again, "It's rude to do that, by the way."

I gritted my teeth and clenched my fist, but Freddie quickly placed his hand over mine, mouthing a simple "Don't".

"Mom," He started, rubbing my hand, "We're sorry.

She nodded in approval, "Sam? When we get back to the apartment, I want to talk to you."

"Why?" I asked, sounding a little harsher than I meant to.

Mrs. Benson sighed, "There are things we need to discuss."

"You mean Freddie?" I frowned, "We're not gonna break up over your dumb insecurities, Mrs. Benson. I can pretty much guarantee that."

"Sam," Freddie groaned, "Let it go."

Mrs. Benson looked over her shoulder at us briefly before returning back to the road, "We're here."

I breathed a sigh of relief, "Finally."

She parked the car in a marked space a few rows away from Spencer's motorcycle. Freddie and I got out as soon as the car cut off, almost running to get my stuff out of the trunk. I held my meatball close to my chest while Freddie stuck a key in the trunk to open it. Mrs. Benson got out behind us and slammed her door extra hard. The tension in that car was beginning to let up a little. Note: I said a little.

"Sam," Mrs. Benson sighed, "Let Freddie take your things up to Carly's apartment while we stay here and talk."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and looked over at Freddie who had my bag in his hand with a look of disdain in his eyes. He was hopelessly controlled by his mother's demands, and in seconds I was left alone in the parking lot with the mother of my boyfriend. Wonderful.

Mrs. Benson looked me up and down with an expressionless face, "How is your shoulder?"

I was caught off-guard by her question, "F-fine? Kinda sore."

"The hospital gave you medication, correct?" She asked, staring at the pavement.

I nodded, "A couple different kinds for different stuff—"

Before I could finish what I was saying, I was caught in a surprise hug from the woman who I thought hated my guts. I habitually flinched away from the physical interaction, but eventually gave in and allowed her to embrace me firmly. She was holding onto me with no intention of letting go. I was more confused than anything else. When she finally released me, I saw tears in her eyes.

"Mrs. Benson?" I frowned.

She shook her head and waved me off, "I'm sorry… I know you weren't expecting that."

I shrugged, "It's cool."

"It's not," Mrs. Benson sighed, patting my shoulder, "I apologize, for what I said in the car."

"Why are you sorry?" I asked innocently.

She sighed, "Because, I keep forgetting I should be treating you more like a daughter than an enemy now. I had no right to scream at you earlier, but it's been so hard dealing with Freddie ever since the 'incident'. That first week you were in a coma, I lost him. And I'm still not dealing well with him having a… a… **girlfriend**. But our fighting is obviously breaking Freddie's heart, and I don't want that. It hurts you too though… I could tell while things were silent in the car."

I shrugged again, "Freddie: yes. Me: not so much."

"Sam," She breathed, "I'm not going to get mad at you for expressing emotions."

"I've been taught better," I replied simply, straightening my back, "Emotions are for the weak."

Mrs. Benson shook her head and smiled, "Freddie said you might be like this."

"Like what?" I cocked an eyebrow, "Please elaborate."

"Like…" She was searching for the words, "That you would shut down when feelings came into the conversation."

I scratched my arm nervously, "My bad."

"It's not your fault," She said quickly, "From what I've heard, the environment you've lived in until now hasn't exactly allowed you to have feelings."

I smirked, ignoring the urge to question her about who told her about my home life, "That's an understatement, Mrs. Benson."

"Marissa," She smiled, holding out her hand, "You're part of our family now."

I shook it and smirked, "You're pretty normal when you wanna be."

"Do you want me to carry that… uh?" She nodded to my meatball sculpture.

"If you don't mind?" I grinned, handing it to her.

She gladly took it, balancing it in her palms. I smiled as we began to step away from the car, finally feeling excepted by a woman I formerly despised. We trudged across the parking lot towards Bushwell together in a comfortable silence. My mouth curled into a smile as she led me into the elevator beside her.

Piece by piece, I think my life is slowly being glued back together. With a few pieces of new-Sam thrown in with the old-Sam attributes I once enjoyed. Maybe I can get back to normal. Maybe this entire experience with my family will help me now that it's over more than hinder me.

"Sam!" Carly exclaimed as I entered the apartment, "We were worried about you! Freddie's upstairs putting your stuff in my room."

I smirked, "Sorry, I was talking to Mrs. Benson and—"

The smile on my face disappeared, and I lost sight of the words I wanted to say upon seeing a faint red stain dyed into the wooden floor. My eyes widened and I began to feel light-headed and dizzy. A harrowing crack took over my hearing, with the sound repeating itself over and over again in a familiar sounding way. When I glanced over at Carly briefly, she had a look of worry engraved in her face, before she fell from view completely and everything went black.

* * *

**Yes, cliffhangers are enjoyable. lol.**

**I'm not too proud of this one right now, but that will probably change when I reread it later after a couple hours of sleep. lol. If not, my apologies readers! The only part of this one I like is at the end and very beginning with Carly and Spencer :(**

**Mrs. Benson acting crazy was fun to write. lol. When I couldn't think of how Mrs. Benson would say or do certain stuff, I decided to use some of my own mother's 'stuff'. lol. She's pretty similar to Mrs. Benson, excluding the over-protectiveness... Hahaha. Happy Mother's Day mom! She's be so pissed if she read this. XD  
**

**Review??? Maybe??? Pleez??? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	43. Nothin' On You

**Enjoy! **

* * *

**Nothin' On You**

_After staring at the gun for a few seconds with wide eyes, I reached for it and rolled over on my back, glaring up at my father with fury. He looked helpless standing above me, a drastic change from our previous encounters. I aimed the gun up at him with shaky hands before whispering my last words to him._

_"I __**hate**__ you," I growled as I pulled the trigger, "And I'll __**never **__be a __daddy's girl __**ever **__again."_

A loud crack thrust me back into the land of the living. My head shot up and I frantically began thrashing my arms and legs agonizingly fast. The images continued to flash through my eyes like a movie reel. The gun, the blood, my father's face, my hands, my father's half-way blown off head… it was absolutely terrifying.

"Sam?" Carly whimpered, "Are you alright?"

My head pounded, and my shoulder was in searing pain, but that didn't compare with the immense anger I felt at myself for allowing a stupid blood stain to affect me so easily. I'm so ridiculously weak these days…

"Carly?" I heard Freddie saying, "What are you— Sam!"

The sound of his voice calmed me, and I stopped moving instantly, staring up at him with big blue eyes, "F-Freddie?"

"Hey," He said calmly, kneeling over me as Carly turned and left us, "You okay, Sam?"

I blinked a couple times, "I guess… what happened?"

"You fainted," Carly chimed in from across the room, her voice cracking slightly, "Right when you walked in the door. You just… dropped."

My gaze fell onto the red stain in the wood before I looked back at Carly, "Oh."

"Do you know why you fainted?" Freddie asked, placing a hand on my cheek.

I shrugged, deciding not to reveal the truth, "I don't know. It's probably ham withdrawal or something."

"Sam," Freddie sighed, helping me sit up, "I'm serious. What's going on with you?"

"I'm fine, _Freddison_." I grumbled, crossing my arms and looking away from him, "I probably just need something to drink or something. You know, since I had that blood transfusion thing."

Freddie sighed, "Your lip twitches when you lie, Sam."

"What?" I frowned, glaring up at him.

"It's so obvious," He shook his head, seemingly speaking to himself, "I didn't realize it until we were at the hospital and you were lying about your shoulder hurting. It makes me wonder how much you've lied about over the years."

I breathed, "Freddie?"

He looked into my eyes, "Tell me the truth, Sam. No more lies."

"It's so dumb," I snorted, shaking my head, "You'll think I'm stupid."

"No," He smiled, "You're not _that_ stupid."

I smacked his shoulder, "Watch it, Benson."

"What happened?" Freddie asked again.

"There's a blood stain on the floor," I released a hard breath, nodding to the spot, "Right there. It caught me off-guard and… made me remember."

Freddie looked over his shoulder and his eyes widened, "I really thought I cleaned all that up…"

"It's fine," I muttered quickly, placing a hand on his shoulder, "Don't worry about it, Freddie."

He exhaled, "I do though."

"It wasn't your fault," I added, "I should have been expecting it."

Freddie groaned, "Sam…"

"Sam?" Carly stepped in quickly, "How about we go upstairs and put some of your stuff away? Spencer already dropped off some stuff that your… that got dropped off."

I smiled at how she'd deliberately skipped over saying 'mom'. Carly was so intuitive that she knew even the mention of my mother would probably break me down again.

"Sounds good," I nodded, getting up from the floor with her help while Freddie lingered.

"Here," Freddie mumbled, handing up the meatball sculpture.

I took it and smirked, "Thanks."

Freddie didn't respond to me. Instead, he stood up and walked out of the apartment, barely making a sound. Carly gave me a confused look but I shrugged it off. To tell you the truth, I didn't have a clue what he was so cheesed off about either.

"Come on," Carly sighed, linking arms with me and guiding me upstairs to her bedroom, a place I've spent more than enough time over the years.

Once we made it to the room, I smiled as the aromas of Hawaiian air freshener and Japanese cherry blossom perfume swept over me. Carly's room was always the best smelling place in her entire apartment. While this much perfume would kick most people into a sneezing fit, I had become accustomed to it over the years, and it felt more like home than an allergy attack.

Her walls were pink a long time ago, but one night when Carly and I were nine, Spencer made the mistake of leaving two buckets of purple and black paint in her room. Let's just say that it's splatter painted purple, black, and pink now. In the end, we both loved it. Spencer was pretty proud of us for doing it too, but was forced to discipline us regardless because of their strict fathers' rules. But because Spencer's definition of punishment is extremely skewed, we ended up only having to help him finish a sculpture… made completely of chocolate. Insert super smiley face here.

Carly fell backward onto her white sleigh-bed, ruffling the purple comforter as her body landed on it. I smirked and after setting the meatball on her bedside table, took my regular spot at the foot of the bed, my blonde curls hanging off the edge.

"Carls?"

Carly sat up a tad, "Yeah, Sam?"

"Thanks," I breathed, "For what you did downstairs."

"You mean getting you out of there before you and Freddie got into a spat?" She laughed, "You're welcome. What's his deal anyways?"

I shrugged, "I don't know. He's so confusing."

"Understatement of the century," Carly shook her head, "That boy is like an unreadable book."

"That's for true," I agreed.

She exhaled deeply, "I'll clean that stuff off the floor later. Freddie said he'd do it last week, but he was at the hospital so much he never got around to finishing it."

"Don't worry about it," I waved her off, "It's not a big deal. It just… surprised me earlier."

"When you fainted," Carly sighed, "You hit the ground so hard."

I snorted, "Dude, it was like I was falling off a building when I saw that crap."

"It scared me at first," Carly breathed with a smile, "I thought you like, died… or something."

I laughed, "You thought I died? Seriously, Carls?"

"Well," She defended, "I don't have much experience with dead people! How was I supposed to know?"

"It's cool," I shook my head, grinning at my best friend, "All that matters is that if I really was dead, I know in my heart that you would have stood there with your mouth open until someone else walked into the room. Then, maybe you would have done something."

Carly frowned and sat up, crossing her arms, "I would not."

I laughed, "That's what you did when you 'thought I was dead'!"

She nudged me playfully, "You know I wouldn't do that."

"I know," I smiled, "It's just fun messing with you, Carls."

"So," Carly sighed, "Are you going to sleep up here with me or on the couch?"

I swallowed, "Couch."

"You don't like my bed or something?" Carly asked in mock-hurt.

I laughed, "It's not you… it's your bed!"

"Seriously, why don't you want to stay up here?" She asked with a kind smile.

My lip quivered, "My nightmares aren't getting any better, okay? And if I have one sleeping in a bed beside you, I might somehow mistake you for him and… attack you… _again_. I don't want that. I promised you that wouldn't happen again."

Carly frowned, "Maybe you should talk to someone… it could help?"

I shook my head, "The psychologist at the hospital did it for me, dude. That chick had some kind of Dr. Pepper obsession and she was just… weird. But, Dr. Warren gave me her cell number and talking to her is better than a therapist… she gets me, you know?"

"Yeah," She nodded, "Isn't she like, Fleck's mom or something?"

"Yep," I smirked, "He was at the hospital this morning before you came up."

Carly rolled over on her back, "Do him and Dave still do videos?"

"Yeah, but Dave got electrocuted this morning so… the videos will probably go on hold for a little while."

She giggled, "I would hope so."

"You think Freddie's mad at me?" I asked, "I didn't do something wrong, did I?"

"No," Carly sighed, "But, _maybe_, he wants you to stop blaming yourself for **everything**."

"I don't—"

"You do," She deadpanned.

I shrugged, "I just didn't want him to feel bad about the stupid blood stain…"

"I know that, and you know that," Carly sighed, "But Freddie doesn't."

I exhaled noisily before sitting up, "I guess I should talk to him, right?"

Carly smiled up at me, "Good girl."

"Weren't we supposed to do something up here?" I frowned.

Carly laughed and waved me on, "Just go, I'll unpack all of your stuff for you."

"That's what I hoped you say!" I exclaimed, running across the room, "See ya in a few, hopefully this goes well."

"It will," Carly called out after me.

I nodded and walked outside her bedroom into the hall, mentally preparing myself for yet another long talk with Freddie Benson. Sometimes, I wonder if it's even worth all the heartache for us to be together. As I trudged down the stairs, doubt slowly began to creep in even more. I still don't understand what Freddie sees in me, other than a charity case. I'm not pretty, I don't have any redeeming qualities, and I'm definitely not the 'lovable' type. I can't even tell the boy I love him because I have so many dumb insecurities about those three words. He said he understood why I couldn't say it, but there was obvious hurt behind his words.

I stepped down into the living room and sighed, the front door in my sight. Freddie was lying when I asked him why he loved me during my hospital stay. He had to be. There is no truly good reason why he should have feelings for me, he still barely knows me. What **I** know of Freddie is that he's a gentleman, and he didn't want to hurt my feelings when I questioned his love for me. It's that simple.

"Freddie?" I called out, knocking on his apartment door, "It's… me?"

The door swung open seconds later to reveal my solemn looking boyfriend, "Hey, Sam."

"Hey…" I smiled, reaching for his hand which he quickly pulled away, "I think we should talk."

Freddie looked over his shoulder before following me into the hallway, "I'm going to Carly's, Mom!"

We shut the door behind us, and Freddie leaned against the wall while I stood awkwardly in front of him, "What do you want to talk about, Sam?"

"Us," I swayed back and forth, rubbing my cast, "And what ticked you off earlier. Why did you just… leave like you did?"

He shrugged, "Maybe I'm tired of listening to the girl I love blame herself for everything that obviously isn't her fault."

"I deserve that," I sighed, "Look, Freddie, I can't help it. It's like… a natural reaction for me. You understand that, right?"

"I understand," Freddie nodded with a sigh, "But that doesn't mean I have to like it, Sam."

My lip quivered, "What are you saying?"

"I'm saying," He began slowly, "That I don't know if I can take this anymore."

"F-Freddie?" My eyes widened and the color drained from my face.

He looked at the floor for a second before looking back at me with his chocolate eyes, "Sam… I love you so much. I love you more than I ever thought I ever thought I could love another person, which is crazy because we're still in high school… but—"

My face dropped, "Of course there's a but…"

"But," He continued with a smile, cupping my face in his hands, "You need to let me in sometimes, Sam. I can't love you the way I want to if you don't talk to me. All of the stuff that happened in Carly's apartment earlier, it opened my eyes I guess."

"You're not breaking up with me?" I choked out, "Seriously?"

Freddie smirked, "Did I scare you?"

"A little," I said shyly.

He released my face and let his hands hang limply at his sides, "Sorry about that, I needed your full attention."

I attempted to hold his hand again, and instead of him shying away again, he allowed our fingers to intertwine. The action forced a smile across my face. I looked up at him with wide eyes, "You got it, Fredbag."

Freddie smiled, "I need to think up some nicknames for you."

"Yeah right," I smirked, "You couldn't think of a good nickname if it smacked your ass."

"Oh yeah?" He laughed, "We'll see about that…"

I beamed, "I guess we will, Dipthong."

"That's just mean," He whined, playfully nudging me in the stomach.

"It's not mean," I laughed, poking him back, "If it's true."

"You really thought I was going to dump you?" Freddie shook his head, sounding shocked.

I shrugged, "Well, yeah. I mean… you could probably do a lot better than me. Any other girl would probably be better than me, Freddie."

Freddie let go of my hand and enveloped me in a soft hug, his arms like walls around me, "They ain't got nothin' on you, Baby."

"You listen to B.o.B?" I smirked, relaxing into his embrace and lying my head on his shoulder lovingly, "That's rap, Fred_babe_."

"I didn't until about week ago," He chuckled, "But I thought if you liked him, he must be good."

"And?" I breathed.

Freddie smiled, "Airplanes is my favorite song from his album. Hayley Williams sounds amazing on it."

"Aww," I kissed his cheek, "My little Fred_babe_'s growing up. Listening to rap music…"

"Fredbabe," He smirked, "I like that."

"I like this…" I whispered, wrapping my one good arm around his body as well, letting my hand relax just above his backside. I resisted the urge to pinch him and scare him, therefore ruining the moment. My cast was the only thing between us at this point.

"Me too," Freddie agreed, kissing my forehead.

My smile grew, "Freddie… I love…"

"Sam?" He looked into my eyes.

"I love…" I couldn't get the word 'you' out no matter how hard I tried, so I said the first thing that popped into my head, "**Fried chicken**."

Freddie laughed and said sarcastically, "You do?"

I shook my head in embarrassment, "Ugh, I'm sorry. That's not what I meant to say…"

"It's okay," He nodded with a smirk, "Looks like we have a code word now."

"Huh?" I frowned.

Freddie held me tighter, "Fried chicken."

I snickered, "Awesome sauce."

"I love you, Sam." Freddie said as we slowly began to throw ourselves into another kiss.

I looked up into his beautiful chocolate pools and smiled just before our lips met, "I love fried chicken."

* * *

**Seddie Fluff! :) **

**The fried chicken thing was something I thought would just be adorable, especially with many Seddier's thinking it's Sam's code word for Freddie. I'm among them. Haha. And I totally helped B.o.B promote two of his songs there... lol. Sorry, I love him. He's the only rapper I really like besides Eminem :)**

**I'm actually really proud of this chapter (shocker!) and I hope you guys liked it too! If detention hadn't gotten canceled today though, this probably wouldn't have been up until a few hours from now so... yay! lol. I'm a bad girl :P**

**Time for a little shameless self-promotion y'all! Since this story is almost over, I'm co-writing a story with Kittykatgurl21(I spelled that right, right?) called The Real Me. Each of us writes every other chapter so... yeah. Read it, for me? I'll give you cookies or something... lol. I'm not good with bribes...  
**


	44. Born For This

**Sorry about the wait! Laptop is going crazy right now. lol. **

* * *

**Born For This**

After Freddie and I had our talk, we returned to Carly's living room and relaxed on her couch. Freddie wrapped his arm around my shoulders, holding me closer to him, and I didn't mind at all. The sound of his heart beating comforted me almost as much as his warm, guarding arms. Whenever Freddie holds me, I feel so safe from everything. It's almost like, as long as he has his arms around me, nothing can hurt me. Eventually, we'd ended up laying down on the couch, legs and arms intertwined in each other. It was weird that I felt so comfortable with someone this close to me after everything I'd been through, but since it was Freddie, and I did love him like fried chicken, I didn't ponder on it too long.

"Freddie?" I breathed into his neck, "I've been thinking."

He grinned and kissed my forehead, "About?"

"Don't laugh," I smirked, "It's about school."

"Sam Puckett?" He stifled a laugh, "Thinking about school? Are you sure that bullet didn't hit you in your brain?"

I groaned but smiled, "Stop it, Fredward. This is serious chizz."

"Okay, why are you thinking about school?" He asked in a more serious tone, but still in a happy demeanor, "Don't you start back tomorrow?"

"I don't know yet," I sighed, "That's the problem."

He frowned and looked down at me, "Huh?"

"I have a choice…" I bit my lip, "Either I go back to school with you and Carly tomorrow, or I home school for the rest of the semester. Maybe even until we graduate next year. I don't know what I want to do, Freddie."

Freddie sighed, "Well, what do you think would make you happier?"

I shrugged, "I miss giving Gibby wedgies and messing with Mrs. Briggs and Mr. Howard a lot… but… I don't know. Home schooling would be so much easier, you know? I wouldn't have to leave the house and have people talking about me at school and… and…"

"Sam," He sighed, "You're being way too paranoid. Nobody at school has a clue about what really happened to you. Everyone believed the meat factory story pretty easily."

"Yeah," I swallowed hard, "But… what about in gym when I have to change clothes, Freddie? What if people see the scar from the bullet? Or any of the other scars? They'll know we were lying then… they'll all know…"

Freddie sucked in a hard breath before sitting me up to look him directly in the eye, "Stop it, Sam. Look, if anyone wants to question what really happened, I'll take care of it. But no one is going to find out, okay? Besides, I highly doubt Coach Kemp will make you play sports in gym class with your broken arm and messed up shoulder. Not to mention the cracked ribs."

I smiled and batted my eyelashes at him, "You mean Coach Hemp, right?"

"Huh?" He smirked.

"Oh!" I laughed, "You weren't there with Carly and me! We saw Coach Kemp smoking pot behind the school one day while we were looking for Gibby."

Freddie laughed before frowning, "Why were you looking for Gibby?"

I gave him a devious smile, "No reason you can prove."

"Okay…?" He backed off and changed the subject back, "So, will you come back to Ridgeway? Please?"

"You just want me back so you can prove to your AV nerds you got a girlfriend." I smirked, "Wait, lemme rephrase that. You want me back to prove to _everyone_ you date mama." I pointed at my chest proudly.

He looked at the ceiling with a sly grin, "Maybe…"

"Fine," I groaned, "But if anyone starts talking about me, I'm out."

"Yes!" He pumped his fist in a manner I could only describe as 'Spencer-ish'.

I laughed, "Dude, chill."

"But I'm so happy!" Freddie grinned.

"Whatever," I groaned, "Gimme your phone, Fredspaz."

He handed me his spotless PearPhone, "Why do you need it?"

"I gotta call Dr. Warren so she can break the bad news to Ted about me coming back to school," I replied quickly, grabbing it from his outstretched hand.

I ran into the kitchen and ripped the slip of paper from my pocket with Dr. Warren's number on it. Once I had it out, I sat it on the counter and hurriedly typed the number into the phone before holding it up to my ear and waiting for an answer.

"Hello?" Came her tired reply.

I smiled at the sound of her voice, "Hey, Doc. It's Sam."

"Sam!" She sounded happier instantly, "Hey! How have things been so far? I was worried about your transition into living at home again."

I sighed, "I'm fine, Doc. Everyone is taking really good care of me. That's not what I called about though."

"Oh?"

"I wanna… ugh." I swallowed the lump in my throat, "Just tell Ted I'll be at Ridgeway tomorrow. Bright and early, but not prepared or awake."

"You mean Principal Franklin, right?" Dr. Warren laughed, "I'm so happy you're going back to school, Sam!"

"I don't really want to," I muttered in a low voice, "But Freddie thinks it'll be good for me so…"

I could hear the smile in her voice, "Ah, yes. The 'my-boyfriend-is-right-about-everything' phase."

"Watch it, Doc." I groaned, "I know… well, I _don't_ know where you live… but I can find out. I got people."

"Alright," She sighed, "Tell your boo I said hi. And I'll call Principal Franklin in a minute and tell him to keep you enrolled. You'll need to see him in the office in the morning so he can give you a new schedule."

I frowned, "New schedule?"

"Yes," Dr. Warren replied, "You'll need to take a couple of tests and quizzes on the computer to make up for the time you missed for a couple days. But your schedule will go back to normal once you finish all of that."

I groaned, "Fine."

"I'll see you later, Sam." She said, "Remember, Nathan needs a babysitter."

"Goodbye, Doc." I laughed as I hung up the phone.

I walked back into the living room and handed it to Freddie, sitting with him on the couch again and sighing, "I hate you."

"I thought you loved fried chicken!" He whined, putting the phone in his pocket.

I smirked, "Fried chicken is looking kind of bad today. I think I want a meatball sub with extra meat sauce… and maybe a pickle."

"Sam…" He groaned.

"I'm just messing," I giggled, relaxing into his embrace once again, "You know I love fried chicken more than most foods."

"Good," Freddie chuckled, "So, did the phone call go well?"

I nodded, "I'll be at school tomorrow… Ugh."

"What's so 'ugh' about it? School is fun!" He exclaimed.

I rolled my eyes and stifled a laugh, poking him in the stomach playfully, "Honey, only nubs think school is fun…"

* * *

"_Sammy girl," He whispered in my ear, pulling out of me again, "Just be still, daddy will do the rest."_

_My bottom lip quivered as I stared up into his icy blue eyes, "N-not again… __**please**__? I-It __**hurts**__… so much…"_

"_You should've learnt by now 'please' don't work on me, Sweetie." He laughed, kissing me forcefully on the lips again and groping my breast, "And this shit shouldn't hurt you too bad, Sammy. Sluts don't feel it after awhile." _

_I gritted my teeth and resisted the urge to cry out, "Why?"_

"_Why what?" He growled, roughly running his hands down my body._

_I whimpered, "W-Why… __**this**__?"_

_He frowned and glared down at me, his eyes less than an inch from mine, "Because I can, Sammy. Why does anyone do anything? Besides, I ain't had a good time like this one in a while. You're good in bed, honey."_

_I shook my head, shuddering from head to toe. It was so cold in here, and the fact he had me completely naked wasn't helping. My body ached all over, especially in my thighs and lower stomach. I don't want to describe the other place. It'll make this too real. I'm really tired. I wish he'd just stop and let me go to sleep, because then maybe I'd wake up and forget… __**this**__. There was blood between my legs. Some of it had dried but a lot of it was still wet and embarrassing. He'd thrust himself into me over and over again for what felt like hours, and it hurt more and more each time. I think he was doing harder each time, at least that's how it felt. If he does it again, I might—_

"_**No**__!" I cried out in pure agony again, squirming to get away from him and the searing pain in my lower body, "__**No, no, no**__! __**Please **__**stop**__!"_

_He pushed into me further, harder and more violent. I sobbed loudly and helplessly, "It __**hurts**__! __**Stop**__! __**D-Dad**__… __**please**__!"_

_When he finally pulled out, I took in a couple of shallow, panicked breaths. The pain slowly began to subside, but I was still really sore down there. I panted and looked up at him fearfully, feeling like some kind of pitiful child. It hurt so much… I can't do that again… __**Not again**__…_

"_What did I say 'bout being quiet, Sammy? Huh? __**What the fuck did I say**__!" He demanded._

_I yelped as his open hand came into contact with my cheek, "Hurt… m-me and m-mom."_

"_And Melanie," He smirked, "You forgot Melanie you lil slut."_

"_M-Melanie ain't here," I choked out._

_He put his hand around my throat and held it there, "What'd you say, Sammy?"_

_I swallowed hard, "N-Nothing…"_

"_Good girl," He smirked, kissing me on the cheek._

"_P-Please… n-no more…" I begged him in desperation, my voice wavered._

_He laughed, "**I **decide when we're done, **not **you."_

"Sam?" I was awoken by someone slowly shaking my shoulder, "You alright?"

I looked up at Spencer and realized I was curled in a ball once again, with tears streaming down my cheeks and my hands stuck between my legs. My body was still shaking uncontrollably from my dream. I knew it wasn't a dream however. None of my dreams are actually dreams anymore… just memories. Really bad memories.

"I'm good," I shuddered, wiping my eyes, "Thanks for waking me up…"

He sighed, "Don't put up a front for me, Sam. If you're not okay, say so."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and leaned into him, "I'm… **not** okay… I'm tired of dreaming about it, Spencer… It's bad enough I think about it all the time."

"I know," Spencer rubbed my back, allowing me to silently cry into his chest, "I know."

"How do I make them stop?" I begged him desperately, "I can't take it anymore, Spencer…"

He breathed slowly, "I don't know… But I'll help you, Sam. I've made your nightmares go away before, remember?"

The memory of accidentally beating up Spencer's internal organs with a kitchen spoon flooded my mind, pushing the bad thoughts away instantly. I smiled up at him, "How could I forget?"

"See," He played with the fingers sticking out of my cast, "You're okay, Sam-I-_ham_."

A veil of happiness fell upon my face, "Thanks, Spence… I don't know what I'd do without you."

He shrugged with a hard grin, "Be sad, alone, and not have a totally awesome meatball sculpture!"

"Exactly," I laughed, "So, did you cook anything? I'm craving some ham and bacon now."

He gave me an odd look before nodding and leading me into the kitchen, "I one-upped you, kiddo! I've got Canadian bacon!"

I frowned, wanting to figure out that stupid look he gave me, "Okay?"

"It's like bacon, and ham!" He exclaimed, "I went all the way to Canada last week just to get another box of this stuff!"

I nodded and sat in a stool, "Just bring mama the meat."

Spencer chuckled and pulled a few pieces off a big plate and put them on a smaller one for me, "Here ya go, _sis_."

"Thanks, _bro_." I smirked, stuffing a couple pieces into my mouth instantly, "This… good."

He smiled, "Thought so."

After I finished chewing on the heavenly bacon-ham from Canada, I gave Spencer a hard stare. He didn't notice at first, but when he did, he stared right back, resisting a smile.

"Spence?" I frowned, looking down at my empty plate again, "Why'd you look at me weird earlier?"

"Weird?" He shrugged his shoulders, piling more Canadian bacon on my plate, "I don't know—"

I groaned, "When I asked if you had food, Spencer. You gave me this… look. Why?"

He sighed, "You want this straight-up?"

"Duh," I nodded.

"Okay, well, to tell you the truth, I'm really not used to seeing you so… vulnerable." Spencer breathed "Before you get mad at me for saying this, it's not a bad thing. If anything, it's healthy. It's nice to see you expressing an emotion besides anger at Freddie or happiness about meat."

I looked at the floor, "I'm _vulnerable_?"

He shrugged, "More or less. But, Sam, everyone is vulnerable. I'm vulnerable, Carly is, even your little hubby Fredward has his vulnerable moments. It's what makes a person human."

"It's really weird living with you and Carly," I exhaled, "This whole 'heart-to-heart' thing… so not my style."

"What is your style then?" He asked curiously.

I shrugged, answering him more seriously and truthfully than I meant to, "If you ignored me and started smacking me around when I screw up, that would be pretty normal for me. It's what mom used to do. Oh, and you'd have to be pretty wasted too, Spence. Like, totally fucked up _all_ the time."

"Sam…"

I blinked and realized what I'd said, shaking my head nervously, "Don't sweat it, Dude. All of that is in the past now."

Spencer had pain in his eyes, "You never told me your mother hit you… just that she didn't feed you or pay any attention to you."

"Some secrets are better left alone," I sighed, "But, seriously dude, it's no reason to get all sad and stuff. I got school all day to be sad at."

He smiled and saluted me, "Yes, Ma'm."

"That's better!" I exclaimed, "Now, where's Carly? I need to get in her room and find where she put all my clothes."

"I think she's in the shower," He replied, "She ate breakfast while you were sleeping."

The color drained from my face, "She didn't see me having a nightmare… did she?"

"I sent her off when I saw you getting bad," He frowned, "And when you started whispering to yourself."

"What did I say?" I asked curiously.

Spencer bit his lip, "You said 'it hurts' a lot. And 'no'. Was He… you know?"

I nodded and twiddled my thumbs solemnly, "It was the first time… that one was the worst, Spencer. I was so… it just hurt so much."

"It wasn't a dream," He sighed to himself.

I shook my head before getting up from the stool, "I'm gonna go get ready for school now. Save me some more Canadian bacon."

"Okay?" He frowned.

I turned and ran upstairs to Carly's room. After hearing the upstairs shower running, I let myself into her room without hesitation. The bright colors of her room had me drowsily rubbing my eyes. When I scanned the room, I didn't know where to look for my clothes. I decided to check the closet and drawers until I found something of mine. And if I didn't find some of my own clothes, Carly wouldn't mind me wearing hers.

The water in the bathroom shut off, so I knew she'd be on her way in here pretty soon. I hurriedly began checking drawers until I found a pair of my black jeans and a gray tank top. I 'borrowed' one of Carly's Penny-Tee's to wear too. Once I had my clothes balanced on my casted arm, I rushed out of the room before Carly got there. She didn't like people besides Spencer seeing her in her bathrobe. The only times I've seen her not dressed, are the rare times she's woken up late or lost what she was going to wear.

I went back downstairs and decided to get dressed in the bathroom down there. Maybe Spencer could help me put the tee shirt on over my cast. There's no way I'll be allowed to parade around in just a tank top all day at school. Though, if Gibby can be shirtless…

I smiled as I entered the bathroom, putting my clothes on the counter beside the sink and undressing myself quickly, considering I had a broken arm and cracked ribs. Once I was down to my boxers and the bra I'd never taken off last night, I pulled the tank over my head with little difficulty and began to put my jeans on as well. I had to sit on the side of the tub to get those on, which really sucked.

When I had myself dressed, except for the Penny Tee of course, I exited the bathroom and went back to the living room to find a fully dressed Carly Shay plopped down on the couch.

"Morning, Carls." I greeted her, holding up the shirt, "Can you help me with this?"

"Isn't that mine?" She frowned before smiling, "Whatever, come here."

I trudged over to her and handed her the Penny Tee. She stood up and helped me pull the shirt over my head with ease before forcing my arms through the sleeves. We almost ripped one of the sleeves pushing the cast through it.

Carly sighed relief once it was on me, "Looking good, Sam."

I shrugged, "I'm trying."

"Where's your sling?" Carly asked.

I groaned, "I'm not wearing that dumb thing all day at school, Carls."

"Yes you are," Her motherly instincts took over, "Where'd you hide it, Sam?"

I refused to look at her. Carly sighed and walked across the room, "Fridge." She muttered under her breath.

"No!" I shouted quickly, "It's not in—"

"Found it," She interrupted me, "Nice hiding spot, Sam."

"I'm not using it," I repeated, "Nope, nope, nope."

Carly groaned, "Do you ever want to get better?"

"Yeah," I sighed, "But not from wearing that stupid thing."

She frowned, "Come on, Sam. Don't be a baby."

"I'm not being a baby," I whined, "I'm being stubborn. There's a difference."

Carly got a twinkle in her eye, "I'll tell Freddie you won't wear it…"

"So?"

"So," She continued with a smirk, "He'll make you use it. We both know you guys are totally 'in like' right now."

I frowned, "In '_like'_? What the fudge, Shay?"

She laughed, "It means you guys probably love each other but you haven't been dating long enough to really be _in_ love. Two people can't love each other after being together for like a week."

"Technically," I smirked, "It's been a couple of weeks. He's been all over be ever since that day he walked with me home from school and packed my stuff for me. I consider that our first 'thing'."

"Whatever," Carly waved me off, "Since you guys are 'in like', it'll be easy for me to get Freddie to convince you to wear the sling."

I pouted in defeat, "Do I gotta wear it all day?"

"No," She smiled, putting the strap around my shoulder, "Just whenever I'm around… or Freddie is."

"If you weren't my best friend…" I muttered as she helped set my casted arm in the sling carefully.

Carly gasped suddenly, "Sam, you know what I forgot?"

"Humor me," I smiled.

"We need to sign your cast!" She exclaimed, running to the kitchen in search of a marker, "Remember when we were little and we always said if one of us broke a bone and got to wear a cast we'd sign it? Remember!"

I laughed, "Yeah, I do."

She ran back into the living room with a black marker, "Got it!"

"Just don't draw a bunny on here," I stifled a laugh, "We don't want to make my arm worse with your 'art' skills."

Carly pouted, "Are you saying I can't draw?"

I smirked, "Come on, Carls… even you said that bunny was awful."

"Okay, okay." She sighed, "I won't draw anything… except some cute little hearts! I can do those!"

"Carly," I groaned, "Don't make my cast look all frilly and girly. That's a warning."

She sighed, "Fine… just a couple…"

"Good girl," I grinned as she began to draw on the blue cast.

She bit her lip in concentration while I smiled up at her, "It's hard drawing on this thing."

"No chizz," I smirked, "Hey, Carls? Where's Freddie? I thought he would have been over here by now."

"Oh," She sighed and moved the marker to a different place on my arm, "He got in trouble with his mom this morning for being out too late last night. She's probably still in there yelling at him. Poor guy."

I frowned, "But he was here, with me."

"Yeah," Carly smiled, "But you know, his mom isn't exactly normal."

"You got that right," I smirked, looking down at the place she was doodling on, "You done yet, Picasso?"

She laughed, "Almost… just let me… there!"

I looked down at my cast and realized she'd drawn all over where my wrist is instead of writing anything. But instead of the hearts and flowers I'd expected, I saw a few doodles of bacon slices and a cartoon pig face. For Carly drawing them, they looked pretty good.

"How long did you practice drawing that?" I giggled.

She shrugged, "Not too long… Spencer is a really good art teacher when he's not acting all crazy and stuff."

The door of the apartment opened suddenly, revealing my brown-haired, brown-eyed boyfriend wearing one of his signature blue polo's and a simple pair of shorts, "Buenos días, chicas!"

"Fredward! We aren't done talking—" He quickly slammed the door and gave us an exasperated look.

"Fun morning?" I smirked.

He walked over to me immediately and embraced me in a soft hug, "You could say that…"

"Aw," Carly cooed, putting the marker on the counter, "You guys are too cute."

"Watch it, Shay." I said to her as I pulled away from Freddie.

She put her hands in the air and walked away, "I am…"

"How'd you sleep?" He asked once Carly was out of earshot.

I shrugged and looked away, "Okay…"

"Sam…" He groaned, holding my shoulders, "We talked about this last night."

"Fine," I sighed staring up into his chocolate eyes, "I had another nightmare… about you-know-who."

Freddie gritted his teeth and I could see the anger boiling up in him, "Was it a nightmare… or one of those flashback-memory type things? Dr. Warren said that's what most of your dreams have been."

I breathed, "That's _all_ my dreams have been."

He nodded and kissed my forehead, an action I unwillingly flinched away from. After last night's dream, I feel like I've been thrown back into two weeks ago when I couldn't be touched at all.

"Sorry," I murmured, "It's just…"

"I understand," Freddie smiled, "Don't be sorry for something you can't control."

My face brightened, "Thank you, Freddie."

Carly re-entered the room and coughed to get our attention. We turned to her to see her grinning like an idiot at our closeness, "I hate to break this adorable moment up, but we're going to be late for school."

"Right," Freddie nodded, "Sam?"

I stepped away from him and ran my fingers through my hair, "Yeah… let's go."

"Don't you need… school stuff?" He asked with a smile.

I playfully smacked his cheek, "Oh, Freddifer. Don't tell me you've forgotten that I don't care about school?"

He gave me a sly smile, "Have you forgotten that I do care?"

"Just because I'm dating a tech-nerd does not mean I'm going to start being all smart and stuff." I explained with a laugh.

"Tech-nerd?" He whined.

I batted my eyelashes, "A cute tech-nerd."

"Can we go now?" Carly groaned, "Watching you guys get lovey-dovey keeps reminding me I'm alone…"

"You should ask Griffin out again," I suggested, holding Freddie's hand at my side lovingly, "Then we can be disgusted at you two all over again. Besides, that Pee-Wee Baby thing was pretty cute. It means he has a sensitive side, Carls."

She grinned and I knew I'd cheered her up, "You're a genius, Sam."

I shrugged, "I try."

"Spencer!" Carly screamed, "We're leaving!"

"I am in the bathtub!" He shouted back from a faraway place.

We laughed as Carly yelled, "I don't care! I'm going to school!"

"Well I don't care either!" Spencer whined back while the three of us continued laughing, "Have fun at your dumb school!"

"Have fun in your dumb bathtub!" Carly screamed back with a giggle.

Freddie and I hustled out of the apartment into the hallway in front of Carly. She locked the door behind us as we left, and pulled her backpack over her shoulder. Freddie did the same with the bag he'd left outside his apartment.

"You ready?" He asked me as we walked down the hall together, Carly and I had our arms linked and I was holding onto Freddie's hand for dear life.

"I guess," I sighed, "You guys better stay with me all day though… or else things might get bad."

Freddie smiled, "Why would we leave you, Sam?"

Carly agreed, "Yeah, you're my sister and Freddie's beautiful girlfriend. Leaving you would be the biggest mistake of our lives."

"You guys rock," I smirked as Freddie punched the button on the elevator.

"We know," They said in unison.

I laughed, "This might not be so bad after all."

* * *

"This **sucks**," I grumbled as we walked into the front doors of Ridgeway High School, "Take me home?"

Carly frowned, "No. You gotta do this, Sam."

"No I don't," I shook my head, eyeing Mr. Howard standing beside the door, "I'll home school..."

"Sam," Freddie whispered before pulling me into a soft hug and giving me a short peck on the lips, making me dizzy with affection, "You'll be fine."

I nodded faintly, "Yeah…"

"Freddie," Carly smiled, "That's so unfair."

"What?" He frowned.

She laughed, "Using Sam being in like with you against her."

"In like?"

I smirked, "Skip it."

"Whatever," He grabbed my hand and began to gently pull inside the school.

Carly walked beside me as well, and as we stepped inside the hallway, the familiar scents of bad lunches and cheap air freshener filled my nostrils. Mr. Howard gave me an angered look, and I felt instantly welcomed back. Teachers hating on me made me feel like old-Sam again. It was the best feeling I'd had in a while, walking into school. I never realized how much my hate for school had caused me to miss it.

"Well?" Carly smiled.

I looked from her to our lockers down the hall, "I missed this…"

"Freddie?" Carly said, "I'll take it from here."

"But she's my _girlfriend_," He whined.

Carly breathed, "She's my legal sister, so I win."

I frowned and looked at the both of them, "You guys aren't seriously arguing over me, are you?"

"Sorry," They said in unison.

"Come on, Carls." I sighed, grabbing her arm, "I'll see you at lunch, Freddie-boo."

He smiled and kissed me on the cheek, "I guess. Love you."

I smirked, "I love fried chicken."

"Huh?" Carly frowned.

"I'll explain later, Carls." I giggled, pulling her and I away from Freddie.

She grinned, "You guys are adorable."

I shrugged, "I guess so."

Carly and me walked down the hallway to our lockers, ignoring the stares from other students directed at me. I didn't know why they kept looking at me, but I decided to try not care about it.

"You remember your combination?" Carly asked with a smile, blocking me with her body from the looks of the other students.

"Of course," I said, leaning against the locker and sighing, "But I gotta go talk to Ted after the second bell anyways, so I'm just gonna skip getting anything out of my locker."

She nodded, opening her own, "That makes sense."

"Why is everyone looking at me?" I whispered, "It feels… _weird_."

Carly snorted, pulling a pre-cal book out, "It might have something to do with you and '_Freddie_-_boo'_."

"If I knew dating the nub would be like this…" I breathed, my head resting on the locker, "I would've said no."

"Sam," Carly sighed, shutting her locker, "Don't worry about it. I think everyone is just in shock that your going out with a boy that, less than a couple weeks ago, you were beating the chizz out of daily."

I laughed, "Oh… that's probably it."

"Yeah," She smiled, "So, are you going to Principal Franklin's office yet?"

"No," I snorted, "I got business to attend to. Where's Gibby?"

She frowned, "You're not giving Gibby a wedgie on your first day back at school."

"But that takes out all the fun of coming back!" I whined.

"No," She pointed at my face and started speaking in the 'mom voice'.

I groaned and kicked the locker, "Whatever…"

"Sam!" A voice called out suddenly.

I looked over my shoulder, and the devious grin I'd lost for some time came back instantly, "Gibby!"

"Sam…" Carly muttered but I ignored her.

"Hey, Sam!" He said, immediately wrapping his arms around me and hugging me tightly, my feet leaving the ground.

I gritted my teeth, "Ow, Gib?"

"Sorry," He muttered, setting me back down.

Just as I felt his grip around me soften, my good arm flew though the air until I caught the elastic of Gibby's underwear. As soon as I felt the fabric on my fingers, I pulled with all my might. Considering I was down one arm, it was really hard to do, but I gave him a pretty awesome wedgie regardless. A wedgie old-Sam would have been very proud of.

"Sam!" He screamed, "Let me go!"

After a couple seconds of agonized screams from Gibby and being ordered to stop by Carly, I released him. When I pulled my arm back, Gibby instantly hugged me again, catching me completely off-guard.

"Dude?" I frowned, "Shouldn't you be running away screaming?"

"I missed your wedgies!" Gibby exclaimed, "The ones the jocks gave me while you were gone hurt so much worse!"

I laughed, "You're kidding?"

He let me go and smiled, "Nope. Texas wedgies are Hell."

"Gibby," I giggled, "You're a freak."

At that moment, he pulled his shirt off and began to walk away, "See ya later, Sam!"

Carly was standing in front of the locker with her mouth basically hitting the floor, "That… was by far the weirdest thing I've witnessed in my entire life."

"It was Gibby," I shrugged with a smirk, "What'd you expect, Carls?"

The bell rang, and Carly gave me a quick hug before running off to class. I smiled and watched her leave before turning and going to the principal's office. Sometimes I think of it as my third home, third after Carly's apartment and my old house, but nowadays I guess it's number two. For the first time in so long, I walked inside to find Principal Franklin typing away at his computer. I smiled at the sight of him. In the same way that I always thought of Carly and Spencer as my siblings, Principal Franklin had been my father figure. For a guy who was always handing me detention slips, he always seemed to be ready to give me advice on anything I needed. I guessed that's why he'd felt so guilty about everything that had happened, because I was basically his surrogate-daughter.

"Sup, Ted?" I greeted the man with a smile, running a hand through my long blonde locks.

He looked up from his work and grinned, "Sam?"

"In the flesh," I smirked, looking down at myself.

Principal Franklin stood up and walked over to me, "I'd give you a hug, but that would be unprofessional—"

Before he could finish his sentence, I wrapped my own working arm around him and dug my face into his chest, "Don't worry about it."

"Oh, Sam…" He sighed, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.

I smiled up at him, "It wasn't your fault, Ted. None of what happened was your fault."

He nodded and messed with my hair, "Your doctor told me you said that."

"It's true," I smirked, releasing him.

Principal Franklin chuckled, returning to his desk as I plopped down in my regular seat, "You're doing so much better than the last time I had you in here."

"Thanks for noticing," I sighed, leaning back in the chair as a feeling of happiness and normalcy ran over me, "I'm feeling a whole lot better than I was the last time you saw me, Ted."

He smiled at me and began speaking, but I became so lost in my own thoughts I didn't hear him. It was odd being back at school with a broken arm covered in bacon doodles and a cartoon pig, it was weird staying at Carly's house full-time, and it was definitely abnormal that I was going out with a boy I originally hated. But, somehow, all of these things have happened. Deep down, I knew that I probably had my biological father to thank for all of this. If I had never been raped by him, nothing would have changed, and I would still be old-Sam. I think new-Sam is a lot better than old-Sam. I can still give wedgies, and eat meat like a grown man, but I can also have feelings and talk to people when something is bothering me. But, the best part in all of this, is the fact that the unrequited feelings I'd harbored for Freddie for years had finally been returned.

In the end, I think that's all I've ever wanted: somebody to love me.

* * *

**:) **

**One more chapter you guys.**

** This one was hard to write for some reason... idk. I'm not very happy with it, but I made you guys wait forever so I just went ahead and posted it. Hopefully y'all liked it more than I did.**

**BTW Thanks for all the reviews! I have 200+ and I'm just all proud and stuffs. lol. For a first story EVER on here, I think that's pretty good. lol. **

**Next chapter will probably be an epilogue type thingy. lol. It won't be too far into the future, but far enough.**

**Review? Maybe? Pleez? :D**

**Not beggin', just askin'!**


	45. Never Let Me Down

**LAST CHAPTER! **

**:'(**

**Enjoy! I love you guys!  
**

* * *

**Never Let Me Down**

**2 Years Later**

All of the stars in the sky were visible tonight, along with a full moon. It was just enough light for me to see my sketch pad and permanent marker without using a flashlight as I sat on the roof. The peace I'd found up here years ago has never left. Actually, I believe it's slowly grown stronger. But that's probably because I haven't needed this place as much lately as I did in years past. It has come in use on nights like this though, when I have nightmares. Dr. Warren told me that when I have a bad dream, drawing would help me. It actually has too. I don't have nightmares as often as I did two years ago, or even one year ago. They've all but disappeared by now.

I sighed and drew a few more curves and lines on my paper, hoping to turn the white surface into a beautiful artistic masterpiece. It was weird, sitting up here by myself. A year or two ago, I could barely sit in a room alone for a few minutes without freaking out. Now, being alone gives me more solitude and peace than angst. Although, there are still the times that I'll be laying on the couch by myself while everyone else living in the apartment is gone, that my raw fear of being alone will creep back in. That's when I run across the hall and fall into His arms. If I didn't have Him, I don't know what would have become of me by now. I'd probably be dead or insane. Either way, my life sucks without him.

The smile that had slowly been forming on my face disappeared quickly. Life kind of sucks right now because we aren't together anymore. He wanted to pursue a more Ivy League college after we graduate high school, and there's no way I'll be let in one of those places after a quick background check. He said we could do the long distance thing, or I could move to where ever he ends up going, but I turned that offer down immediately. I'm not going to be the girl that follows her boyfriend somewhere, before being rudely dumped after a few weeks for being too 'clingy'. I've seen it happen to my cousins and in movies countless times. That's not me.

I glared down at the picture I'd drawn. It strongly resembled Freddie Benson, just like all the other pictures in this sketch book. Every time I thought about him while I was drawing, somehow whatever I started on would turn into his face. The skyline of Seattle I'd been working on had turned into his eyes. If I hadn't been so annoyed, I would have realized how truly beautiful it was.

"You know," A voice cut into my thoughts, "Sitting that close to the edge is kind of dangerous. You could fall."

I looked up and let my cheeks redden, "Danger is my middle name."

"I know," He smiled, sitting beside me, "But I still worry."

"Freddie…" I breathed, looking into his deep brown eyes, "What are you doing out here?"

He shrugged, "Spencer said I could probably find you here."

"Why would you want to find me?" I asked, subtly shoving my sketch pad under my legs.

"Because," Freddie smirked, "I thought we should talk… about us."

I nodded, "Okay then, go."

Freddie looked at the sky before meeting my eyes again, "I can't… I won't go to college if it means losing you."

"Freddie…" I sighed, "You can't—"

He put his hands up, "No, Sam. I've thought about this for a long time, okay? I love you with all my heart and I know deep down you feel the same way towards me. So, I refuse to give all of that up for another four years of school when I could just as easily go to Seattle Tech and be out in two."

I shook my head, "You… you can't do that. You deserve a good college, Freddie."

"I also deserve you," Freddie smirked, "My mother is the one who wants me to go to college far away. I don't want to, Sam. I want _you_."

Tears were brimming in my eyes, "Freddie… you're giving up _everything_… for _me_? I don't see your logic, dude."

"Sam," Freddie cupped my face in his hands, "_You_ are my everything."

I bit my lip, "You're mine too…"

"Then let us be together again," He begged, releasing my face and taking my hands, "Please, Sam. I miss you so much…"

"I miss you too," I choked out, "But… I can't."

He frowned, "Why not?"

I sucked in a hard breath, "I… I've taken so much of your life away, Freddie. With everything that happened two years ago… and the way we got together… I feel like I'm more of a burden to you than anything."

"You're not a burden to me," Freddie shook his head, "You're not a burden to anybody, Sam."

"I am," I breathed, looking at the stars, "Every night you sleep beside me on the couch, I always wake up screaming and crying. I'll hit you Freddie, because I'm so scared you're Him. Both of us know that it hasn't stopped yet. If anything, the nightmares have been getting progressively worse. I don't want you to live with a person like me for the rest of your life… it's selfish of me to want you to deal with it."

He shook his head but I continued.

"You can't hug me or kiss me like you should be allowed to," I bit my lip, "Because of my damned insecurities about people touching me. We can't be a normal couple, Freddie. We'll never be normal. You're a really great guy, probably one of the best in Seattle, so I don't want you to waste your time on someone like me. Someone else out there will treat you a million times better than I do…"

Freddie placed his hands on my shoulders, "No, Sam. I don't want anyone else. I love you, and nothing you do or say will ever change that."

I threw my hands into the air, tears streaming down my cheeks, "And that's our main problem. I… I can't love you back."

"Sam, you do love me." Freddie frowned, "You just can't say it."

I shrugged, "If I can't say it out loud, who is there to say that I actually love you on the inside, Freddie?"

"You… you don't love me?" His eyes widened as he began to stand up, "After all this time, you're telling me this now?"

"No, Freddie." I shook my head, grabbing his shoulder, "That's not what I'm saying…"

He sighed, "Then what are you saying?"

I glared at the ground, "To tell you the truth… I really don't know."

"You're just making excuses so we can't be together," Freddie breathed.

I sighed, knowing it was the truth, "I don't know, Freddie. It's just… I thought we were really happy together, but ever since we had that fight about your college stuff… everything has just been really out of whack."

He gazed up at the moon, "I know what the problem is."

"Enlighten me," I breathed.

"It's today," Freddie scratched his neck, "I don't want to say it, Sam."

"What are you talking—" I cut myself off mid-sentence and gasped.

I hadn't realized that today was the 'anniversary' of the day my life changed forever: the day my father brutally raped me the first time.

"Yeah," Freddie sighed, taking my hand in his and squeezing it lightly, "I'm sorry I made you think about it."

I shook my head slowly, gritting my teeth, "It's cool. I can't believe I forgot it though. Last year I spent the day up in Carly's room crying and screaming. Nothing would make me come out of there, not even bacon."

"I know. The bacon thing worried me…" He smiled, "But this could be a good thing. The fact that the day isn't basically marked on your calendar means something… doesn't it?"

"I guess," I sighed, squeezing his hand, "It still scares me…"

Freddie let go of my hand and wrapped his arms around me, pulling me closer to him in the process, "Of course it does, Sam. It would scare anyone."

I buried my head in his chest, "Thank you, Freddie."

He rubbed my back lovingly, "Anything for you."

"You'll never stop," I muttered, tears escaping my eyes, "Always doing stuff for me…"

"I don't want to," Freddie whispered, holding me in front of him and wiping the tears from my eyes, "I love you."

I smiled, "I know…"

I still haven't told him I loved him. I just can't. He understands why I can't do it, so it hasn't been that big of a deal in our crazy relationship.

Freddie's gaze left my face and landed on the sketch book on the ground, "Is that yours?"

"Maybe…" I mumbled, giving him a sly smile.

He snatched it from the ground, "Drawn anymore cute little pig cartoons lately?"

"Freddie!" I shouted, "Don't look at it!"

He got up from our spot and ran across the roof with it, laughing heartily, "They can't be that bad!"

I chased after him, "Come on, Dorkwad! Give it back!"

"Just lemme look!" Freddie chuckled, ducking behind an air vent.

"No!" I shouted, standing on the other side of the large vent, "Just give it back! Please, babe?"

Freddie stopped and smiled brightly, "You called me babe…"

I took this moment to get my sketch pad back, ripping it from his grasp and cradling it in my arms, "I did."

"Sam, I just want to look." Freddie pleaded with a pout.

"No… Freddie don't… don't do the pouty face thing… aw… come on…" My head tilted as I waved my arms in front of him, finally giving up, "Fine, you win!"

He jumped up and pumped his fist, "Yes!"

I threw the book at him and turned away from him, "Don't laugh at what you see. They're horrible."

"I won't," Freddie replied before I heard the sounds of pages flipping before a long sigh escaped Freddie's lips, "Sam…"

"I told you they were bad," I shook my head and crossed my arms, turning around to see him smiling, "What?"

Freddie turned a couple of pages before walking to my side, "They are all of… me?"

I groaned, "Yeah… when we were together… and even after we broke up… I always thought of you when I was drawing. I would start off doing one thing, but I always ended up having you on the page."

"Sam…" He smirked, "I didn't know you cared that much."

I shrugged, "I'm not the type to show it I guess. Anyways, sorry if all the pictures are bad, I'm a sucky artist."

"Sam, they're beautiful." Freddie breathed, "Where did you learn to draw like this?"

I shrugged again, "Spence said if I could do cartoons pretty good, then real people wouldn't be that hard. I guess it's a natural gift or something. Whatever."

Freddie showed me a picture I'd drawn just moments earlier, "What was this supposed to be before you drew me?"

I motioned to everything around us, "**_This_**."

"And it became _me_?" Freddie smirked.

I nodded, "Yes. What are you getting at?"

He cleared his throat, "Well… Spencer said that this is the place you go to when you need to clear our head. That's right, right?"

"Yeah?"

"Well," He continued, smiling at me with his big brown eyes, "You drew me… in _this_. That means something, Sam."

My eyes widened as I realized what he was trying to say, "You might be on to something, Freddifer."

He laughed, pointing at the drawing again, "This is the best one you did…"

"I guess," I muttered, shrugging, "Like I said, I don't think I'm that good."

"You're an amazing artist," Freddie beamed, "Really really amazing, Sam."

"Whatever," I smirked.

Freddie put the art pad down and looked directly into my eyes, "You're amazing, Sam."

"Huh?" I frowned, "Are you off your nut?"

"I missed you," He sighed, taking both of my hands in his, "Because… you're the most amazing girl I've ever met."

I smirked, "Better than Carly?"

He paused for a second, "I don't know…"

I playfully smacked him in the shoulder, "Watch it, Benson."

"I'll be sure to do that, Puckett." Freddie retorted, "But… I won't have to watch anything, if you accept my invitation."

"Okay…" I frowned, "What are we talking about here?"

Freddie looked down before taking a step forward and wrapping his arms around my waist, "Prom."

My eyes widened, but I held in a girlish scream and instead casually wrapped my arms around his neck, "What about prom?"

"Um," He seemed to be panicking, "Well, I was… wondering if _you_… would want to go… with _me_?"

I laughed, swaying the two of us from side to side, "You're funny when you get scared."

"That's not an answer!" He whined, his grip on my waist stiffening.

I giggled, "Exactly."

Freddie groaned, "Sam…"

"Yeah?" I faked a frown, "What's your beef?"

"Sam!" He shouted exasperatedly, "Answer the question! You're driving me crazy."

I giggled at his misfortune, finally giving into his demands, "Yes, Freddie."

"Yes?"

"Yes!" I exclaimed, holding him closer to me, "Prom with you would be awesome."

There was a look in his eyes of pure joy, and I knew an internal celebration was happening in his head. Before I knew it, the celebration broke out of his brain, and I felt his lips passionately fall onto mine. Without thinking about it, I ran my hands through his short brown hair and felt my lips smiling against his. Freddie hugged his arms around my waist so we could be closer, but eventually I felt him pull away from me. It was in perfect timing too, because I knew my dad-issues would rear their ugly head soon if we kissed much longer.

"Freddie…" I breathed, looking up into his eyes, "I…"

He smiled meekly, "Sorry… that was kind of…"

"Unexpected?" I offered.

Freddie nodded with a laugh, "Yeah."

"It's fine," I grinned, still weak from using so much energy making out with him, "I loved every second of that."

"You '_loved'_ it?" He gave me a sly smile.

I sighed, leaning my head on his chest and listening to his heartbeat, "Duh."

"You love kissing me," He beamed, kissing my forehead.

"Yep," I said into his blue polo, "I love it like Bolivian bacon."

He laughed, "Of course you do."

"So, when is prom anyways?" I asked curiously.

"Why doesn't it surprise me that you don't know?" Freddie mused.

I giggled, "Because you _love_ me."

"I guess so," He smiled, "Prom is in a few weeks."

"Theme?"

He frowned, "Uh?"

"And _I'm_ not surprised you don't know that." I smiled.

"_Touché_." He pulled away from me.

I smirked, "It's touche. Without the accent."

"Where did you hear that?" He frowned.

I shrugged, "Some dude on this show I was watching the other day said it and… why does it matter?"

"I don't know," He ruffled my hair, "Because I'm right."

"You're not," I fixed my hair, "I'm right."

Freddie smirked, "Whatever, I'll let you win this round. But only because, apparently, 'some _dude_ on a TV show' has more knowledge than me, the tech nerd."

I laughed, "Exactly, you're a tech nerd not a… grammar nerd?"

"Sure," He smiled, "Whatever you say, Sam."

I bit my lip, "Do you want to stay up here with me? You know, do a little star watching, maybe kissing could be involved?"

"Just like we used to?" Freddie laughed.

"Yep."

He wrapped an arm around my shoulders, "Sure."

We sat down together in the spot where I had been sitting originally. Soon, I found myself lying down with my head propped up on Freddie's chest. He had his arm around my neck, with our hands touching ever so slightly. I felt the rise and fall of his chest as he took a breath, and it was slowly lulling me to sleep. We stared up at the dark sky, only lighted by stars and the moon, along with a few streetlights from down below us.

"Sam?" Freddie whispered.

I jumped a little, because I was half-asleep, "Huh?"

He chuckled lowly, "Sorry I scared you."

"It's okay," I smiled, letting our fingers intertwine further, "What's up?"

"Don't be mad at me for asking this, okay?" Freddie warned.

I sighed, "Why would I get mad at you?"

"Well," He deadpanned, "You're Sam Puckett, and I'm Freddie Benson. It kind of comes with the territory."

"Ask your question, Dipthong." I laughed.

He breathed, "It's kind of serious."

"I'm good with serious questions," I said, "Just don't make me cry or anything."

"Fine," Freddie replied, his breathing quickening, "I… I was just wondering how… if you've been to see your mom yet. You turned 18 while we were broken up and… Carly won't tell me."

I swallowed the lump that was slowly forming in my throat, "No. I thought I was ready, you know? But when the day came I just… I couldn't do it. I sound so stupid right now. I remember the last time I saw her… I cried so much after she left."

Freddie rubbed my palm with his finger, "You're not stupid. I completely understand why you can't go see her yet."

"You do?" I sat up, "Seriously?"

"Yeah," He smiled kindly, "After everything she put you through as a kid, it all makes a lot of sense, Sam."

I sighed loudly, "I guess."

"I'll take you to see her," He said suddenly, "I'll stay there with you and everything."

"You'd do that for me?" I grinned.

"Yeah…" Freddie trailed off before pulling me closer to him.

I smirked as our lips touched once again, this time more delicately. He knew exactly where to touch me and hold me without setting me off. We were both smiling at each other, though our lips were still in contact with each other. Freddie ran his hands through my hair, while my hands remained at his waist.

As soon as I felt myself really getting into the kiss, he pulled away. At first I was angry, and showed it with my reaction. But soon, I remembered the reason why he let me go. Freddie knew exactly how to handle me when I was frantic and paranoid about my father during our intimate moments. But, I never realized until now how good he is about not setting me off at all. He figured out how long he could kiss me before I'd hear my father's voice, or see his face. He knew that he couldn't touch me in certain places or else I'd try and fight him off. He's identified exactly what sets me off in the first place, and I haven't noticed this until now.

That's when I finally came to terms with the fact that Freddie was the only person for me, and he probably always will be.

* * *

"Carly, I look _ridiculous_!" I groaned, turning away from the mirror in anger.

Carly ran over to me from her bed and forced me to look at myself again, "Sam… you look **beautiful**. The dress really brings out your eyes."

"You think?" I said, my face perking up a bit.

She nodded, "Yeah."

I nodded, looking at myself through different eyes, "Maybe I don't look _that_ bad…"

"You look awesome, Sam." Carly smiled, patting my shoulder, "Freddie's gonna love you to pieces in this."

"Are you sure he'll like it?" I started panicking again, "Does he like blue? If he doesn't like blue, then I need a different dress!"

She laughed at my distress, "Relax, Sam. You're getting more freaked out over prom than me, and that's saying something."

"Whoa, Shay." I smirked, "Let's not get crazy here."

"Shut up," She smiled, "Now, how does mine look? You think he'll like red?"

I nodded and arched an eyebrow, "Duh, Carly. Red is hot, just like your romance with your sexy_ hombre_."

She giggled, "Freddie's got you saying random Spanish now? Seriously?"

I shrugged, "Come on! Spanish is _muy bueno_!"

"Sam…"

"Don't worry," I laughed, "I had to learn it… Spanish is required to graduate."

Carly sighed, "Come here, we need to do your hair."

"My _hair_," I backed away, "No way, Shay. Freddie likes it curly and crazy."

"Lemme at least—"

"No," I crossed my arms, sitting down on her bed.

She groaned, "Fine. I guess we're both ready then…"

"Is it time to go downstairs and look awesome?" I suggested.

Carly giggled, "I guess so."

"Awesome!" I pumped my fist, "Prom is gonna be so cool! We gotta hit Wendy's after-prom party afterward though, Carls!"

"Somebody's a little hyper…"

I jumped up and grabbed her arms, "Three Peppy Colas, Carls! **Three**!"

"Sam, chill." She laughed, prying my hands off her arms and grabbing her purse, "You need to relax a little so we don't scare off Freddie."

We heard Carly's door open, and a voice filled the room that I hadn't heard in weeks, "Yeah, Sam. Freddie's gonna be freaked out enough when he sees you in that dress."

"Melanie!" I shouted, running up to her and giving her a hug, "I didn't think you were gonna show!"

She laughed, slowly pushing me off her, "My plane was late, and I had to get ready at my _baby_'s place, but I'm here."

Carly ran over to join us, "Damn, Melanie. You look great."

Melanie blushed, looking down at her flowing purple dress, "Thanks, Carly. I can't believe you just cussed."

"That's how awesome you look!" I exclaimed, hugging her again, "And damn isn't a bad word!"

Melanie pushed me off of her again and brushed herself off, looking at Carly dumbfounded.

"How much caffeine did you give her?" Melanie asked her.

Carly crossed her arms, "I had no part in this."

"Let's go!" I begged, "I'm ready for this thing!"

Carly and Melanie laughed at my craziness, "You need to calm down a little before we do this, Sam."

I sighed, "I'll try."

"Good girl," They said in unison.

After I bounced on the balls of my feet for ten minutes waiting for Melanie to finish her make-up, we were finally on our way out Carly's bedroom door.

"Wait!" Carly exclaimed.

"What?" I groaned.

"We need to take a picture, of just us… acting crazy." Carly announced, grabbing her camera out of her purse, "Squeeze in!"

The three of us stood close together as Carly held it up above us, I made a piece sign while Melanie and Carly shot up a couple of signs I didn't recognize. Nubs. It flashed, and we were quickly out the door shortly after. Carly shoved it in her purse, and made us stop at the top of the stairs.

"We're walking down there together, right?" Carly asked.

I groaned, "Don't make a big thing out of it, Carls. Let's just _go_!"

"We'll walk down together," Melanie answered for the both of us before looking at me, "Calm down."

"I'll be calm if we just get going soon," I grumbled.

Melanie rolled her eyes while Carly laughed at us, "Sister's at war… I love it."

"You're my sister too, Shay." I smirked.

She backed off and addressed all of us, "Ready?"

I looked at my twin and we both nodded, "Sure."

The three of us finally began to descend the wooden stairs of Carly's apartment. When the living room came into view, I saw the love of my life, Freddie Benson. He was standing in between Gibby and Griffin, and they were all wearing matching tuxedos, with an exception of the ties. Freddie's was sky blue, and it matched my dress to the tee.

Carly and Melanie were both grinning like idiots when they saw their respective boyfriends. As soon as our feet hit the hardwood of the living room floor, we tried to act as natural as we could, but it was hard to contain our excitement. Finally, I found myself rushing to Freddie, and finding his hand for me to hold.

"You look…" His eyes were wide and he was shaking his head, "**Beautiful**."

I blushed, "You don't look too bad yourself, Fredbabe."

Carly wrapped her arms around a much more muscular and toned Gibby, giving him a soft peck on the lips. Melanie did the same, except Griffin grabbed her waist and jerked her closer, grinning at her with his pearly white teeth. I smiled at all of them, because I knew how happy Gibby and Griffin made Carly and Melanie.

It's insane how each of them got together. Carly had dated Griffin for a little while over the summer after the 'incident', but they finally decided it wasn't right. When we returned from summer vacation, Gibby had somehow grown a few inches and lost all his baby fat, turning most of it into muscle. Carly compares him to Taylor Lautner, but I don't see it. She's completely blinded by love. Anyways, after Carly saw him with his shirt off she went crazy over him and they immediately began dating. They've been together for a year and a half I think. Spencer still can't believe it.

Melanie and Griffin confuse me a lot more than Carly and Gibby though. When Melanie was here to visit me a few months ago, she met Griffin in the lobby and they instantly clicked… somehow. They're polar opposites, and it makes no sense, but they've been in the honeymoon phase of a relationship for months. They fell hard and fast for each other.

"You guys ready to go?" Griffin asked smoothly, wrapping his arm around Melanie and pulling her close, "The limo's around front. It's pretty awesome."

"Baby," Melanie smiled up at him, "When did you go see it?"

He kissed her cheek, "Just while you were getting dressed, honey."

"Oh God," I groaned, trying to cut them off before they started making out, "Let's get out of here, **now**."

"Not before I take a picture of you guys!" Spencer suddenly ran into the room, holding a junky looking camera.

Carly sighed, "Okay, Spencer. But make it quick."

"Fine," He smiled, standing in front of us, "Everybody get together!"

We all squeezed in and smiled, waiting for Spencer to take the picture. Just as he hit the button to take the picture, the entire camera unsurprisingly burst into flame.

"**Oh my God**!" He screamed, taking it and running into the kitchen while we laughed uncontrollably at him.

"Bye Spencer!" Carly yelled, taking Gibby's hand and leading him towards the door.

Melanie and Griffin did the same, except they were holding each other at the waist. Just as I began to follow them, I felt Freddie pulling me back. I turned around and gave him a confused look.

"Freddie?" I whispered.

He smiled, "I have something to give you."

Freddie opened the jacked of his tux, pulling out a plastic box. Inside there was a beautiful blue corsage. I smiled hugely as he opened the box and took it out, holding it in front of my arm.

"Freddie…" I breathed as he slowly slid in on my wrist, grinning up at me proudly.

"I think that's right," He said, grasping my hand in his, "Ready, Sam?"

I looked down at the floor, before looking deep into his dark brown eyes and releasing his hand, "Freddie… I don't love fried chicken anymore."

Freddie stopped dead in his tracks, "What?"

I bit my lip, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him as close to me as I could, "Freddie, **I love you**… so much."

"Sam—" I cut him off by crashing my lips onto his, running my hands through his hair and holding onto him for dear life.

"You love me?" He said in a moment when I let go of him to breathe.

I nodded, kissing him again, "I always have."

* * *

**Well, it's done :( But, it ended pretty epically! Lol. Am I right?**

**I tried to write this amazingly awesome, but I know it's not perfect. I am pretty proud of it, though. So I hope all of you enjoyed it.**

**The entire roof thing was actually a dream I had, and I decided it worked pretty well for the story. lol. What do ya think of Gibby/Carly and Griffin/Melanie. I thought that would be pretty funny. lol. Griffin/Melanie was inspired by a drabble I read on here a long time ago. If I knew what it was called or who wrote it, I'd tell you, but I don't. Sorry! lol. There was so much Seddie fluff in this, I was going awww. lol.  
**

**I feel all weird, I've never finished anything I've ever written ever. lol. Thanks for reading this all the way through! I wouldn't have finished it without you're kind reviews and awesomeness! lol. Seriously, thank you a lot.  
**

**:D**

**-Jess**

**I'm done! YAY!  
**


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